SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

Most of my journal entries are boring. Most of them start with the date and then the time and then a report: "doing good today, got up on time" or "we're getting on track" or "late today, forgot to set the alarm" or "hit snooze 27 times before I got up this morning."

I flip back through my journal and I think, Hmmm, anyone who could fend off the boredom long enough to actually read these pages would probably walk away thinking this girl is obsessed with only one thing: when she gets up in the morning.

Maybe I am. Let me 'splain. (No, is too much. Let me sum up. No, let me let Madeleine L'Engle sum up for me.)

"A woman who follows a vocation needs an unusually understanding husband; [CHECK, ALL GOOD THERE.] and even then, a woman's success can put a real strain on marriage. [I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I FIND OUT.] And I believe this will be true even when women's liberation is an accomplished fact. [WHATEVER, I DON'T KNOW.] And the woman who accepts the demands of a call must be able to observe rigorous discipline. [THAT WAS THE IMPORTANT LINE.] If we follow a vocation and choose to have a family, too, there is a constant balancing of priorities. We have to learn to turn away from the typewriter in order to cook dinner. [WE DO? OOPS.] And, yet, we mustn't lose the train of thought." (Madeleine L'Engle)

"...and the woman who accepts the demands of a call must be able to observe rigorous discipline."

I'm a morning person, Joe is not. But I've noticed that for both of us, we do much better when we both get up at ungodly hours of morning to do the things which are important to us, which take time, which inspire and encourage us through the rest of our day, which are part of our long-term vision. These are the things, the efforts which most define and identify us at our core, most reward us (at least inwardly), but which it is most difficult to make time to do, daily.

Get up at 4 or 5 in the morning to pursue something iffy (a book, a website, a start-up business, God...) and then work the rest of the day at your real job? Are you crazy?

Well.
Maybe.

Maybe crazy. Definitely most alive and definitely most happy when we are pushing ourselves, pursuing a goal, challenged and working and progressing on something important. Of course, it goes without saying but I'll say it anyhow: being a Mom is important and Joe's work at Arco is important.

Yes, obviously, since we devote our days to that, to the exclusion of other pursuits. There's no question in my head of which is more important, my children or my writing. I don't have to ponder this. If we were in an either-or situation, it would be bye-bye to writing. But praise Thee, Lord, we are not. I can love, nurture, train, be with my children and still write. It just requires thought, effort, rigorous discipline, and a good dose of craziness to do both.

That's why I obsess over my mornings. They are the sign: am I making room in my life for what matters? I can't shove aside my children during the day in order to pursue writing, and I don't want to. So if I want to do the important work of writing, I have to do it before my other important work begins. (Or after, which might be an option for night-people but not for me, as brain turns to oatmeal after 9 pm.)

So I care. I infringe on night, I cut my sleep short, I drink too much coffee, I hide my alarm, I mumble and mutter and stare and then the caffeine clicks in, I start writing, and I remember why I'm awake.
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What do you obsess over?

Image of girl obsessing over checkbook courtesy of Betsy with a lot of S's. Thanks, Betsssssssssssssy.

The Audacity of Passion

There is so much audacity in putting words on paper and assuming any of them are worthwhile. And it's no good saying, "Well if only one person is helped by what I write then it is worth it..." That's a lovely, noble albeit impractical thought and to it I say it better be some person to keep me waking up at 4 a.m. to scribble things down and that person must need a lot of help.

I hope it is crowds of people and thousands of copies and yes, large sums of money. Because money is a sign of value, and if I am to find a decent value in the time I've put in it will take a lot of money.

But that might not happen.

And I'll write anyway, though heartsick at times Read the rest of this entry »

in even the laziest creature among us
a wisdom no knowledge can kill is astir--
now dull eyes are keen and now keen eyes are keener
(for young is the year,for young is the year)
--let's touch the sky:
with a great(and a gay
and a steep)deep rush through amazing day

Pete and Repeat Were Sittin' on a Fence

The thing that kills me about housework is the repetition. No, that's not it. The thing that kills me about housework is the thought of all those other things I could be doing instead of housework. Repetition is just part of life, after all.

