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Modern Homemaking REdefined: When Life Makes It Interesting 2

Filed under the home, Uncategorized
Written by Annie on 18th Jun -10

This guest post is written by Haley Montgomery. If you’re interested in writing a guest post for Sister Wisdom, see the guidelines here.

When Annie approached me about participating in her Modern Homemaking REdefined series as a guest blogger, I was honored and excited, but also a little apprehensive. I loved the concept of finding the commonalities of women nurturing their homes and families in so many different walks of life. But, let’s face it. My lifestyle is pretty “common” as seeking commonalities goes. I’m a mother of three preschoolers who sends her kids to daycare while she goes to work at an office. Judging by the waiting lists on the daycare centers in my neck of the woods, that’s a pretty popular lifestyle choice.
So, as I was formulating thoughts about this essay and my approach to homemaking in 2010, all the same old ideas came to mind. Managing time, prioritizing schedules, getting dinner on the table, balancing work and the needs of children, getting to that 15th preschool party, figuring out what happens when the minivan needs to be serviced, determining exactly how many chicken nuggets can sustain one 5-year-old. Not necessarily ground-breaking and interesting stuff.

About ten minutes later, my boss of 16 years decided it was time to retire and close the advertising agency where I work. Yeah. Life has a way of making it interesting, doesn’t it? Over the course of a weekend, a conversation with the Queen of my current company, and some soul searching, I decided to take a trip down entrepreneur lane and start my own graphic design business. Presto, small business owner and work-at-home-mom all in one fell swoop! Can I have a moment, please?

Work opportunities change. Kids change. Schedules change. Choices change. Grocery prices change. Diapers and pull-ups change (constantly). Life in transition. Now there’s a commonality. As I started rethinking the new tenor of my life as a mom, designer, and homemaker as it crashes into the new title of business owner, this one fact began to rise to the surface. Change happens. It just does. We can resist it, but we can’t stop it. We can bemoan it, but we can’t squelch it. We can fear it, but we can’t insulate ourselves from it.

As I look at my life in the five years I’ve had my precious gifts (5yo, 3.5yo and just shy of 2yo), I see an endlessly flowing river of change. And, I see that each new stage of development and each new endeavor has brought frustration or worry, perhaps, but also joy and growth and the satisfaction of having made it through. I’m realizing that for me, modern homemaking is about embracing that life in transition. It’s about grabbing it and sucking the life from it, no matter how quickly it’s traveling. And come to think of it, the idea really isn’t all that modern. My grandmother did it and my mother did it through the constant changes of their times as well. Changing times and circumstances are certainly nothing new.

As mothers and homekeepers, however, it so often falls to us to make the most of those changes, those transitions that may be unique to our years and our families, but common among us nonetheless. I find myself striving in the midst of this inevitable change to create my own individual core consistencies– those things I want to remain constant about myself, about my home, about the quality of my children’s lives. In practicality, it’s about setting in motion the habits and schedules and even shortcuts that make that consistency possible, and about putting to rest the guilt to conform to some other Mom’s homemaking or parenting core requirements.

So what if Ore Ida or Tyson cuts my chicken and potatoes for me? At least I heard the continuing saga of rocket ships and sharks at the dinner table. So what if my kids find their way to bed some nights with sticky still on their cheeks. At least we found out how funny it is to drop your popsicle, pick it up again and pop it in your mouth, grit and all. So what if crumbs and dust bunnies live well and prosper under the couch? At least we know where all the spare Lincoln Logs and matchbox cars are stored. So what if all the lovely art objects have been relegated to the closet downstairs? At least we witnessed the coffee table tower-building feat of the century right up until the 2yo intervened. These are the core consistencies of what matters and what doesn’t. Nothing brings those constants front and center quite like change.

How will I respond to this new transition? How will it affect my home? My schedule? My ability to take care of my family financially, physically, emotionally? It’s easy to get lost or bogged down in this repeat-play in my mind. But, these are questions we all face–every day and with every shift in a thousand areas of life from jobs to marriages to gas prices to potty training.

For the past two years, I’ve chosen a posting “theme word” for the year that reflects something I want to pursue more carefully in my life. The 2010 theme word I determined back in December was “courage.” How could I have known that the events of this year would so strongly challenge that pursuit? Modern homemaking and homekeeping requires courage, to be sure. Courage in the face of change. Courage to pull from that change all the growing and teaching it has to offer. Courage to demand from that change the ability to keep what is worth keeping and release what isn’t. I hope that I can build from these transitions the courage to really live. To live in my own home, that place I’ve created. With my own benchmarks for success and my own set of constants. I hope we all can.

