What
It’s the best thing you can do for your marriage. It’s simple. You already know how.
It is the Art of Listening.
Why
- It’s a basic (though often lost) courtesy of human interaction.
- Your husband is the most important person in your life. When you invest in him by listening, you invest in your own life.
- You don’t know everything about him. He can surprise you. You just need to give him a chance.
What It’s Not
- Nodding, smiling, and saying “Mmmmhmm,” and “Sure,” and “Yes, of course,” while your mind wanders over the 1000 things you haven’t accomplished today.
- Letting your eyes glaze over while he describes some technical/mechanical/sports-related item that you don’t understand or care to understand.
- Having a running internal commentary of snide remarks that you won’t let yourself say out loud.
- Interrupting.
- Giving him the cues that say, “I’m really too busy for this, could you please hurry it along?”
- Finishing his sentences.
- Thinking of what you’ll say next when he finally stops talking.
What It Is
- Saying “I want to hear this, but I’m very distracted right now. Could we talk later?” when you are distracted by valid concerns, interruptions, children, etc.
- Following up on that by actually making time to sit down and talk, even if that means staying up later than you like, or skipping the tv show, or not getting to next chapter in your book or blog in your reader.
- Making eye contact.
- Acting like you have all the time in the world, whether you do or not.
- Asking questions.
- Employing the 5-second rule: wait 5 seconds after he finishes talking before you respond. Try it. Really.
- Looking for the real story.
- Leaving your assumptions behind.
- Showing that you are interested in what he says, in what he is interested in, just because of who he is. Even if you hate sports. Even if you don’t get how the gears fit together.
- Responding.
Go forth and listen!