Most of my journal entries are boring. Most of them start with the date and then the time and then a report: “doing good today, got up on time” or “we’re getting on track” or “late today, forgot to set the alarm” or “hit snooze 27 times before I got up this morning.”

I flip back through my journal and I think, Hmmm, anyone who could fend off the boredom long enough to actually read these pages would probably walk away thinking this girl is obsessed with only one thing: when she gets up in the morning.

Maybe I am. Let me ‘splain. (No, is too much. Let me sum up. No, let me let Madeleine L’Engle sum up for me.)

“A woman who follows a vocation needs an unusually understanding husband; [CHECK, ALL GOOD THERE.] and even then, a woman’s success can put a real strain on marriage. [I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I FIND OUT.] And I believe this will be true even when women’s liberation is an accomplished fact. [WHATEVER, I DON'T KNOW.] And the woman who accepts the demands of a call must be able to observe rigorous discipline. [THAT WAS THE IMPORTANT LINE.] If we follow a vocation and choose to have a family, too, there is a constant balancing of priorities. We have to learn to turn away from the typewriter in order to cook dinner. [WE DO? OOPS.] And, yet, we mustn’t lose the train of thought.” (Madeleine L’Engle)

“…and the woman who accepts the demands of a call must be able to observe rigorous discipline.”

I’m a morning person, Joe is not. But I’ve noticed that for both of us, we do much better when we both get up at ungodly hours of morning to do the things which are important to us, which take time, which inspire and encourage us through the rest of our day, which are part of our long-term vision. These are the things, the efforts which most define and identify us at our core, most reward us (at least inwardly), but which it is most difficult to make time to do, daily.

Get up at 4 or 5 in the morning to pursue something iffy (a book, a website, a start-up business, God…) and then work the rest of the day at your real job? Are you crazy?

Well.
Maybe.

Maybe crazy. Definitely most alive and definitely most happy when we are pushing ourselves, pursuing a goal, challenged and working and progressing on something important. Of course, it goes without saying but I’ll say it anyhow: being a Mom is important and Joe’s work at Arco is important.

Yes, obviously, since we devote our days to that, to the exclusion of other pursuits. There’s no question in my head of which is more important, my children or my writing. I don’t have to ponder this. If we were in an either-or situation, it would be bye-bye to writing. But praise Thee, Lord, we are not. I can love, nurture, train, be with my children and still write. It just requires thought, effort, rigorous discipline, and a good dose of craziness to do both.

That’s why I obsess over my mornings. They are the sign: am I making room in my life for what matters? I can’t shove aside my children during the day in order to pursue writing, and I don’t want to. So if I want to do the important work of writing, I have to do it before my other important work begins. (Or after, which might be an option for night-people but not for me, as brain turns to oatmeal after 9 pm.)

So I care. I infringe on night, I cut my sleep short, I drink too much coffee, I hide my alarm, I mumble and mutter and stare and then the caffeine clicks in, I start writing, and I remember why I’m awake.
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What do you obsess over?

Image of girl obsessing over checkbook courtesy of Betsy with a lot of S’s. Thanks, Betsssssssssssssy.

What you do or don’t do in the morning sets the tone and effects the outcome of the rest of your day. It’s not that you can’t recover from a difficult morning, but it’s much better to start the day off right than try to recoup what’s left of it. Our bad habits, lack of habits, lack of planning, lack of self-discipline, and over-achiever tendencies conspire against us to make mornings miserable. The way you handle your morning matters for the rest of your day, and since your life is simply the sum of your days, you could sum it up like this: how you handle the first few hours of your day says a lot about what your whole life is and will be.

Putting Yourself in Charge

Kids, oh kids, are naturally curious creatures whose brains, somehow, are reprogrammed every night during sleep so that they wake up with one question rattling around in their brains: who’s in charge today, me or Mom? Even the well-trained, well-behaved little people will still be testing the waters in their own small way. What’s Mom like today? Is she on top of things? Does she have a plan? Does she know what’s going on? Or is she groggy, distracted, and easy to manipulate? Can I get away with whining today? Can I get my own way?

Your kids are going to push you as far as they can. They are finding out where the boundaries are, if they still exist, if they’ve shifted. Too often my kids find me a little unsure and disoriented in the morning, so they sneak in a few runs past the normal limits. The rest of the day is me trying to re-establish where I want the limits to be. I would save myself a lot of trouble if I would just be clear, first thing in the morning.