What do you need courage to let go of? What do you need courage to keep as part of your core?

Today’s 2 Cents Courtesy of:

Haley Mongtomery is a designer by trade, a creative type at heart and a mother in joy. She is the author of EyeJunkie, her personal foray into the art of paying attention — part mommy blog, part spiritual quest, part cultural record and part sarcastic word-play. When she’s not chasing three preschoolers, she’s usually writing sentence fragments or obsessing about life as the newly minted owner of Small Pond Graphics. You can follow her on Twitter: @itsasmallpond or @eyejunkie.

Modern Homemaking REdefined: Intention and Redesign 3

Filed under the home
Written by Annie on 17th Jun -10

This is a guest post by Jennifer Duchene. If you’re interested in writing a guest post for Sister Wisdom, see the guidelines here.

The best way to live is with intention.

All it takes is respect, transparency and a dash of compromise.

Last week, for a board meeting, eight of us travelled from different states to meet at our new management company headquarters. The face-to-face meeting allows us to connect as women, as redesigners, decorators, businesswomen and friends. We all are involved on the board because we care about our industry and organization and want to help it grow right.

In between listening, we are putting ideas on the table, including ways to build revenue, to encourage members to give, as well as have a place to bond and share with peers & clients. Heady stuff!

The days are filled with discussion, creative thought and hammering out how, why and when. Each of us has an opinion and ideas about the best way to go about reaching our goals. It is essential for us to be transparent and direct while compromising on the details, in order to achieve our intentions.

After long days at the negotiating table, we sit together as friends and acquaintances at the dinner table, learning about each other’s lives, loves and families. We share some of our secrets and our wisdom as women do.

Our focus in the day is about creating systems to support a Redesigner/Decorator/Stager in the work-world. At night we are deepening our relationships. On the first night at the table, Anna, our Director, tells us to reveal something about ourselves that the rest of us don’t know. This is powerful way to hardwire the connections. There is much laughter, teasing and some tears. By the end of the second day, we have accomplished a great deal, forged friendships and drawn lines of focus.

We have a long list of to do’s.

One of our discussions is about whether Redesign is part of Design and Decorating. Most of us are passionate about Redesign as a lifestyle, as well as a design principle. When we go into a home or business, our goal is to make the space look amazing, while honoring what is loved, using what our clients have, and if needed, adding other elements of design like window treatments, color etc. A lone dissenter felt that design and redesign were completely separate. Many of our members practice the two simultaneously. By asking why, and focusing on the intention, we are all gratified with the end result. It is truly amazing what determination can accomplish.

On our last night together, I am sitting next to two women I have come to love, admire and consider dear friends. We talk about love and relationships. Each woman shares some secret to her success or failure in love. What strikes me is the discovery that the women who have respect and intention in their relationships have the strongest bonds. In order to make a relationship work you need to know what you want and how to communicate this to your partner, your coworkers, clients and your family. You need to know what you can compromise on, and what you cannot.

This is a profound AHA! moment for me:
In order to live life with passion you need to know your Intention. Redesign is about intention: to make the space work well requires perfect placement of furniture, accessories, the right color choices.

You must not compromise yourself. You cannot give away your power; this dilutes your intentions. You can compromise on the details, not the intent. In Redesign you can work with items that are not your first choice because they are there and they work; the effect and intent is achieved.

Ergo, if I want to own my life, live from the heart, I need to live my whole life, not just my work passion, with intention. Going forward, I need to be clear, about who I am and how I stay true to me. I need to focus on Redesign as a daily part of life: inwardly, in my relationships, in my work, and in my home.

What needs to be Redesigned in your life?

Today’s 2 Cents Courtesy of:

Jennifer Duchene is The Home Makeover Mixtress, blending Cool & Cozy Style. She has a background in Design; she studied Redesign 5 years ago and was hooked. She loves to create a fabulous home using what people already own. Duchene also helps her clients with color and decorating purchases. Born in South Africa, she lives in Silicon Valley Ca & enjoys decorating, designing, shopping and hanging out with friends and family. Visit her design blog/website for more inspiration; you can also friend her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter or contact her at 650.384.0569.

Modern Homemaking REdefined: LIMBO 1

Filed under the home
Written by Annie on 15th Jun -10

This guest post is by Julie McKamey. If you’re interested in writing a guest post for Sister Wisdom, see the guidelines here.

