When you think of herbs, you think of a sprig of thyme or a big basil plant, or maybe a crushed mint leaf in your tea or a sachet of dried lavender. You think of plants which accompany food, perhaps, but you don’t often think of food itself. The definition of an herb, however, is pretty wide. Houdret says that “a herb is now generally understood to mean a plant, some part of which, roots, stem, leaves, flowers or fruits, is used for food, medicine, flavouring or scent” (1).

Common foods, of course, we use as a source of nutrition. But many also have qualities which can help treat minor medical problems, improve appearance, and/or simply build up overall health.

Garlic

Garlic is a powerhouse. I think of it primarily as a way to build up our immunity, and I happen to love the way it tastes. If you’re not particular to the sharp taste of raw garlic, try it roasted. Roasting mellows the flavor incredibly and turns the cloves into a spreadable mush. Mix roasted garlic with a bit of sweet butter and spread it on a piece of French bread. Heavenly. Wong talks about garlic’s “significant antifungal properties” and its ability to help “prevent or combat colds, flu, and bronchitis, and reduce nasal congestion” (2).

For babies, of course, you’re not going to just offer minced raw garlic. Here’s what you can do, though:

• Cook with fresh garlic. Add it to your soup, stirfries, casseroles, chicken, pot roast, carrots, mashed potatoes. As baby eats more table food, he’ll get more garlic. Mmmm.
• Roast a head or two: wrap the whole thing in foil, pop it in a 350 oven, and leave it for about 40 minutes. Remove, let cool, unwrap, and squeeze the roasted garlic out of the skin. Mix some of the roasted garlic in with any kind of mashed or pureed vegetable for a flavor boost and a health boost.
• Use raw garlic in syrups and infusions to help treat colds. Sweeten the mix with a little sugar (or honey, if baby is over a year old). Yes, garlic’s sharp flavor will be there but so will its health benefits. In such a small dose, and sweetened up as it is, most babies and children won’t mind it at all.

Berries

Cranberries, blueberries, strawberries, and blackberries are all vitamin-rich foods: and what’s not to love about the sweet, fresh flavor? Fresh  or frozen blueberries are a great finger food for babies to learn on (just pick up the dropped ones before they get squished into the floor).

Make your own cranberry sauce by boiling cranberries in an equal amount of water and adding sugar to taste. Take them off the heat when they break down and get thick. Mix a bit with baby’s cereal, mashed banana, or a simple rice pudding. Strawberries and blackberries are great eating all by themselves.

Figs

Wong says that syrup of figs is an “effective and gentle laxative suitable for all ages” (3). Figs are a great way to help prevent or treat constipation. Make raw figs a regular part of the diet; they’re great for breakfast, snack, or alongside any meal. They have a mild, sweet flavor. You can also cook with dried figs if you don’t have access to fresh. Eat dried figs as they are, like prunes, or rehydrate them to mix with cereal, banana, pudding, etc.

Side note: my grandfather grew a grove of fig trees for years, and every summer we had an overload of fresh, sweet, juicy-to-bursting figs. I transplanted a baby tree to my parents’ house while I was in college, and it’s growing and producing fruit every year now, too. They don’t require much care other than watering during very hot, dry times. Look into growing a few fig trees in your own yard.

Lemon

Lemon has that fresh, sharp smell that just makes you feel clean and sunny. It’s a great natural cleaning agent. It’s also a great astringent and is antibacterial. Page calls lemon peel a “purifying digestive and cleansing agent” (4 – 197). She recommends using it in a syrup with garlic and honey (or sugar) to treat colds and flu.

Add a bit to any sort of herbal preparation that needs a flavor boost. A super remedy for coughs and sore throats is a syrup made of fresh cherries, lemon, honey or raw sugar, and an herbal infusion of lemon balm, catnip, and echinacea.

Cucumber

Wong says of cucumber that it is a “gentle diuretic and good for intestinal health…excellent [to] use in topical beauty products…anti-inflammatory…soothing and cooling” (5). Cucumber slices on sunburned or dry skin supply instant coolness and relief. The stereotypical spa treatment of cucumber slices on eyes is reasonable, as they can relieve puffiness and redness. Eat lots of fresh cucumbers, in slices by themselves, on salads, on a vegetable platter. Kids usually like them; they’re kind of bland but great with a zesty salad dressing or dip.

