What you do or don’t do in the morning sets the tone and effects the outcome of the rest of your day. It’s not that you can’t recover from a difficult morning, but it’s much better to start the day off right than try to recoup what’s left of it. Our bad habits, lack of habits, lack of planning, lack of self-discipline, and over-achiever tendencies conspire against us to make mornings miserable. The way you handle your morning matters for the rest of your day, and since your life is simply the sum of your days, you could sum it up like this: how you handle the first few hours of your day says a lot about what your whole life is and will be.

Putting Yourself in Charge

Kids, oh kids, are naturally curious creatures whose brains, somehow, are reprogrammed every night during sleep so that they wake up with one question rattling around in their brains: who’s in charge today, me or Mom? Even the well-trained, well-behaved little people will still be testing the waters in their own small way. What’s Mom like today? Is she on top of things? Does she have a plan? Does she know what’s going on? Or is she groggy, distracted, and easy to manipulate? Can I get away with whining today? Can I get my own way?

Your kids are going to push you as far as they can. They are finding out where the boundaries are, if they still exist, if they’ve shifted. Too often my kids find me a little unsure and disoriented in the morning, so they sneak in a few runs past the normal limits. The rest of the day is me trying to re-establish where I want the limits to be. I would save myself a lot of trouble if I would just be clear, first thing in the morning.

Applying It

• Get up before the kids. I don’t think it matters if you’re dressed or not, but you need to be aware and awake, not groggy and disoriented and in that pre-coffee “Huh?” stage.

• Drink up! Eat up! Get some food and caffeine going and get yourself alive.

• Remind yourself of what is important for the day; take a look at your calendar, or your to do list from the day before.

• Don’t let them get away with line-crossing; if you deal with it immediately and effectively on their first attempt of the day, you’ll have less to deal with as the day goes on.

A Word About Morning Routines (less is more)

Morning routines are important: they provide a structure while you’re still half-asleep, so you can just move on auto-pilot and make sure you get breakfast ready, kids dressed, kids on bus, husband to work… or whatever your morning schedule looks like. However, I’ve noticed a lot of organizational/home-making sites can over-emphasize morning routines, and that often results in us creating over-complicated, over-zealous routines that just make us want to crawl back into bed.

For moms, especially for moms of young children who still require a lot of hands-on help, the simpler the morning routine, the better. Of course there are exceptions; if you’re a morning person and you really thrive on structure and detail, create a routine that fits your preferences. For me, I don’t want a 20-point list first thing in the morning. I try to accomplish what I can the night before and keep my morning as simple as possible. (Pssst… I don’t even write my morning routine down…).

Applying It

My simple morning routine looks something like this:

• Stumble to bathroom, take care of necessities, get dressed (my clothes are on the bathroom counter, usually, so I don’t have to think about that part)
• Get some coffee, load up Joe’s lunch bag, eat a banana
• Go to my office, Bible/journal, then work on writing projects until kids wake up (refill coffee as needed)
• Set out breakfast for the kids, take bottle to the baby
• Straighten my bedroom
• Change, dress, & feed baby, clean up kitchen
• Help kids get dressed, start the day

There are certain things you already do in the morning (breakfast, dress, take care of children) and making them deliberate – by putting them into a simple, repeatable routine – just puts you in charge.

Something to Look Forward To

I’m a morning person, but I still have a difficult time hopping out of bed when my alarm goes off. For you night people, I know it’s even harder. One tip: Reward yourself for getting up in the morning when you should (as opposed to sleeping in until the absolute last minute, then rushing around in a frenzy).

For me, the coffee and the quiet solitary time to write is a huge reward. My days are full and fun and busy with lots of teaching and talking and playing and working and coming and going; but I’m a person who recharges by being alone. The time in the morning for myself is sacred; it’s about God, it’s about me, it’s about my goals and passions. It’s not about my husband or the kids or the house.

Applying It

What makes it worthwhile for you to get out of bed? You introverts and writerly types might relate to my personal reward system; the rest of you will be thinking something like why would I get out of bed for that?

So you need to come up with your reward. It could be something cumulative (if I get up five mornings in a row, I get to buy a new purse..) but I think definite, immediate rewards work better: something you get as soon as you’ve accomplished the goal, so your sleep-deprived mind starts associating the good reward with the getting up out of bed. A great breakfast, a good cup of coffee, a morning walk, a new magazine or book waiting for you, a piece of chocolate, whatever. It doesn’t have to be big, but something you enjoy and look forward to and, preferably, something you can repeat every day as part of your morning routine.

