SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

In Emperor's New Groove, Kronk is, of course, my favorite character. I don't really know how you could have another favorite character.

Kronk has a shoulder angel and a shoulder demon and carries on a few bits of dialogue with them in the movie. At one point, he ends up dismissing them: “Eh, you guys are confusing me, so, uh, begone or whatever it is I have to say.” “That'll do,” they say, and disappear.

Kronk, You, and What's On Your Shoulder

What I'm not going to say here is that if you just listened to the voice of God all the time, you wouldn't have any problems. First, that's far too simplistic, kind of obvious, and also depends on what you mean by problems.

Some fine people who seemed to have it together as far as listening to God's voice continued to encounter what I'd define as problems. Lion's den, anyone?

What I am going to say is that you do deal with voices. Loud ones, quiet ones, all kinds of 'em, all the time. Yours, your past's, your culture's, and everyone else's. Blah, blah, blah. Know how I talk about how we talk too much? I think we do that, sometimes, just to cover us the voices blabbing away in our brains. We don't know how to turn them off, so we talk louder to cover them up. That helps, a bit. But there's a better way.

Get to the One Thing Already

So – big surprise – the one thing holding you back, my friend, is that you're listening to, and then acting upon, the wrong voices. But here's where it gets tricky, because it's not quite as simple as a shoulder angel and a shoulder demon.

Would that it were. And maybe, deep down, it is, but the problem is that on the surface level – the level on which we hear the voices – things get muddled. Sometimes the shoulder demon dresses up like the shoulder angel. Sometimes the shoulder angel sounds, well, stupid. Sometimes it's a regular carnival and everybody's in costume.

Vibes. Get the Good Ones.

The reason we listen to the voices – any of them – is that they appeal to some part of us. But it's subtle. It's manipulative. It's not always easy to identify, and oh-so-easy to justify. Here's a simple way to differentiate:

The good voices move you forward from positive motivation.
The bad voices move you backward, in circles, or not at all from negative motivation.

And right now, let's just go ahead and identify the absolute Queen of all negative motivation, at least as far as women are concerned.

Guilt, the Reigning Potentate of Bad Voices

Guilt is the Queen because she seems so right, so accurate. She'll talk to whatever matters to you. She'll phrase it in such spiritual terms, such self-sacrificial words, that saying no to her will seem like the worst sin ever.

But let me be the one to clarify something for us all right here, right now.

God does not motivate us through guilt. God motivates us through specific conviction (something is wrong in what you're doing, and this is it) and then equally specific encouragement (here is forgiveness, here is how to change). God pulls us onward, forward, by showing us what could be better in specific terms, not what might get worse in vague fear-shaped visions.

Queen Guilt, on the other hand: Vague. Subtle. Manipulative. General. Incessant. Overbearing. Fearful. Anxious. Keeps you running in circles. Keeps you from moving forward. Keeps you from letting go. Offers you no forgiveness. Offers you no hope. Commands you to change but offers you no way to do it.

Annie, 1: Queen Guilt, 0. Ha.

A couple of nights ago I had a list of things that I needed to get done for work.

Now, listen so you know where I'm coming from: I grew up with a stay-at-home Mom. I always thought what I'd be is a stay-at-home Mom. And I am. I'm also, however, a freelance writer. I get to work from home. I do this because, to my surprise, I discovered that I go stir-crazy if I'm not doing something in addition to being a Mommy. That's just me.

On this evening, I had a backlog and we were in between Internet services at home (don't even get me started), which meant that I needed to escape to wifi-land for a few hours. Which meant that I needed to leave my Baby and my babies. At home. On the weekend. Without me.

I didn't have a nice dinner made. I did have a backlog of laundry, a house dirty from our crazy weekend, and a husband who can handle all that stuff, all the kids, and all my paranoias just fine, thank you very much.

But guess what I still felt as I pulled out of the driveway? Yep. Guuuuuilty. No matter that I was going to work, not to have a manicure. Didn't matter. Queen Guilt was on the scene and just chatting me up like her BFF.

And I let it go on, all the way to the parking lot, before I finally realized I wasn't talking to myself. I was being talked to. I was being told what to feel, couched in a whole bunch of vaguely spiritual “good wife-good mom” terms that just punched my buttons.

But that's when I realized this: if God had wanted me to stay at home that night, this is NOT how He would be telling me.

At that point, I punched a few buttons myself, ejected Queen Guilt from the sidecar, went in and got my work done and got back home. End of story, until the next time...

What's Your Next Time?

We've all got hot buttons. You know you do, and chances are those might be areas in which God is calling you to change. But don't confuse the voice of God for the voice of guilt. Guilt will keep you spinning in the same cobwebs. God will set you free.

