May 25, 2010 11
Stupid Things I Obsess Over, Part 1
Most of my journal entries are boring. Most of them start with the date and then the time and then a report: "doing good today, got up on time" or "we're getting on track" or "late today, forgot to set the alarm" or "hit snooze 27 times before I got up this morning."
I flip back through my journal and I think, Hmmm, anyone who could fend off the boredom long enough to actually read these pages would probably walk away thinking this girl is obsessed with only one thing: when she gets up in the morning.
Maybe I am. Let me 'splain. (No, is too much. Let me sum up. No, let me let Madeleine L'Engle sum up for me.)
"A woman who follows a vocation needs an unusually understanding husband; [CHECK, ALL GOOD THERE.] and even then, a woman's success can put a real strain on marriage. [I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I FIND OUT.] And I believe this will be true even when women's liberation is an accomplished fact. [WHATEVER, I DON'T KNOW.] And the woman who accepts the demands of a call must be able to observe rigorous discipline. [THAT WAS THE IMPORTANT LINE.] If we follow a vocation and choose to have a family, too, there is a constant balancing of priorities. We have to learn to turn away from the typewriter in order to cook dinner. [WE DO? OOPS.] And, yet, we mustn't lose the train of thought." (Madeleine L'Engle)
"...and the woman who accepts the demands of a call must be able to observe rigorous discipline."
I'm a morning person, Joe is not. But I've noticed that for both of us, we do much better when we both get up at ungodly hours of morning to do the things which are important to us, which take time, which inspire and encourage us through the rest of our day, which are part of our long-term vision. These are the things, the efforts which most define and identify us at our core, most reward us (at least inwardly), but which it is most difficult to make time to do, daily.
Get up at 4 or 5 in the morning to pursue something iffy (a book, a website, a start-up business, God...) and then work the rest of the day at your real job? Are you crazy?
Well.
Maybe.
Maybe crazy. Definitely most alive and definitely most happy when we are pushing ourselves, pursuing a goal, challenged and working and progressing on something important. Of course, it goes without saying but I'll say it anyhow: being a Mom is important and Joe's work at Arco is important.
Yes, obviously, since we devote our days to that, to the exclusion of other pursuits. There's no question in my head of which is more important, my children or my writing. I don't have to ponder this. If we were in an either-or situation, it would be bye-bye to writing. But praise Thee, Lord, we are not. I can love, nurture, train, be with my children and still write. It just requires thought, effort, rigorous discipline, and a good dose of craziness to do both.
That's why I obsess over my mornings. They are the sign: am I making room in my life for what matters? I can't shove aside my children during the day in order to pursue writing, and I don't want to. So if I want to do the important work of writing, I have to do it before my other important work begins. (Or after, which might be an option for night-people but not for me, as brain turns to oatmeal after 9 pm.)
So I care. I infringe on night, I cut my sleep short, I drink too much coffee, I hide my alarm, I mumble and mutter and stare and then the caffeine clicks in, I start writing, and I remember why I'm awake.
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What do you obsess over?
Image of girl obsessing over checkbook courtesy of Betsy with a lot of S's. Thanks, Betsssssssssssssy.
