The Audacity of Passion

There is so much audacity in putting words on paper and assuming any of them are worthwhile. And it’s no good saying, “Well if only one person is helped by what I write then it is worth it…” That’s a lovely, noble albeit impractical thought and to it I say it better be some person to keep me waking up at 4 a.m. to scribble things down and that person must need a lot of help.

I hope it is crowds of people and thousands of copies and yes, large sums of money. Because money is a sign of value, and if I am to find a decent value in the time I’ve put in it will take a lot of money.

But that might not happen.

And I’ll write anyway, though heartsick at times for a word of praise, a paid job, a recognition, acceptance, affirmation.

That’s not why I write, though, because if it were I’d have stopped long ago and just focused on something like gardening or having babies, both of which seem to be far more productive. I might have a genuine knack for the baby thing…

Balance Is a Myth

Life is always happening. I have to choose my part in it.
Balance is a myth, I think, one we should reject summarily. Great and genius people, those who change what is, are never great examples of balance. They are, most often, the worst at it, because greatness, genius, and passion require more dedication than a “balanced life” can give. Balance is for the consumer, not the creator.

Give Up False Desires

We need to determine what gives us the most pleasure at a level beyond the distracted, flesh-driven, easy answer. We all have superfluous interests, things that are not bad but that don’t reach the very core of who we are. They deceive us, like thinking we’re hungry for food when really we need a long drink of good water.

They are temporary desires, circumstantial, arbitrary, and the result is a befuddled mind and satiation without satisfaction. I don’t think any of us were meant to be consumers only, as the definition of our life. How many hobbies, interests, so-called passions are based on consuming rather than on creating, giving, being, producing?

We need to find the true passions and then guiltlessly, freely, unhesitatingly get rid of the extraneous. Downsize, downplay, eliminate or simplify everything else. Why not focus on what matters most? Isn’t it really absurd to do anything else?

Sacrificing for Your Passion

I have stumbled across a few truths and one of them is that there is no such thing as a perfect life, a perfectly balanced life, or really even a simple life. Certain sacrifices must be made in order to pursue anything you’re passionate about.

Writing I am passionate about, but that’s not all. I’m also passionate about truth and about books, both of which mix very handily with my writing habit. I’m also passionate about my husband and children and the love I want to give them. That – family, its demands and rewards – does not mix handily with writing. But what of it? Neither passion is negated or even lessened in the slightest by the other.

Sure, there is plenty of side-sorting to do through the age-old things like guilt and resentment and lack of time. But none of those things are new or unique to my situation.

Avoiding Guilt and Resentment

We are a people who are capable of seeing our own imperfections, and we’ll always find something to feel guilty or resentful about just to avoid the real causes:

• We feel guilty for not living up to the perfection we know (instinctively) and crave, and simultaneously
• We feel resentful of carrying this instinct, this knowledge and burden of the perfect while being unable to reach it.

We would do ourselves a favor, release ourselves to be something worthwhile, if we would release this urge for balance and perfection and turn our energy instead toward our passions. Perfectionism just results in creative frustration. The pursuit of balance – mythical, unattainable, magical, immeasurable balance – results in creative paralysis.

Our lives will find their own natural rhythm if we quit worrying about an artificial balance and start living in time with our heartbeat.

Images
1. “The Light” courtesy of Jody McNary Photography on Flickr.

Everybody complains, but very few people do anything about their complaints. It’s as if most of us enjoy complaining… Hmmm. Do we?

Sometimes the solutions are so obvious and simple that it’s all I can do to keep my mouth shut. I want to point out the path for everybody’s personal growth: “Well, you just need to…” That’s not the problem, however. 9 times out of 10, we know exactly what we need to do to solve our problems. What we don’t take time to figure out, however, is how much it matters. The little things that we complain about today seem like little things; we don’t see how they turn into big consequences over time.

• If I don’t start exercising and I keep gaining ten pounds a year, then in five years I will be more than 50 pounds overweight. That’s not who I want to be in 5 years, so I need to make changes today.

• If I sleep in everyday and don’t meet my work and income goals, then in five years I will be more in debt than I am now, and working on an even tighter budget.

