…and look better doing it!
1. Quit repeating yourself.
Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. If you do say it, mean it. Say it once, leave it alone, then ACT if necessary to follow through on what you’ve said.
P.S. When saying stuff to your kids, e.g, instructions, commands, suggestions, etc., remember to be CLEAR and be BRIEF. Clear: don’t ask when you are actually telling. Don’t offer an option if there really isn’t one. Don’t confuse the issue. Don’t give too many choices. Simple is best here. Brief: The longer you talk, the less your kids hear. Short, sweet, and to the point.
2. Get rid of (at least) half the toys in your home.
If you’re thinking this is extreme, try it. Box up half of the toys/gear/supplies and stick it in the garage, attic, closet, whatever. If your kids ask for it specifically, then consider it worth keeping. If that hasn’t happened in a few weeks, give it away. Kids don’t need stuff as much as they need space, time, and freedom for creativity.
3. Equip yourself for the toughest meal time.
Maybe that’s breakfast for you, getting everyone out the door on time. Or maybe it’s dinner, what my sis and I commonly refer to as the witching hour, when everything and everyone seems to fall apart just as we’re trying to get supper finished and served. Either way, anticipate the stress by 1) planning quick, simple, easy meals; 2) keeping your pantry/fridge/freezer stocked so you always have something on hand; and 3) getting as much prep done ahead of time as you can.
4. Create a simple, daily routine for kids to follow.
Kids, in general, like routines. A simple routine does not mean you have to schedule your day and theirs in fifteen-minute increments. In fact, I beg of you, please don’t do that. But do establish some daily habits, like first we have breakfast, then we do chores, then we have art time… You can still have plenty of “unplanned” blocks of time, but giving yourself and your kids some mile markers through the day helps keep everyone sane, calm, and happy.
5. Institute room time.
Room time is essential, I think, if you have more than one kid (or hey, even if you only have one) and if you want to keep your sanity and give them their own creative space, too. We all need some down time, and especially for kids and stay-at-home Moms, we all need some down time away from each other. Room time provides that. In my house, it means the boys go to their room and shut the door and play with their toys in there (I don’t keep a ton of toys in there, by the way, mostly bigger, easy to pick up stuff like trucks. See #2.) Mara goes to her room and shuts the door and gets to chill by herself for a while. She actually asks for room time if I forget it. It gives her time to do some more complex stuff (art projects) or quieter games (her little ponies and dolls) that the boys often interrupt out in the main living areas.
I can hear if anybody destroys anything or gets hurt, but I can finish cooking dinner in peace or sit down and read for 30 minutes.
6. Quit feeling guilty about the FAIL days.
You’re a parent, you have days that are labeled with the big red FAIL stamp. This is how things go. We don’t like ‘em, and especially us Moms… oh, we think we should get it right, or mostly right, every single day. It’s not gonna happen. Yesterday was a FAIL day for me, to the point that I was really contemplating how much I could get for the kids if I put them on Craigslist. Lucky for them Joe got home just then… But you know what? We’re all human. The sooner we accept that, as parents, about ourselves, the sooner we can accept that our kids will also have faults, and we can deal with all those accumulate faults – theirs, ours, and everyone else’s – without freaking out. Freaking out, by the way, is not one of the 7 ways to be a better parent.
7. Reduce the demands on your life.
This one goes hand-in-hand with #6. It’s about expectations, and it’s about the fact that we often expect ourselves to live up to these demands that have accumulated over time. They can become burdensome, to say the least, and can keep us from enjoying life, relaxing, enjoying our kids, and doing the things that are really important (like napping). If you’re still obligated and performing simply because at some distant point in the past you agreed to some responsibility, consider if you might need to cut that off. We change, life changes, and we need to adjust the demands we allow ourselves to live under. More is definitely not better, unless you’re talking about more time with your kids, more time with your spouse, more time for yourself, more time to rest, and more time to be creative and have fun.
