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From The Growing Life:

"The process of baselining

involves writing down everything you don’t have to have, be, or do, to live a happy and fulfilled life (for more on this, see here). For example, I don’t have to own nice furniture (thrift store furniture works just fine) or a house, I don’t have to finish graduate school, I don’t have to be able to tell a coherent story about how I make money. If you’re serious about doing a thorough job of baselining, you’ll download this spreadsheet and write down how much money and time you’ll eliminate by doing away with existing possessions, obligations, and self-images...What I’ve found is that my dreams naturally emerge after I’ve eliminated bullsh*t assumptions about what I have to be, do, and have in order to be happy (if this doesn’t happen for you, then simply do some dreamlining after you’ve done some baselining)." Read the rest of this entry »

"You said you would call."

"You're late."

"You forgot again."

"I just want a nice quiet dinner out with you. Is that too much to ask?"

"You paid how much?"

If only you would listen more, visit sooner, take out the trash, remember my birthday, make more money, quit working on the weekends, get home on time, buy me something nice, play with the kids, talk to me, pick up your clothes, call more often...

The list never ends. Come on. You know you have one: that list, that mental checklist of what makes a great husband, kid, friend, mother... fill in the blank. You have one for yourself and you feel guilty when you don't live up to it. You have one for all the people around you, too, some more complicated and specific than others. Ladies, the list you have for your husband is probably a document vying with White House legal memorandums in length, specificity, and total lack of intelligibility - to your husband. To you, it's perfectly understandable, isn't it? "It's not that complicated... all he has to do is just be here for me a little more, talk to me, be romantic, maybe bring me flowers every once in a while... that's not so much. It wouldn't hurt if he would start working out again, too, and spend more time with the kids. And he could get that raise if he really pushed for it, and then we could have a nice vacation..."

When is the list ever completely fulfilled? Maybe you don't know its length and complexity as well as you think you do. The list, you see, changes, grows, morphs with each action or non-action. There is no end. It is, like the grave and the fire, never satisfied. It is you, and it is based on your expectations of who and what someone should be.

Everyone has expectations. True. We've all grown so accustomed to them we overlook their affect. They are deadly little beasts, sucking the life and joy out of every relationship into which they creep. They remove our ability to be surprised, delighted, and content. Contentment receives what comes - what happens - what other do or say - with an attitude of humility and disregard for self. Contentment does not mean "not wanting." It is not the absence of any desire. Contentment means, no matter what the desire, there is an attitude of acceptance. I will take what is given even if it is not what I desired.

Expectations are based on pride. I know what should happen. My way is the best. My plan is better. You should do what I want. When people fail to meet our expectations, we get angry because they have not recognized and submitted to our superior plans for them. Obviously if they really understood the situation... if they really got it... they would see things our way. Right?

Assumptions are those controlling, basic habits of the mind. They are what we think without thinking. They are the default. An assumption is a "statement that is assumed to be true and from which a conclusion can be drawn," or "a hypothesis that is taken for granted" (WordNet).

We all operate from assumptions to some degree. We assume the world will keep spinning, the sun will rise, and our boss will expect us to show up at work as usual. So we set the alarm, get up, get dressed, and go to work. What's the problem with assumptions like that? Nothing, really. Those type of assumptions are what I call experiential assumptions. They are based on our former experiences and validated every time the experience is repeated, which is usually often.

Many experiential assumptions are accurate to a large degree, perhaps even for all of our lives. What happens, however, is that as we operate on a daily basis from experiential assumptions, we think less often and less consciously and simply operate on automatic. We get lazy.

We have assumptions about each other: spouse, children, parents, siblings, co-workers, friends, strangers. We have assumptions about spirituality, intellect, physical history, relationships, and morality. We carry these assumptions with us and apply them to the appropriate subjects without stopping to think about what the assumptions are, where they came from, what they are based on, and whether they are accurate. We assume they are true without stopping to question their history, logic, source, or motivation.

