SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

I'm linked up with OrgJunkie's Menu Plan Monday. You should be,too.

Sometimes, when it comes to food, the simplest is the best.

Let's talk about soup.

I love soup. Soup is my friend, except in summer when I'm in a state of perpetual sweatiness. Then the only soup I'm into is gazpacho, ice-cold, but during the other three blessed seasons of the year, me and soup, we're tight. We're buds. We're close.

I could happily eat soup every night, but I don't because 1) sometimes I'm lazy and I like just throwing chicken breasts in the baking dish and voila! dinner; and 2) my husband likes soup, but not quite as much as I do, so I try to be nice and make stuff besides soup too; and 3) a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 year old eating soup every night is too hard on my kitchen, and the cleanliness thereof. I don't like wiping soup off the floor every evening. (Did you catch that "sometimes I'm lazy" bit, above? That comes into play again here.) Read the rest of this entry »

I was reading a book about how to organize your house (because although I'm not organized, I enjoy reading about how I could be if I bought a label maker, got rid of 50% of our possessions, and didn't have children, or had children who were more like robots...)and I came across this little list. I liked it, at first. Here. Read it. You'll probably like it too.

Common Practices of Good Housekeepers

1. Find a happy medium where everybody is comfortable.
2. Pick things up as you go.
3. Avoid putting things down temporarily.
4. "A place for everything and everything in its place."
5. Mental list of small jobs to do in a few minutes.
6. Stay busy; don't allow things to get ahead of you.
7. Believe it is important to live in a peaceful, uncluttered environment.
8. Love, need, and use everything in your home.
9. Buy fewer, but higher quality, things.
10. Do it now or don't do it.
( Ellen Sandbeck, Organic Housekeeping)

"A Happy Medium"

Then I started thinking about rule practice #1: "Find a happy medium where everybody is comfortable."

Allow me to describe the everybody and how they are comfortable.

1. The husband. Packrat, visionary, creative, tends to accumulate tools (large) and projects. Swings between a perfectionist attention to detail (due to German ancestry) and a spontaneous, committed-to-the-moment unawareness of the mounds of mess accumulating as a result of "the moment." I have a feeling that my lack of organization bothers him but he's too sweet to complain.
2. The daughter, 3 1/2. Nothing makes her happier than cutting one big piece of paper into a thousand tiny pieces of paper, or rolling one big lump of play-dough into a thousand tiny lumps of play-dough.
3. The son, 2. The more trains, the better. The more trucks, the better. The more cars, the better. The more tractors, the better. The more blocks, the better. The more tools, the better. The more floor space covered by aforementioned trains, trucks, cars, tractors, blocks, and tools, the better.
4. The baby, 9 months. His motto: "It's not really a meal unless there's as much on the floor and as much on your face as there is in your belly."

So I'm just going to admit here and now that when it comes to a happy medium, the only person whose comfort concerns me is ME. Is that wrong? Selfish? Short-sighted? Unfair?

Nah. Because there's one common practice missing from that list. It's not a practice so much as a truth. My Daddy used to say this, and he's a wise man. My husband says this, and he is also a wise man.

#11: If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Furthermore, I think we should all agree that #11 trumps all the other 10 rules practices.

The End.

Image courtesy of D Sharon Pruitt.

Totally Organized: Easy-to-Use Techniques for Getting Control of Your Time and Your Life by Bonnie McCullough: 5 out of 5 stars.

Dear Bonnie,

I love your book. I would like to shower you with daffodils and buy you a latte. Really, I would shower you with daffodils just for the first two chapters of your book. You write like you know real life. You don't make me feel bad for not being totally organized yet, but you make me realize that it's possible. You don't give me so many details that I get lost in them, but you give me enough that I really understand the principles.

You write chapters that are short, easy to read, and filled up with good ideas, tips, helps, methods, lists, plans, and suggestions that I want to go do right away. I love that you've sorted the concepts into sections, but that each chapter stands alone. I can sit down, read one chapter, get up and apply it and see immediate improvement. And then, when I feel ready, I can sit down and tackle another chapter and solve another problem.

