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SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

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Parenting 101: Teaching Resourcefulness

"A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary."
(Dorothy Canfield Fisher)

"Any non-life-threatening steps your child takes toward independence are wonderful. ...Parenthood is all about inspiring and equipping the members of the next generation so we can pass the baton. It's never too early to start." ( Barbara Curtis, The Mommy Survival Guide)

Kids will be just about as resourceful as we will let them be.

Resourceful: capable of acting effectively or imaginatively, esp. in difficult situations. (The American Heritage Dictionary, 2nd College Edition)

Concept 1: Liberty given is different than freedom demanded.

A child must have some measure of independence to act creatively and become resourceful; if a child is completely controlled, there's simply no opportunity for the mental wiggle room needed to become resourceful. However, this does not mean that you should respond to a child's defiance or demands with more freedom, in order to give him the opportunity. Liberty given by the parent to a child who has earned it by consistent obedience is what creates plenty of room for resourcefulness. But freedom Read the rest of this entry »

Create Your Own Inspiration

Revelations or Epiphanies or Something

I had a couple of "mini-revelations" yesterday. I love those. I won't call them epiphanies, exactly, but they're big for me.
One is this: There is no perfect writing topic/subject/job for me. I just like to write, period. I like to write about almost anything. The key is (and this is the second mini-revelation) that
In order to be inspired I need to be immersed.
I need input, and lots of it, to create a continual flow of output. Otherwise I just kind of run dry.

The Input for Inspiration

For me, that best input comes in three forms.
The first is the written word.
I need books, articles, thoughtful and inspiring blogs, poems that shake my heart up, novels that wrap me up in another world, how-tos and tutorials and ideas and magazines and newspapers and quotes and lists and letters and journals. I love to learn and I learn best from the written word. When I learn, I get excited about sharing; my brain takes the new information and races off with it in a hundred directions. I can't move my pen fast enough to jot down my thoughts.

The second is nature. Outside. Outdoors. Walking, hiking, throwing down a blanket and playing with Zeke in the sunshine. Tromping the trails with Mara and Robbie, showing them the first daffodil, the silent, faithful, soft green moss, the flattened, sweet-smelling grass where the deer sleep. Something about - no, everything about - the real, beautiful, fresh and muddy world is refreshing to my soul and my brain. Being outdoors is when all those words start percolating in my mind, start mixing with my dreams and hopes and values, start bubbling up into new ideas and thoughts and hopes that just need to be shared.

The third is conversation. Talking with my husband, my best friends, or strangers gives me windows into how other people process and think. My husband will come up with completely different spins on what I hear and read. I share a little idea with him, and together we toss it around, critique it, expand it, change it, name it, morph it like a ball of Silly Putty.
Conversations with dear friends are the same way; they expand my thinking, my perspective, my whole world. And strangers! Don't get me started on this. I love talking to strangers. I think I scare them sometimes. But I'm fascinated by how people think and live, by what they do and feel and how they view the world. When I start talking to strangers, I walk away with ideas for articles and books just popping out of my head. (This may be why people run away from me in the parking lot. Hm.)

No Waiting on the Muse

The result of these mini-revelations is one big thought: I control my own inspiration. This is huge, as a writer. I don't have to wait to "be inspired" from some mysterious force. I have identified what inspires me most, and most consistently. I just need to grab that stuff when I'm feeling dry. I need to make sure that those sources of inspiration are a huge part of my life.

So what's your inspiration? What's your source? What gets you ticking? And how can you make room for more of it in your life?

-

This post is part of the 30-Minute Blogging Challenge at SteadyMom. (25 minutes.)
Image courtesy of markbarky.

It’s Just Your Ovaries Talking

nomorehousewifeargh

I Always Feel Like I Am Compromising

If I focus on writing, working, I feel the lack (dreadfully) in what I am as a mother.
If I focus on being Mommy, making a home, I feel something in my soul begin to scream. Too long at that, it grows silent and still. Too still. In-the-throes-of-death silent (though, now that I think of it, "throes" don't seem that silent).

Joe comes home and asks, "How was your day?" and I laugh a crazy little laugh of desperation and answer: "Oh, great, you know, changing diapers, doing laundry, the usual. Yours?"
And I have nothing else to say.