Racism comes from unquestioned assumptions. Discrimination of all kinds comes from unquestioned assumptions. Persecution - both of the religious and by the religious - comes from unquestioned assumptions. These unquestioned, unfounded assumptions are usually based on little more than the attitudes and concepts we picked up as children from our families, our peers, and our culture. They might have been someone else's experiential assumption in a different time and place, but they may no longer be valid. Or they may be based on a one-time, never-repeated experience so powerful that a person based a life's assumption upon it, and then passed it on to you. You assumed it was accurate. You assumed you could trust the source.

Assumptions are subtle and dangerous due to that subtlety. Even when they are mostly accurate, if they are never questioned, never grounded on something more than tradition, we accept the danger of operating our daily lives on the basis of something that may be relative to time, place, and preference.

Examining our assumptions is a basic first step toward living a life that is thoughtful and fulfilling. Here's an exercise that can help you get started.

• 1. Write down ten foundational beliefs you have. They may not be the "top ten" but you will probably think of the most important things first. If you have trouble getting started, ask yourself what you believe about these topics:  God/spirituality, family, relationships, work, your past, your personality, and money.
• 2. Now comes the questioning. For each belief you wrote down, ask these questions: What is this belief based on? What is the source of this belief? What is the reasoning behind this belief? Has my personal experience repeatedly validated this belief? When did I choose to believe this?
• 3. Based on your answers, you can determine if what you've written as a belief is that - something you have consciously chosen to put faith in based on reason and/or experience -  or if it is merely an assumption, something handed down to you that you simply accepted.
• 4. Now what? The "beliefs" that turned out to be assumptions are not necessarily inaccurate; they just give you a starting point. Start digging. Start thinking. Do some research. Start looking for something true and real about these assumptions of yours. Are they worthwhile? Do they merit a place as a foundational belief that will influence the course of your life?

Proverbs 25:28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.

A city without walls = A man without self-discipline
A city without walls is insecure, defenseless, and unproductive. It is either disrupted and war-torn or deserted and desolate. One who has no rule over his own spirit, that is, no self-discipline, lives a life with the same problems. Without self-discipline, you may be comfortable but you are not secure. Without self-discipline, you may be defensive but you are without any true defense. Without self-discipline, you may fill your life with complicated processes but you will be far from productivity. A life without self-discipline is constantly disrupted by the crisis of the moment, the pull of the emotions, or the desires of the body. A life without self-discipline is desolate of success, purpose, and greatness.

Self-Discipline Is Power
To discipline yourself is consciously to take charge of your life, to make the best decisions possible and then, without regard for physical, mental, or emotional protest, to put the decisions into consistent action.
Self-discipline is the man who runs the marathon or the woman who writes the book. It is also the man who stops running and starts swimming so he can save his knees, or the woman who refuses a book tour in order to be at home with her young children. Self-discipline is the power to make and enforce the right choice despite opposition, whether the opposition be from others or from circumstances or from your own inclinations.

Self-Discipline Is Character
Self-discipline is a trait of character, like patience or honesty, that affects how you do everything in every area of your life. If you cultivate self-discipline in one area, it will inevitably spread around and begin affecting other areas. Conversely, if you begin to slack off in self-discipline in one area, you will soon see yourself going slack in other areas. Exercise self-discipline in small ways and it will grow. Neglect it and it will die.

Cultivating Self-Discipline
Begin with something small. Get up consistently. Work out twice a week. Turn dessert down. Drink water instead of soda. Stay home, read a book, and go to bed early instead of going out late. Or go out and make some friends instead of sitting at home by yourself.
Set a goal and work at it for at least 21 days. 30 is better. How did you do? If you were consistent, you have grown in self-discipline. Take on another challenge. Compliment your spouse every day. Work out 5 days a week. Read 10 pages before bed every night. Spend time with your kids. Plan a vacation instead of being a workaholic. Finish that remodeling project instead of letting it sit there and grate on your nerves.

Self-Discipline Builds the City
Without self-discipline, entropy sets in and the walls you have constructed will slowly crumble. Self-discipline isn't just a nice addition to a good range of virtues; it is necessary if you want to succeed in work, in relationships, in just being a person. Build strong walls to have a secure, productive, happy, healthy city, and keep them strong.

