SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

Focus is key in getting things done. Be diligent at what you're good at and see what happens. Let other things go, unimportant things.
Distraction is the enemy of focus. Planning becomes procrastination and procrastination is the enemy of action.
What distracts us? Read the rest of this entry »

Obstacles Welcome: Turn Adversity to Advantage in Business and Life

by Ralph de la Vega, President and CEO of AT&T Mobility and Consumer Markets.

4 out of 5 stars

How does a book about being a successful business executive translate into something helpful for a Mom, writer, and homemaker? Read the rest of this entry »

This post is part of the 30-Minute Blogging Challenge at Steady Mom.

I just started a pot of coffee brewing, and since my coffee maker needs to be cleaned out yet again (darn hard water) and takes about 30 minutes to brew a pot, that's my automatic timer. I'm taking this 30-minute posting challenge because I have that feeling, the one of a pesky little guilt peering over my shoulder, whispering in my ear, "You're on the computer agaaaain?" It's hard to hear the whisper sometimes because of the kids hollering in the background... Read the rest of this entry »

I Always Feel Like I Am Compromising

If I focus on writing, working, I feel the lack (dreadfully) in what I am as a mother.
If I focus on being Mommy, making a home, I feel something in my soul begin to scream. Too long at that, it grows silent and still. Too still. In-the-throes-of-death silent (though, now that I think of it, "throes" don't seem that silent).

Joe comes home and asks, "How was your day?" and I laugh a crazy little laugh of desperation and answer: "Oh, great, you know, changing diapers, doing laundry, the usual. Yours?"
And I have nothing else to say.

Average or Exceptional

I listened to a podcast yesterday and in it this is what caught me, this small instruction: Read the rest of this entry »

The Lord takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servant.

Commit to your own success.

Shoot for the highest possible goal.

Take yourself seriously.

Get rid of the physical irritations: do it.
Face the fear of success: overcome it.

Let go of things that don't belong to you.

Be enthusiastic! Overzealous! Passionate! Annoying! Go for it!
You're not just like everybody else.

You're not a cynic; you're a dreamer.

Dream without reservation.
Write without hearing the critic's voice.
Act without questioning your ability.
Be true and real and honest.
If it isn't working, kill it.

Start over. Commit.

Dream. Speak your dreams.
Believe. Reach. Don't stop.
Failure is not inevitable. Obstacles are part of the process.

With diligence, success IS inevitable.

Image courtesy of Shoes on Wire.

1. Learn that God wants you to succeed.

Journal entry, 18 October 2007:
I keep thinking of that verse in Psalms: "The Lord takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servant." I guess for some reason I've thought You preferred me to fail, or, at the most, to be mediocre. I saw failure as some kind of test or character-building experience, and though there's certain truth there, I no longer think You're the one instigating the failure. I am. You're the one saying, "Come on, try again, you can do it." You're the one hoping this time I have enough character to get past that failure point. You're the one who takes pleasure in the prosperity of Your servant. Somehow I felt almost obligated to fail before now. Was I sabotaging myself? I guess somehow along the way, I picked up this idea that the passionate pursuit of a goal is an insult to You, a sin, idolatry. Strange, and not true. Col. 3:23: "And whatsoever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men..."

~ What good is it for God if I fail? What does he gain from my failure?

2. Learn that you can't succeed at everything all at once.

If your vision of success is perfection in every area of your life, you're in trouble. First, perfection isn't success. Secondly, success in particular areas may require some letting go in others. I'm after success as a mother to three young children right now; that means I'm not going to hit "success" in having a fantastically clean house most of the time, or in keeping stains out of my shirts, or in going to hear more local bands, or in staying up past, say, 9:30 with any mental capability.

You have to choose what you're going to focus on right now, pick your goal, and be okay with letting some other things slide by on a minimum for a while. Set your level of acceptability for the routines of life, for the areas you're not focused on, and then get yourself on auto-pilot in those areas so you can focus on the one or two or three things you are striving for.

3. Learn to define what you mean by success.

You can't reach a goal if you don't know what the goal is. And though there's something to be said for setting high goals, shooting for the moon, blah-di-blah-di-blah, there's also much wisdom in defining success as something real, measurable, and reachable.

My mother-in-law (a very wise woman) and I were talking about this the other day. She's very strong at setting big goals and then breaking them down into smaller, reachable goals. It's success in stages.

Both my husband and I tend to set big goals. He's a very big-picture person, a visionary. It took me a while to realize that I am, too. My big-pictures still tend to be smaller than his, so in comparison I thought I was setting goals that were pretty realistic. (Yet another reason why comparison is not a helpful tool.) Whatever the scale, if your success isn't defined in a goal you can understand, measure, and realistically see yourself achieving, then you've just guaranteed your own failure.

So aim big. But break the big aim down into smaller pieces, then break it down again, and then focus on one of those pieces at a time. Success breeds success! Once you get rolling, you'll be unstoppable.

