SISTER WISDOM

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A Life Beyond Feelings: How to Begin 1

Filed under self
Written by Annie on 19th May -10

I am feeling totally burned out and the last thing I want to do right now is write. I don’t even really want to read, and that’s a sure sign of word fatigue at its worst incarnation. I want to sleep. Oh. Coffee might help.

There are two little girls in the kitchen and I’m watching them through the big pass-through. They are standing on little blue chairs in front of the sink, “washing dishes” for me. Happy. Intensely involved in their work. Oblivious to the water on the counter, on the floor, on their shirts. I think right now they’re guessing what soap bubbles taste like and wondering why I won’t let them taste to find out…

The Conflict Between What Is Needed and What I Want

Writing through burn-out. Working through fatigue. Giving through selfishness. That’s what it comes down to, isn’t it? Writing or working or caring for children or giving careful attention to a conversation when what you want is to run away, anywhere away, far away. It is the conflict between what I’m feeling, which is telling me what I want, and what is needed from me.

It is a sign of maturity when you can ignore the feelings and simply do what is needed, in spite.

In Spite of the Feelings

Not without the feelings. That’s a crock. In spite of the feelings. You can’t turn emotions on and off. You can’t make “happy” happen anytime you feel a little stressed or down.
But you can decide that feelings aren’t the most important factor. You can look at yourself and say, Okay, I don’t feel like doing this. I, in fact, want to vomit at the thought of this… job, obligation, event, conversation, pile of child’s vomit to be cleaned up. But it still needs to be done. So I am going to do it.

When Not to Focus on the Feelings

It is not bad to have feelings, even negative feelings. Feelings are worthwhile. But feelings are not valid excuses for just checking out on the things we’ve committed to doing and being. But when we have these bad feelings, we tend to focus on fixing them so we can get on with the doing and being. It’s the wrong order, and it never works. The more we focus on the negative feelings, the bigger and scarier and more negative they become.

The best thing to do in those moments is to decide, in the simplest of ways, that you will just let those feelings sit there while you get on with the doing and being that is your life. Your life is not your feelings. Your life is effected by your feelings, but the moment you make that simple decision, the feelings lose a bit of their power.

You type a sentence in spite of the burn-out.
You smile at your child in spite of the frustration.
You hug your husband in spite of the stress.

When to Focus on the Feelings

Negative feelings are valid markers of something being wrong. But sometimes the “something wrong” is just too little sleep or too much navel-gazing. The moment the feelings are in full-blown attack is the worst time to start trying to analyze the cause. Worst, worst, worst.

Wait on it. Don’t worry about them. There they are, those feelings. If they’re indicating something you need to deal with, you’ve got time to deal with it. Later. After a good night’s sleep or a good meal or a long walk or some belly laughs. After the doing and being, go back and think through the feelings. You’ll have the gift of just enough distance to actually analyze them and their cause instead of getting swept up in their force.

This is how you start to grow up. This is how you start to accept feelings for what they are: part of your life, not all of your life.

Images

1. Sometimes you just want courtesy of Vale the Kid on Flickr.

Taking Action Comments Off

Filed under good reads, work
Written by Annie on 15th Feb -08

Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action. Napoleon Hill

The quote above is the antidote to the plague of perfectionism that keeps so many of us in a place of continual dissatisfaction and failure to reach our goals. We are waiting until we are ready, until the moment is right, until everything is in place, until Situation A is resolved and Situation B is over and Situation C is no longer demanding our time.

Conditions are never just right. People who delay action until all factors are favourable do nothing. William Feather

Waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting until we feel ready. Waiting for energy. Waiting for motivation. Waiting for certain conditions. We call it prudence, or thoughtfulness, or planning, or timing. The Bible calls it being a sluggard.

The sluggard will not plow by reason of the cold… Prov. 20:4

The sluggard always has a reason why now is not the right time. The sluggard never has enough energy to get himself moving. He doesn’t feel good. He is depressed. He has many ideas but no movement. He has grand intentions but never takes action. He cannot produce the force necessary to get him out of the rut he lives in and onto the road he envisions.

As the door turneth upon his hinges, so [doth] the slothful upon his bed. Prov. 26:14

We call it perfectionism; the Bible calls it being slothful and warns us of the consequences:

The soul of the sluggard desireth, and [hath] nothing… Prov. 13:4

We think of lazy people as those with no ambition, no dreams, no ideas, no plans. Not true. Lazy, or slothful, or sluggish, simply means, respectively, to be disinclined to action, to be inactive, or to be habitually inactive and slow. One who is sluggish has no power to move himself.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.
Wayne Dyer

The pull of perfectionism is the pull to stay still. Motivation lies in taking action: one step leads to another. Progress creates more progress. You must learn to take action even when you don’t feel like it. You create the energy you need by acting as if you have it before you feel it.

Faith follows facts, and feelings follow faith. Too often we get that process all in reverse. We wait for the feelings; then we start to believe; then we assume that, since we feel it, and believe it, it must be true after all. But what if you stop “feeling it”? Suddenly your faith is shaky because the foundation – those ever-changing feelings – is shaky. Feelings change. Faith crumbles. You are back at the beginning. It must not be true after all. “I guess I wasn’t supposed to start that business.” “I guess I’m not really a writer.” “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Get your facts first. Are you, or aren’t you? Do you want it, or don’t you? Is it worth it, or isn’t it? Can you do it, or not? Is it a real desire? Have you made it a real goal, whatever it is? Whether it is a career change, a lifestyle change, a health issue, a new habit to form or an old habit to break, a relationship to evaluate, or a personal goal to achieve, you must take the time to find out what is true. Weigh the pros and cons. Discuss the matter with wise people you trust. Read about the subject. Pray about it. Determine what the goal is and how you best to get there; determine that you should and will get there.

Build your faith next. Be firmly convinced in your mind that the object you mean to pursue is worth pursuing, then just as firmly reject any suggestions to the contrary. Do not allow negativism, other’s opinions, and temporary obstacles to create doubt of what you know to be true. Begin taking action. “Faith without works is dead” is not trite religious phraseology. Take one step and then another. Persist.

The feelings will follow. You may not feel like a successful writer; feelings are irrelevant. If, after thought and deliberation, you determined that you should and will be a successful writer; if you begin taking action consistently toward that goal; if you do not allow discouragement and daily life to sway you, soon you will begin to experience the feelings that you expect.

Success seems to be connected to action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. – Conrad Hilton

Keep moving forward. Do not allow the pull of sluggishness to keep you down. The warnings are there if you do – you will not see your desire accomplished. The promises are there if you refuse to give in:

…The soul of the diligent shall be made prosperous. Prov. 13:4

Motivational quotations from Goal Setting Guide.

Scripture quotations from Blue Letter Bible.

Image courtesy of thegoldguys.blogspot.com/ or www.lumaxart.com/.

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