Victims put the blame elsewhere. Victims are passive. Victims wear chains. Victims are limited. Victims are unable to change. Victims put the power of change away from themselves. Victims are the powerless slaves of others, of moods, of circumstances. Victims submit.
Responsible people take the blame for their own failures. They assume the power of change. They are active. They are free. They can change. They make things happen. They set their own limits. They choose their own destiny. They take charge of their own thoughts, emotions, relationships, and situations. They decide.

Which one are you?

What Victimizes You?
You can be "victimized" by your past, your parents, your peers, your romantic relationships, your moods, your children, your spouse, your traditions, your emotions, your circumstances, your boss, your job, your coworkers, your religion, your culture. Most of the time we find ourselves victims because of our own refusal to take responsibility.
Responsibility is difficult and demanding. To be responsible means to be accountable for your actions and your life. It is only through taking responsibility, however, that you are able to take control of your own life.

The Empowerment Myth
Empowerment became a popular word about twenty years ago, to the great detriment of people striving to take responsibility. Empowerment sounds like a good thing, doesn't it? Think about it. To be "empowered" means that someone has given you legal, moral, or physical power, has authorized or enabled you. If someone has the power to give you authority, they also have the power to take it away. Empowerment is everything an inalienable right is not. An inalienable right (such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness) is one that cannot be transferred to another. It is yours by all that is natural and absolute. Empowerment is not a real right or power; it is simply an extension on the leash around your neck. True power comes when you reach up and unclip the leash and start walking around like the dignified and responsible human being you inalienably are.

    Every time you act like a victim, you submit to empowerment (and disempowerment) and refuse to take the liberty that is yours to control your own life.

Self-Government or  Another's Government: Your Choice
When you refuse to govern yourself, someone else will step in to do the job. The plethora of laws we have is a result of our collective failure to govern ourselves. The law is instituted, with its consequences, for those who have refused to keep the law. If no one ever robbed a store, would there be a need for a law against thievery? No. It simply never happens so there is no need to prohibit it or assign consequences to it. The rise of internet use in the last fifteen years has necessitated a flood of laws governing its content and use because people have posted inappropriate content, created viruses, and stolen the identities of others. If no one had ever abused the internet, guess how many laws there would be to govern it? None.

If you feel like you have many limits on your life, perhaps it is because you have refused to set and hold your own limits. You can govern yourself or you can be governed by another, but there will always be some authority in your life setting limits and enforcing consequences. You can do it for yourself or you can submit to the will of another.

Save Yourself from a Victimized Life
Listen to yourself. Do phrases like "I couldn't help it" or "It's not my fault" or "I would have, but..." or "Well, you know me, I'm just a..." fill your conversation? Do you excuse yourself on the basis of bad hair days, bad moods, bad situations, or bad relationships? Do you think that if only your spouse/parent/child/boss would get his act together, your life would finally be okay? Do you realize that by thinking such things you give the power of controlling your life over to your hair, your mood, your situation, your relationship, or your spouse/parent/child/boss? Do you really want to hand your life away?

Start thinking outside the victim box a bit. Recognize that every decision you make is yours and yours alone. You may not be able to control others, but you can control yourself. You may not be able to control the situation, but you can control your response to it. You may not be able to change the world, but you can change your thoughts and habits and affect the world in a way no victim ever could.

We all have stuff we keep putting off. Sometimes it is a major project that just scares us. Sometimes it is a simple task that we simply don't like or don't know how to tackle. Procrastination leaves all that stuff hanging over our heads. You can never feel like you've actually done your work for the day when you know you've put off that something yet again. Whether what you procrastinate on is a huge, intimidating project or a small, momentary item, getting started is usually the most difficult part. Here are a few ideas to help you get to that point so you can get it finished and move on with your life!