We shower every day (or thereabouts, hopefully), we say hello and goodbye and I love you, we eat three meals (or thereabouts), we sleep, we work. So on. Life is full of repetition, and that isn't always bad despite the occasional plunge into boredom. There are ways to avoid the boredom. Read the rest of this entry »

"Nothing mankind has yet made is worth any regret." T.E. Lawrence

As of this writing, my kids are cute little stair steps: one, two, and three years old. And the reason I'm writing is because the stair steps are asleep and don't need my attention. When the stair steps are awake, writing is only a fond dream. A fond dream, kind of like the fond dream I had of what my house would be like... before I actually had a house of my own.

Transitioning Into Real Life

I'm one of those (rare?) folks who went straight from Mom and Dad's place to newlywed life. A tricky transition, at best. I understood budgets and how to clean and cook - how to rearrange furniture - how to pick out matching curtains.

But I didn't understand how to transform myself from someone who cared more about reading a great book or writing a great article than rearranging furniture or hanging up curtains. Oh, don't get me wrong. I do care what my house looks like. I care a lot. It pricks my pride when things are, well, iffy. But I don't care enough to put all my waking hours into turning this place - our home - into something magazine worthy. And when you're working with a newlywed budget for home decor - in our case, a wopping $0 - all you can put into it is time.

You Say Crafty, I Say Crappy...

I tried a lot more DIY type stuff before babies. I sewed a little curtain, with a very crooked hem, to hang over my kitchen window. I didn't have any curtain rod or hardware, so I bent two forks and managed to attach them to the wall, then used welding wire to string the curtain. It looked... well, let's just be honest: it looked iffy.

My talent does not lie in the crafty, sewing, DIY, decorating world. Oh dear, no. I am finally realizing this, instead of pretending like I have a latent talent for it that just hasn't been discovered yet. (By the way, did you ever notice that "latent" and "talent" are the same but for two letters swapped in position? Hmmmm. That might mean something.)

My latent talent remains hidden, well below the surface. And I'm kind of coming to a strange peace with letting it stay there.

Proof I Am Getting Somewhere

Point A: I cajoled a dear friend of mine into sewing up the curtains for my front window, after purchasing the fabric with an "Oh sure I can do this, it's just a big rectangle" pep talk and then staring, guiltily, at the fabric for 3 months.

Point B: I have stricken the phrase "I need to paint that ___________" from my vocabulary for at least the next three months. I do need to paint things, lots of walls and cabinets and doors and trimwork, but I've quit pretending that I actually want to or will DO that painting.

I'm way too busy with other things, things I love more, things that matter more to me. Family, teaching my children, getting outside, dates with my husband, losing the last 20 pounds of baby weight, writing writing writing and reading.

I Didn't Think I Was a Liar

There is a level of honesty with myself in those statements that I never gotten to before. I kept putting things on my list and putting them off and feeling guilty and making plans and repeating the cycle. And all the time I wasn't getting any of those "house" things done and I was distracting myself from the things that really matter to me.

The truth about myself and my love-hate relationship with my dwelling is this:

• Truth 1: I love it when it looks good, but I hate putting the time in to make it look good, or better, than it does now. Regular cleaning is about all I can manage. (And I confess, even the cleaning is below my Mom's standard. Please don't lift rug corners, touch over-eye-level surfaces, or open closets in my home.)
• Truth 2: Functionality matters more to me than trendy or pretty or even matching.
• Truth 3: I would rather (by 1000%) spend my "extra money" (ha ha, what is THAT?) on a) more books or b) really good food or c) a massage than on decor, curtains, pillows, fabric, furniture, etc. You know, that stuff that makes a house look good.
• Truth 4: I'm not as much of a DIY Frugalista Home-Freak as I'd like to pretend. I'm not going to spend my weekend breaking down that toddler bed, stripping it and repainting it and turning it into a headboard. No, I am not. I am going to spend my weekend playing with my kids, working in the garden, hiking in the woods, doing the absolute minimum cleaning necessary, and maybe baking some really fattening but delicious cookies to eat while I finish my current read. (Note to self: put that half-reupholstered rocking chair on Craigslist asap.)
• Truth 5: I am, finally, five years in to this whole house/home/marriage thing, okay with those truths about myself. I am finally not berating myself for being a secret member of the Anti-Cutesy-Crafty-Home-Decor Mom Brigade. I don't have anything against cutesy or crafty or home decor, I'm just done feeling guilty because I don't spend my time on it. It's just not me.

