SISTER WISDOM

What’s more difficult than getting things done with kids underfoot? Getting things done with kids underfoot without feeling guilty for ignoring them!

Finding balance is key: work time, play time, me time, kid time… but soon all those different time sections just merge into one mass of “I don’t have enough time” and then – wheeee! – you get to feel guilty for not getting anything done. It’s a drag. Let’s find a better way to live. (Quick, pack your suitcase and meet me in Terminal A for the next flight to Oahu.)

Here’s the Tip List for dealing with a day, a household, a work schedule, a life that refuses to be neat and manageable.

• First thing to remember: Perfection is not a part of the deal.
• Second thing to remember: Quit taking yourself so seriously.
  
• Third thing to remember: What will you remember about these years? Make that important. Let the rest slide.

1. Take 10 minute breaks to focus on the kids and quit thinking about work/housework. You need a play break and they need a break when they can have your attention without interrupting what you’re doing. Take 5 or 10 minutes every hour or two and sing a song, dance, play a silly game, sit and talk, read a book, walk the block, color a picture.
2. Expect interruptions. They are inevitable. If you expect them as part of the normal flow of your day, you won’t be as irritated. Always give yourself a cushion: allow more time than you really need to complete a task so that the interruptions which will occur when kids are around don’t throw you into tailspin.
3. Focus on one task at a time. You’re already multitasking; you’re a Mom. Don’t make it harder on yourself by adding even more. Focus on one single task at a time.
4. Simplify. Challenge yourself to simplify something every single day. Switch to one all-purpose cleaner instead of five different specialty products. Take something off the calendar. Get rid of clutter. Give away the books you don’t really want to read.
5. Include your kids in what you’re doing when you can; make it clear to them when you can’t so they understand the difference. So, if they can have a little cleaning rag and spray bottle and “help” you with housework, let them. If you need to sit at the computer or, say, dismantle a bomb, then just let them know: “Mommy is working by herself right now. You may go ____________. I’ll be available in 20 minutes.” And then remember Tip #2.
6. Accept spontaneous snuggles. There are never enough, and you will never regret breaking from that blog post or dirty dish or tv show to get one. Schedule in play time for yourself with the kids.
7. Have some extended play time beyond the 5 and 10 minute breaks. It doesn’t have to be everyday, but it could be. It doesn’t have to be hours long. How about at the end of the afternoon when everyone is kind of tired and cranky and ready for Daddy to get home or dinner to finish cooking or the right show to start or whatever? Grab a board game or head outside to the sprinkler for 20 or 30 minutes. It will do you all good.
8. Lay down the law first thing in the morning; this establishes the tone for the rest of the day. It’s time for Mommies everywhere to rise up and take charge! The sooner, the better. It’s not fun doling out discipline right after breakfast (or before) but the quicker you are at dealing with bad attitudes and unacceptable behavior, the quicker you’ll see a change. It’s much more difficult to convince kids you’re serious – “No whining for REAL!” – when they’ve been getting away with it all day long. But catch it in the morning and they’ll be very aware – all day long – that you said it and, jiminy cricket, you mean it.
9. Don’t attempt intense projects with the kids around. Wait until naptime. For work which requires full concentration, whether household project or business item, wait until you have time alone: nap time, kids over at a friend’s house, night time after kids are in bed. You will only be frustrated if you attempt the intense stuff with your children all over the place. You will do a poor job of it and probably end up snapping some unsuspecting child’s head off in the process. Remember Tip #2. Yeah. That’s why.
10. Talk to them about what you’re doing. Whether they can help or not, they can learn. Kids are fascinated by what grown-ups do (up to a certain age, that is). Explain. Show them how things work. Talk to them, even if it’s way over their heads. If nothing else, they’ll get so bored they’ll go find something else to do until you’re finished…
11. Take the learning moments as they come. You can’t plan everything, even if you and Franklin Covey are, like, BFF. So when spills, messes, upsets, owies, new experiences, questions, needs, and the like arise, take them for what they’re worth. A spill at the table is a moment to teach how to hold a cup correctly. A mess in the living room is a good time to review picking up toys. An upset over sharing a toy can be 5-minute training time on saying please and thank you. You get the idea.
12. Give yourself a break. You’re doing a great job. Sure, your kids will be weird and warped and not – gasp! – perfect. Welcome to life. But a kid who is loved can overcome all sorts of weirdness and warpedness (is that a word?). So take a breath, relax your shoulder muscles, and enjoy the craziness.