1. Take on a monthly (or weekly) challenge for that hard-to-start project. (See previous article.) For writers who procrastinate putting for that great novel, NaNoWriMo is an organized challenge of this sort. For others, any project can be turned into a challenge for a specific amount of time. It doesn't have to be a month. Dedicate a week to the project, and put forth all the time and energy you can into it, knowing that at the end of the week you can stop, no matter how much is left to do. What usually happens is that you get yourself motivated just by doing. The momentum carries you forward. You can accomplish a lot more than you think in a week. You may completely finish that project that seemed like a year-long commitment. If you don't finish, you will still have a good chunk of it done and can continue toward the goal at a much faster pace.

2. Incorporate it into your routine. This method works well for those small but just unenjoyable tasks that come up, like cleaning out the refrigerator or dejunking the junk drawer or writing thank you notes. Make the one that you despise and put off a part of your daily routine. Say you hate cleaning out the refrigerator, so you just keep saying you'll do it tomorrow. Meanwhile new life forms have taken over the vegetable drawer and are threatening invasion into the condiments. Before you lose your ketchup to that rabid broccoli, make it your routine to spend 5 minutes working on the refrigerator while your coffee is brewing, or water is boiling for the night's pasta, or you're talking on the phone to that friend who always repeats her stories... Don't make it into a huge project that requires hours of your day. Make it part of your day and it will get done.

3. Eliminate the reason for procrastination. First, of course, you have to know the reason. Why do you procrastinate? Is it just laziness? Or are you afraid of failing? Are you unsure where to start? Do you have no idea how to complete the project you're putting off? Are you afraid of someone's response, so you don't make the phone call? Maybe you don't know what to say, so you never have that difficult conversation you really need to have. Or you don't buy new clothes that you need because you really hate the way that extra 10 pounds makes you look. Instead of trying to force yourself to do something that you are not yet equipped to do, tackle the reason behind the procrastination. If you're lazy, start reading about the power of diligence and hard work ; start making yourself do something a little extra, a little more difficult than you like every day. Soon those efforts of getting rid of laziness will become habits. If you're afraid or dealing with other emotional issues that keep you procrastinating, try writing about it or talking with someone you trust. Getting the feelings and uncertainty in the open helps you know whether they are serious or not. Sometimes just stating your fear lets you see that it is silly to let it keep you back in the corner. If you don't know where to start on your project or relationship problem or work issue, read on to the next suggestion.

4. Get help. The world of people you interact with is rich with resources. Your family, your friends, your co-workers, your peers, your social group, your church friends, employees at the stores you frequent: they all have ideas, skills, and experiences that can help you. You simply have to ask. If the thing you are putting off is beyond the help of people you know, try searching the internet. You can find lots of information from people who have dealt with it. The phone book is another source of help. There are counselors, therapists, weight-loss consultants, professional organizers, life coaches, writing instructors, tutors, interior designers, personal shoppers, and a plethora of other professional people offering many services.

5. Break it down. This applies especially to those big projects you put off. You want to redecorate your bathroom. It's hideous. It has peach tile and yellow linoleum and water stains on the ceiling and a shower curtain with faded images of rubber ducks. It is the opposite of a spa-like, serene setting. But the idea of tackling all of the problems just overwhelms you. You don't have the money, the time, the knowledge, or the energy to take it all on. So you keep taking your hot baths with your eyes closed do you don't have to look at it. Instead of seeing the project as a whole, break it down into its many, much smaller parts. One week (maybe this week?) you will go to the hardware store, buy a gallon of paint and some brushes, and then come home, remove the towel hooks, put an old sheet on the floor, and paint the walls. It will take you a couple of hours to get one coat on, probably. Next week, you can apply the next coat, go out and buy new towel hooks and a small, framed print you love, and come home and hang them up. The week after that you could put new hardware on your medicine cabinet. Treat it as many smaller projects that you can take on, and soon the entire project will be finished.

6. Set deadlines and rewards. Set a date by which a particular task must be done and put it on your calendar in big, bold letters. Next to it put down the reward. Make it something you really like but don't get very often. The key is this: you only get the reward if you complete the task by the deadline. No cheating.