Applying It

• Get up before the kids. I don’t think it matters if you’re dressed or not, but you need to be aware and awake, not groggy and disoriented and in that pre-coffee “Huh?” stage.

• Drink up! Eat up! Get some food and caffeine going and get yourself alive.

• Remind yourself of what is important for the day; take a look at your calendar, or your to do list from the day before.

• Don’t let them get away with line-crossing; if you deal with it immediately and effectively on their first attempt of the day, you’ll have less to deal with as the day goes on.

A Word About Morning Routines (less is more)

Morning routines are important: they provide a structure while you’re still half-asleep, so you can just move on auto-pilot and make sure you get breakfast ready, kids dressed, kids on bus, husband to work… or whatever your morning schedule looks like. However, I’ve noticed a lot of organizational/home-making sites can over-emphasize morning routines, and that often results in us creating over-complicated, over-zealous routines that just make us want to crawl back into bed.

For moms, especially for moms of young children who still require a lot of hands-on help, the simpler the morning routine, the better. Of course there are exceptions; if you’re a morning person and you really thrive on structure and detail, create a routine that fits your preferences. For me, I don’t want a 20-point list first thing in the morning. I try to accomplish what I can the night before and keep my morning as simple as possible. (Pssst… I don’t even write my morning routine down…).

Applying It

My simple morning routine looks something like this:

• Stumble to bathroom, take care of necessities, get dressed (my clothes are on the bathroom counter, usually, so I don’t have to think about that part)
• Get some coffee, load up Joe’s lunch bag, eat a banana
• Go to my office, Bible/journal, then work on writing projects until kids wake up (refill coffee as needed)
• Set out breakfast for the kids, take bottle to the baby
• Straighten my bedroom
• Change, dress, & feed baby, clean up kitchen
• Help kids get dressed, start the day

There are certain things you already do in the morning (breakfast, dress, take care of children) and making them deliberate – by putting them into a simple, repeatable routine – just puts you in charge.

Something to Look Forward To

I’m a morning person, but I still have a difficult time hopping out of bed when my alarm goes off. For you night people, I know it’s even harder. One tip: Reward yourself for getting up in the morning when you should (as opposed to sleeping in until the absolute last minute, then rushing around in a frenzy).

For me, the coffee and the quiet solitary time to write is a huge reward. My days are full and fun and busy with lots of teaching and talking and playing and working and coming and going; but I’m a person who recharges by being alone. The time in the morning for myself is sacred; it’s about God, it’s about me, it’s about my goals and passions. It’s not about my husband or the kids or the house.

Applying It

What makes it worthwhile for you to get out of bed? You introverts and writerly types might relate to my personal reward system; the rest of you will be thinking something like why would I get out of bed for that?

So you need to come up with your reward. It could be something cumulative (if I get up five mornings in a row, I get to buy a new purse..) but I think definite, immediate rewards work better: something you get as soon as you’ve accomplished the goal, so your sleep-deprived mind starts associating the good reward with the getting up out of bed. A great breakfast, a good cup of coffee, a morning walk, a new magazine or book waiting for you, a piece of chocolate, whatever. It doesn’t have to be big, but something you enjoy and look forward to and, preferably, something you can repeat every day as part of your morning routine.

Tips for Making Morning Easier

• Simplify, simplify, simplify. Make things easy on yourself.
• Hide the alarm clock in the next room so you have to get out of bed to turn it off. (If you can, put your reward within sight of it.)
• Put your clothes out in the bathroom. One less thing to figure out in the morning.
• Breakfast should be simple, easy, and require very little thought from you, unless you just enjoy cooking it. I don’t. I hate cooking breakfast (even though, in general, I love cooking.) So we eat simple breakfast: Joe often makes a smoothie for me and himself, or I just eat a piece of fruit or some yogurt. The kids get cereal or a piece of toast or oatmeal, with milk and a banana on the side. Simple, repetitive.
• Get your coffee ready the night before, so all you have to do is push the button; or get a programmable coffee maker so it’s already hot and ready when you get to the kitchen.
• Drink a big glass of water first thing, when you brush your teeth. It helps get your body energized and going, plus you need it after a night’s sleep.
• Try to pick things up the night before, get the dishes done, so you don’t walk into a mess. Nothing makes me want to go hide in bed more than a dirty kitchen and a messy house. Ick.
• Have a planner or list or calender out where you see it so you start thinking about your day, what’s ahead, what you’re excited about, what you want to accomplish.
• Turn on some music or talk radio so the silence doesn’t lure you back to sleep.