I don’t want to move backward; I want to move forward. Forward motion only happens with effort, so I have to make those choices, be self-disciplined, and make the forward motion happen. Otherwise the things that are irritating now will become the things that ruin my life in a few more years.

So why does it matter for you? Fast forward the current effects of your lifestyle five or ten years. The minor irritations will become magnified as they continue. The consequences will pile up. Figure out why improving your life now matters for the life you will live in the future.

2. Make a plan and stick to it.

You’ll never get the perfect plan, so quit worrying about the little details and just take action. I am so bad about planning and replanning and scheduling and organizing and then totally failing on the follow-through. But the following through is what gets me to the goal. My plan may not be perfect, but if followed, I will at least be making some kind of progress. There are always opportunities to adjust as we go along, but first we have to start going!

Excuses and procrastination will simply leave you in a rut. How many ‘if only’ phrases creep into your plans for a better life? Quit looking at what is hindering you and start figuring out how you can reach your goals in spite of the obstacles.

There will always be obstacles. That’s why reaching your goals is difficult! Figure out some way, anyway, to move forward in spite of discouraging circumstances, tight budgets, not enough time, lack of energy, poor health, family problems, whatever. You have to decide that building a better life is possible no matter what else is going on.

Women second guess themselves into failure many times. I don’t know if this is a uniquely female trait (it seems to have a hold on our gender) or if it has more to do with personality, but the result is that we sabotage our own personal growth. Don’t let doubt and excuses hold you down. Make a plan, however imperfect, and start acting on it.

3. Expect the best from yourself.

If we are going to move forward, we need to remember that ‘personal’ word in personal growth. Improving your life begins with you first deciding that you are capable of living the life you desire. You want to write and publish books? Do you expect from yourself the type of behavior and self-discipline necessary to acheive those goals? Or do you allow laziness to define you, excuse your sporadic writing habits, and still expect to succeed?
Take a close look at the daily habits necessary to move you from Point A (your life now) to Point B (your life as you dream it). What does it require of you? What choices does that person at Point B make every day that enable her to live that dream life? Begin making those same choices in your life now and you will end up there. Keep on living like you are, as the person who makes the choices that result in Point A, and that’s where you’ll stay.

Figure out what is required, and then start expecting that from yourself. You are capable of far more than you have acknowledged in the past. Start acknowledging. This isn’t about being boastful or putting others down. It is about choosing to be the best person you can be and making your life reflect fit that person.

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Image courtesy of headexplodie.

I am a little obsessed with personal growth, life improvement, all things moving me toward being a better person and living a better life. I’ve only got maybe 80 years here on earth, and I would like to make the most of it. The trouble is that it’s just difficult becoming a better person. I’ve got lots of habits that are hard to kick. Nothing really terrible or criminal or any worse than the next guy, but lots of things that keep me at a mediocre level in many areas of my life.

I have discovered that I can get momentum up for a while but then I just wimp out.

I need to build up more self-discipline. It is a long, slow process, but I am determined to keep trying and keep pushing because I am simply not satisfied with mediocrity. So. I read about this idea of a monthly challenge, and I think it is worth trying.

The concept is simple: try something for a month.

There are two basic kinds of monthly challenges, same concept but slightly different vision. The first promotes a habit. The 30-Day Challenge at Steve Pavlina’s site is a good example. This type of monthly challenge gets you to put forward enough energy for the 30 days you’ve committed to. You trick yourself – “it’s only for 30 days” – but after those 30 days it has become a habit and you can continue it, if so desired, with much less effort.

The second kind of monthly challenge promotes a project

. NaNoWriMo is, perhaps, the best-known of these challenges. The point is to put forward as much energy as possible to complete a (large) project in 30 days. The goal is completion, not perfection. You can let other things slide a bit in order to complete the project; you can always go back and work on the details later. The month of intense effort gets you through the project without a chance to lose momentum.

The monthly challenge possibilities are endless.

Whatever habit you need to establish or break is fair game. (It is easier to make a new habit than break an old one, though, so I suggest teaching yourself a new habit that will usurp the old one rather than focusing on not doing something anymore.) Monthly challenges work well because they give us a light at the end of the self-disciplined tunnel. You can endure almost anything for a certain amount of time. Telling yourself “it’s only for 30 days, and then I can quit,” helps you to keep moving forward on the intimidating project you need to face or the new, perhaps difficult, habit you need to establish. The beauty of the monthly challenge is what you have actually accomplished at the end of it. You have reached the 30-day goal; you are free to quit; but you find that you’ve completed the project, or established the habit, and now that beastie isn’t staring at you from the dark corners of your closet while you try to sleep. It’s been tamed.