7. Do it now. That's right. Get up from your chair and go do it! It's not that big of a deal and you will be finished with it. Then you can come back, sit down, and read the rest of the article in peace with a little smirk of satisfaction on your face. I'm not kidding. Get up! Go do it! Now!

8. Don't do it. If you've been putting something off for a long time, and the world hasn't crumbled around you, maybe you can just decide not to do it and then quit feeling bad because you haven't. Do you really have to complete those half-finished craft projects? No. You don't. You don't like them, you don't have to do them. Give the supplies away to someone who will use and enjoy them. Now you have less material and mental clutter to deal with.

9. Make a public commitment. Use your blog or webpage, send an email to all your friends ( or to me), call a few of your closest buddies, make an announcement at your next social gathering... find a way to make a public commitment to do/complete whatever it is you've been procrastinating on. Make it even more motivational by promising something to the group if you don't complete it as promised. (You buy dinner for the friends if you don't do it by a certain date.) They'll remember the commitment if there's something in it for them, and you'll remember to do it if it will cost you to forget!

10. Delegate it. There are many students with little money who are capable of lots of household projects you may not want to do yourself. Hire one to plant your perennials or paint your front porch or organize your files or set up your new computer or load your iPod. Highschool and college students are great resources. Pay fairly and explain clearly what you want done and you're likely to end up with an anti-procrastination partner who can help you in many different projects.

11. Partner it. There are two different ways to partner something you've procrastinated on. First, you can find another person who will agree to be your partner in getting the item completed, and then you in turn help your partner do something that he or she has procrastinated on. If you find someone who is procrastinating on the same thing, like going to the gym regularly or reading more books, you can tackle it together. Join an aerobics class together, or join a book club together and have monthly meetings to talk about the book you've just read. Alternately, you can partner something by "attaching" it to another activity you enjoy. You like shopping but you hate returning phone calls. Go to the mall, sit in the parking lot in your car and return 2 or 3 phone calls. Then go shopping.

12. Plan a day for it. Sometimes the best method is the head-on, no-holds-barred, life-or-death duel approach. So clear a day in your calendar. Get your supplies ahead of time. Turn the phone off and the good music on and get to work. Do as much as you can, as well as you can, as quickly as you can. At the end of the day, stop, clean up, and go do something you enjoy.

Life becomes dangerous when we walk blindly in the paths others have laid out. Why? Because nobody has ever had it all figured out. But we love the ease and comfort of the familiar. It is easier to follow the well-worn groove than to make the effort to get out of it and forge ahead for ourselves.

We want others to like us, to emulate us, to approve of us, to admire our decisions, our lives. We want a pat on the head. We want the general consensus of others around us to be that we've got it pretty well figured out. So we take the paths that seem familiar because we know instinctively that, like us, others tend to approve of what is familiar without ever questioning it. We get the approval. But do we ever get the life we really want?

As women, we are especially susceptible to seeking the approval of others around us. Something in our emotional construction longs for the security of knowing we have pleased, we are approved, we have somehow met the mark. But how often do we stop to ask whose mark we are so desperately trying to meet? Is someone else's standard my only measurement for a successful life?

I seem traditional to some people, but the catch is that the traditions I uphold in my life I have chosen consciously, recognizing what they are and the value they hold for me. The traditions that have no validity and no value I choose to reject: not because I hate the past or because I want to rebel against my family legacies, but because blind adherence to tradition never improves my life. I am a stay-at-home mom and a work-from-home writer. I enjoy traditional "domestic" activities like cooking and gardening; I also love playing guitar, traveling, meeting new people, and going to skateboard parks with my husband. I spend a lot of time trying to improve how I do what I do, and probably an equal amount of time trying to improve who I am. Personal growth is a big part of life improvement for me.

