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How to Be a Hippie Homemaker 18

Filed under how to do everything, the home
Written by Annie on 7th Jun -10

A sarcastic look at stereotypes as part of the series: Modern Homemaking REdefined.

  1. Wear Doc Martens or Birkenstocks. This is, in fact, the only footwear you are allowed to own, unless you score some vintage lace-up boots at the thrift store or get into making your own flip-flops.
  2. Obviously, you’ll be burning incense before and after you clean the house. Bonus points if you do a spiritual house cleansing as part of your weekly cleaning routine.
  3. Except never mind on the last part of #2, because you won’t have any sort of formal “weekly cleaning routine.” That’s much too restrictive. You’ll go with the flow, cleaning as you feel moved.
  4. Don’t get irritated at muddy footprints, smudges on the windows, and other signs of life. This is the evidence that your children are growing and embracing life.
  5. NO make-up (duh.) No perms or hair dye. NO toxic cleansers, synthetic fragrances, or man-made material.
  6. You should definitely learn how to sew. This is, like, basic Hippie Homemaker requirement.
  7. Repurposing should be a way of life. Buy vintage so much that you forget there’s actually a “new” option.
  8. It goes without saying that you don’t shop at Wal-mart. Or Target. EVER.
  9. Embrace a communal, hospitable mindset. Your door should always be open to friends, family, hobos, strays, and, of course, other hippies. Cook up large batches of food every night just in case.
  10. Experiment regularly with culturally-iffy changes to your home and person, like going without deodorant, getting rid of all your children’s toys, leaving the windows open 24/7, growing hemp (ahem), and letting your yard become a natural prairie rehabilitation spot.

Bonus points for any of the following:

  • dredlocks
  • vintage fabric hand-sewn items as Christmas gifts
  • beans as 90% of your protein
  • home birth, natural birth, water birth, home-natural-water birth
  • thinking about being a doula
  • DOUBLE bonus points if you ARE a doula
  • inability to name even three or four of the top ten tv shows

    • {moment of truth: what’s your score?}

    Okay, fine, I’ll go first.
    Bomb on #1. I wear flip-flops or am barefoot 90% of the time in warm weather, but don’t own any Docs or Birks or vintage shoes (unless the AE boots I’ve had since I was 16 count as vintage) and don’t plan on making my own flips.
    #2. don’t even own incense. Wow I thought I was more of a hippie than this. And #3. I do have a weekly cleaning routine and it saves me.
    #4. Well, I don’t get very irritated at stuff like that because at least it means we’re outside in the real world, doing stuff. Mud cleans up.
    #5. Huh. I wear make-up (albeit not much) every day. My hair is dyed. I am slowly getting rid of toxic/synthetic stuff… but it’s taking a while.
    #6. Huh again. I am a hippie fail. I have sewn 2 things in my life, and neither very well.
    #7. I like repurposing and vintage; I do prefer them to new.
    #8. I LOVE TARGET! Take that you hippie freaks!
    #9. Okay, I’m pretty good on this one. I love to cook, and we love being hospitable, having friends/relatives/strangers/anyone over, anytime, with no notice… Every now and then I will call a “family only” night, and we chill with a movie and don’t invite or answer the phone. Otherwise, it’s a come-on-in environment.
    #10. OOooookay, so I’ve tried/done all these except hemp. And the prairie thing wasn’t really purposeful… just oversight…
    BONUS POINTS:
    No dreds! Can’t sew! I like meat!  But (whew) I do get 3 points for the birth: my kids are home/natural/water births, all 3 ‘of em. I have thought about being a doula. Briefly. Then I started writing again, instead… it was easier… And on the tv shows… I don’t watch them because we don’t have cable or otherwise… we watch movies instead, generally, or we sit on the porch and wave at people driving by. Yep. Exciting life, that’s us.

    Ok. Your turn.

    Fess up!

    How hippie are you?
    Answer below, or answer on your own blog and leave a link in the comments. If you have any articles related to the hippie-esque mentions above, link them up too. That way we can all be more hippie together. We could start a commune… but only if we all keep wearing deodorant.

    Annie Pseudo-Hippie Homemaker out. Going to cook some beans. Then go to Target.

Why breast is best: because it’s all about me 1

Filed under the kids
Written by Annie on 27th Jun -09

nursingParenting is supposed to bring out that deep, unselfish part of you that doesn’t mind getting up in the middle of the night and being alternately pooped and vomited upon. Maybe it worked for me and I’m more unselfish now that I used to be, but then again…


Maybe not.


I admire those Moms who breastfeed because it’s a good thing to do. I’m not one of them. I breastfeed for purely selfish reasons:


1. I need to be needed.

There’s nothing like being the only one able to provide food to make you feel needed. Sure, I can pump and someone else could give baby the bottle, but guess what? I’m still the source, baby. Talk about using your children to fill emotional voids? I am the queen.

2. I really like watching their little faces when they nurse.

It’s probably somewhat the same with bottle feeding, but then you have to share. My son Zeke, the current nurser, is especially expressive. The early morning feedings are best. He’s like a druggie getting his fix – head thrown back, eyes kind of rolling around and glazed over, and then that euphoric look when he gets full and just kind of collapses on my arm. Love it.

3. I’m lazy. Mixing bottles = work + mess.

Having to get out of bed in the middle of the night to feed the baby? Not for me. I like the roll over, pick up baby, stick boob in mouth method.

4. I am so not giving up the excuse to sit down and put my feet up at regular intervals throughout the day.

Other nursing moms get all excited about how quick their babies eat. Not me. Oh no. Mine are forced to 30-minute feeding sessions at a minimum, and I’m happy if I can make it 45. “I can’t, I’m nursing,” is a wonderful thing to be able to say.

5. I like having big boobs.

Oh, come on, you small-breasted women understand this. I was somewhere around a triple AAA when I got married; and I think there’s a reason that corresponds to the size of a teeny tiny battery. That’s about how big they were. My poor husband.

We got pregnant, my boobs expanded, and suddenly so did my wardrobe options! Peasant blouses? Yes! V-necks? Yes! Plain t-shirts in dark colors that used to make me look like a wimpy boy? Yes! No possibility of being mistaken for a male again.

I’m terrified of losing this lovely curvaceousness, so onward, forward with the breastfeeding train. I don’t know what I’ll do when it’s time to wean this one, because we’re not planning on more, at least not for a long time. Guess I better check out the implant options or it’s back to major push-up bras for me…

image courtesy of jessicafm.

How You Can Disprove the Bible Comments Off

Filed under the world
Written by Annie on 18th Jun -09

monkeybibleIt’s an ongoing endeavor for a lot of people, like all the nice folks who have written these books (even an encyclopedia) in the attempt:

But no one’s been quite definitive enough to settle it once and for all. People are still reading this book, finding (apparently) helpful ideas, and writing more articles and books which actually support the Bible. This as recently as last year (can you believe it?):

The controversy.

The contention.

We are divided. We are stuck. But you, my friend, can settle it all. There are two simple requirements: continue reading…

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