1. Stop talking all the time.
Really. We are obsessed with talking about everything: meetings, marriage counseling, phone calls, texting, discussions, emails, chatting, family counsels, therapy.
Some of that’s great, some of it is needed, but 87% of the time, the solution is not talk but action. You only need that 13% of talk time to figure out what action to take. From there, talking is just that much more procrastination. [Yes, I made up the 87%. Seems like a good number though.]
2. Stop updating your online life every 20 seconds.
You’re distracted, and you’re creating a false sense of connection, community, and productivity, and it’s adding to the clutter in your life without adding any real value.
Update maybe 3 or 5 times a day (if that) and then spend time in the real world creating real connections, adding to a real community, and doing some things that are really productive. Like maybe counting the times I used the word “really” in that sentence.
3. Stop with the pointless comparison.
In what areas of life do you find yourself continually tripping up, falling, failing? Proverbs tells us that the fear of man brings a snare, and asks “Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?” [Proverbs 27:4].
Those areas where you keep tripping and falling? Look for snare: the fear of man setting a standard that isn’t right for you. And look for envy, which is guaranteed to make you fall. You can’t stand in the face of it, so get it out of your heart.
4. Stop using your culture and your peer group as your only reference point.
Number #3 will be directly effected for the better. Get a new, bigger frame of reference. Study history. Read about different cultures. Read the Bible. Expand.
5. Stop feeling sorry for people.
Yourself, especially. Pity helps no one. It reinforces the self-defeating cycle of
victimization. It enables addictions, narcissism, and poverty of the soul.
It justifies laziness, resentment, and fear. It makes you negative. Offer mercy. Have compassion. But in your mercy and compassion, always see and call people (including yourself, especially) to be their best, to live up to what God has made them to be.
6. Stop being snarky.
Sarcasm is not that great. I know, I know, there’s a lot of it here. I’m working on it. Really, I am, because here’s the bottom line: it’s fun to be clever, and witty, and make people laugh. But at the end of the day, sincerity counts for a lot more than snarkiness.
When people need help, they will not turn to the wit of the group, they will turn to the one who will listen and answer sincerely. I want to help people. Do you? Don’t turn them away by putting a witty one-liner at a higher value than someone’s feelings.
7. Stop keeping stuff you don’t need.
Old clothes. Old relationships. Grasp the “seasonal” concept and apply it to everything. Okay, there are limits! Marriage – keep that. Kids – keep them. Parents – hang on. Siblings – keep them too. Some relationships are meant to last a lifetime, but not all relationships are meant to last, and not all relationships can last at the same level.
If you’re a loyal person (I am), it can be extremely difficult to realize this and take action accordingly. However, for the sake of the relationships in your life that do need to last, that do have a level of depth, you need to let go of others.
8. Stop with the feel-good friends.
Find some friends who make you a little nervous, uncomfortable, who ask questions you can’t answer, who know more than you do about God, parenting, child-rearing, who challenge you, who inspire you, who call you to be (what was that we said earlier?) your best, to live up to what God has made you to be. Not convinced? Read Proverbs 27: 5, 6, 9.
9. Stop assuming people don’t like you, don’t get you, or don’t care about you.
Sure, maybe for every 100 people you meet there will be 2 who don’t get you, 1 who doesn’t like you, and 1 who just doesn’t care about you. But the other 96? They get you (on some level); they like you; they care about you (to some degree); and they like you.
All that is needed for more getting, liking, and caring is more time, and more of you getting, liking, and caring about them. So don’t be paranoid. Risk it. People care, they really do. (P.S. I like you.)
10. Stop protecting yourself, your stuff, and your territory.
If you do just one thing from this list, make it this one. You want a better life? Really? Quit trying to control everything. Quit staking your claim in the world. Quit demanding that things go your way. Quit looking out for yourself.
Quit measuring, quit hoarding, quit defending. Open up. Give. Give more than you think you can. Flex. Go with the flow. Do things
your husband’s way. Ask your friend for her advice, then take it. Be generous with your whole life.
There is one that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is one that withholdeth more than is needed, but ends up in poverty. The liberal soul shall be made prosperous; and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.Proverbs 11:24-25