Take adventures in seeking, constantly, to improve your life by questioning assumptions, examining cultural norms and traditions, and taking time to think through both your daily habits and your lifelong beliefs. Such activity is not for the faint-hearted or the close-minded. We all have strong emotional attachments to our assumptions. A defense system we don't even recognize most of the time jumps into action as soon as something dear to us is questioned, even if the questioning will lead us to a better, safer, and freer life. Questions frighten us. We have made decisions based on assumptions and we fear that questioning those assumptions will cause our lives to crumble around us.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." (Semisonic)

Without questions, without honesty, without risk, our lives will crumble. At best we will live and die in mediocrity. The atrophy of a mind and heart never fully used will cause our lives to deteriorate into something passionless, useless, and pointless. Life was not meant to be lived without purpose and freedom. It is only by asking difficult questions and seeking real wisdom that we find both purpose and freedom, and in finding them we find a passion for life.

I hope you are open-minded enough to seek more than the rut you have been walking. I hope you are willing to take risks, to ask questions, to examine your own life honestly, to put aside assumptions, to seek true value. Do you want comfort, or do you want real wisdom? Do you want familiarity, or do you want freedom?

Improving your life is more than sitting around, theorizing about the big questions in life. Our lives are composed of a collection of small things, mostly, and thinking about those small things is how we make our lives richer and better. All the little things - from how you cook a meal, or organize your desk, or shop for birthday gifts to how you implement frugality, change your morning routine, or choose what book to read next - make the big differences that take us from mediocrity to excitement.

I said before that no one has it all figured out; I certainly don't. My mission is to find out what I can and continually change and improve my life with every day. Many of the things I write about are very simple, practical applications for the daily business of life: how-tos, recipes, life hacks, tips, methods. Some are more theoretical, my own process of examining the "bigger" things in life.

Take risks. Let life be an adventure and not a drudgery. Trade in those assumptions for something real. You may walk away with the same basic lifestyle and beliefs, but they will be grounded on your own decisions, not on a past that you may or may not want to become your future. Reject the fear and the passivity and seek what is real. "Say to wisdom, 'You are my sister.'" (Proverbs 7:4)

Knowing your personality helps you to know yourself, but it can be difficult to determine exactly what personality type really fits you. We are much more complex than a single personality type. We have various aspects of the different personalities, and we are influenced by the people who raised us and by the important relationships we have formed as adults. It's possible, however, to determine which type most often fits our patterns of behavior, and from that information to deduce our strengths and weaknesses and the areas in which we must continually strive for balance.

1. Start by making a short list that describes you. First, write down three adjectives that fit you. Use whatever pops into your head, good or bad. Don't think too hard about this. Next, write down what you perceive to be your three greatest strengths. Follow this with your three greatest weaknesses. Finally, (and this part is optional) write down those words or phrases you've heard frequently when people describe you. Again, don't spend much time on any part of this list. Get down what you can think of in five or so minutes, and then move on. This is just a start and a point for reference to use later.

2. If you haven't already, read the Overview of Personality Types to get a feel for the different personalities. Aristotle was a sharp guy, so I stick to his personality breakdown. There are lots of other personality type breakdowns, Jungs-Myers-Briggs being the most well-known, but they get a little more complicated. I like to start simple and work from there. We can always add more complication for fun later.

3. Take a personality test (or two or three). This quick test at OneIShy.com only takes about 5 minutes; a 107 question test at 4Marks Temperaments is longer but more thorough; the PURE Personality Test uses different terms but the same four types.

4. Compare your test results with your own short list. How are they different? What terms are repeated? If you have some incongruency in results from the different tests, your short list can help you determine which is more accurate.

5. Read the descriptions given for your personality test results. You'll probably nod your head on a lot of it: "Yep, that's me. I do that." You'll also probably notice several characteristics that do not really seem to fit. That's okay. You're not going to be a "perfect" match with one personality type. You need balance! It's good if you spread out over more than one personality.

Personality Study is fascinating and you can go deeply into it. If you're intrigued by what you learn from this short exercise, consider purchasing a couple of books to learn more. There is, as always, no lack of information on the internet, but be sure the source is legitimate.

More Resources
Florence Littauer has written several books about the four temperaments, all of which are easy to understand and discuss the strengths and weaknesses of the personality, how to gain balance, and how the personalities affect our relationships.

