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the secret to getting things done as a busy mama 1

Filed under the home, the kids
Written by Annie on 1st Aug -11

Waiting
Creative Commons License photo credit: angelocesare

I’ll just up and say it, because I hate those posts that build up a huuuuuge secret (to $1000 a month! to work-at-home secrets! to twice the productivity for half the effort! for perfect children! for great summer hair!) and then just let you down with something lame after you’ve made it through the whole-entire-not-really-worth-reading post.

The Big Secret to Getting Things Done as a Busy Mama

<drum roll>

People can wait.

People can wait without damage to their eternal well-being, developing psyches, or sense of relational importance.

Things can wait.

Things can wait without much damage at all to um, anything, including their non-eternal well-being.

The Right-Now Fallacy

Does Junior need his sippy cup right now? Does your best friend need you to return her call this very instant? Will the laundry disintegrate if it is not folded and put away immediately? (Regular scientific studies performed at my house say No, so you can breathe a sigh of relief on that one.)

The Right-Now Fallacy says

  • if you don’t do it right now, it doesn’t count.
  • if you don’t do it right now, the world will end.
  • if you don’t do it right now, it means you don’t care.
  • if you don’t do it right now, you’ll forget and never do it.

That little tyrannical monster looms big in our lives because we let it.

My husband will ask me to do something minor: return a call, schedule a get-together, sew on a button, pay a bill. And I think, for some reason, that I have to drop everything and do it right now. Which isn’t, as it turns out, what he means at all (most of the time).

My children will ask for a thousand hundred things in the course of a single moment, and they do mean right now.

Hold me, look at me, watch me, listen to me, help me, read to me, be with me, snuggle with me, get me a snack, get me a drink, get me some lunch, get me a treat, wash my hands, comb my hair, I need a ponytail, I need help with my shoes, I need to reach that toy on that high shelf that I will forget about approximately 20 seconds after you get it down for me, and so on.

Valid needs.

Who am I to discount the need to hold the tantalizing toy for 20 seconds? (Um, I”m the MOM, that’s who. But never mind. That’s not the point here.)

The point is, even very valid and real and important needs (snuggle! read! help! change diaper!) can wait for a little while without causing any major catastrophe. (IMPORTANT EXCEPTION: exploding diapers should be dealt with immediately or dire consequences will result. I am warning you, straight up, don’t wait around on those. IT GETS UGLY.)

The reason this is important…

(because I hear you, you’re probably all like Ummmmkay, how is this helping me to get things done?)

…well it’s like this.

Much of our frustration as busy mamas is due to the continual interrupting that is part of life with children (and, ahem, husband).

Now interruptions are not necessarily evil (that point could be argued), but the result is that we wander off to meet urgently expressed need without finishing or even wrapping up our current thing-in-progress, and by the end of the day we wander dazed through the house and see about fifteen dozen things-in-progress that we were never able to get back to doing all the way, and it is frustrating, disheartening, and overwhelming.

And we begin to resent those interruptions, and it is our own fault because, darn it ladies, we take them too seriously. And that is our own fault.

Try this and see how it effects your ability to get things done.

Next time you are interrupted, answer courteously with a “Yes, sure, I will be happy to take care of/help you with/draw twenty-seven blueredandpurplerainbows for/etc as soon as I finish this thing.”
Then: finish it.
THEN, and only then, go take care of the request-in-queue.

You already know the outcome, don’t you?

If you took the extra five or ten minutes to finish emptying the dishwasher, paying the bills, writing the article, playing the song on the piano, putting away the baby’s clothes, having the conversation with your sister, writing the note, mopping under the table, reading the chapter, editing the draft, or whatever it is, you wouldn’t have fifteen-leventy-dozen unfinished things at the end of the day.

And probably, nobody will be worse off for it.

Yes, of course there are exceptions. And yes, of course there is one valid danger that I admit to, the danger that you will completely and totally forget the request-in-queue while you are finishing the task at hand.
A real danger.
I have a solution for that, too, which I was going to write down as soon as I finished writing this… and, um, I forgot it…

Get back to you on that.