I like that your methods are simple and make sense. I like that I don't have to buy two dozen special products. I like that you have an entire section on dealing with household paper and another on organizing with kids. Some of the professionals who wrote some of those other organizing books obviously have never spent any time around small humans, and they don't know the effect they have on organization. You do!

I like that you share examples from your own life, like this:

"I made 200 copies of my daily routine, much like the one shown. At the time I needed the boost of seeing the little things I had finished crossed off my list. It took me six months to get control of the morning routine, partly because I had a young baby, but mostly because I was so undisciplined. Once I had this under control, I was the master..."

I really like some of your thoughts, like these:

• "People are more important than things, but the order of things affects people."
• "Don't take your home problems as personal insults. Instead, learn to look for solutions."
• "When you buy impulsively, you are letting someone else influence your food dollar, and you may not get your best value."
• "As a general rule, children will not "notice" when things need to be done. They need to be trained."
• "The preschooler should learn a basic routine of everyday neatness...and of everyday personal grooming."
• "When preschoolers want to help, encourage them by finding ways to let them feel helpful even though it may mean the job takes longer."
• "To be organized does not mean that you never get lost. It means that you know how to find your way back."

Thank you for writing this book,

for sharing your wise and witty and practical help with me and many others. Anytime you want that latte - and the daffodils - come on over. As soon as I've done my Daily Minimum, I'll be free.

Sincerely,

Annie

Bottom Line: If you live in a house, you should read this book. If you have kids, you should read this book. If you deal with paperwork of any kind, you should read this book. If you've ever felt unorganized, you should read this book. If you're anything like me - live in a house, have kids, lots of paperwork, and frequent feelings of disorganization - you should buy, read, highlight, underline, memorize this book.

More:

401 Ways to Get Your Kids to Work at Home by Bonnie McCullough

Bonnie's Household Budget Book by Bonnie McCullough

Image courtesy of Lusi.

Not that we're getting too specific...

GET READY

Get up, get dressed in work-out gear.

Nurse baby while eating protein bar, drinking water, and reading (which translates into falling asleep over nursing baby and jerking back awake.)

Change baby and put him back in bed.

Get work-out gear, drive to gym, miss turn due to sleep-coated eyes, turn around, park.

GET FIT

Stretch half-heartedly. Get distracted by the random piece of hair sticking out over left eyebrow.

Work upper body. Decide 10 chest presses are plenty for today.

Think about working lower body. Drink water. Check for creepy people outside.

Go do a bazillion reps on the abs machines, both of them. Groan. Drink water. Stumble to the cardio machines.

Mentally assess which cardio option looks least painful.

Do 30 minutes of cardio trying to balance book and read while sweating profusely and falling off of machine. Give up on book halfway through and survive the remaining 15 minutes by watching the Family Guy reruns playing on the gym tv.

Drink water. Wipe sweat. Curse fitness machines. Stumble to car.

GET READY

Park car. Consider just laying down on the front seat for a little nap.

Drag self out of car and inside house.

Shower and dress.

Gaze longingly at the bed.

Eat granola with berries. Wish for pancakes. Sigh.

Set out Joe's lunch and kids' granola bars and bananas.

Get first cup of coffee. Gulp. Refill.

WORK (theoretically)

Read Bible, write in journal.

Check calendar. Get distracted thinking of menu options. Shove calendar to other side of table. Notice that coffee is empty. Get more.

Gaze longingly at the bed.

Check ed. calendar and writing list.

DO NOT GO TO THE COMPUTER!

Outline and write on paper with pen. Think about email. DO NOT GO TO THE COMPUTER!

Get on a roll. Write, write, write.

Stretch fingers, roll wrist, think, "This is so fun. I love my work."

Get distracted by Joe waking, dressing, eating breakfast, leaving for work.

Lock door.

Gaze longingly at bed.

Make bed.

Stop self from putting away basket of laundry.

Get notes, outlines, etc.

Try to sit down quietly in squeaky office chair.

Notice coffee cup is empty.

Refill.

Repeat sitting down process.

Check email.

Think of 20 other things to do.

Click. Click. Click.

Ack! Supposed to be working!

SHUT DOWN FIREFOX.

Start typing in plain old unexciting notebook program.

Grumble.

Get on a roll. Type, type, type.

Break for bathroom.

Refill coffee, resume seat.