The Time Has Come

There is one last truth that accompanies the previous five, and you know what it is already. It's the title of the post, it's the inevitable break-up. I can't expect to have a perfect (or even semi-near-the-neighborhood-of-Perfect) house if I'm not willing to put time into it. This is a simple concept, and I get it.
It's time to let go.

One day, I hope, mere years rather than decades from now, all this investment in writing writing writing and reading will have paid off in some sort of tangible (read: bank account) way, and then I might revive the relationship with my perfect house.

No, not that I'll have "made it" as a writer, so I can take some time off to work on the house. Heck, no. Just that I'll finally be rich enough to hire somebody to do it for me...

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Images

1. The red house with cows courtesy of Jody McNary Photography on Flickr.

Revelations or Epiphanies or Something

I had a couple of "mini-revelations" yesterday. I love those. I won't call them epiphanies, exactly, but they're big for me.
One is this: There is no perfect writing topic/subject/job for me. I just like to write, period. I like to write about almost anything. The key is (and this is the second mini-revelation) that
In order to be inspired I need to be immersed.
I need input, and lots of it, to create a continual flow of output. Otherwise I just kind of run dry.

The Input for Inspiration

For me, that best input comes in three forms.
The first is the written word.
I need books, articles, thoughtful and inspiring blogs, poems that shake my heart up, novels that wrap me up in another world, how-tos and tutorials and ideas and magazines and newspapers and quotes and lists and letters and journals. I love to learn and I learn best from the written word. When I learn, I get excited about sharing; my brain takes the new information and races off with it in a hundred directions. I can't move my pen fast enough to jot down my thoughts.

The second is nature. Outside. Outdoors. Walking, hiking, throwing down a blanket and playing with Zeke in the sunshine. Tromping the trails with Mara and Robbie, showing them the first daffodil, the silent, faithful, soft green moss, the flattened, sweet-smelling grass where the deer sleep. Something about - no, everything about - the real, beautiful, fresh and muddy world is refreshing to my soul and my brain. Being outdoors is when all those words start percolating in my mind, start mixing with my dreams and hopes and values, start bubbling up into new ideas and thoughts and hopes that just need to be shared.

The third is conversation. Talking with my husband, my best friends, or strangers gives me windows into how other people process and think. My husband will come up with completely different spins on what I hear and read. I share a little idea with him, and together we toss it around, critique it, expand it, change it, name it, morph it like a ball of Silly Putty.
Conversations with dear friends are the same way; they expand my thinking, my perspective, my whole world. And strangers! Don't get me started on this. I love talking to strangers. I think I scare them sometimes. But I'm fascinated by how people think and live, by what they do and feel and how they view the world. When I start talking to strangers, I walk away with ideas for articles and books just popping out of my head. (This may be why people run away from me in the parking lot. Hm.)

No Waiting on the Muse

The result of these mini-revelations is one big thought: I control my own inspiration. This is huge, as a writer. I don't have to wait to "be inspired" from some mysterious force. I have identified what inspires me most, and most consistently. I just need to grab that stuff when I'm feeling dry. I need to make sure that those sources of inspiration are a huge part of my life.

So what's your inspiration? What's your source? What gets you ticking? And how can you make room for more of it in your life?

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This post is part of the 30-Minute Blogging Challenge at SteadyMom. (25 minutes.)
Image courtesy of markbarky.

How to keep writing even when your brain is mush, your fingers are numb, and your eyes are bleary…me, right now. Two cups of coffee later… it’s still me.