Relaxed Days

A note on sleeping in: I think sleeping in is great, sometimes. I love it when we have an open Saturday and we just kind of meander out of bed whenever (usually earlier than I want due to kids who wake up) and hang out in our pajamas. Sometimes I’ll choose to do that on a weekday, especially if it’s been a hectic or extremely tiring week already and we’re all worn out. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to move slow and be relaxed, and sometimes that’s exactly what we need. Choose your slow mornings deliberately. There’s nothing relaxing about oversleeping and then having to rush.
On weekday mornings, if you need a slower day but you still have to get people out the door, try going ahead and getting up as normal, going through your routine to get the necessities done, and then collapse on the couch with a movie and whatever kids are left at home with you. Or go back to bed, if you’re kid-free! That way you can enjoy your slower days, no guilt, no rush.

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Image by Lincolnian on Flickr.

by Frank O’Hara

I’ve got to tell you
how I love you always
I think of it on grey
mornings with death

in my mouth the tea
is never hot enough
then and the cigarette
dry the maroon robe

chills me I need you
and look out the window
at the noiseless snow

At night on the dock
the buses glow like
clouds and I am lonely
thinking of flutes

I miss you always
when I go to the beach
the sand is wet with
tears that seem mine

although I never weep
and hold you in my
heart with a very real
humor you’d be proud of

the parking lot is
crowded and I stand
rattling my keys the car
is empty as a bicycle

what are you doing now
where did you eat your
lunch and were there
lots of anchovies it

is difficult to think
of you without me in
the sentence you depress
me when you are alone

Last night the stars
were numerous and today
snow is their calling
card I’ll not be cordial

there is nothing that
distracts me music is
only a crossword puzzle
do you know how it is

when you are the only
passenger if there is a
place further from me
I beg you do not go

Images courtesy of Igor Dugonjic and .Pete.

Benefits of a Morning Routine

What you do with your morning effects your entire day. Energy begets energy. Order begets order. I don’t always enjoy getting out of bed, but I enjoy what the rest of my day is like when I get out of bed on time and make myself go through my routine.
One morning not long ago, after a week of great consistency on my early rising and morning routine, I decided to try just going with the flow... ignoring routine, just doing what I felt like doing, taking it easy, rolling from one thing to the next ‘as the spirit moved me.’
I decided that wasn’t the right spirit for me. It’s fine sometimes, for holidays and weekends, but the normal day of work requires order, energy, and a good dose of knowing who’s in charge. When I just wander around, it’s clear that I’m not in charge. I don’t know who is, whether it’s the kids, the phone, or the dirty dishes, but I found out that I like being in charge. Call me a control freak. I’d rather be up and doing, taking names and taking charge, than stumbling out into a world that’s already set a course for the day without consulting me.

Having a clear morning routine and following it faithfully tells the world (in my case, that consists of me, my house, and my children) this: “Hey, I’m in charge here. Don’t mess with me.” I wonder how many disastrous days have been turned ’round simply by the act of going through a morning routine?

• Following a morning routine sets a successful tone for your day.
• Following a morning routine gives you time to make a plan.
• Following a morning routine enables you to get the big rocks done by 11 a.m.
• Following a morning routine helps you meet your goals.
• Following a morning routine allows you to maintain an orderly home.
• Following a morning routine frees you up for fun stuff later in the day.
• Following a morning routine gives you time for guilt-free afternoon naps.
• Following a morning routine creates quiet time for yourself.

Elements of a Morning Routine

1. Consistent rise time: whenever you choose to get up, do it. Be in charge. Don’t fall prey to the snooze button. Think about how much time you need in the morning, decide when you want to get up, set your alarm, and get up at that time.
2. Earlier-than-the-family rise time: this is essential for the modern home makers, whether you are a stay-at-home mom, a work-at-home mom, or a work-out-of-the-home mom. You need enough time in the morning before the kids get up to get yourself dressed, minimum. It’s even better if you have time to get a few other things in order, too.
3. Specific goals: see below.
4. Specific tasks: my tasks include the basics of getting up and dressed, plus whatever I need to do to meet my goals. What tasks do you need to accomplish to meet your morning goal?
5. Specific order: start at a logical point and progress from there. Get yourself ready to go first, then take care of the most important tasks.
6. Consistent follow-through: your morning routine is no good if you don’t do it!