Get on a roll. Type, type, type.

Hear waking child sounds from bedrooms.

Realize it is 8:30. Try to finish one last paragraph.

Notice the waking children sounds getting louder.

Save files! Notice hands are shaking from too much coffee.

Set out cups of milk, go snuggle with children, herd everyone to the table, nurse baby while they eat their breakfast, and try not to gaze longingly at the bed.

Image courtesy of Kriss Szkurlatowski.

Part 5 of the series: The Get-Your-Life-Together Plan

Repetition does not make your life boring; repetition makes your life simpler. Conscious repetition helps you to accomplish the necessary and be freed up for the fun stuff.

Your Household Is Your Business

Think of your household like a business organization; how can you run a successful business if only the CEO knows the correct way to do things? That business is going to be extremely limited because there is no method to the daily work. No one can be trained or taught, nothing can be delegated, and even the daily, mundane tasks become a hassle because there's no structure, no organization, no routine.

Sound like your house in the morning? Or the evening? Or anytime? (Except when you and the husband and the kids are all out of the house, right? Then it's pretty peaceful...unless the dog gets loose... Oh, nevermind.)

Use Conscious Repetition

You know a morning routine makes your mornings easier. You know a daily minimum (which is also a routine) makes keeping the house clean a lot easier. Both routines are simply methods of conscious repetition.

Become conscious. You repeat things whether you're aware of it or not. You shower, dress, eat, drive, email, hug, talk, sleep... repeatedly. Running your household requires infinite repetition; that's one reason it's so easy to get frustrated with the home and the family. It's never done, complete, finished.

You never get to walk away from the laundry room, rubbing your hands together, and say, "Well, now that's done for good I can move on to something more interesting." Oh, no. The laundry will be back, again (and with a vengeance). The floor will get dirty, again. The kids will get hungry, again (what is with them?). You get the point.

So, your choice is to 1) waste time making the same decisions and fumbling your way through the endlessly repetitive and, let's face it, boring daily tasks of modern home making or 2) create streamlined, custom methods to get the items accomplished quickly, efficiently, and as best suits you and the household.

Oh, hmmm, which sounds better?

Open Door #2! You win the prize: a simpler life, a smoothly running household, and more mental freedom and time to do... well, whatever you want.

Here's How

Start writing things down. Notice what you already do and how you do it. Maybe set aside a little notebook or just jot things down in your journal or on your computer. What you want to pay attention to is the repetitive stuff.

Find a time to spend about an hour on creating some policies and procedures. This is the easiest and best way to get conscious repetition working for you.

A policy and procedure manual is a book (or books) that businesses use to set standards and define methods for their employees. It makes training easy and create common standards and methods that everybody in the company learns and uses.

A policy tells you what and why. A procedure tells you how.

Here's an example from business.

Policy: An employee identification card is required for all employees in order to gain access to offices and facilities.

Procedure: Upon employment, the employee obtains the form from the Department of BlahBlahBlah, fills out, turns it in, and picks up ID card from the Office of ID Cards one week later.

Here's an example from a household.

Policy: In order to be healthier, we eat smoothies for breakfast during warm weather seasons.

Procedure:

Annie purchases fresh fruit and frozen yogurt every week when grocery shopping.

Annie washes and prepares fruit to some extent when putting away groceries.

Annie puts some of the fruit in the refrigerator and some in the freezer so that there is always a frozen supply.

Annie processes any fruit that is about to spoil and puts it in the freezer.

Joe makes the morning smoothie by using fresh and frozen fruit, frozen yogurt, and juice.

Joe washes the blender and leaves it on the counter to dry.

Joe wipes off the counters.

Joe puts any fruit residue in the compost bucket.

Annie puts the blender away later in the day when cleaning the kitchen.

Mara takes the compost bucket out later in the day when playing outside.

Why Details Matter

Now you're thinking, "Sheesh, that's a lot of detail just to get a smoothie made." Yes. It is. But it ensures that the smoothie gets made and the area gets cleaned up and it defines who is in charge of what.

It eliminates the decision-making process and the guess work: "Should I have a smoothie? Do we have any fruit? Is there any frozen yogurt? Did Joe clean the blender up? Should I make the smoothie today or will Joe do it?"