Average or Exceptional

I listened to a podcast yesterday and in it this is what caught me, this small instruction: Read the rest of this entry »

Thoughts about Work, Creativity, and Success

Resistance is the most toxic force on the planet.

It is the root of more unhappiness than poverty, disease, and erectile dysfunction. To yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be. If you believe in God (and I do) you must declare Resistance evil, for it prevents us from achieving the life God intended when He endowed each of us with our own unique genius. (From the book The War of Art by Steven Pressfield)

The work of art, of creation, is given all of us.

We have a calling. Starting a profitable business, baking cookies, writing poetry, raising children, running a shop, fixing cars, making crafts, designing shoes, doing accounts, designing curriculum, painting, singing, reading, reviewing, helping, overseeing, managing, organizing; whatever the term, some action, some work for life, is yours. It belongs to you and you belong to it. No one is relieved of this responsibility. No one is inartistic, or unable, just dull, unmotivated, lazy, fearful.

Every attempt we make toward something higher and better finds resistance.

We camouflage the call. We are afraid to see it. We make it all so complicated when most of it is so very, very simple. Go check the Self-Help section. Hundreds of titles all say essentially the same thing. This month's version has newer packaging and a cuter catch-phrase. But it's either 1) stuff you know instinctively or 2) drivel to make you feel good about ignoring the stuff you know instinctively.

This article, for instance.

You don't need it.

You know there are things you need to do in life. You know there are particular things for you to do. You feel the tug. You know there is resistance because you are the one resisting. You even know what to do about the resistance, don't you? No? Can't remember? I'll give you a hint:

Ignore the resistance and do what you're supposed to do anyway. Take action.

(Okay, that was more than a hint.) But you knew already! You could probably write this article but for one small quality I (we assume) have and you (we assume) would like to have more of: the voice of successful experience.

Oh yes, you have experience.

You have knowledge. but you're reading this article on the premise that I, the Author-with-a-capital-A, not only have the knowledge but also have the map to the secret goldmine you need: success in applying the knowledge. That little glimmer of gold is what keeps the self-help genre alive. If we share the same knowledge, have similar experience, but I have succeeded and you have not (yet, you say to yourself), then I must have the secret. The key. The difference. It's in this article, somewhere. If you read it all, it will be bestowed upon you, like a prize for wading through all the paragraphs: the final key to insert into the slot which will unlock the door which will release the treasure of your own creative genius successfully!

It's just a flash in the pan.

Ever hear of fool's gold? It's just a sparkly mineral, but there were lots of gold rush miners who got pretty excited. For a while.

The only thing I know that you don't know is that there is no secret to success.

Understand, I'm not saying there is nothing secret about the deep, divine, meaningful, beautiful, worthwhile things of life. There is, and all of us struggle continually to get closer, get more, get immersed, or else to utterly deny its existence. We identify with different parts of the struggle. Marriage, parenting, organizing, self-esteem, setting limits, creative flow. Whatever. The common, and misleading, theme is this: You are a Victim and I, the Helpful Author/Owner/Guru will set you free. I have the key that you, poor child, were never given. I have the question you didn't know you could ask. I'm not better or smarter or worthier... just luckier.

Here's a simple idea we need to deconstruct:

If I'm not successful (moreso than you) because I am better/smarter/worthier than you, why should you listen to me? Don't you want a teacher who is wiser than you? Yes. You do. Heretofore you have gone right along with (sincere or not) self-deprecating authors and have attributed success to that lucky something, that missing piece they somehow found that you somehow missed. They were good enough to share it with you. That's only right, really.

Let's rethink all that.

I'm not saying I am smarter or better or worthier than you. I'm probably not. What I am saying is this: there is no secret that lucky people know and unlucky people don't. Success depends upon your choices and your actions, your habits and your diligence, your persistence and your willingness to work hard, every day, until you see movement. Then you work harder. You are not the victim of cosmic oversight.

Success isn't a given to the lucky few; there are no automatic winners and automatic victims.

