photo credit:
Pink Sherbet Photography
1. Let them give it a good try.
That doesn’t mean don’t help, it just means give them a chance, let them try. Even let them flounder a bit. They don’t know how much they are capable of (neither do you). You have to give them room to stretch and be a bit awkward and make a few messes and get a little frustrated, even. That’s how they learn and gain new skills. Sure, teach them, walk them through processes, help them, encourage them. But don’t forget to give them room to try. You’ll be surprised at how much they can do. And once you know they can do it…
2. Don’t do anything for them that they can do themselves.
Why belittle the new skill they have just gained? Unless there’s a real need (e.g. house fire, potty emergency, we have to leave in five minutes or the world will end), let them exercise those skills and do for themselves. It will help them get better at the skills (which means faster) and will save you the trouble of doing everything for everybody.
3. Spend time listening, talking, teaching, playing with them, letting them work with you and be with you, NOT entertaining them.
You’re the Mom, not the birthday clown. They don’t need more entertainment; they need the most important people in their lives to treat them like real people, like important people. They need you to share your time, your knowledge, your respect, your sense of humor, your skills, your love. They need a real relationship, not a side show.
You don’t have sing silly songs or talk in a demented puppet voice or do hand motions or make funny faces to show your kids that you love them. (In fact, please don’t do those things except on special occasions.) Just be a real person and let them be a real part of your life. Entertaining themselves is their own responsibility.
4. Teach them to “be their own boss.”
Your job as Mom is to raise up your kids so they can take over the job of being their own boss. You are in the business of teaching them responsibility and independence. Give them principles to live by, help them develop good habits and skills, and then let them take off on their own. Remind them that they are learning to “be their own boss” but until they show that they’re capable of it, you’re the boss. (This also implies that they’re not anyone else’s boss, so they don’t need to run around telling people what to do.)
5. Teach them that respect is the basis of how we behave toward others.
Manners aren’t just a bunch of silly rules somebody made up. There’s a point to the rules: we show respect for others by how we behave around them and toward them. Teach your kids that they don’t need to just talk/do/go thoughtlessly; they need to be aware of the people around them. Teach them to notice and respect the needs and preferences of other people (starting with their own siblings).
Learning to listen, to wait, to be still, to entertain themselves, to not interrupt, to say please and thank you, to clean up their own messes, etc., is all part of showing respect (which is really showing love). This principle gives them a way to make good decisions about how to behave when there isn’t a particular rule, or when you’re not around to give them directions.