You Threw Off My Groove

It’s been a dead couple of weeks, inspirationally speaking. Do you know what I mean? I’m used to the day or so like that every now and then, but I can usually get excited about blogging by stopping to plan, getting some titles and outlines and series ideas together. Once I have a page or two of notes, I’m ready to write again.

Usually. Read the rest of this entry »

Oh yeah.

Tuesday. 6:30 a.m. I'm sitting at Bread Co in Eureka, drinking coffee I didn't make, eating a chocolate pastry (of this variety), checking email, writing... The wi-fi is zipping along and I just got a response from a good blogging job Read the rest of this entry »

{from 14 April 2009} Last night we had a date night at the Park Board meeting... and took Zeke along, just for good measure. The ladies did the grandmotherly ooh-aah, the men cleared their throats, and we got down to business. Park business.

I did some work with Mara and Robbie yesterday, trying to deal with the whining and slow obedience. My mom's voice rings in my ears: "Late obedience is disobedience." Times like these... I wish I could call her and do my own whining, though I know she would tell me, in her own gentle Mom way, to get off my duffer and get to work so my children know how to obey. (I've never used the term duffer before and I bet it doesn't mean what I just used it to mean.) And she would be right; that's what I need to do. Mara is already responding better, less of the whining, more of the quick obedience. She catches on and knows when she can push me and when she can't. It's my fault there's anytime that she feels like it's okay to push Mommy.

Robbie takes more repetition, partially because he is younger and partially because he is just kind of hard-headed like me. He understands, he knows the lines, he just decides that it's worth it to cross them. Eventually he will change his mind when he sees that I'm serious and that the line - whatever it is - is not moving to accomodate him. But he will test it out for a while first.

Today is Joe's day off and Zeke's one-week-old mark. I love Joe's day off.

I love being a Mom. I love these children so much, I love the challenge and joy of raising them. I love their faces and personalities and snuggles.

I love being a wife. I can't imagine life without Joe. I can barely remember life before Joe. I love laughing, learning, sharing, overcoming, dreaming with him. I love how we push each other on, inspire each other to be better, depend on each other, help and respect and cherish and adore each other. I love being his queen.

I love being the manager of this household. I love being a modern homemaker. I love the creativity required, the planning and organization, how it all calls upon me to use my resources well, to think and create and envision and do. I love the tangible results of the smallest efforts, the shine of clean windows, the stack of folded laundry, the smell of a minty clean house.

I love being a writer. I love observing myself and others, identifying problems, analyzing the cause, and finding solutions. I love telling stories. I love helping people, young moms and wives like me, succeed in their work as wife, mom, homemaker, entrepreneur, etc. I love teaching and sharing what I've learned and what has helped me succeed. I even love the feeling that I don't know enough to share or write, because it keeps me learning and fresh and hopeful through the inadequacy. I love finding freedom for myself through truth and then offering that up to others, challenging people to move past the old, helping them see what is possible.

All things are possible.

Image courtesy of aWee.

Everybody has a blog, so make yours better...