Out of Boxes Me Is Living ~ Living In My Boxes Only

No matter how I flip the word around it still comes out LIMBO and that is where my life is right now along with my home! So that is the present…

The past… a home full of life, two rambunctious boys, working full time, running to and from team practices and games (never the same team but sometimes the same night across town from each other), laughter, love, messy house, cooking, grilled cheese sandwiches, drive thru meals on Tuesday nights (BK used to be dollar Tuesday night for kids meals), trips to the dock to see Daddo, grocery shopping, prayers, deep sea fishing, broken arm, running errands, boys fighting, more life, dog running around, stitches, backyard b’day parties, bird making noise, learning phases, home LIFE groups, pool cleaning, car washing, lawn mowing, swinging on the swing set, pool time, baby teeth falling out, “milk” please, ho does with mac and cheese, church, teen age boys, driving permits, high school, jobs, car keys, graduation, college, home for sale, moving out…

The future… empty nest, tears, occasional visits, new digs, prayers, new jobs, new business, college graduations, more tears, weddings, in laws, holidays, meeting new people, building a practice, quiet times, fishing, dock side picnics, grandkids, more tears, moving forward…

So what exactly should a home be? It should be whatever the homemaker wants it to be, whatever he or she envisions, it should be whatever they call “home”!

[Annie here]
Home’s got to change with life. Are you willing to let go of the way home used to be – whether in your childhood or in your first years of marriage or pre-baby or before you downsized or just last month – and move forward into what your home needs to be now?

Today’s 2 Cents Courtesy of:

Julie McKamey is the wife of two almost-all-grown-up boys, a new empty-nester, and is currently shuttling back and forth between getting their home in Missouri sold and helping her husband set up his chiropractice clinic in their hometown of Highlands, North Carolina. She is a positive, energetic, encouraging, and aims to live by these words: “When God aims us in a new direction, we have to let go of what we’ve known, be willing to embrace the unfamiliar, and trust He will sustain us on the journey.”

Modern Homemaking REdefined: Who’s the Boss? 2

Filed under the home
Written by Annie on 14th Jun -10

This guest post is by Chandra Hawkins-Bernat. If you’re interested in writing a guest post for Sister Wisdom, see the guidelines here.

I confess that pre-marriage and baby carriage, I had grandiose visions: children nestled sweetly under their (clean) sheets in a perfectly decorated bedroom, a family gathered around an immaculate dining room table, gourmet meals with coordinating napkins, lit candles, and the perfect mood music playing in the background. No picky eaters, no noisy conversationalists, no spilled milk all over Grandma Lizzie’s tablecloth.

Well, somewhere between here and the Twilight Zone, reality dawned. These visions, though certainly not bad, were not really very practical. They were hindering me from enjoying the moment and living life as life was meant to be: Honest, hopeful, happy, and free.

I come from a long line of immaculate housekeepers, who wanted to impart that trait on the next generation of women in their family. I had assumed that regardless of little mess-makers underfoot, I would be able to scrub my floors on my hands and knees once a week, dust once a week, vacuum once a day, be able to drink water from the toilet bowl, and never have be a dish or piece of laundry out of place.

As most mommas know, there are weeks that we feel that just taking a shower is an accomplishment akin to climbing Everest. And as far as keeping up with laundry goes that may as well be some uncharted territory on the Amazon where Native peoples and undiscovered insects inhabit. So how do we find that balance where familial and cultural expectations and necessity and desire lie?

Its been a slow process, but I have come to the conclusion through too many days of feeling overwhelmed and feeling something of a failure, that we are not the servants of our home, but our home is meant to serve us. With the dawning of this revelation, I felt like a burden was lifted! And perhaps more importantly, I felt free.

Let me illustrate:

One day while crying on the phone to my Grandma about my laundry nightmare she gave me some of the best advice: “Don’t sweat the small stuff, Chandra.” Momentarily arriving from out of my pity party, I sniffed. “How do I do that when my kids have to have clean underwear?”

She went on to explain to me that my Aunt, who happens to be a very busy middle school principle, doesn’t sort her laundry and doesn’t fold it. Grandma told me that my Aunt just figures that it gets wrinkled up anyway once in the drawers. I had an epiphany.

Folding laundry is one of those things that I felt that I had to do. It’s just what you are supposed to do, that’s what my mother taught me, that’s what Martha Stewart says. Right?

Wrong. If your laundry gets washed, but gets stuck on your husband’s pool table (I won’t mention names here. Ahem…) and you end up sorting through that collective pile for the next month or so, then obviously your idea of folding your laundry and having organized drawers and closets is not working. Your home has become your master. Its time to reclaim it!