My Monthly Challenge Muscle-Flexing Plan

So this is my plan for building self-discipline in my life: take on a different challenge every month

for the rest of this brand-new year of 2008. I did miss January, yes, but I still have 11 months left. 11 Challenges. 11 Chances to Exercise Self-Discipline until I am the Self-Disciplined Life-Improving Personally Growing Muscled Equivalent of Arnold Schwarzenegger. (And maybe I’ll go into politics then, since Arnold did…)

I know what my first challenge for February will be: To Stick to a Morning Routine. This is not very exciting and not nearly as interesting as a lot of other Monthly Challenge Possibilities (see a list below), but I think it is key to making a whole lot of other (good) things happen consistently in my life. I am so tired of that run around, always behind, totally dragging and wondering what I’ve accomplished at the end of the day feeling. You know the one I mean? Perhaps you want to take on a Monthly Challenge with me. (Anyone? Hello?) I’d love to have some company, and I think we all have areas that could use some improvement.

The Rules of the Game

I had better put a few guidelines in place for myself. I am trusting that the public accountability of a Hub will be motivational for me. I will be reporting in regularly on my progress, or lack thereof. Perhaps I should offer some kind of prize to a random commenter if I fail: further motivation.

Monthly Challenges (in general):

Begin on the 1st of the month and conclude on the last day of the same month.

Must be accomplished every single day of the month unless the specific month’s challenge is stated otherwise at the outset.

Previous Challenges

The Get Up Early Challenge: From Feb. 1st to Feb 28th, I challenged myself get up at the same time every morning (5 am) and establish a morning routine. Overall, a successful challenge. I got up at 5 today and wasn’t even sleepy!

The Life Without a To Do List Challenge: From March 1st to March 26th, I challenged myself to live without making a to do list everyday. Any day. Successful in that I didn’t make a daily to-do list, unsuccessful in that it wasn’t a change I wanted to incorporate permanently, so I called it over on March 26th. It was an interesting experience and has definitely helped me be less obsessive about lists and more balanced about how much I put on them. I am relieved to be able to have one now!

And Next…. April begins tomorrow. I haven’t decided on a Monthly Challenge for this beautiful, wet, Spring month yet. Let’s review the possibilities:

Monthly Challenge Possibilities

1. Exercise daily.
2. Cook something new.
3. Eat a healthy breakfast.
4. Talk to a stranger.
5. Be bold and confrontational (not in a rude way).
6. Spend time outside.
7. Work in the garden.
8. Spend time training Mara.
9. Go for a walk.
10. Drink 3 liters of water.
11. Go to bed at the same time.
12. Buy only consumables.
13. Go to no mass merchants.
14. Write a song.
15. Write a poem.
16. Memorize a poem or passage.
17. Listen to music for 20 minutes (while doing nothing else).
18. Bake.
19. Eat a salad.
20. Help someone.
21. Give something away.
22. Encourage someone.
23. Write a letter.
24. Write 1000 words in my novel.
25. Drink green tea instead of coffee.
26. Sew something.
27. Fix something around the house.
28. Organize.
29. Write a review (book, music, movie).
30. Read 20 pages.
31. Eat fruit before each meal.
32. Submit an article.
33. … Okay, I’m out of ideas. Have any more?

What habit could you form this month? What project could you dedicate extra time and energy to for a mere 30 days? Perhaps you could form a habit this month that would help you complete a project next month. Take a challenge, even if it is just a small one. It’s a great way to build up self-discipline, gain momentum, and reach a goal that might have seemed unreachable.

More:

A cooking monthly challenge blog. “Every month has a different “theme” to cook from and recipes, pictures, and reviews are then shared with the other contributors. We are cooks of all abilities and are located all over the world.”

A 30-Day Challenge Training Program (free) to help you start a business online. (I haven’t done any of the program, so I don’t know if it’s good or not. Might be worth checking into.)