Remember: it's not a question of which voice is loudest. It's a question of which one you listen to, which one you hear, which one gets your attention. And that part is up to you.

Here's a recap:

Bad voices will appeal to your insecurity, pride, ego, flesh, fear, stress, mistakes, past, comfort, ease, desire for security, need to be right, need to be needed, need to fit in, need to be liked, fear of man, religious sensibilities.
Good voices will appeal to your morals, dreams, courage, humility, understanding, true confidence, sense of adventure, sense of risk, sense of purpose, deeper vision, long-term goals, sacrificial love, wisdom.

Bad voices will be urgent: do it now, do it now, do it now or else.
Good voices will be direct, specific, and consistent: this is the way, walk in it.

Who are you listening to?

Ready? Let's go.

Step 1: Ask a New Question

All those books out there talking about how to improve your life, meet your goals, and be your best self seem to have one thing in common (okay, really, more than one thing but that's not the point here): they all direct you to spend some time thinking about what you really want out of life. You're supposed to list goals and dreams and passions, find out what your purpose is, discover your calling, the thing that makes you tick.

I have a different proposal.

Quit asking, "What do I want?" and start asking, "What do I have?"
What's right in front of you? Gazing at the horizon for opportunities? Try looking a little closer to home.
Wisdom is before him that hath understanding; but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth. Proverbs 17:24

Step 2: Change One Thing

Quick quiz: what's the one way not to change anything? Answer: try to change everything. Lots of people have great intentions and great ideas, but they spread themselves so thin that they can't actually accomplish or change anything.

The few who do change are those who focus deliberately on success in one area at a time. Find one thing you need to change in your life and focus on that one single thing.

Step 3: Work in 3D

The 3 qualities that will make you outstanding in whatever you attempt? Simple. Easy. Anyone could be this way.

• Be diligent.
• Work daily.
• Fight off distraction.

That's it. Really.

Step 4: Start Listening

Empathy is the ability to feel what other people are feeling. You want to be a good wife, a good mom, a good sister, daughter, friend, neighbor, church member. The problem is that all too often we get the needs, demands, requests of others through the filter of our own priorities and emotions. Instead of hearing the actual need, we hear our interpretation, so we then offer the right solution for that interpretation.

Example: Husband is frustrated at work. We think, "Oh, he's just stressed from that fight he had with his boss, he's not letting it out." We offer: "Honey, you want to talk about....?" How often do we miss the real problem because we are busy offering a solution for our interpretation of the problem?

Be different. Be beyond status quo. Start listening to what people say and what they mean. Focus on their words, their emotions, the heart coming through. Open your eyes and ears. You will see the real problem and, God willing, you will be able to offer real help.

Step 5: Beat the Slog

Many, many people have great ideas. Sincere hearts. Motivation. Inspiration. Grand intentions. Good plans.

They even get off to a good start.
They stay consistent with their kids for 1, 2, 3 days at a time.
They quit arguing with their husbands for a week. Maybe even two.
They do great and then... they hit the slog.

First there's the rush. It's fueled by enthusiasm and emotion. You've worked yourself up into an energetic state about something, you're motivated, and you take off running. Then, things don't quite work out. It takes longer. You get tired. You question your motives. You question your plan. You feel like you are wading knee-deep in mud. You are in the slog.

If you keep going through the slog, you will be ahead of 99.9% of the people out there. The slog is where we separate "the ones who really mean it" from "the ones who don't really care." You mean it. I know you do. It's in your heart. You care. Press on, one slow, gloppy step after another. You will get through the slog and you will find yourself further along than you anticipated.

Sharing what you have is more important than what you have. - Albert M Wells Jr.

The Audacity of Passion

There is so much audacity in putting words on paper and assuming any of them are worthwhile. And it's no good saying, "Well if only one person is helped by what I write then it is worth it..." That's a lovely, noble albeit impractical thought and to it I say it better be some person to keep me waking up at 4 a.m. to scribble things down and that person must need a lot of help.

I hope it is crowds of people and thousands of copies and yes, large sums of money. Because money is a sign of value, and if I am to find a decent value in the time I've put in it will take a lot of money.

But that might not happen.

And I'll write anyway, though heartsick at times Read the rest of this entry »

Revelations or Epiphanies or Something

I had a couple of "mini-revelations" yesterday. I love those. I won't call them epiphanies, exactly, but they're big for me.
One is this: There is no perfect writing topic/subject/job for me. I just like to write, period. I like to write about almost anything. The key is (and this is the second mini-revelation) that
In order to be inspired I need to be immersed.
I need input, and lots of it, to create a continual flow of output. Otherwise I just kind of run dry.