Prepping Your Pantry for the Holidays 2

Filed under yum food
Written by Annie on 12th Nov -10

As I see it, there are four food categories that make the Christmas holidays different than the rest of the year. There is…

  • social-event food, like the appetizer you’ll take to your sister’s open house or the pies you will make when you have the neighbors over for dinner
  • big-family-dinner food, the traditional turkey-and-trimmings or your own version of what befits the holiday family meal(s)
  • holiday food, like peppermint fudge and cookies
  • gift-giving food, which could be a bottle of wine for a hostess gift or an elaborate arrangement of all those cookies and jars of preserves and summer sausages and your grandmother’s baklava. [I guess Harry & David falls into this category, but if you're giving food to me just go with one of the Etsy selections below (click a photo).]

I love food. I love holiday food, whether it’s candy corn in October, turkey and dressing in November, or cookies and spiced cider in December. The point is that the food requirements go up, way up, during these months. It can break your budget (over and over again) if you don’t do some planning ahead. Okay, it can break your budget if you do plan ahead. But at least it won’t be quite as bad, and you’ll be less stressed knowing you have what you need no matter how many last-minute things come up.

Step 1: Make a List of Pantry Staples

You may already have one, if you are an organized-shopping-list kind of person. Great, if so, move ahead to Step 2. If you don’t yet have one, think about the dry, canned, and frozen items you use often. Most of us tend to cook the same kind of things most of the time, so we purchase the same kind of grocery items repeatedly.

You can also make a separate section for fresh staples: items you go through regularly but don’t store for long periods of time. Bananas, bread, other fruit and vegetables, fresh herbs, juice, dairy products… which ones make your list every week?

RESOURCES

  • Laurel Plum Online’s detailed and helpful guide to creation your own Custom Pantry and Grocery List. As she says, there are a plethora of Pantry Staples Lists out there online, but none of us cook exactly the same. I think probably most people don’t have fresh cilantro on their grocery staples list every single week… but I do.
  • If you like reading pantry lists anyway, check out The Perfect Pantrys’ 23 pantry items you absolutely positively have to have. Then browse the website. Lots of fun pantry lists, recipes, etc.
  • I put together a (short) list of freezer items to keep on hand for quick meals. It works for me. Check out Keep This in Your Freezer (And Save Dinner).

Step 2: Make a (Rough) List of Holiday Events Involving Food

And let me know if you’ll actually take part in any holiday events that don’t involve food. Do they exist? You don’t have to have your entire holiday calendar filled out, so don’t stress about this. Just jot down the things you know will happen at some point during the next few months.

My list: our annual chili party the day after Halloween, 2 birthdays, best friend’s weekend visit, big Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas parties (2), friends over (3), and big Christmas dinner. I’m roughly estimating on the parties and the friends coming over, but it gives me an idea. This isn’t perfection, this is just prep work.

Step 3: Make a (Rough) List of Holiday Food You Want to Make

This list may or may not correspond with the list above; that is, if you want to jot down specific ideas for specific events, have at it. If you want to keep it simpler and just note the things you know you want to make at some point, do that. Also on this list you should include the food gifts you want to give, whether it is a homemade item or a purchased item.

RESOURCES

  • Oprah’s got a whole list: cookies, holiday recipes, menus, and more. The appetizers look good.
  • I’ve got a Holiday Recipe Round-Up I put together last year, and if you’re looking for the perfect cheesecake recipe, it’s my sister’s. Get it, make it, and you’ll thank me later.
  • From Real Simple, check out 12 Easy Recipes for Homemade Holiday Gifts. The Cranberry-Pistachio Biscotti sounds awesome (does it count as a holiday gift if I make it for myself?). Homemade Fudge Sauce? Yes. Yes, please. I’ll pass on the Cinnamon Twists, though. Not sure why everyone thinks puff pastry rolled in some random thing is a great gift, but whatever.
  • Also from Real Simple, 24 Make-Ahead Thanksgiving Recipes, which can, of course, be used for holidays other than Thanksgiving. (Say, National Leprechaun Day….) The more you can make ahead, the better. I like the sound of that Goat Cheese Spread, the Cranberry and Orange Relish (it has cilantro!), and the Baked Spinach and Gruyere dish makes me drool.