A 30-Day S*x Challenge (it’s okay! it’s for married couples! I promise!) from Relevant Church. Here’s an article about it.

Steve Pavlina’s 30 Days to Success article (my original inspiration).

“Pregnant Warrior” image courtesy of dizznbonn on Flickr.

Hmm. Personally, I enjoy all the time I spend “at work” and I don’t really want to cut back at all. I guess longer vacations might be nice but by the end of that two-week Christmas break I’m usually rabid for a normal, productive routine again. I’m not sure of any way to really think except consciously; isn’t that the very meaning of thinking? Yoga, meditation, organic food… great things, certainly, but if simply added to an already unsimplified life they will only become so much more complication. As for eliminating the stress-inducing people in my life, I’ve found that they are usually the ones I am related to or close friends with. It is the very closeness and depth of the relationships that creates the opportunity for stress. I don’t get stressed out about the day-to-day problems or emotional upheavals experienced by my acquaintances. It’s not that I don’t care, theoretically, it’s just that there’s not enough emotional connection to produce true empathy. But if it’s my husband or sister or best friend, well, that’s another story. And I’m just not willing to eliminate them for the sake of simple living. Call me crazy.

Getting rid of clutter seems like a valid concept in the search for simple living. In fact, my personal definition of simple living is just that: a life without clutter. Clutter. Unnecessary details. Extraneous, inconsequential items. “Our life is frittered away by detail…simplify, simplify,” said Thoreau, the ultimate Simple Liver. He cut the clutter to a point a tad too extreme for most of us, but I respect his premise. I also respect the fact that he uses the word “fritter,” which, frankly, I find rather hard to do in a serious sentence. I digress.

Clutter. Clutter is the natural enemy of simplicity. Clutter always creates a state of disorder which, in turn, creates a feeling of unrest and unfinished business, of urgency, of stress and anxiety and an overwhelming desire to just chuck it all and flee to the Bahamas. Few of us actually do chuck it all and flee to the Bahamas. If we did, we might find that simplicity after all, thanks to clutter. What happens more often, though, is that we keep slogging through the morass of clutter, hating the way we’re living, dissatisfied with where we’re going, frustrated by how we are forced to spend our time: on the mundane, the unimportant, the things we really don’t care about.

Remember those days in school when all your homework seemed pointless? You spend a couple of hours reading the assignments, maybe drawing a map or copying equations, and the question ringing through your head the entire time was this: “How will this possibly do me any good in real life?” Do you ever feel that way now, maybe halfway through returning a phone call about a school bake-sale or organizing papers for another board meeting? Do you hear that question again but choose to ignore it? It scares you too much because you know this is real life. And if all this stuff you’re doing isn’t doing you any good, then your life must be pretty pointless.

Lest you despair at that last statement, ponder the mantra of Anonymous Organizations everywhere: The first step is admitting you’ve got a problem. You’ve got to admit you’re overweight before you’ll commit to a diet. You’ve got to admit your metabolism has slowed down before you’ll commit to an exercise regimen. You’ve got to admit your finances are in bad shape before you’ll commit to a budget. And you’ve got to admit you’re crazy before you’ll commit yourself to Shady Acres. Oops, that last one just slipped in there. What I meant to say was this: You’ve got to admit your life is cluttered before you’ll commit to simplifying.

I sense the development of a brand-new slogan here: Admit and Commit. I can just picture a crowd of women, all of us with slightly unkempt hair and slightly out-dated wardrobes, holding hands and chanting together, “Admit and Commit. Admit and Commit. Admit and Commit.”

Maybe we don’t need to go so far as to have a Cluttered Lives Anonymous gathering (though it’s probably not such a bad idea), but we do need to quit wasting time. Quit frittering life away, as our friend Thoreau says. We are dissatisfied with cluttered lives because we know we can do more and be more. Fear keeps us in the clutter. We fear change, we fear disapproval, we fear getting lost in a wilderness of the unfamiliar. So we stay where we are because we feel somewhat secure in a life that is predictable. It isn’t enjoyable, maybe, or exciting, or fulfilling, or even close to what we dreamed about five or ten or twenty years ago, but we’ve learned what to expect from it and we know how to respond.