A fun personality test based on the writings of Gary Smalley uses animals to correspond to the four temperaments. The animal terms are great for explaining personalities to children, although the descriptive terms on the test itself may be a bit abstract for them.

This easy test at iVillage relates your personality to different career choices.

Personality Pathways offers an introduction and test for the Myers Briggs personality types as well as profiles and applications of each of the 16 types.

    Aristotle classified four different types of personalities: sanguine, melancholy, choleric, and phlegmatic. Though the theory behind the types has changed (we don't really subscribe to the "bodily humors" reasoning anymore), the types have remained consistently accurate in describing people. Often, however, we recognize the terms but don't really understand how they translate into a person.

Personality Is Bigger than Personality Type
First we need to understand what a personality itself is: "the totality of qualities and traits, as of character or behavior, that are peculiar to an individual person... the pattern of collective character, behavioral, temperamental, emotional, and mental traits of an individual" (The American Heritage Dictionary). A personality is really bigger than a personality type. Every personality is unique, and every personality type is a generalization. Every pure type is affected by upbringing, experience, culture, peers, education, relationships. Two sanguines, born in the same year in the same country, will grow up to be two different people. Their personality types similar, yes; their preferences and expressions as unique as their fingerprints.
Imperfect though they are, personality types give us insight we need in building good relationships. We need to understand their limitations so that we do not expect ourselves or others to fit a mold perfectly. But we can use them to understand that others really do think, see, feel, and experience things differently. My pet peeve may be another's preference. An offense to you may be a harmless joke to me. We can become more flexible, more sensitive, and more fulfilled in our relationships as we grow in understanding the personalities.
Here is a rough, by no means exhaustive, overview of the four different types.

   Sanguine knows everybody and everybody likes him even though he forgets their names. Networking is what he does best, even unconsciously. He thrives on fun, action, excitement, and change. He loves to tell stories, get a laugh, be dramatic, and have the spotlight. Sanguine is not afraid of a party. He loves people but he gets bored just sitting around in deep conversation. Sanguine likes to be doing something, moving, shaking, stirring up the party. He is energized by groups and likes crowds. He likes to be where the action is, or even better, he likes to be the action! Sanguine is a talker who sees possibility in everything.
Melancholy knows only a few people but knows them well. Detail-oriented, deep and thoughtful, a perfectionist with high standards, he is organized and has a logical, analytical way of thinking. Melancholy can see the possibilities but he will also see the practical steps needed to get there, and sometimes overwhelmed by trying to get it all done right. He pushes himself to get a lot done and get it done well; he will be discouraged if he feels like a failure. He does not dislike people, but sometimes he doesn't understand them. He likes to observe, to watch from the edges, and he often has a gift of discernment and insight. He needs downtime alone to build up emotional energy, and he likes to have a plan.
Choleric knows as many people as he needs to know to get the job done. He is the master delegator, the consummate boss. He gets people moving not to party but to be productive. He makes decisions, takes charge, sets the goal, and shows people what to do to get there. Choleric thrives on challenges and loves being productive. If you tell him he can't, he will set about to prove that he can. And he will. Obstacles are fun for Choleric. He is good at handling a crisis and tells other what to do without thinking about it. He gets frustrated when people waste time and doesn't understand why others don't see things his way. He is bold and people naturally follow him.
Phlegmatic knows a lot of people but only has a few really close friends. He listens more than talks, but can engage in pleasant conversation with almost anyone without causing offense. He is calm and mellow, rarely gets flustered, and avoids conflict. He is extremely diplomatic and has a gift for using dry humor to ease tense situations. Phlegmatic encourages others, is sympathetic, and really enjoys people when they all get along. He is a mediator and a peaceful presence, though he can come across as apathetic and detached. He willingly puts aside his own preferences to make others happy, and genuinely enjoys their happiness.

Read more about personalities in Personality Plus by Florence Littauer. Littauer goes into much more detail about how the different personality types behave and why, what motivates them, how they can relate better to others, and how they can make the most of their strengths and weaknesses.