The Input for Inspiration

For me, that best input comes in three forms.
The first is the written word.
I need books, articles, thoughtful and inspiring blogs, poems that shake my heart up, novels that wrap me up in another world, how-tos and tutorials and ideas and magazines and newspapers and quotes and lists and letters and journals. I love to learn and I learn best from the written word. When I learn, I get excited about sharing; my brain takes the new information and races off with it in a hundred directions. I can't move my pen fast enough to jot down my thoughts.

The second is nature. Outside. Outdoors. Walking, hiking, throwing down a blanket and playing with Zeke in the sunshine. Tromping the trails with Mara and Robbie, showing them the first daffodil, the silent, faithful, soft green moss, the flattened, sweet-smelling grass where the deer sleep. Something about - no, everything about - the real, beautiful, fresh and muddy world is refreshing to my soul and my brain. Being outdoors is when all those words start percolating in my mind, start mixing with my dreams and hopes and values, start bubbling up into new ideas and thoughts and hopes that just need to be shared.

The third is conversation. Talking with my husband, my best friends, or strangers gives me windows into how other people process and think. My husband will come up with completely different spins on what I hear and read. I share a little idea with him, and together we toss it around, critique it, expand it, change it, name it, morph it like a ball of Silly Putty.
Conversations with dear friends are the same way; they expand my thinking, my perspective, my whole world. And strangers! Don't get me started on this. I love talking to strangers. I think I scare them sometimes. But I'm fascinated by how people think and live, by what they do and feel and how they view the world. When I start talking to strangers, I walk away with ideas for articles and books just popping out of my head. (This may be why people run away from me in the parking lot. Hm.)

No Waiting on the Muse

The result of these mini-revelations is one big thought: I control my own inspiration. This is huge, as a writer. I don't have to wait to "be inspired" from some mysterious force. I have identified what inspires me most, and most consistently. I just need to grab that stuff when I'm feeling dry. I need to make sure that those sources of inspiration are a huge part of my life.

So what's your inspiration? What's your source? What gets you ticking? And how can you make room for more of it in your life?

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This post is part of the 30-Minute Blogging Challenge at SteadyMom. (25 minutes.)
Image courtesy of markbarky.

Focus is key in getting things done. Be diligent at what you're good at and see what happens. Let other things go, unimportant things.
Distraction is the enemy of focus. Planning becomes procrastination and procrastination is the enemy of action.
What distracts us? Read the rest of this entry »

Obstacles Welcome: Turn Adversity to Advantage in Business and Life

by Ralph de la Vega, President and CEO of AT&T Mobility and Consumer Markets.

4 out of 5 stars

How does a book about being a successful business executive translate into something helpful for a Mom, writer, and homemaker? Read the rest of this entry »

This post is part of the 30-Minute Blogging Challenge at Steady Mom.

I just started a pot of coffee brewing, and since my coffee maker needs to be cleaned out yet again (darn hard water) and takes about 30 minutes to brew a pot, that's my automatic timer. I'm taking this 30-minute posting challenge because I have that feeling, the one of a pesky little guilt peering over my shoulder, whispering in my ear, "You're on the computer agaaaain?" It's hard to hear the whisper sometimes because of the kids hollering in the background... Read the rest of this entry »

I Always Feel Like I Am Compromising

If I focus on writing, working, I feel the lack (dreadfully) in what I am as a mother.
If I focus on being Mommy, making a home, I feel something in my soul begin to scream. Too long at that, it grows silent and still. Too still. In-the-throes-of-death silent (though, now that I think of it, "throes" don't seem that silent).

Joe comes home and asks, "How was your day?" and I laugh a crazy little laugh of desperation and answer: "Oh, great, you know, changing diapers, doing laundry, the usual. Yours?"
And I have nothing else to say.

Average or Exceptional

I listened to a podcast yesterday and in it this is what caught me, this small instruction: Read the rest of this entry »

The Lord takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servant.

Commit to your own success.

Shoot for the highest possible goal.

Take yourself seriously.

Get rid of the physical irritations: do it.
Face the fear of success: overcome it.

Let go of things that don't belong to you.

Be enthusiastic! Overzealous! Passionate! Annoying! Go for it!
You're not just like everybody else.

You're not a cynic; you're a dreamer.

Dream without reservation.
Write without hearing the critic's voice.
Act without questioning your ability.
Be true and real and honest.
If it isn't working, kill it.

Start over. Commit.

Dream. Speak your dreams.
Believe. Reach. Don't stop.
Failure is not inevitable. Obstacles are part of the process.

With diligence, success IS inevitable.

Image courtesy of Shoes on Wire.