My challenge to all of us honorary Cluttered Lives Anonymous members is this: Admit you want something better. Then commit to one action that will bring you closer to whatever that better might be. I don’t think you should quit your job, end your friendships, leave your spouse, quit talking to your kids, drop all your social activities, or throw out all your material possessions. In fact, I think the worst time to make those kind of decisions is when you are frustrated, stressed, and worn out by the accumulated details of a cluttered life. Simple Living isn’t an all-or-nothing bargain. It’s a series of choices that you make that takes you from spending the majority of your time on the unimportant to spending the majority of your time on the most important.

Think about one small habit you could change in your life. Think about one of those mundane details you find yourself constantly checking. You are the most qualified person to find a way to eliminate that detail. Can you incorporate it into a routine so it doesn’t require continual decisions and attention? Can you eliminate it altogether? Can you delegate it? Can you shoot it out of a bazooka so you never have to think about it again? Can you make it part of something you do enjoy? Start thinking and then do it. This can be the first choice you make toward a life that is simple and fulfilling.

Who am I? What is my purpose? Why don’t I feel satisfied? Is there more to life? Finding your place in the universe is a large task, but it is what we’re all after in one way or another. We’re either on the hunt, or wish we could be, or have been and have given up, or think maybe we have found something special, finally, but we’re unsure and afraid. Some of us, very few of us, walk confidently through each day with the assurance that they are being who they are meant to be, doing the best that they can do, and using the moments as wisely as possible.

How Do You Fit in Now?

You feel misunderstood, unappreciated, insecure, sometimes alienated from the people you are closest to. You are constantly seeking but never achieving the standard you have set for yourself, overwhelmed by the tragedy in the world, and disappointed by your own failures and the failure of others.

You feel restless, bored with life, never taken seriously. You see your good ideas go to waste and are frustrated by the unwillingness of others to take a chance and have some fun. You are handicapped by your own disorganization, full of great visions but too overwhelmed by the process to ever get to the end result.

You feel impatient, demanding, and hate the unproductivity in life that you can’t fix. You end up alone because you don’t know how to connect with others. You are aggravated by the weakness and stupidity all around you, and though you see clearly how to correct wrongs you are frustrated because you simply cannot fix them all.

You feel apathetic, worried, indifferent to what others enthuse over, and fearful because you’re so indifferent. You are unsure why other people can’t just relax and get along, but you are full of unexpressed frustrations and secretly wish you could be bolder and more confrontational. You hesitate, go blank in key moments, and then regret the missed opportunities.

The Common Thread of Dissatisfaction

Which paragraph describes you? Maybe one in particular, or all of them, or a combination jumped out and you nodded to yourself as you read. The common thread of all the descriptions is this: dissatisfaction with yourself and your own part of the universe. You don’t want to feel misunderstood, or bored, or unproductive, or fearful. You never intended to alienate yourself, or miss so many opportunities, or leave so many things undone, or let so many good ideas just die. But every day you see those negative moments repeated in your life and you haven’t found a way to change that.

“The first step is admitting you have a problem,” as we learn from Alcoholics Anonymous. Admitting dissatisfaction is the first step toward eliminating it. In yourself, the inner workings of who you are, and in your life, all those outward activities that compose your days, dissatisfaction is not really a negative thing at all; rather, it implies two very important concepts.

You and Your Life Are Worth Improving

Dissatisfaction with yourself and your life implies, first, that you and your life have a value beyond what is being given to them today from your current attitudes and habits. For example, you are dissatisfied with your relationship with your spouse. You feel like your spouse doesn’t really appreciate you, doesn’t take you seriously, and overlooks your needs. The value your spouse is demonstrating for you is not congruent with the value you place upon yourself.

Likewise, when you think and act in ways that demonstrate little or no value for who you are and what your life is, the dissatisfaction you feel comes from the inherent knowledge that you and your life are of much value. Dissatisfaction is that inner motivation to get those two sets of values back onto one accurate level.

Satisfaction Is Possible

Dissatisfaction implies the existence of its opposite: satisfaction. If you can be discontent, perhaps you can also be content. If you are fed up with the mediocre, the frustrating, the boring, the mundane, the half-hearted, the handicaps of your own choices, you can begin to seek the excellent, the fulfilling, the exciting, the rewarding, the passionate, the skills and strengths rather than wandering in the inabilities and weaknesses that have consistently plagued your life.

