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5 Minute Marriage Check: Who’s Your Boyfriend? Comments Off

Day in, day out.
You wake up, you see him. You go to bed, you kiss him.
You pick up his socks. You make his dinner. You take care of his children.
You know his favorites, his jokes, his shirt size, his embarrassments, his dreams, how to fix his coffee.
You know him so well, in fact, that some days you don’t notice him.

You walk by without a hug.
You leave the house without a kiss.
You end a phone call without an “I love you.”
You have a conversation without smiling into his eyes.

Don’t lose your boyfriend, your soul mate, your lover just because he is also your husband. Everything that you dreamed of, the way he made your heart race: it’s all in there. What you crave in a companion is held in the heart of that man whose shirts you iron. Don’t lose that love because the faithful day-by-day gets stale. You have to fight the mundane, fight the apathy, fight the lethargic rut you fall into.

5 Minute Action Point

Watch the video below, then think of a way you can make your husband smile like that by reminding him that he’s not just your husband, or your old-faithful best friend: he’s your breath-taking, heart-racing, one and only.

5 Minute Marriage Check: Quit Vomiting on Your Spouse 1

In a multitude of words, there wanteth not sin…

moveawaywoman

Honesty doesn’t mean verbal vomit.

Honesty’s good, right? And in our liberated time, we women should not only be honest, we should be just as loud in our honesty as any man. Right?

But what about what my Mama always said:

If you can’t say anything nice… (you know the rest)

Don’t say anything at all.

The more you talk, the more likely you are to say something stupid. It’s just a simple statistical truth. The greater the whole, the greater your percentage of goofing up in it.


So we have a dilemma. Which is it? Be honest and tell your husband you hate the birthday gift, or be nice and keep quiet? Be honest and lambast him with how he’s offended you over the last 10 days, or be sweet, overlook the offenses, and say nothing?


Isn’t it dishonest to keep quiet and let him assume you love your plaid pajama kilt? Isn’t it untruthful to hide your hurt feelings?


In a word: no. The habit of verbal vomit – spewing whatever nitpicks, nags, and nuances are uppermost in your mind – is a twisted, narcissistic way of communicating. It’s not so much honesty as it is self-indulgence.

If you know that what you are about to say will be rude, unkind, discourteous, offensive, and/or hurtful, you have two (good) options: 1) Shut your mouth and keep it shut or 2) Find something else to say.


woman2

Sure, there are times you need to talk about difficult subjects. Honesty is important. Your feelings and preferences do matter. But piling one offense on top of another is not good communication. Choosing your words carefully and following Mama’s advice is much better. Find a way to say what you need to say without offending, sarcasm, criticism…


If you can’t say it nice, chances are it’s better off unsaid.


5 Minute Action Point:

Go write down five wonderful, positive, encouraging things you can say to your husband. Read them over as many times as you can in five minutes (this helps you remember them). Next time you find yourself about to say something negative, discouraging, rude, sarcastic, or self-centered, make yourself say one of these positive statements instead.

Images courtesy of bluebetty.

20 Ways to Be Romantic, Sans Commercialization 1

I love romance, but I’m not a big fan of commercializing love. Joe and I have never made a big deal out of Valentine’s Day, for example. (Oh, I missed it again this year? Silly me.) He’s a rebel, and I’m a hippie. Or is he a hippie and I’m a rebel? I can’t remember. Despite the rebel-hippie combination, we still like being romantic and having special times together. I guess it’s just that our version of romance may differ a bit from other people’s. But maybe our ideas will work for you? Is the rebel-hippie in you?

1. Sleeping bags on the roof.

A few snacks, something to drink. Cuddle, talk, watch the stars, discuss how you should really study astronomy and learn the constellations better, make Nostradamus-like predictions, go inside when you get cold and warm each other up.

2. Get lost in the woods.

Pack a picnic and take a hike together. Take a blanket, too.

3. See how little money you can eat on.

I find this whole activity entertaining, and it’s actually resulted in some great meals. Forced creativity is sure to create sparks of one kind or another.

4. Have a grocery store picnic.

You can combine this with #3, above, or splurge. Pick up some fresh fruit, crackers and cheese, or your favorite deli choice. (Maybe hold off on those pepperoncinis.) A picnic doesn’t have to be outside, by the way.