I finally learned to stop folding laundry and screw sorting socks. Our laundry gets put in its appropriate drawers, unfolded. With my little boys rooting around their dresser drawers it doesn’t stay folded anyway. And socks are sorted by family member but not paired. In a family of five, I would rather outlaw socks altogether.
But that’s not practical so this Momma gave up on pairing them. I would much rather go devote that time to some other creative project or a tickle fight. If there is a stray sock, I put it in a little baggie. If its match doesn’t resurface, then I use them for dust mittens for the kids, or make little snowmen out of them for gift embellishments at Christmastime.

Because of this simple, blessed conversation this principle started oozing out and running over into all other aspects of my home. I took to heart that poem about fingerprints on the windowpanes. I wash my windows, but not religiously. I started buying stock in Lysol wipes to keep my bathroom clean. I don’t fret about the dust. I would rather go pick a bouquet out of my garden and set it on a dusty table then waste that time removing the dust in an obsessive-compulsive fashion.
I also learned to set up my kitchen in a way that works for me. Just because your mom had the silverware drawer right by the towels doesn’t mean that that works for you. For me, I have one kid-friendly cabinet that is filled with all of their dishes (sippy cups, plates, bowls). Its easy for them to have access and they can start to help in the kitchen. My breadbox houses granola bars, pistachios, and other types of snacks in order to free up storage space.

Have you ever sorted your book collections by color? I used to think the only way to organize books was by genre’ and alphabetical by author. I threw that stuffy old principle out of the window too! My books are now sorted by color and not only do they add a colorful display, its much more my personality. Free spirited and fun loving.

So, my question to you is simple:

What are some ways that your home has become your master? And how can you go about reclaiming what’s yours? And what are some expectations that have perhaps been passed down from your grandmothers or mother to you that don’t work for you personally?

Today’s 2 Cents Courtesy of:

Chandra Hawkins-Bernat is a daughter of a King, a wife of a Prince, mother of heirs to the Kingdom…and in her spare time she pretends to be a student, author, designer, and artist. She is currently working on a book as well as blogging about being an insanely creative mommy and loving life with boys and an adoring husband. Her posts will leave you feeling inspired to create: memories, beauty, projects of love, and works of art for yourself and your loved ones. Be sure to visit her at MonkeyShine and get inspired!

Modern Homemaking REdefined: Meets Marriage Comments Off

Filed under the home
Written by Annie on 11th Jun -10

This article is a repost from Meredith of Penelope Loves Lists. If you’re interested in guest posting for Sister Wisdom, see the guidelines here.


love is doing something when you don’t feel like it

My marriage to J is my second, and I know now that happy marriage isn’t luck, or sex, or even just promises of forever. It’s daily maintenance. Not “work”, because I don’t think marriage should feel like work, but maintenance. It’s paying attention and clearing a path for your partner through every day life.

It’s you caring more about him than you care about yourself. That’s not always easy when you’re as busy as we are, right?

Being married to a man like my husband, who loves so completely through actions ( every morning I was sick, he cleaned the whole house before leaving for work, so that my mind could be “at ease”. I know.) has taught me the extreme value of doing for each other, rather than just saying “I love you” every day.

I find that my love speaks loudest when I do something for him when I most don’t feel like it. After a long day, when I’ve completed more than I thought I ever could. That’s the time I try to do one extra thing for J. Because that’s when it means the most.

Are you loving through actions today? Are you showing your family that, though your To Do list is miles long, they have a place right at the top of it?

–

[Annie here]

Let’s just recap those last 2 questions, in Modern Homemaking REdefined terms:

1. Are you loving through actions by what you choose to focus on, what you choose to let go, what you choose to make important, what you choose to overlook?

2. Are you making your husband and children a priority, even when the home needs making? After all, whom is the home for? What is the value of a home without the people in it.

CHALLENGE: What can you drop from your standard “homemaking” to-do stuff in order to free up a little more time to rest, to read, to be with the ones you love, to listen to your children, to take a walk with your husband, to call a friend? Drop it today. I dare you! Then let us know about it.

Today’s 2 Cents Courtesy of:

Penelope is a type of person. My name, however, is Meredith. I’m a working, married, 30-something mom of three, trying desperately (and, I admit, a bit compulsively) to hold together all the crazy aspects of my life. For me, the only way to do that is with lists and with all manner of organizational tools.

http://penelopeloveslists.com/organize/on-my-mind-love-is-when-you-dont-feel-like-it/
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