What You Can Control

An important distinction to make is the difference between what you can change and what you can’t. Success is sure to follow one who diligently puts effort into improving himself and his own life; the same cannot be said of one who diligently seeks to improve someone else and someone else’s life. You control who you are: your feelings, thoughts, habits, character traits, moods, words, responses. You control certain aspects of your life: your daily activities, work, your part in relationships, your downtime, money and time management, routines.

You do not control, cannot control, and should never attempt to control anyone else. You also cannot control anyone else’s life or effort in a relationship. You can manipulate, boss, command, withdraw, and charm all you want, but any measure of control you manage to exert is only temporary and will inevitably create resentment both in yourself and in the person you are trying to control.

Life improvement is about improving what you control in your own life. If you focus on doing just that, your good steps may inspire others to the same. But if you try to force your idea of life improvement onto someone else’s life, you will send him or her running far in the opposite direction.

How to Begin Changing

Ask yourself a few questions; maybe even write down the answers, or take enough time to really think on the answers so that they become part of your inner monologue.

1. Why do you seek to change? What is really bothering you most about yourself and your life? Is it something under your control or not? Is it yourself or someone else? Is it your work, your relationships, your fulfillment or lack thereof?

2. What is your ideal vision for your life? Are you anywhere close to what you imagined you would be? How far away are you? Does it seem impossible? Why? What is so hard about getting from where you are to where you want to be? Is it worth trying? Why or why not?

3. What’s holding you back, specifically? Do you have issues from the past? Regrets that are unexpressed? Bitterness toward parents, friends, family members? Are you fearful, insecure, doubtful? Are you bogged down with practical problems? If you could change, immediately, one thing about your life what would it be? If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be? If you could guarantee one thing about your future, what would it be?

Taking the Next Step

Reading about others who change and improve their lives is motivating. Search out internet sites or books that share such stories. Review your answers to the questions above and decide which areas need change the most. Pick only one or two to begin working on. And subscribe to the RSS Feed here so you can work through topics like what is requirements for life improvement, self-discipline, personality types, and how to create habits and routines.

We want others to like us, to emulate us, to approve of us, to admire our decisions, our lives. We want a pat on the head. We want the general consensus of others around us to be that we’ve got it pretty well figured out. So we take the paths that seem familiar because we know instinctively that, like us, others tend to approve of what is familiar without ever questioning it. We get the approval. But do we ever get the life we really want?

As women, we are especially susceptible to seeking the approval of others around us. Something in our emotional construction longs for the security of knowing we have pleased, we are approved, we have somehow met the mark. But how often do we stop to ask whose mark we are so desperately trying to meet? Is someone else’s standard my only measurement for a successful life?

I seem traditional to some people, but the catch is that the traditions I uphold in my life I have chosen consciously, recognizing what they are and the value they hold for me. The traditions that have no validity and no value I choose to reject: not because I hate the past or because I want to rebel against my family legacies, but because blind adherence to tradition never improves my life. I am a stay-at-home mom and a work-from-home writer. I enjoy traditional “domestic” activities like cooking and gardening; I also love playing guitar, traveling, meeting new people, and going to skateboard parks with my husband. I spend a lot of time trying to improve how I do what I do, and probably an equal amount of time trying to improve who I am. Personal growth is a big part of life improvement for me.

Take adventures in seeking, constantly, to improve your life by questioning assumptions, examining cultural norms and traditions, and taking time to think through both your daily habits and your lifelong beliefs. Such activity is not for the faint-hearted or the close-minded. We all have strong emotional attachments to our assumptions. A defense system we don’t even recognize most of the time jumps into action as soon as something dear to us is questioned, even if the questioning will lead us to a better, safer, and freer life. Questions frighten us. We have made decisions based on assumptions and we fear that questioning those assumptions will cause our lives to crumble around us.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” (Semisonic)

Without questions, without honesty, without risk, our lives will crumble. At best we will live and die in mediocrity. The atrophy of a mind and heart never fully used will cause our lives to deteriorate into something passionless, useless, and pointless. Life was not meant to be lived without purpose and freedom. It is only by asking difficult questions and seeking real wisdom that we find both purpose and freedom, and in finding them we find a passion for life.