Can you switch it up? Sure! It's your policy and procedure manual; you can do anything you want, including change it, ignore it, or light it up and watch it burn. It's more useful, however, if you leave the matches alone and go ahead and get detailed enough to create some policies and procedures, then start using them.

If you're the only one involved, you've just defined and streamlined your routine so it will go faster and you will be more efficient. If there are others involved, then you've made it easy for them to know what's expected. That's a relief for you and for them.

Image courtesy of D Sharon Pruitt.

Part 4 of the series: The Get-Your-Life-Together Plan

The idea comes from, well, who knows, originally, but I picked it up from a great book called Totally Organized by Bonnie McCullough. This is a great book, by the way, look for a review of it soon.

Here's what McCullough says about what she calls...

"...MM (minimum maintenance) can set you free by 9:30 in the morning or have you ready to leave for work on time-and that means with breakfast wiped away, children dressed, dinner planned, and the clutter cleared."

Oh beautiful for spacious skies. I want to be set free by 9:30 in the morning, don't you?

Let's continue with Ms. McCullough:

"The MM system is easy to use. It calls for daily, organized house "keeping" rather than weekly or seasonal house-cleaning ordeals."

I like avoiding anything that can be referred to as an "ordeal" because, well, that's just not my cup o' tea. However, even with daily minimums, I still have a need for a slightly lengthier weekly cleaning time. But when I'm faithful with that daily deal, my weekly cleaning is quick and easy; and if I have a week where I simply can't get to it, the house is still presentable, just not quite as clean as I'd like it to be.

We'll return to a bit more advice from McCullough momentarily. For now, I'd like to walk you through my version of a Daily Minimum.

My Best Days

My best days are those when I rise early, follow my morning routine, and dive into my Daily Minimum as soon as the kids and I finish eating. Some days I dawdle, and drink another cup of coffee, and give orders to my imaginary maid; those days I don't get through my minimum by 9:30. Some days I get sidetracked and decide to clean out Mara's closet halfway through the minimum; those days I don't get through by 12:30. Some days I go with the urge to flee the house rather than clean it, and load up my pajama-clad children so we can "take breakfast to Daddy," which is really a great excuse to buy myself a latte; those days I don't even remember what minimum means until bedtime, when I rediscover its importance. But all failures aside, the DM or MM or whatever you want to call it is a great tool for keeping a house running without hours of effort. A good routine to add to your arsenal.

My Daily Minimum

(I begin directly after breakfast; I put the breakfast dishes in the sink as I'll return to the kitchen at the end of the routine.)

Kids: send Mara to go potty and get dressed; take Zeke and Robbie with me and change diapers and dress them when I get to their room.

Laundry: start one load.

Bathroom: Hang towels, clear out laundry, swipe counter/sink/toilet with peppermint cleaner, shake out rug, sweep.

Master bedroom: Straighten, put away clothes/shoes/Joe's random stuff/my books, make bed

Kids' bedrooms: Pick up clothes, make beds, straighten, put away toys/books/etc.

Entry/living room: Straighten, return toys to appropriate spots, sweep.

Dining room: Clear off and wipe down bench and table, sweep, mop.

Kitchen: Empty drainboard, empty dishwasher, clean breakfast dishes, get dinner started (I try to get as much done as I can so evenings are easier).

Laundry: Switch load to dryer.

Done.

The Professional Method

Now to return to the professional. McCullough says to "give each room five minutes before leaving for work or starting any major project of the day. You put away, straighten up, and wipe off." That's basically what I do with each room of the house.

McCullough recommends starting with the entry, but since my entry way consists of a 2 by 6 foot space with nothing in it, I don't work that way. I start at the messiest point in the morning - bathroom - and work my way back around to the kitchen, so when I start working on dinner, I already have my cleaning done.

Determine Your Daily Needs

So how do you determine your daily minimum? Experiment. Watch yourself. What actions are you repeating anyway? What part of your house needs attention on a daily basis? If you have kids, and they spread their toys around, you'll have more to deal with and you need to remember that a daily minimum doesn't mean a picture-perfect house all day long. You do have to live there, and so do your kids.

