Jun 4, 2010 2
65 Questions (You Should Have Asked) Before Marriage
Download the questions as a pdf. Free! Just because I like you! And because making random pdf files makes me feel productive! Because it's really just all about me being happy, anyway... But that's not important... er... Nevermind.
I'm not sure where he got it, but back when my husband and I were just my "potential husband" and I, my Dad [bonus points if you can figure out which one in the list he is. Hint: my maiden name starts with N] produced a list of questions. 68 of them.
Joe and I lived 500 miles apart, so we spent a lot of time on the phone. Hours and hours and hours. And I still have this list of questions with little doodles and circles and one word answers and phrases and underlining...
So I've compiled, from this source and out o' my own brain, a list of questions, pre-marriage questions, so other young couples, miles apart, phone pressed up against their now-deformed and 120-degree ear, can enjoy the same experience.
I mock (a bit) but these are good questions. I'm glad we talked about them, and as I read over them now, I see a lot that it would be good or fun or both to talk about again. Pre-marriage or relationship refresher, they work both ways.
As I recall, we started our discussion with question #36. Our answers have since altered.... But that's another story.
65 Pre-Marriage Questions
(or Post-Marriage Questions for spurring on great conversations)
- What were your childhood vacations like?
- What were your family's holiday traditions?
- Do you have a large extended family? Are you close to them?
- Do you have any regrets about relationships within your family?
- How do you deal with hurts, resentment, bitterness, etc., in family relationships?
- What makes you depressed? How do you handle depression?
- What is your ideal life, or life calling, or vision for the future?
- How do you know (regarding #7)?
- When attracted you to me?
- What have you heard about me?
- What do you think about my family?
- What are your concerns about our relationship?
- What is your relationship history?
- What are your regrets about past relationships?
- What are your favorites? (Color, food, movie, vacation, restaurant, book, sport, band, etc.)
- What are your pet peeves?
- What are your music tastes? How important is music to you? How does music affect you? What kind of freedom will you give your children in what music they listen to?
- What is your taste and preference as far as the appearance of the opposite sex?
- What is your personal style?
- Who are your closest friends?
- What energizes you: being around people or being alone?
- What does "quality time" mean to you?
- Are you a private person? Do you share things freely or prefer to keep things to yourself?
- What do you do in your free time?
- What is your personality?
- What is your spiritual gift?
- What are your main strengths and weaknesses?
- What are your main goals in life?
- What three things matter most in building a successful marriage?
- What do you see as my blind spots?
- How will you train and discipline your children?
- What should the spiritual structure of a marriage look like? Who is the spiritual leader? How would you lead/submit?
- Are you a spender or a saver?
- How would you manage money?
- What are your preferences and style when it comes to home decor, interior design, colors, etc.?
- How many children do you want to have? When? How close together? What do you think about birth control?
- What are your fears or insecurities? What do you worry about?
- How do you handle correction from others (parents, boss, friends, church leaders)?
- What makes you angry?
- Are you a jealous person? Do you get jealous? How do you handle jealousy?
- What encourages you?
- What discourages you?
- What do you wish you could change about your past?
- What do you hope to accomplish in your future?
- Do you find it easy or difficult to ask for help?
- What do you see as my strengths and weaknesses?
- Is it hard for you to figure me out? Do you feel stuck on surface things?
- What is your relationship with God like? What do you believe? Why? How do you live out your beliefs?
- Name three major victories in your life.
- Name three major failures in your life.
- What do you believe about the major social issues of our day?
- What should a wife be like?
- What should a husband be like?
- What does a wife do in the home?
- What does a husband do in the home?
- If a husband and wife disagree on something major, how should they resolve it?
- Do you tend to go with the flow or stand on your own?
- What social subgroup do you identify with?
- Is being in style, trendy, culturally current important to you?
- What is your preferred form of entertainment? What are your favorites in that kind of entertainment? (Music, movies, sports, etc.)
- What books have made a major impact on your life? Why?
- How did your parents handle conflict?
- How do you handle conflict?
- Are you healthy? Have you had any health problems? What do you think about natural health vs. traditional medicine?
- Will you make the bed every morning, or will I?
{irritating questions intended to spur discussion}
I mean, wait, this is just a heartfelt informal poll.
MARRIED FOLKS: what questions should be added to that list? Any? I mean, what is really important to know about each other before you get married? Or is this all a waste of time because you can't really know a person until you're married to him/her?
UNMARRIED FOLKS: what stupid mistakes do you see married people making all the time that you wish you could correct? Here's your chance; play nice, but tell us from your on-looker perspective what seem like the common failings to you.
EVERYBODY: who should make the bed every morning? Really?
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Image courtesy of
Helga.