Tips for Making Morning Easier

• Simplify, simplify, simplify. Make things easy on yourself.
• Hide the alarm clock in the next room so you have to get out of bed to turn it off. (If you can, put your reward within sight of it.)
• Put your clothes out in the bathroom. One less thing to figure out in the morning.
• Breakfast should be simple, easy, and require very little thought from you, unless you just enjoy cooking it. I don’t. I hate cooking breakfast (even though, in general, I love cooking.) So we eat simple breakfast: Joe often makes a smoothie for me and himself, or I just eat a piece of fruit or some yogurt. The kids get cereal or a piece of toast or oatmeal, with milk and a banana on the side. Simple, repetitive.
• Get your coffee ready the night before, so all you have to do is push the button; or get a programmable coffee maker so it’s already hot and ready when you get to the kitchen.
• Drink a big glass of water first thing, when you brush your teeth. It helps get your body energized and going, plus you need it after a night’s sleep.
• Try to pick things up the night before, get the dishes done, so you don’t walk into a mess. Nothing makes me want to go hide in bed more than a dirty kitchen and a messy house. Ick.
• Have a planner or list or calender out where you see it so you start thinking about your day, what’s ahead, what you’re excited about, what you want to accomplish.
• Turn on some music or talk radio so the silence doesn’t lure you back to sleep.

Relaxed Days

A note on sleeping in: I think sleeping in is great, sometimes. I love it when we have an open Saturday and we just kind of meander out of bed whenever (usually earlier than I want due to kids who wake up) and hang out in our pajamas. Sometimes I’ll choose to do that on a weekday, especially if it’s been a hectic or extremely tiring week already and we’re all worn out. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to move slow and be relaxed, and sometimes that’s exactly what we need. Choose your slow mornings deliberately. There’s nothing relaxing about oversleeping and then having to rush.
On weekday mornings, if you need a slower day but you still have to get people out the door, try going ahead and getting up as normal, going through your routine to get the necessities done, and then collapse on the couch with a movie and whatever kids are left at home with you. Or go back to bed, if you’re kid-free! That way you can enjoy your slower days, no guilt, no rush.

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Image by Lincolnian on Flickr.

Repetition does not make your life boring; repetition makes your life simpler. Conscious repetition helps you to accomplish the necessary and be freed up for the fun stuff.

Your Household Is Your Business

Think of your household like a business organization; how can you run a successful business if only the CEO knows the correct way to do things? That business is going to be extremely limited because there is no method to the daily work. No one can be trained or taught, nothing can be delegated, and even the daily, mundane tasks become a hassle because there’s no structure, no organization, no routine.

Sound like your house in the morning? Or the evening? Or anytime? (Except when you and the husband and the kids are all out of the house, right? Then it’s pretty peaceful…unless the dog gets loose… Oh, nevermind.)

Use Conscious Repetition

You know a morning routine makes your mornings easier. You know a daily minimum (which is also a routine) makes keeping the house clean a lot easier. Both routines are simply methods of conscious repetition.

Become conscious. You repeat things whether you’re aware of it or not. You shower, dress, eat, drive, email, hug, talk, sleep… repeatedly. Running your household requires infinite repetition; that’s one reason it’s so easy to get frustrated with the home and the family. It’s never done, complete, finished.

You never get to walk away from the laundry room, rubbing your hands together, and say, “Well, now that’s done for good I can move on to something more interesting.” Oh, no. The laundry will be back, again (and with a vengeance). The floor will get dirty, again. The kids will get hungry, again (what is with them?). You get the point.

So, your choice is to 1) waste time making the same decisions and fumbling your way through the endlessly repetitive and, let’s face it, boring daily tasks of modern home making or 2) create streamlined, custom methods to get the items accomplished quickly, efficiently, and as best suits you and the household.

Oh, hmmm, which sounds better?

Open Door #2! You win the prize: a simpler life, a smoothly running household, and more mental freedom and time to do… well, whatever you want.

Here’s How

Start writing things down. Notice what you already do and how you do it. Maybe set aside a little notebook or just jot things down in your journal or on your computer. What you want to pay attention to is the repetitive stuff.

Find a time to spend about an hour on creating some policies and procedures. This is the easiest and best way to get conscious repetition working for you.

A policy and procedure manual is a book (or books) that businesses use to set standards and define methods for their employees. It makes training easy and create common standards and methods that everybody in the company learns and uses.

A policy tells you what and why. A procedure tells you how.

Here’s an example from business.

Policy: An employee identification card is required for all employees in order to gain access to offices and facilities.

Procedure: Upon employment, the employee obtains the form from the Department of BlahBlahBlah, fills out, turns it in, and picks up ID card from the Office of ID Cards one week later.

Here’s an example from a household.

Policy: In order to be healthier, we eat smoothies for breakfast during warm weather seasons.

Procedure:

Annie purchases fresh fruit and frozen yogurt every week when grocery shopping.

Annie washes and prepares fruit to some extent when putting away groceries.

Annie puts some of the fruit in the refrigerator and some in the freezer so that there is always a frozen supply.

Annie processes any fruit that is about to spoil and puts it in the freezer.

Joe makes the morning smoothie by using fresh and frozen fruit, frozen yogurt, and juice.

Joe washes the blender and leaves it on the counter to dry.

Joe wipes off the counters.

Joe puts any fruit residue in the compost bucket.

Annie puts the blender away later in the day when cleaning the kitchen.

Mara takes the compost bucket out later in the day when playing outside.