1. Produce longer content. Numbered lists under 5 items, short posts with big photos, a little linking and one-sentence reviews with the embedded YouTube videos = short content. Balance the little stuff, the shallow stuff, with some big, deep, heavy, valuable, longer content. Actual articles, with good quotations and relevant research cited, or with a logical outline and argument, development of an idea longer than one paragraph. You know. Stuff like that. Like those essays you had to write in college. Opening paragraph with thesis, main idea, supporting ideas, evidence, refutation of opposing ideas, summary, conclusion… Yikes. Seems like a lot, and sometimes it is. But if you think about it and give yourself time to do a bit of brainstorming and researching, and you’re used to popping out regular (shorter) posts, you can do longer posts as well. Just think of them as a series presented in a single post… might help.
2. Link within context. Don’t make a big deal out of your links and don’t link to irrelevant junk that you haven’t really looked over yourself. Link through the appropriate (couple of) words within the related sentence and move on. If people like what you’re writing about, are interested, and want to read more, they’ll follow. If not, being flashy and obvious isn’t going to convince them. And if visitors try a link or two and find them to be boring or broken, well, you’ll have a lot of work to convince them to try again.
3. Use professional pictures. Or at least professional-looking pictures. There are thousands available with Creative Commons Licenses, many of them taken by actual professional photographers. Some are taken by talented people who just like to take photos and let other people use them. With that great a wealth of photos around, there’s no excuse for using sloppy looking photos or graphics with your posts. And as far as using your own, that’s great if you know how to make them look decent as well. Crop the unnecessary edges, lighten or darken if needed, fix the red-eye. Don’t get too crazy happy with the effects, with one caveat: turning a not-so-great photo into black and white will not make it a better photo, but it will make lots of people think it is a better photo. Just so you know.
4. Give proper credit. For photos, for research, for data, for statistics, for opinions, for graphics, for videos, for music, for articles, for ideas. Sure, not all of that stuff is copyrighted and you could probably get away with using and not crediting more obscure items, but it would still be 1) unprofessional, 2) stupid, and 3) just wrong. So don’t do it. Give credit where credit is due.
5. Take one idea further. Instead of trying to promote fifteen ideas in one post or article, grab one idea - the one that is most exciting to you as you are writing - and just expand it. Write about it. Look at it from every angle. Give examples. Give illustrations. Draw a graph. Do some research. Brainstorm. Get deeper with one idea. By the way, since I just preached about giving proper credit, I want to come clean that this idea of taking one idea further came from a post I read several months ago. I just spent ten minutes searching for it and can’t find it… it was a guest post on a productivity blog, but that’s all I can remember except for the (well-developed, single) idea of the article. So, to the writer of that article, my apologies for lack of specific credit. If I find it, I’ll come add it.
6. Use recurring themes. You don’t have to use memes or join groups, though that’s a good way to get a recurring theme going. Come up with your own, something in keeping with the focus of your blog (you do know what that is, don’t you?). People like what’s familiar and they like knowing what to expect. If you have a great post every Monday about, um, meringue pies, then you will get a following who come to your blog simply because they know and love the Monday Meringue Pie Post.
7. Pick a side. Don’t be wishy-washy. Say what you mean, say it clearly enough that people know what you mean, and then back yourself up. Accept that there are enough people with enough diversity accessing the internet that you are guaranteed to displease someone, somewhere, on something you say. That’s okay. You don’t need to be mean, rude, disparaging, or get personal: you do need to be honest and have integrity. I’m drawn to writers who are honest even when I disagree with what they say. I just like the honesty and the willingness to put a view out there even though they know they’ll end up with lots of negative comments or questions simply because they stated their opinion strongly. I don’t like pandering. Nobody does.
8. Be professional. As mentioned above, don’t be “mean, rude, disparaging, or get personal”; it is unprofessional, impolite, and juvenile. If you’re old enough to drive, you’re old enough to learn how to express yourself without using profanity, personal attacks, and/or inappropriate expressions. Sure, everybody is going to differ a bit on what’s appropriate and what isn’t, and obviously the focus, content, and audience will differ from blog to blog. But you know when you’re crossing a line, and so do your readers. When your writing is emotionally fueled, free from all logic, and backed up by evidence that is personal and subjective, you’re probably deep into unprofessional territory.
9. Use a consistent format. Set your standards for your paragraph headings, image sizes, links, quotations and block quotations, and other little niceties of blog posting. Once you’ve decided on what you like, stick with it. It’s annoying when the format of posts across a single blog keeps changing, annoying enough to make me quit reading.
10. Throw in some extras. Give people good resources that you’ve found. Offer tips. Offer ideas. Offer the research sites for further investigation into the subject you’ve just posted about. Offer the sites you’ve found that present completely opposing views. Go a bit above and beyond in what you write about, how you write, and how you respond to your readers. “Extras” can be as particular and personal as you want them to be. They don’t necessarily have to be products, or freebies, though of course people like those, too. Just take what you’re doing, and then take it a little further. Do that consistently. People will come to quality.