But we are enamored of victimization. It is appealing. It removes the responsibility from our shoulders. We can sigh and say, Oh well, it isn't my fault. But if it isn't your fault, my friend, then you really are powerless to fix it. Sure, there is resistance to action, to change, to forward movement, to positive choices. Resistance comes from everywhere: your family, your friends, the culture, the workplace, your peers, your church, your social life. The only Resistance that matters, though, the only one that can actually stop you, is what you allow to come from yourself.

We all have a calling, a work.

Destiny. Fate. Choice. Success. It's what you burn with, what you hate hearing about when it isn't about you, what you can't stop thinking about, what you love, what you drift to while you're waiting for the plane to take off or the game to start or your friend to call. Some of us have covered it deeply and can't even call its name right now. We may have forgotten, but it is a temporary forgetting, one we walked into voluntarily. Somehow we forgot how to stop forgetting. We fixate on little things, details, methods, tradition, criticism, circumstance and let the most important things drift away.

The call isn't lost.

The work, the sanctity, the dream, the draw: it is just buried. It is not my job to tell you what it is. You know it's there. Keep walking toward something better, even if in little steps. Resist the Resistance. You will begin to uncover treasure.

Day 9: Exercise Challenge

Use now and then a little Exercise a quarter of an Hour before Meals, as to swing a Weight, or swing your Arms about with a small Weight in each Hand; to leap, or the like, for that stirs the Muscles of the Breast. Benjamin Franklin

Update (Wednesday): 20 minutes cardio (walking in park); 5 minutes stretch/abs.

Using the opportunities you have helps you to do something that otherwise you would find excuses not to do. That is most possibly the wordiest sentence possible and says the least but I am using a really loud keyboard right now and just typing more words than necessary because I like the sound it makes. Clack clack clatter.

Okay. Let's try it again. I think what I want to say is this: You can either find a way to make do with what you have and reach your goal regardless of your circumstances, or you can make excuses and stay where you are, which is not where you want to be.

As Steven Pressfield says in his book The War of Art , "Casting yourself as a victim is the antithesis of doing your work. Don't do it. If you're doing it, stop." (By the by, there are 118 customer reviews at Amazon on this book. Is that normal? 118? Wow.)

Resources: Go to your local library or bookstore and check out a copy of Pressfield's book. It's a great, creative kick-in-the-pants, and though it addresses the "creative life" most directly, the principles apply to any endeavor.

If you are a graphic designer or photographer, check out TheCreativeForum.com, which is "a Web-based community for the creative professional that will allow graphic designers, art directors, commercial photographers and other commercial artists to exchange creative ideas via posting of images and work samples for discussion and critique." There you have it.

If you're a writer, read this excellent article from Write to Done - which I don't know much about, but I'm impressed with what I've seen; I think it's a good find - on establishing the daily habit of writing. (It comes from the Zen Habits blogger, Leo Babauta, so it's got to be good.)

Tip: It's more important to be diligent in the small things, everyday, than to kill yourself trying to accomplish that one big thing. The small things add up to big things. Pick something you've been slacking on (time with your spouse, exercise, calling a friend, reading, cooking a good meal) and be diligent and excellent at that small thing. There will be big results. It's just a matter of time + diligence.

Teach the wise, and they will be wiser. Teach the righteous, and they will learn more. Proverbs 9:9

Valentine’s Day Ideas, Gifts, and General Madness

There's nothing like going last minute. Lots of you haven't bought your honey a Valentine's gift yet, have you? Quick! Go read Forget Flowers: Better Valentine's Gifts before you buy something stupid. (Not that you would buy something stupid, but... well, okay, you might.)

And if you still haven't figured out what you're going to do for Valentine's Day, go read Have a Better Valentine's Day. It's time we all moved past the been-there-done-that routine of dinner, movie, dancing... Get lively, people! Think outside the box! And do, please, whether blissfully single or wedded or somewhere in between,

have a happy (and better, and creative, and chocolate-ful) Valentine's Day.

Are You One of Us?

We become women who are fearless. We question assumptions; we rethink cultural norms; we refuse to take society's word for what matters, what life should be; we look for the reason behind the traditions; we take time to think through both daily habits and lifelong beliefs. We do what it takes to build a better life.
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What we do today, right now, Will have an accumulated effect on all our tomorrows. — Alexandra Stoddard



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