Get the book: the information you need, when you need it.

Disclaimer:

I am not a medical professional or a certified herbalist. The information provided on this website and all related publications, whether print or digital, whether implied or explicit, are not intended to be taken as medical advice; it is for informational purposes. I assume no liability for what you choose to do with this information. You should always be cautious and use common sense, do research and consult professionals when it comes to medicine, both herbal and otherwise. Consult your medical care provider for professional health advice, diagnosis, and treatment.

Sources

• Wong, James. Grow Your Own Drugs. Easy Recipes for Natural Remedies and Beauty Fixes. London: Collins, 2009.
• Page, Linda, N.D., Ph.D. How to Be Your Own Herbal Pharmacist: Herbal Traditions, Expert Formulations. Healthy Healing Publications, 1991, 1997.
• Houdret, Jessica. Practical Herb Garden. London: Hermes House, 2003.

Chamomile is one of the best herbs to use for babies, hence the entire post dedicated to telling you all about it. It’s gentle, it’s effective in a variety of ways, and it’s easy to find or to grow yourself. It has a naturally mild, sweet taste.

Easy to Grow, Not So Pretty

I’ve grown chamomile successfully simply by sticking a seedling in the ground and dumping a little water on it in the very dry months. It grew in partial shade, which it isn’t said to like. It’s a hearty plant. I’ve read a lot of garden/herb books which praise chamomile as a pretty, pert flowering plant that is an attractive addition to your garden. Rodale’s praises its “daisylike blossoms, feathery foliage” (79); Fischer-Rizzi gets poetic talking about “dainty blooms…like tiny suns, their white florets radiating from a golden yellow center” (117).

Okay, so the flowers are cute, I”ll give you that, but overall I think the plant is just kind of floppy and weedy looking. The flowers are cute, but tiny. So there. But I still grow it, because it makes up for the floppy weedy factors by being useful in other ways.

Chamomile, the Wonder-Herb

Here’s what James Wong’s book says about chamomile: “Chamomile can be effective in health problems as diverse as indigestion, colic, inflamed skin, anxiety, and poor sleep…. A first-rate remedy for children, chamomile tea can be safely given to infants and children from the age of 6 months and upward. For babies suffering from colic and digestive discomfort, breastfeeding mothers can drink the tea. It soothes irritable and overtired infants, gently encouraging relaxation and a good night’s sleep” (200).

Chamomile, the wonder-herb for mommies everywhere. Here’s how I recommend using it.

Recommended Usage

First, either grow your own or simply buy a good-quality, organic chamomile tea. Check the ingredients label to be sure you’re getting only chamomile, not an herbal combination which includes chamomile.

Make chamomile tea, sweetened with sugar for babies 6 months to 1 year and with honey for those over 1 year old. Offer it, warm or cool, with dinner, before bed, whenever they start getting sniffles, when you’re serving beans, when it’s been a busy day and everyone is edgy, restless, and overtired.

When my kids have a fever, cold, sniffles, or congestion, I give them warm chamomile tea with honey (for those over 1 year) all day long. (Add a splash of lemon juice for sore throats.) The warm tea is soothing, it helps wash away mucus in the throat, it helps combat nausea brought on by draining mucus, it helps calm and relax tired and sick little bodies, and it helps ease them into restful naps.

For babies (over 6 months), warm chamomile tea in a bottle can help with colic, gas, fussiness, and the restlessness caused by those conditions. I don’t believe I ever tried it on mine when they were under 6 months. If you’re a nursing Mom, drink it up yourself. It will help calm you down and you can pass the benefits on to baby.

Dr. Linda Page recommends chamomile as an anti-inflammatory and anti-fungal herb and as one which contains absorbable calcium (178). Bonus! Calcium!

Mommies should drink chamomile tea, too. Page states that chamomile “helps promote a hormone which helps rejuvenate hair and skin texture; helps in mental alertness.” I don’t know about you other Mommies, but I could definitely use some rejuvenation and all the help I can get with mental alertness.