A few more pointers from McCullough:

• Don't get distracted by deep cleaning projects.
• Make the dinner decision early (even if you don't start on your prepping early, as I do).
• And this advice is my favorite: "Don't let the needs of others control your life. ...Don't just drop your world. Do the maintenance first. ...Learn to reward yourself after, rather than before, your MM is finished."

Remember, too, that there is flexibility here. As McCullough points out, a working (outside the home) person could half of the DM before work and half upon arriving home in the evening. Since I work from home, I like to get it all done so I can relax and eat chocolate while ordering my kids around relax and focus on writing and playing with my kids for the rest of the day.

Get started

You can be as simple as you want about this. Make a list on a piece of paper or an index card, post it somewhere obvious (bathroom mirror? kitchen cabinet?) and just be sure you complete everything on it sometime by the end of the day. The sooner, the better. This and your morning routine are your new best friends.

You can also download a couple of printables here to help. They're all in one downloadable file: one is a daily minimum routine check list you fill in yourself, and there's also a partially filled-in version; the other is a daily minimum check list that's already filled in, you just have to check it off as you go.

I've made them weekly so you don't need a separate sheet of paper for each day. Also, if you see you missed an item on Monday, say, you can be sure you get it completed on Tuesday.

Click here to download Printable Daily Minimum Check Lists.

Image credit: moonsheep on flickr.

Part 2 of the series: The Get-Your-Life-Together Plan

Benefits of a Morning Routine

What you do with your morning effects your entire day. Energy begets energy. Order begets order. I don't always enjoy getting out of bed, but I enjoy what the rest of my day is like when I get out of bed on time and make myself go through my routine.
One morning not long ago, after a week of great consistency on my early rising and morning routine, I decided to try just going with the flow... ignoring routine, just doing what I felt like doing, taking it easy, rolling from one thing to the next 'as the spirit moved me.'
I decided that wasn't the right spirit for me. It's fine sometimes, for holidays and weekends, but the normal day of work requires order, energy, and a good dose of knowing who's in charge. When I just wander around, it's clear that I'm not Read the rest of this entry »

{from 14 April 2009} Last night we had a date night at the Park Board meeting... and took Zeke along, just for good measure. The ladies did the grandmotherly ooh-aah, the men cleared their throats, and we got down to business. Park business.

I did some work with Mara and Robbie yesterday, trying to deal with the whining and slow obedience. My mom's voice rings in my ears: "Late obedience is disobedience." Times like these... I wish I could call her and do my own whining, though I know she would tell me, in her own gentle Mom way, to get off my duffer and get to work so my children know how to obey. (I've never used the term duffer before and I bet it doesn't mean what I just used it to mean.) And she would be right; that's what I need to do. Mara is already responding better, less of the whining, more of the quick obedience. She catches on and knows when she can push me and when she can't. It's my fault there's anytime that she feels like it's okay to push Mommy.

Robbie takes more repetition, partially because he is younger and partially because he is just kind of hard-headed like me. He understands, he knows the lines, he just decides that it's worth it to cross them. Eventually he will change his mind when he sees that I'm serious and that the line - whatever it is - is not moving to accomodate him. But he will test it out for a while first.

Today is Joe's day off and Zeke's one-week-old mark. I love Joe's day off.

I love being a Mom. I love these children so much, I love the challenge and joy of raising them. I love their faces and personalities and snuggles.

I love being a wife. I can't imagine life without Joe. I can barely remember life before Joe. I love laughing, learning, sharing, overcoming, dreaming with him. I love how we push each other on, inspire each other to be better, depend on each other, help and respect and cherish and adore each other. I love being his queen.

I love being the manager of this household. I love being a modern homemaker. I love the creativity required, the planning and organization, how it all calls upon me to use my resources well, to think and create and envision and do. I love the tangible results of the smallest efforts, the shine of clean windows, the stack of folded laundry, the smell of a minty clean house.

I love being a writer. I love observing myself and others, identifying problems, analyzing the cause, and finding solutions. I love telling stories. I love helping people, young moms and wives like me, succeed in their work as wife, mom, homemaker, entrepreneur, etc. I love teaching and sharing what I've learned and what has helped me succeed. I even love the feeling that I don't know enough to share or write, because it keeps me learning and fresh and hopeful through the inadequacy. I love finding freedom for myself through truth and then offering that up to others, challenging people to move past the old, helping them see what is possible.