4. Wait and percolate.

Journal entry, 04 November 2007:
I don't know why, in all these areas like fixing up the basement and starting a business and gaining financial freedom, we have these times of lag. I think things are happening, preparatory, unseen things, and we have to hold on, wait, be diligent, trust, keep working in the meantime. Right now I'm feeling a sense of excitement, anticipation, hope, as if we are quickly reaching the point of progress and change. Situations seem impossible to overcome to me, but they aren't. Circumstances change in what seems like an instant but it's really a matter of long, slow, hard, faithful, small effort. "Suddenly" the wall falls down. "Suddenly" the business pours in. "Suddenly" to us because we don't look beneath the surface; we miss the depth of preparation taking place even within us.

5. Plan for the obstacles.

The world is full of obstacles. The only way to avoid them is to have no aim, to simply flow where you are pushed. You know people like this. We call them victims. They are needy, hurting, unfulfilled, whiney people. We should pity them, but we should not become them.
The world is full of obstacles. We spend too much time avoiding them. Challenges make us alive. Challenges open our eyes to what we can actually handle.
"Anytime you set a significant or meaningful goal for yourself, you'll have a feeling of inadequacy. That's part of the process of living instead of merely existing..." ( Treat, 23-4).

6. Make a Yes list and a No list.

Spend some time studying yourself and you will start to see patterns. When do you get cranky and depressed? For me, it's almost always a result of fatigue. I'm not saying I'm an eternally happy, peppy person. I'm not. I have normal ups and downs and off days and so on. But when I get that horrible sinking feeling, when I can't get myself excited about the things I love to do, when I want to cry for no apparent reason, the real reason is usually very simple. So simple I almost miss it: I need rest. Usually a good night's sleep does more for me than anything else. So here's something on my No List: don't try to have deep, heart-to-heart, burden-sharing conversations with my husband when I'm at that point at the end of the day. Every time I have broken my own rule, I have regretted it. I'm too spent to have a profitable conversation. It just ends up with wailing and gnashing of teeth.
A few more examples, from my NO list: I don't babysit on the weekends (now that my husband's day off is Saturday, I keep that time sacred for our family). I don't answer the phone during work hours (housework or writing work). I don't let myself feel guilty when Joe offers to keep the kids so I can go to the grocery store alone. I don't plan so much (I tend to overplan and then overwhelm myself; it's better if I just start doing and take time to plan as I go).

From my YES list: I make myself say YES when someone asks if I need help (because my auto-response is No and that's usually not accurate; I do need help). I get up early to read my Bible, plan the day, write in my journal because my day goes a thousand times better when I do this. I try to read aloud with the kids every day, even if it is just for five minutes. I stick to a naptime regimen: our schedule and routine stay the same as much as possible.

Those are kind of general examples. The idea is, though, whether it's to help yourself in reaching a specific goal or just to help yourself overcome some common problems, to think about what helps and what hurts. Then give yourself some rules and live by them for a few weeks. See if it makes a difference. Different seasons and different goals will call for changes to your Yes and No lists. Get your husband's input if you're clueless. He can probably point out some things you do out of obligation, guilt, tradition, or whatnot that you could pop onto your No list and free yourself (and your family) from.

Go for it.

Image courtesy of craigCloutier on Flickr.

In all labor there is profit...

"In the entrepreneurial environment..there's a lot to be said for showing up on time, ready to work. ...The meeting of deadlines and commitments alone causes a person to stand out from the crowd like an alien space ship parked in an Iowa cornfield. The ability to get things done and done right the first time will magnetically attract incredible contacts, opportunities, and resources to you. All of this is a matter of self-discipline." {Dan Kennedy, No B.S. Time Management for Entrepreneurs}

"Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There's plenty of movement, but you never know if it's Read the rest of this entry »

Part 3 of the series: The Get-Your-Life-Together Plan

Having 3 kids under 3 forces you into being a simplicity guru. It's not a matter of preference but survival. As I burp my one-month-old and browse for writing jobs with my free hand, I realize something that is, for me, profound: having too many goals is just as deadly as having no goals at all.

Goals should bring freedom.

In order to make progress, you must define and limit your goals. Your goals should free you to pursue what matters and to happily ignore what doesn't. That will only happen as you consciously decide what matters right now and what can (or must) be ignored.  If you want to be successful in modern homemaking, mothering, working, entrepreneur-ing (how's that for coining a word?), then you have to Read the rest of this entry »

Part 1 of the series: "The Get Your Life Together Plan"

Image courtesy of alicepopkorn.

Find out why it matters.

When I need help being consistent, say, with exercise or cutting out soda or eating more salads, I do research. I hope from site to site, reading up on fitness routines, muscle tone, great-looking salad ideas.

And nothing changes.

Then, as I walk the mall, dodging weed-thin teenagers and power-walking Mommies in velour sweats, I catch my own reflection. Sharp gasp (my own). Look of horror (my own). That's not me: that's some 30-ish woman who has a mummy tummy and flabby arms and doesn't make that cute shirt look so cute.

I dump my soda in the nearest trash can, go home, and have a big salad for dinner. The next day Read the rest of this entry »