Liberation is an iffy thing.
Church and Feminism
The women's liberation movement of the 1960's drew two rather extreme responses from the Church: either we jumped right on the equal rights bandwagon and set up church day schools and child-care centers to help the church women pursue careers, or we withdrew in shock and horror and deemed anything not concerned with home or children inappropriate, even unbiblical, for women's interest.
Extremes usually fall short of wisdom. These responses are no exception.
Go Ahead and Roar
Woman was created to be a help meet to man. Every liberated woman will roar (as women are said to do) at this statement, but it is simple truth. God's promise is that the truth will set us free, so accept this truth as something that leads to greater freedom, not less, for us as women.
A Help What?
God says woman is to be a help meet. He does not say, “I will make a homemaker for him...” or “I will make a domestic slave for him...” or “I will make an additional income provider for him....”
Yet, O Women, have we not identified ourselves in such roles before? Homemaking is not next to godliness; neither is having a career. Neither pursuit is our God-mandated work.
At different times we may be called upon to be homemakers or to be assistants in a different sphere. Let us not confuse the means with the mandate. The mandate is to be a help meet. The means will vary.
Wrong Priorities
When any work becomes more important than the work of helping our husbands, we have fallen away from God's mandate. Sister, your house may be clean, your meals may be perfect, your children may be excelling at everything you put before them; but what is the motive of your work?
What is your heart? Have you forgotten the mandate in your busy, efficient home management?
Sister, your work may be valuable, your income may be treasured, your contribution may be unquestioned; but what is the motive of your work?
What is your heart? Have you forgotten the mandate in your smart, diligent pursuit of a career?
A Place Beyond Boundaries
Neither the home nor the office can claim exclusive rights over “a woman's place.” God has defined that place as something beyond physical and social boundaries, something that can change as the seasons of life change without compromising its purpose.
To assist our husbands in ruling the earth is a broader and greater work than we have deemed ourselves capable of. Let us walk in faith, and not be so small-minded as to limit our lives to only one small part of this work.
I Want to Be Equal, Too!
The curse of feminism is the cry for equality: I can open my own doors, drive my own car, earn my own money, make my own way. This kind of equality leads to women trying to fulfill the instructions given to men and women, not just the ones given to women.
It isn't that women cannot do those things that men are instructed to do; in most cases, women are quite capable of them all. But ability does not equal responsibility; just being able to do something does not mean you should be doing it.
Inferior? I Think Not
Cultural feminism tells us that when we do only what we find ourselves particularly suited to do, we have made ourselves inferior to men. Frankly, I don't see the logic there. It seems smart to me to do what you're good at and what you enjoy, rather than kill yourself trying to prove some obscure agenda to a faceless mass of imaginary patriarchs.
Men certainly don't kill themselves trying to prove that they're just as good at being women as we are. It seems just a bit silly that we would work so hard trying to prove how good we are at being men.
Don't Be a Negative Nancy
The Bible is not legalistic about what women should and should not do; it gives very clear but also very flexible instructions as to what our primary occupation should be.
There is a lot of room for interpretation in how we carry out those instructions. The over-arching theme is that of assisting our husbands; under that umbrella, we have all sorts of freedom to do and be and grow and explore and work and play and produce and rest and develop and create.
Some of us, of course, ignore the freedom and focus on the umbrella. What's it doing there? Why can't I do without the umbrella? Well, sister, you can do without the umbrella. Step on out there and stand in that cold rain by yourself. As for me, I find I can sacrifice a little bit of the view in order to avoid getting the unforgiving lashes of the storm winds.
That's what umbrellas are for.
5-Minute Marriage Check
Let go of the need to prove you can do it all; that drive comes from the left-over message of feminism that has saturated our culture. You don't have to do more or be different to be exactly who God made you to be.
Are there things you would let go of if you knew you wouldn't be judged for it? Would you bow out of an activity, a sport, a class, an organization, a job?
Try this: pretend the only person whose opinion matters is your husband. What would your schedule look like if you were just trying to please him? (Okay, I know it might be “sex/cook/sex/cook....”).
How can you simplify your schedule so it is less about living up to other people's standards and more about helping your husband with the priorities he has set for your family?
More food and more sex might not be a bad thing...
5-Minute Action Point
I challenge you to do five things to shake off that leftover feminist agenda.
- Ask your husband for advice about something that is “your area.” Don't make something up; bring a real problem, ask a question, and listen to his answer.
- Act on the advice he gives you from #1.
- Clear a night this week of any house work, computer stuff, activities, events, and the like. It's an at-home date night. Make your husband's favorite meal, hang out together, play a game with the kids or watch a movie. Relax. Don't try to control the agenda. Flow.
- Ask your husband for one thing you can help him with this week.
- Put that one thing from #4 on your calendar. Do it.
Learn to love your umbrella.
Image courtesy of
wonderjunkie.
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This post is Day 9 of the Build a Better Marriage Challenge.
It's a 30-day challenge to be deliberate about building a better marriage. We'll talk about some of the common obstacles to a better marriage (marriage killers) and some of the important habits for a successful marriage (marriage keys). We'll also work through some of the misconceptions that affect our marriage, faulty thinking we've picked up from our culture, our pasts, and maybe even from the church. Each day's reading will end with a 5-minute marrige check and a 5-minute action point, so you can take it on home.
Join in
via the Mr Linky on the challenge page. You can also just read along, but remember that all challenge participants will receive a free copy of the ebook at the end of the challenge.
Here's to better, stronger, happier marriages!
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This post is a condensed version of these 2 articles:
A Woman's Place and
A Woman's Place, Pt 2.
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