Why Details Matter

Now you’re thinking, “Sheesh, that’s a lot of detail just to get a smoothie made.” Yes. It is. But it ensures that the smoothie gets made and the area gets cleaned up and it defines who is in charge of what.

It eliminates the decision-making process and the guess work: “Should I have a smoothie? Do we have any fruit? Is there any frozen yogurt? Did Joe clean the blender up? Should I make the smoothie today or will Joe do it?”

Can you switch it up? Sure! It’s your policy and procedure manual; you can do anything you want, including change it, ignore it, or light it up and watch it burn. It’s more useful, however, if you leave the matches alone and go ahead and get detailed enough to create some policies and procedures, then start using them.

If you’re the only one involved, you’ve just defined and streamlined your routine so it will go faster and you will be more efficient. If there are others involved, then you’ve made it easy for them to know what’s expected. That’s a relief for you and for them.

Image courtesy of D Sharon Pruitt.

Finding the Household Rhythm

I found out that managing a household is different than doing certain jobs within the household. Much, much different. There was a certain rhythm to home, growing up, that I accepted and considered as automatic as day and night and the changing of the seasons. Those first few months with my own home, I learned that the rhythm isn’t automatic. Ours was very sporadic: bumpity bump bump bump, bumpity bump da da da da da da da zoooooom zoom collapse. (Something like that.) I looked for solutions. I compiled a massive household notebook, read books, made lists, and tried all sorts of methods for keeping things under control. I was still missing the main idea.

Running a household is a lot like directing a group of musicians. Some of us have four-piece ensembles, some of us have entire orchestras. Regardless of scope, however, one element must be in place to keep the others in sync: rhythm. I kept retuning my strings and adding trills to the flute solo when what I needed to do was give my big bass drum a steady beat: dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum.

Daily Routines are the drumbeat of the household symphony. You can make the beat as fast or as slow as fits you, but it’s got to be steady.

Create a Daily Routine

1. Figure out what needs to be done in your household on a daily and weekly basis.
   What areas of your household demand the most attention? These will be different for different homes, but usually meals, laundry, and cleaning are at the top of the list. Paying bills and dealing with household paperwork, doing yardwork, returning phone calls, handling social events, running errands, taking care of pets, personal care… Which ones belong to you? Which require daily attention? Which require weekly attention? (Don’t bother with monthly or seasonal tasks at this point.) Make a list, under Daily and Weekly headings, of all the things that must be done to keep your household running. Don’t overcomplicate or add in things that you would like to do but aren’t doing already. You want to keep this simple as you get started. You can always add more later.
2. Divide your task list into what should be done in the morning and what should be done in the afternoon or evening.
   Think about your schedule, your energy level, and your preferences as you make your division. Most of these items just need to be done at some point during the day or week, and the minute timing doesn’t really matter. So if you are working outside the home and have to rush to leave in the morning, don’t give yourself a 10-item list to complete before you go. Make your evening routine the longer one.
   If you stay at home and have more energy in the morning than the evening, then flip the two and do more in the morning and keep your evenings down to the minimum requirements. Work with what makes sense for you right now.

That’s all there is to creating the actual routine; here’s how to get yourself to make it a habit:

3. Don’t do daily what you don’t have to do!
   Keep it simple. If your morning routine takes an hour or more, you have too much going on. Put it on a diet. Simplify.
4. Don’t clutter it up with automatic actions.
   For example, you already brush your teeth every morning; you don’t need it on your list to remind you to do it. I remember one lady complaining about how long her morning routine was, and then I saw it: it included a whole section of items like “Moisturize face,” “Moisturize hands,” Moisturize elbows,” and “Moisturize legs.” If you have trouble remembering to put lotion on, then sure, add it to your list: but make it one item, not fifteen.
5. Complete your routine at the same times every day.
   Once you get in the habit, you can be more flexible about when you complete your routine; while you’re establishing it as normal, though, be a stickler for getting through it at the same time every day, or at least as close to the same time daily as you can. There will certainly be some exceptions. You can handle those. Just try to be as consistent as possible for the first 30 days.
6. Write your routine down and keep it handy.
   It doesn’t have to be fancy. Mine’s written on a piece of paper from my magnetic grocery list on the fridge and stays in my pantry, beside the coffee. That’s where I go first thing in the morning so it gives me an easy way to glance at it and remember where to start.
7. Keep your supplies in a convenient place.
   Any cleaning or other supplies you need for your routine should be right where you need them. The key to making the routine a daily no-brainer is keeping it quick and easy. So put a spray bottle of cleaner and a roll of paper towels in the bathroom and keep a mop in the kitchen, or whatever you have to do to make it happen.
8. Finally, be consistent.
   Maintain that daily, forward movement. Adjust your routine as needed – maybe you really don’t need to sweep the front porch every day – but don’t skip it or ignore it or forget about it. The more consistent you are, the easier it will become, and the more your household will just look like it runs itself. (We’ll know that’s not true, of course… it’s you directing the orchestra.)