Who am I? What is my purpose? Why don’t I feel satisfied? Is there more to life? Finding your place in the universe is a large task, but it is what we’re all after in one way or another. We’re either on the hunt, or wish we could be, or have been and have given up, or think maybe we have found something special, finally, but we’re unsure and afraid. Some of us, very few of us, walk confidently through each day with the assurance that they are being who they are meant to be, doing the best that they can do, and using the moments as wisely as possible.

How Do You Fit in Now?

You feel misunderstood, unappreciated, insecure, sometimes alienated from the people you are closest to. You are constantly seeking but never achieving the standard you have set for yourself, overwhelmed by the tragedy in the world, and disappointed by your own failures and the failure of others.

You feel restless, bored with life, never taken seriously. You see your good ideas go to waste and are frustrated by the unwillingness of others to take a chance and have some fun. You are handicapped by your own disorganization, full of great visions but too overwhelmed by the process to ever get to the end result.

You feel impatient, demanding, and hate the unproductivity in life that you can’t fix. You end up alone because you don’t know how to connect with others. You are aggravated by the weakness and stupidity all around you, and though you see clearly how to correct wrongs you are frustrated because you simply cannot fix them all.

You feel apathetic, worried, indifferent to what others enthuse over, and fearful because you’re so indifferent. You are unsure why other people can’t just relax and get along, but you are full of unexpressed frustrations and secretly wish you could be bolder and more confrontational. You hesitate, go blank in key moments, and then regret the missed opportunities.

The Common Thread of Dissatisfaction

Which paragraph describes you? Maybe one in particular, or all of them, or a combination jumped out and you nodded to yourself as you read. The common thread of all the descriptions is this: dissatisfaction with yourself and your own part of the universe. You don’t want to feel misunderstood, or bored, or unproductive, or fearful. You never intended to alienate yourself, or miss so many opportunities, or leave so many things undone, or let so many good ideas just die. But every day you see those negative moments repeated in your life and you haven’t found a way to change that.

“The first step is admitting you have a problem,” as we learn from Alcoholics Anonymous. Admitting dissatisfaction is the first step toward eliminating it. In yourself, the inner workings of who you are, and in your life, all those outward activities that compose your days, dissatisfaction is not really a negative thing at all; rather, it implies two very important concepts.

You and Your Life Are Worth Improving

Dissatisfaction with yourself and your life implies, first, that you and your life have a value beyond what is being given to them today from your current attitudes and habits. For example, you are dissatisfied with your relationship with your spouse. You feel like your spouse doesn’t really appreciate you, doesn’t take you seriously, and overlooks your needs. The value your spouse is demonstrating for you is not congruent with the value you place upon yourself.

Likewise, when you think and act in ways that demonstrate little or no value for who you are and what your life is, the dissatisfaction you feel comes from the inherent knowledge that you and your life are of much value. Dissatisfaction is that inner motivation to get those two sets of values back onto one accurate level.

Satisfaction Is Possible

Dissatisfaction implies the existence of its opposite: satisfaction. If you can be discontent, perhaps you can also be content. If you are fed up with the mediocre, the frustrating, the boring, the mundane, the half-hearted, the handicaps of your own choices, you can begin to seek the excellent, the fulfilling, the exciting, the rewarding, the passionate, the skills and strengths rather than wandering in the inabilities and weaknesses that have consistently plagued your life.

What You Can Control

An important distinction to make is the difference between what you can change and what you can’t. Success is sure to follow one who diligently puts effort into improving himself and his own life; the same cannot be said of one who diligently seeks to improve someone else and someone else’s life. You control who you are: your feelings, thoughts, habits, character traits, moods, words, responses. You control certain aspects of your life: your daily activities, work, your part in relationships, your downtime, money and time management, routines.

You do not control, cannot control, and should never attempt to control anyone else. You also cannot control anyone else’s life or effort in a relationship. You can manipulate, boss, command, withdraw, and charm all you want, but any measure of control you manage to exert is only temporary and will inevitably create resentment both in yourself and in the person you are trying to control.

Life improvement is about improving what you control in your own life. If you focus on doing just that, your good steps may inspire others to the same. But if you try to force your idea of life improvement onto someone else’s life, you will send him or her running far in the opposite direction.

How to Begin Changing

Ask yourself a few questions; maybe even write down the answers, or take enough time to really think on the answers so that they become part of your inner monologue.

1. Why do you seek to change? What is really bothering you most about yourself and your life? Is it something under your control or not? Is it yourself or someone else? Is it your work, your relationships, your fulfillment or lack thereof?

2. What is your ideal vision for your life? Are you anywhere close to what you imagined you would be? How far away are you? Does it seem impossible? Why? What is so hard about getting from where you are to where you want to be? Is it worth trying? Why or why not?

3. What’s holding you back, specifically? Do you have issues from the past? Regrets that are unexpressed? Bitterness toward parents, friends, family members? Are you fearful, insecure, doubtful? Are you bogged down with practical problems? If you could change, immediately, one thing about your life what would it be? If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be? If you could guarantee one thing about your future, what would it be?

Taking the Next Step

Reading about others who change and improve their lives is motivating. Search out internet sites or books that share such stories. Review your answers to the questions above and decide which areas need change the most. Pick only one or two to begin working on. And subscribe to the RSS Feed here so you can work through topics like what is requirements for life improvement, self-discipline, personality types, and how to create habits and routines.