SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

There Is No Perfect

...at least not here on earth. In the meantime, here on earth, imperfect earth, there are only two options (neither is perfection): reality and fantasy. The things you actually do enter reality and you benefit from them, even if they're mediocre or imperfect. Some benefit is better than none. Small steps are better than standing still. But when you ignore, delay, procrastinate... nothing is real. Nothing becomes real.

The Myth of Failure

All the possibilities stay in the realm of fantasy, and you're stuck there, a prisoner to all the things that might happen. The fantasy of failure and the fantasy of success are equally unproductive and equally unlikely as long as you sit.
But if you take small steps, tiny steps, make daily efforts toward success? Even when you mess up, you're still bringing some measure of success into reality. And that's when you start seeing failure as it is: a myth.
The only real failure is the failure to move, to try, to risk, to work.

Quit Setting Ho-Hum Goals

If your goals were such that you knew you could reach immediate and perfect success in them, they wouldn't be very inspiring, would they?
Big goals inspire us to take on big challenges, face big fears, do more, be more than we knew we could. But you don't get that sitting still. Sit still on anything and you'll stay the same, while things around you slowly, surely deteriorate.
Something you'll accomplish immediately and perfectly isn't worthy of being called a goal. It's an item on our to-do list. Do it and then find something bigger, scarier, riskier, more exciting, more rewarding for a real goal. "You must do the thing you think you cannot do," said Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt.

You Have No Idea What You're Capable Of

The truth is, you have no idea what you're capable of and almost every one of us estimates far, far too low. We were made in the image of God! The dreams and goals we have - both the ones we cherish and the ones forced upon us by circumstances - are God's way of waking us up to our own potential. It's like His hand is on your shoulder, shaking you awake, saying, "Come on, this will be fun! You can do this! I wouldn't ask you to if you couldn't."
And you can either jump up and follow Him and try and see yourself succeed, or you can clench your eyes shut, hide under the covers, and rot.

Your call.

"Oh, hmm, well, I guess I'll take the rotting option. Yeah. That sounds peachy."
Okay... have fun with that, really. Me? I'm getting out of bed. I'm awake, I'm interested, I'm ready. My motto: "Find something I can't do. I DARE you."

You Can't... Unless You Want To

Are there things I can't do? Sure! Lots of them. And I'll find them, but for every one thing I find that I can't, I'll find a hundred that I can.
I've gotten a lot of "You can't" messages in life. We all do, because the world is looking for the lowest common denominator. It's a way of making every lazy, fearful person feel better about sticking their heads under a pillow instead of living. We measure ourselves by each other (even though that's a silly thing to do).
You can listen to the messages of a society which has obviously and repeatedly proved its own lack of intelligence. If that's where you go for your guide to life... well, you'll have a socially acceptable, ho-hum-boring life. You won't be a mover and a shaker, a trend-setter, a record-breaker. You won't inspire or enlighten or challenge. You'll be just another individual in the mass of individuals who want nothing more than to hide their individuality. Enjoy.
You might want to invest in a better mattress because you'll be spending a lot of time in it.

Or.

Or. That's the best two-letter word in the English language, don't you think?
Or.
Or you can take all the "you-can't" lines you've been given and throw them out the window.
"You can't have a happy marriage." (But I do!)
"You can't have a baby at home." (But I did, three of them, in fact.)
"You can't survive on one income." (But we are!)
"You can't make it without health insurance." (But here we are, healthy.)
"You can't find time to write while you're a Mom."
"You can't get out of debt."
"You can't be happy."
"You can't be faithful to your spouse."
"You can't find good friends."
"You can't accomplish big things without money."
"You can't own a business."
"You can't finish school."
"You can't make a decision."
"You can't succeed."
"You can't write a book."
"You can't change."
"You can't make money at the work you love."
"You can't, you can't, you can't...".
What are the "you-can'ts" in your world? I have one final sentence for you, the only "you-can't" worth using:
"You can't tell me what to do."

They're Just Little Obstacles

Most of the reasons that "you can't" do not actually touch the reason why you should. They're not really reasons for failure. They're just excuses for other people who are scared. They're just little obstacles to your inevitable success. Step over them. Step around them. Build a bridge. Keep moving!

Refuse to be the lowest common denominator. Refuse to be anything but the full breadth of your potential.
-
Image courtesy of notsogoodphotography.

Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It's quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn't as all. You can be discouraged by failure - or you can learn from it. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because, remember, that's where you will find success. Thomas J. Watson

Update (Tuesday): 0. Nothing. Nada. Zip. None. Zero.

An out-of-town friend came to visit for the morning; it rained in the afternoon. Excuses. I just didn't get to it. I didn't want to get to it.

Hence, a small bump of failure to climb over. Since we're on the subject, let's define it. According to our friend Mr. Daniel Webster, to fail is to be insufficient, to perish or cease or die, to not produce the effect, to omit or neglect, to disappoint, not to perform. A very negative term, but it can help us.

I fail often in writing; that is because I set big goals and expect great performance from myself. I have an exacting standard of what good writing is; most of the time, when I read over what I have written, I don't meet my own standards. In that sense, I fail more often than I succeed.

But I also have a goal in writing which is simpler: write. Anything. Just get it on the page. And I have decided that this simpler goal must be greater than the more particular goals of writing. As much as I may fail in the detail by simply making myself achieve the broader goal, I would fail far more, in a more serious way, by letting perfectionism dictate my success.

This principle is true in almost everything we try, and is key to letting failures be helpful in our overall progress. Movement of any kind toward a desired goal is progress, even if it is not the exact movement we have envisioned. We need to set particular goals, detailed goals, and have standards; we also need to have broader points of progress in place, and accept any movement toward them as successes.

Resources: See what other people (famous people) have said about failure. Pick out a line or two that helps you keep your perspective, and write it on a card and stick it where you'll see it often.

Read an article about Overcoming Failure from Motivation-Tools.com.

WikiHow's very own instructional page on Overcoming Failure.

An article from BusinessWeek on How Failure Breeds Success. Business principles are just personal principles applied to companies. Go read it and learn something for yourself and your business.

Tip: If you keep a journal, try logging both your failures and your successes for a week or so. Compare. Many times we fail in details but we let that seem so huge that we fail to see how we have succeeded in important things. Perspective matters. Failure teaches. Success follows.

Challenge Update: Didn't Hear the Alarm Day. Ugh. Three days in a row without success. I can feel it eating away at my resolve. It's time for some reminders of motivation.

If you have an hour, will you not improve that hour, instead of idling it away?
Lord Chesterfield

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.
Doug Firebaugh

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.
Robert Collier

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will.
Vince Lombardi

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,
is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle

Improve Your Life: If you (like me) are having difficulty getting up in the morning, try a different set up for your alarm lock. Perhaps you need to purchase a new one, with a louder or different alarm sound, or perhaps you should move yours to a different location (where the snooze button is out of your arm's reach). You could also try getting an alarm that will play cds, and burn one on your computer with songs that help motivate you. Little changes can make a big difference.

Be Open-Minded: Are you taking responsibility for the "little failures" in your day? It is easy to put blame on circumstances or other people, but it is only in taking responsibility that you find the power to change.