5. Have dinner on the floor in front of the fire.

Cook together. Make a great fire. Spread out a few blankets. Enjoy your meal. Relax. Play strip poker.

6. Buy each other silly underwear.

Then model…

7. Have a Dollar Store spending spree.

You each get $5 or $10 to buy each other’s gifts: any kind of gifts, silly, sweet, romantic. Set a time limit and meet outside when you’re through. Exchange gifts then or save them for later over your fireside dinner.

8. Climb trees.

I love climbing trees. If I weren’t 8 months pregnant, I’d go climb one now just to prove it. It’s good exercise, gets your blood pumping and your adrenalin flowing and whoever gets to the top first can throw acorns (or what-have-you) at the other.

9. Do some bookstore browsing.

Take your time. Read to each other. Browse magazines together.

10. Visit a random small town in the area.

There are some jewels around. You can find a great local restaurant, unique shopping, friendly people, or just a little local escape. Take a drive and enjoy the time together.

11. Watch documentaries.

I’m a nerd. I admit it. My husband is into computers, so I think that makes him a geek. (A cool geek, though; I mean, he skateboards. How can you skateboard and not be cool?) So we like documentaries. You could find a romantic one for Valentine’s, maybe?

12. Cook for each other.

You do the main dish, he does the dessert, or some other combination. Don’t rush. Have some snacky appetizers around so you can enjoy the process. And definitely don’t criticize each other’s cooking.

13. Bathe or shower together.

Do I really need to explain why this is romantic?

14. Take a bus trip.

Okay, public transportation may not be at the top of your ‘Romantic Things To Do’ list, but it could be! You get to sit close, whisper, watch the scenery… even if it is the highway. Try it.

15. Take a train trip.

I love the train. You can make it a day trip or an overnight trip, depending on your destination and time frame. You can be social and chat with other passengers, or be secluded and focus on each other. Take your own snacks, though. Train food, in my experience, is not so good.

16. Go to a museum.

Admire (or make fun of) the displays together. Critique or question. Pick out which one you’d hang in the living room.

17. Work together.

A shared project, a completed goal: that’s romantic. Appreciate each other’s work styles. Share strengths. Admit weaknesses. Feel accomplished together.

18. Do a house project together.

Anything can be romantic if you start being creative. Set a reward for completing the project.

19. Play with your kids together.

Nothing makes me feel as affectionate as seeing my husband in action as a great Daddy. Resist the urge to instruct your spouse in how to parent. Just relax and enjoy that his style might be a little different than yours. You might even learn something.

20. Have a his thing/her thing trade-off.

Okay, so we know that you don’t share all the same interests. But you can learn and participate and perhaps even gain some kind of appreciation for why he’s so obsessive about whatever-it-is. So he picks an activity and you pick one. Could be all in the same day or evening, or spread out over a couple of nights. The only rule: you have to be enthusiastic and try to learn all you can about the other person’s interest during the activity.

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Image courtesy of erin MC hammer.

With Thanks to My Husband 1

I see you when I look into our laughing children’s faces
I sense you in the most familiar and most foreign places
A part of you has gone through me and settled in my heart
Without you I am half myself: unpainted piece of art.

Those once-upon-a-time romances never did come true
Till I stepped through the looking glass and woke up into you.
You scared me into life, you shook me out of the mundane.
The too familiar ruts I walked seem pitiful and plain.

My black and white, my up and down, my theories tried and true,
My safe and sound went upside down since I fell into you.
 

 

42 Ways to Court Your Love 1

Courtship isn’t just that time, pre-marriage, when we spend lots of money on flowers and little stuffed animals and cell phone bills. Courtship is any kind of conscious behavior that displays affection, attentiveness, and attraction toward the one you love. The amazing thing about courtship is that it also tends to produce affection, attentiveness, and attraction from the one you love toward you. That’s what we call a mutually beneficial arrangement.

If you’ve tossed the idea of courtship out as too old-fashioned for your modern dating philosophy or too demeaning for your tolerant mindset or too much work for your stuck-in-a-rut relationship, stop and think. Any successful romantic relationship requires affection, attention, and attraction.The behavior of courtship is the ideal way to demonstrate those traits, whether you are winning a new love or reaffirming an older one. continue reading…

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