Step 4: Clean Out Your Pantry

Before you start on this step, read the last line of Step 2 again. Say it to yourself as you clean out the old cruddy stuff, stack things back on the shelves, and wipe up the dirty spots. This isn’t perfection, this is just prep work. Don’t get caught up in alphabetizing spices or laying new shelf paper. Just get things in order. Clean out the out-dated, nasty, never-gonna-eat-it stuff. Wipe out the crumbs, spills, and messy spots. Stack like things with like: Baking Goods, Starches, Canned Goods, Snacks, Breakfast, etc.

RESOURCES

Step 5: Start Adding To Your Normal List

From now on, every time you make your grocery list, you should pull your other three lists out and confer. Look at the sale flyers. What is on your list of staples, or an ingredient in one of your dishes, or a great deal for a main dish for that party you’re hosting?

Add it to your list, work within your budget, and get all the holiday food you can each shopping trip. You may want to grab some red stickers to mark the food that is to be saved for holiday use, or set aside a separate shelf or space in the freezer, if you have the room. Keep an eye for other items you might not have on your list. Are colored napkins on sale, or sparkling juices, or a specialty coffee that would be a great gift?

Remember, you don’t have to stress about preparation; you’ll be going to the grocery store again before you actually make all this food. And you’ll check your recipes and be sure you have all the ingredients. You will probably need to purchase more when you get to the time, but it will be far less than the full amount. Preparing your pantry spreads both the cost and the stress of holiday food out over a longer period of time, so you can enjoy the actual cooking and eating.

Parenting 101: Morning Matters 1

Filed under the kids
Written by Annie on 15th Apr -10

What you do or don’t do in the morning sets the tone and effects the outcome of the rest of your day. It’s not that you can’t recover from a difficult morning, but it’s much better to start the day off right than try to recoup what’s left of it. Our bad habits, lack of habits, lack of planning, lack of self-discipline, and over-achiever tendencies conspire against us to make mornings miserable. The way you handle your morning matters for the rest of your day, and since your life is simply the sum of your days, you could sum it up like this: how you handle the first few hours of your day says a lot about what your whole life is and will be. continue reading…

Simplifying Food, Chores, and More with Repetition 1

Filed under self
Written by Annie on 7th Jul -09

Part 5 of the series: The Get-Your-Life-Together Plan

rep1

Repetition does not make your life boring; repetition makes your life simpler. Conscious repetition helps you to accomplish the necessary and be freed up for the fun stuff.

Your Household Is Your Business

Think of your household like a business organization; how can you run a successful business if only the CEO knows the correct way to do things? That business is going to be extremely limited because there is no method to the daily work. No one can be trained or taught, nothing can be delegated, and even the daily, mundane tasks become a hassle because there’s no structure, no organization, no routine.

Sound like your house in the morning? Or the evening? Or anytime? (Except when you and the husband and the kids are all out of the house, right? Then it’s pretty peaceful…unless the dog gets loose… Oh, nevermind.)

Use Conscious Repetition

You know a morning routine makes your mornings easier. You know a daily minimum (which is also a routine) makes keeping the house clean a lot easier. Both routines are simply methods of conscious repetition.

Become conscious. You repeat things whether you’re aware of it or not. You shower, dress, eat, drive, email, hug, talk, sleep… repeatedly. Running your household requires infinite repetition; that’s one reason it’s so easy to get frustrated with the home and the family. It’s never done, complete, finished.