Summary

Grow your own easily and harvest the flowers to use fresh or dried.
Buy high-quality, organic chamomile tea, and make sure it’s not a blend.
Make into a tea for babies over 6 months old to help with gas, colic, fussiness, and restlessness. Sweeten with a little sugar, if desired.
Make into a tea, sweetened with honey, for children over 1 year old to help combat colds, fevers, and the flu, to soothe overtiredness, to relax the muscles, and to ease into sleep.

READ MORE:

• Safe Herbs for Babies: An Introduction
• Safe Herbs for Babies: The Top 4
• Safe Herbs for Babies: 13 Things You Need to Know
• Immune Builder Syrup for Children

References:

• Hylton, William H. and Claire Kowalchick, Editors. Rodale’s Illustrated Encyclopedia of Herbs. Emmaus, Pennsylvania. Rodale Press, 1998.
• Fischer-Rizzi, Susanne. Medicine of the Earth. Portland, Oregon: Rudra Press, 1996.
• Page, Linda, N.D., Ph.D. How to Be Your Own Herbal Pharmacist: Herbal Traditions, Expert Formulations. Healthy Healing Publications, 1991, 1997.
• Wong, James. Grow Your Own Drugs: Easy Recipes for Natural Remedies and Beauty Fixes. London: Collins, 2009.

Disclaimer:

I am not a medical professional or a certified herbalist. The information provided on this website and all related publications, whether print or digital, whether implied or explicit, are not intended to be taken as medical advice; it is for informational purposes. I assume no liability for what you choose to do with this information. You should always be cautious and use common sense, do research and consult professionals when it comes to medicine, both herbal and otherwise. Consult your medical care provider for persistent symptoms, illnesses, and injuries.

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Images courtesy of Jesse Kruger and psd on Flickr.

{Ezekiel 47:12}

I’m interested in keeping my children naturally healthy. (Which reminds me, oh yeah, I have children. Have I given them breakfast yet…?)

Here’s the thing. I don’t have anything against doctors, really, I don’t. But I do have a few significant issues with 1) the health care system in general (who doesn’t?), 2) the exorbitant costs, and 3) the drug companies. I have a big problem with my children being part of the “guinea pig” process.

I’m going to have to cut myself short here, because once I get going on this topic I can just keep going on forever. I’m really just trying to share where I’m coming from and why safe herbs for babies is a topic that interests me. I’ve always disliked hated hospitals, so much so that I was willing to forego the painkiller option during childbirth. All three of my children have been born at home (water birth) and I am so glad. (It did hurt like heck though, and if my midwife had offered me an epidural, I would have taken it!)

The Players in My House

My oldest, Mara, will be turning 4 in July of this year. My son Robbie is 2 1/2. And the baby, Ezekiel (or Zeke the Squeak or Zekiel-Bean as he is more often called around here) will be 1 year old on April 7. None of them have ever been to a doctor. (I guess this makes it clear that they’re not vaccinated. Will DFS show up at my door now?) They’ve had some normal kid stuff, colickyness and colds, runny noses and teething pain, tummy bugs and skinned knees.

I can’t really take much credit. My husband and I are pretty healthy and genetics is a large part of it. And we live a pretty healthy lifestyle, in that we cook our own food a lot, play a lot, work a lot, get outside a lot, and avoid drugs drinkin’ partyin’ cursin’ gamblin’ swearin’ and processed foods… Though we can consume double-stuffed Oreos and McDonald’s with the best, and pizza is one of our family favorites. We have a long way to go before we can be officially called “healthy” in every habit at all. It’s a work in progress.

Which brings me back to herbs. After that ramble, you weren’t sure I’d make it were you? The bottom line when it comes to me, my husband, our children, and being healthy/dealing with sickness is this…
If we have to, we’ll go to the doctor. But I’m going to do everything I can to see that we don’t have to.

Please Bring Out the Official Disclaimer

Many, many common baby/childhood health issues, problems, sicknesses, minor complaints can be dealt with safely and easily at home. That said, however, let me put it right out there in big, bold, unavoidable letters: I AM NO HERBAL EXPERT. I am not a medical professional. Thus my emphasis on “safe herbs.” Becoming a certified herbalist is one of those “maybe someday” ideas, but I don’t have much of a background other than my own planting, puttering, and playing around. So I tend to stick to stuff that is 1) pretty readily available and/or 2) pretty easy to grow yourself.