Goals of a Morning Routine for Modern Home Makers

The morning routine should accomplish five things:

1. getting you dressed and physically ready for the day
2. getting you inwardly ready for the day
3. getting breakfast and lunch taken care of
4. getting the right people, with the right stuff, out the door at the right time
5. setting the tone and establishing what’s next for the rest of the day.

Your goals may differ slightly. The idea is to get you ready and your day started in an orderly way, instead of last-minute rushing, and to prepare you for the rest of the day.

A Note on Getting Up Early

There are infinite articles on this topic. I don’t want to add to the clutter, but I do want to encourage early rising. It is the single most effective habit I have for building a better life. Certainly there are successful people who don’t rise early. But a trademark of a vast majority of energetic, productive, happy people is a consistent, early rise time. If you’re a night person, maybe early rising won’t work for you. I think you should try it, though, for at least a month. Give it a fair test run. If you find that staying up late and sleeping late helps you accomplish more and be happier doing it, then stick to that. Just don’t write off early rising until you’ve made it a consistent habit and seen its effects for more than a few days at a time.

More…

• Steve Pavlina’s article on How to Become an Early Riser
• Lifehack: How to Start Your Day at 5 a.m.
• ZenHabits: My Morning Routine
• eHow: How To Streamline Your Morning Routine
• Flylady’s Morning Routine
• 43things: Develop a Daily Morning Routine
• Blisstree: Tips for the Morning Routine with Kids
• Making Your Home a Haven: 5-Item Morning Routine
• Heart of Wisdom: Homeschool Organization – Morning Routine
• Jamie Morgan: Setting a Morning Routine

Image courtesy of Arc-light.

Why am I writing about this topic? I don’t want to be up right now. It’s 10:47 am. I’ve drunk 4 cups of coffee. I’ve written 2 blog posts, applied for one writing position, read, fed my babies breakfast, talked to my sister and my Dad, made bread, helped Marzipan sit on the kid-potty five times, and put the babies down for a nap. I want to put myself down for a nap.

I got up at 6:13 this morning. My alarm went off at 5:00. No, I didn’t hit snooze. I got up, turned off my alarm, used the bathroom, nursed Wick, stared at the coffee brewing, and crawled back in bed. My husband is so warm and cozy. Bed is so warm and cozy. The computer is like an alien. The coffee maker is slow. It was still dark outside.

There was this one time when we stayed up waaay past midnight.

I did a monthly challenge of getting up early. It was difficult. I wasn’t completely unsuccessful, but not consistent enough to make it a habit.

Since then I get up at 5 probably 3 or 4 days out of the week. The other days I sleep until 7 or 8, as late as the babies will let me. I like it when I get up at 5. I get lots done. I feel ahead. I write before anyone else is awake. I have ideas. I read the Bible. I pray. I think about the day. I know I would be calmer, happier, and more productive if I would get up early every morning.

It’s still a challenge, obviously. Sometimes I just don’t want to get up. Sometimes it’s because my night-owl husband kept me awake until 1am. I’m not sure what to do about that yet.

I did some internet research on this How to Get Up Early topic.

It’s hand-in-hand with productivity gurus, entrepreneurism, life hacks, zen-ism, and other continuing, popular blog discussions. I make fun of these discussions, but I like them. I read them. I’m interested. I want to be a life-hacking, zen-thinking, productive entrepreneurial guru too. Apparently I have to get up early in order to achieve that goal.

Here’s what they say:

• Steve Pavlina: If you don’t get up early you’re wasting a lot of time. You should get up early.
• Leo Babauta: If you don’t get up early you’re wasting a lot of time. You should get up early.
• Dave Cheong: If you don’t get up early you’re wasting a lot of time. You should get up early.
• Matthew Stibbe: If you don’t get up early you’re wasting a lot of time. You should get up early.
• An entire blog on early rising: If you don’t get up early you’re wasting a lot of time. You should get up early.

I’ve paraphrased them all a bit. I don’t know why I can’t get this idea out of my head:

If you don’t get up early you’re wasting a lot of time. You should get up early.

I want to, I really do. I’ll be back later with more on this. Maybe early tomorrow morning…