You never get to walk away from the laundry room, rubbing your hands together, and say, “Well, now that’s done for good I can move on to something more interesting.” Oh, no. The laundry will be back, again (and with a vengeance). The floor will get dirty, again. The kids will get hungry, again (what is with them?). You get the point.

So, your choice is to 1) waste time making the same decisions and fumbling your way through the endlessly repetitive and, let’s face it, boring daily tasks of modern home making or 2) create streamlined, custom methods to get the items accomplished quickly, efficiently, and as best suits you and the household.

Oh, hmmm, which sounds better?

Open Door #2! You win the prize: a simpler life, a smoothly running household, and more mental freedom and time to do… well, whatever you want.

Here’s How

Start writing things down. Notice what you already do and how you do it. Maybe set aside a little notebook or just jot things down in your journal or on your computer. What you want to pay attention to is the repetitive stuff.

Find a time to spend about an hour on creating some policies and procedures. This is the easiest and best way to get conscious repetition working for you.

A policy and procedure manual is a book (or books) that businesses use to set standards and define methods for their employees. It makes training easy and create common standards and methods that everybody in the company learns and uses.

A policy tells you what and why. A procedure tells you how.

Here’s an example from business.

Policy: An employee identification card is required for all employees in order to gain access to offices and facilities.

Procedure: Upon employment, the employee obtains the form from the Department of BlahBlahBlah, fills out, turns it in, and picks up ID card from the Office of ID Cards one week later.

Here’s an example from a household.

Policy: In order to be healthier, we eat smoothies for breakfast during warm weather seasons.

Procedure:

Annie purchases fresh fruit and frozen yogurt every week when grocery shopping.

Annie washes and prepares fruit to some extent when putting away groceries.

Annie puts some of the fruit in the refrigerator and some in the freezer so that there is always a frozen supply.

Annie processes any fruit that is about to spoil and puts it in the freezer.

Joe makes the morning smoothie by using fresh and frozen fruit, frozen yogurt, and juice.

Joe washes the blender and leaves it on the counter to dry.

Joe wipes off the counters.

Joe puts any fruit residue in the compost bucket.

Annie puts the blender away later in the day when cleaning the kitchen.

Mara takes the compost bucket out later in the day when playing outside.

Why Details Matter

Now you’re thinking, “Sheesh, that’s a lot of detail just to get a smoothie made.” Yes. It is. But it ensures that the smoothie gets made and the area gets cleaned up and it defines who is in charge of what.

It eliminates the decision-making process and the guess work: “Should I have a smoothie? Do we have any fruit? Is there any frozen yogurt? Did Joe clean the blender up? Should I make the smoothie today or will Joe do it?”

Can you switch it up? Sure! It’s your policy and procedure manual; you can do anything you want, including change it, ignore it, or light it up and watch it burn. It’s more useful, however, if you leave the matches alone and go ahead and get detailed enough to create some policies and procedures, then start using them.

If you’re the only one involved, you’ve just defined and streamlined your routine so it will go faster and you will be more efficient. If there are others involved, then you’ve made it easy for them to know what’s expected. That’s a relief for you and for them.

Image courtesy of D Sharon Pruitt.

Getting Started: How to Make Changes that Stick 1

Filed under self
Written by Annie on 16th May -09

Part 1 of the series: “The Get Your Life Together Plan”

Image courtesy of alicepopkorn.

Image courtesy of alicepopkorn.

Find out why it matters.

When I need help being consistent, say, with exercise or cutting out soda or eating more salads, I do research. I hope from site to site, reading up on fitness routines, muscle tone, great-looking salad ideas.

And nothing changes.

Then, as I walk the mall, dodging weed-thin teenagers and power-walking Mommies in velour sweats, I catch my own reflection. Sharp gasp (my own). Look of horror (my own). That’s not me: that’s some 30-ish woman who has a mummy tummy and flabby arms and doesn’t make that cute shirt look so cute.

I dump my soda in the nearest trash can, go home, and have a big salad for dinner. The next day continue reading…

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