All things are possible.

Image courtesy of aWee.

First, put your hair up like this...

The DAILY DUTIES of the HOUSE SERVANTS are as follow:--

The beds are stripped, and slops emptied in all the rooms. Then bed-making follows ; then the sitting-room not used for breakfast must be swept, dusted, and arranged ; and then the routine cleaning of the day must follow. Every household has good reasons for each day's work.
from Mrs. Beeton's Book of Household Management...

So it could be worse. You don't have any house servants, maybe (where did mine go?) so you have to do all the daily duties yourself. But at least that doesn't include emptying the slops in all the rooms.

The Need for Minimums

You need daily and weekly minimums in place in order to keep your household functioning at a reasonable level of cleanliness and order. This does not mean you have to follow a 20-point cleaning regime everyday, or work out a complicated rotating chore schedule. If you're into that sort of thing, hey, knock yourself out. For me, minimums are the way to make sure that 1) we all have clean clothes to wear, 2) the house is at a decent level of order and neatness, 3) we have adequate food, and 4) if I accomplish nothing else today, we'll still be okay in the morning.

I admit: #4 is usually the most powerful motivator for getting through the minimum work on those draggy days. Hey, as long as it gets done.

Make Your Own Minimum

I'm going to give an example of my daily and weekly minimums, but yours might be different. It's a matter of preference, lifestyle, and practicality. A daily minimum should be something you can accomplish within about an hour. Weekly minimums are a bit different, as they might include errands and other items that take a bit longer, but just be sure you don't have to many of them. Remember, this is not your "all of these things will happen in an ideal week" list. This is your minimum list. Get through it, and then you can get started on your ideal list. Just don't get caught up on item #3 of your Ideal List before accomplishing your minimums. First things first.

My Daily Minimum:
Make bed
Do one load of laundry
Straighten bathroom
Sweep
Prepare dinner (or figure out an alternative!)
Clean kitchen (do the dishes, wipe down counters, put away food)
Straighten kids' room

That stuff is usually accomplished within the first hour or so of the morning after the kids get up; sometimes laundry isn't finished until afternoon or evening, but it gets done. Having it all accomplished as early as possible frees me up to write, make phone calls, go outside and play with the kids, take a nap, sit and relax with my husband when he gets home from work. I also have a minimum list for before bed.

Before Bed Minimum:
Clean up kitchen
Make coffee for tomorrow
Sweep in d.r.
Pick up toys, straighten

That's it. I'm tired at night; I keep things to a minimum of minimums. But it's worth trudging through those brief activities, even when I'm dead-tired, because in the morning I can get up to a fresh pot of coffee, a clean kitchen, and a neat house. Not perfect, but calm and in decent order.

My Weekly Minimum:
Clean bathroom
Sweep and mop all hardwood floors
Wash rugs, towels, sheets
Collect and empty trash
Plan menu, get groceries
Run important errands

I don't like running errands; it's a big waste of time, as far as I'm concerned, and it's a pain to unload and load two small children for five-minute stops. I eliminate as many errands as I can, or save them for the weekend or evenings when we'll all be out together and Joe can stay in the car with the kids while I run in and out. We also do grocery shopping in the evening most of the time, a quasi-family outing. Hey, the kids like riding in the cool-car grocery cart, I get help with the loading, and Joe gets to throw a few extras in... It works for us!

So how do you set your minimums?

I don't have a list; I just think about the things that I are repetitive, day in and day out. There's a certain level of order that I must have, and that's what makes up my daily and weekly list. There are probably a few items I could add that would make life a bit cleaner and smoother, but I like to keep my minimum streamlined.

If you're not sure where to start, follow yourself through a morning and evening, and note what you do automatically (empty dishwasher? make sandwiches for lunch?) and what really irritates you when left undone (no clean socks? messy bathroom?). Make a short list and walk through it every day; it will become habitual quickly, since most of the items probably are habitual already. Just start including those other few items that really should be done every day and cause frustration or problems when not accomplished. Keep it short and sweet, and do it consistently.

Share your minimums! Leave a comment or link below!

Image courtesy of KarensWhimsy.com.