I hope you are open-minded enough to seek more than the rut you have been walking. I hope you are willing to take risks, to ask questions, to examine your own life honestly, to put aside assumptions, to seek true value. Do you want comfort, or do you want real wisdom? Do you want familiarity, or do you want freedom?

Improving your life is more than sitting around, theorizing about the big questions in life. Our lives are composed of a collection of small things, mostly, and thinking about those small things is how we make our lives richer and better. All the little things – from how you cook a meal, or organize your desk, or shop for birthday gifts to how you implement frugality, change your morning routine, or choose what book to read next – make the big differences that take us from mediocrity to excitement.

I said before that no one has it all figured out; I certainly don’t. My mission is to find out what I can and continually change and improve my life with every day. Many of the things I write about are very simple, practical applications for the daily business of life: how-tos, recipes, life hacks, tips, methods. Some are more theoretical, my own process of examining the “bigger” things in life.

Take risks. Let life be an adventure and not a drudgery. Trade in those assumptions for something real. You may walk away with the same basic lifestyle and beliefs, but they will be grounded on your own decisions, not on a past that you may or may not want to become your future. Reject the fear and the passivity and seek what is real. “Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister.’” (Proverbs 7:4)

Not to get you down, but…
We need to admit that we are lazy and we are fearful. Most of what we want to accomplish in life is possible for us. Money is there to be made. Time is ours to use as we will. Relationships become what we put into them. People treat us as we allow them to. The responsibility rests on us. My life is my own and if I let you control is, it is my fault. Shame on you, certainly, for seeking to control, but a greater shame on me for victimizing myself.

Your Purpose Becomes Your Responsibility
Responsibility is part of purpose. Finding out your purpose creates an obligation upon you to fulfill that purpose. If you have value beyond today, if significance and satisfaction are possible, if you have a purpose beyond existing, then you alone are responsible for living up to that value, living in such a way as to be significant and create satisfaction by achieving your purpose. None of these things are impossible, but they require thought, commitment, effort, and diligence.

Striving for Your Purpose
If I fail to achieve my purpose, it is either because I was too afraid to find out what it was or because, upon finding out, I was too lazy to strive for it. To strive means to “endeavor with earnestness, to labor hard” and “to contend, to struggle in opposition to another.” Achieving your purpose means that you must not only work for something noble and big and beyond today, but you must work against your fears, your laziness, your old habits of mediocrity, and all the voices in your society and your past that point you in an easier direction.

Refuse to Waste Your Life
It may sound like I’m taking this all a little too seriously, but wasting a life is a serious thing. That life came from somewhere and is meant to do something. I believe God gave it to you. Whether you believe the White Dolphin of the Lost Sea gave it to you or your parents were just a little thoughtless with contraceptives, you still wake up every morning with a day to fill. You can settle for meaningless mediocrity, but you don’t really want to. If you do, it is only because laziness and fear have taken over and you have settled into victimization again.

Do better than be a victim for the rest of your life. Start taking control of your mind and emotions and body, one step at a time. Ignore that voice that says, “Forget this, it’s a waste of time.” Ignore that small, offended feeling at being called lazy and fearful. Ignore that urge to go get something to eat and settle in front of the tv. You were meant to be alive, not be a victim. Start finding your purpose.

How to Find Your Purpose

Finding your purpose is a personal exercise, and no chart or graph or checklist will really do it for you. Writing helps me, but that’s because I’m a writer. I get a piece of paper and start writing down the things that matter to me. From those, there are a few that really stand out, or that are repeated (different terms or phrases, same idea). Read How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes by Steve Pavlina. Ask your friends and family what they think you are good at. This doesn’t mean that is your purpose, but it gives you a starting point if you find yourself totally stuck. What do you love? What gets you enthusiastic? What could you do and never get tired of doing? What is your idea of the perfect job? How do you wish you could change the world? What would you attempt if you had unlimited resources? What would you try if you knew you could not fail?

Answer those questions honestly, and try to find the common theme. Boil it down to something clear and quick and to the core. Then hold on to it and start thinking about how that purpose translates into the life you are living now.