Aug 27, 2009 Comments Off
Child Training 101: Everybody has to obey.
I've talked about having house rules before; having a short list of them helps us Moms to maintain consistency because it gives us a concrete standard. But let's look at it just a bit more, because just sticking some arbitrary rules on the wall isn't really the goal.
Listen to what Charlotte Mason says:
"When a mother allows a little trespass to go, unchecked and unmarked, the child has learned to believe that he has nothing to overcome but his mother's disinclination; if she choose to let him do this and that, there is no reason why she should not; he can make her choose... and if his mother does what she chooses, of course he will do what he chooses, if he can; and henceforward the child's life becomes an endless struggle to get his own way.
Let the child perceive that his parents are law-compelled as well as he, that they simply cannot allow him to do the things which have been forbidden, and he submits with the sweet meekness which belongs to his age."
{Charlotte Mason, Home Education, pp. 14-15}
We all live under the law.
I'm not talking about the speed limit, though that kind of law matters, too. I'm talking about the big, divine, universal laws: the laws we know inherently, though some of us choose to ignore them and at times, we all fail to uphold them. Think in terms of the Ten Commandments, or, better yet, what Jesus said about the law:
"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' No other commandment is greater than these.
{Mark 12:30-31)
We parents are to live under the law, and we need to teach our children that the rules we have are not just random ideas we come up with and then impose upon them arbitrarily. Sure, some rules may be: "No shoes in the house" doesn't have much of a moral implication. But the rules that really matter do have a moral implication.
Do a little digging and find the principles behind the rules, and teach them to your children. I've made a simple change when I discipline our children. Instead of saying, "No, Robbie, don't hit your sister," I say, "No, Robbie, I can't let you hit your sister. It is not right."
Does that matter? Maybe not all the time. But in the end, yes: because we want our children to grow up learning principles that give them wisdom for life, not legalistic rules, we need to help them to understand that law is universal and that we, their parents, answer to a higher authority. Everybody has to obey.