Key Points in Using Safe Herbs for Babies

In my research, reading, and trial-and-experimentation, I’ve come across a few key points that bear repeating here, as regards using herbs safely for your children and for yourself.
1. Herbs are drugs. Herbs are different than prescription drugs in that they are not concentrated to the same amount; however they still contain the same chemical compounds upon which many drugs are based. Thus, they have an effect on your body.
You should never think, “Oh, it’s just a plant, it won’t hurt me or my baby.” Wrong. Most herbs are very safe, but some are very potent and potentially hazardous. Remember this term: “herbal medicine.” You wouldn’t just throw back medicine without finding out if it works, how it works, and how you are supposed to use it.

2. Use common sense. Don’t ever feel like you would be a “bad” parent if you “had to call the Doctor.” That’s nonsense. Things happen, like sickness and accidents, and you should take advantage of the wonderful medical resources we have available. But use common sense in the other direction, too. Every bump, bruise, and hiccup doesn’t warrant a prescription drug or doctor visit. Use your noggin.

3. Follow appropriate dosing. I’ll outline what this is, exactly, as we continue on.

4. A baby’s body is different than an adult’s body. You know this, if you’re a parent. Babies are, first, tiny, so the amount of something (like food, for instance) their bodies need is much smaller than what your body needs. Babies are also very sensitive. And babies are still developing. Some very safe herbs, such as peppermint, are a bad idea for babies because their little esophagus and digestive system can be overwhelmed by the powerful scent and they can actually choke.

5. Quality matters. When you’re using herbs, whether in cooking or in natural medicine, you want to get the best you can. My first choice is what I grow in my backyard garden or in a pot on my front porch or in a glass on my windowsill. My second choice is something organic from a local source. Third choice is organic from a non-local source.

6. Try one thing at a time. I’m going to offer lots of ideas and preparations and tips and things, but you’ll do best if you pick one and try it before you go buy a bunch of herbs and then get overwhelmed. Try one thing, see how it works, then try another.

7. Read, read, read, but read people who are experts. There are wonderful books and there are wonderful websites. There are also a few poorly researched, very generic books that won’t really tell you much, and there are a lot of websites that are untrustworthy. Do your homework, even if you read it here! I’ll quote my sources whenever possible, so you know I’m not just making stuff up…

8. Some herbs work as part of the daily regime, while others are only for “special treatments.” You can munch on basil with your pasta everynight and as far as I know, you’ll only be better for it. But some herbs, especially in more potent preparations (like a tincture or a syrup or a pill or essential oil) can only be taken safely for a short amount of time, which may vary from a few days to several weeks.

9. Herbs may take longer to work than you think. Remember what I said in #1? Herbs are drugs, but they are not concentrated to the same amount. Thus, they are gentler and usually have no side effects whatsoever; however, this also means that they work in a gentler way. Usually this is better, overall.

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This post is part of the Safe Herbs for Babies series. Next Up: A Primer on Using Herbs (The terms you need to know, how to prepare and use herbs safely for babies.)

This post is linked up with Steady Mom’s 30-Minute Blogging Challenge: 26 minutes to write.

I’ve been a new Mom three times in the last 4 years, so I feel like I should know something about this. Actually, I thought that when my third baby was born it would be almost a non-event. “Oh, look, another one! He’s cute… well, throw him in crib…” Okay. I exaggerate. It was definitely an event, hours worth, with a 10 pound 10 ounce blue baby at the end of it. Blue, yes, because he had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck twice. He has since recovered nicely and no longer looks like a Smurf. We are thankful, though we would love him anyway…

But surviving as a new Mom to your first baby is a different story than surviving to as a new Mom to your second or third. In fact, the advice I would give, were I so bold and arrogant as to do so, would be entirely different advice altogether. Like this (merely an example, I assure you, I’m not actually giving advice here):

Dear New Mom, Here’s How to Survive with Baby #1:

First, congratulations! Joy, happiness, and peace await you. In about 18 years. Right now you can have a lot of joy and happiness, maybe, but probably not much peace. In fact, let’s talk about that joy and happiness for a bit. Most new moms, though simply delighted to see their offspring and, sure, full of love, are also full of fatigue, self-doubt, guilt, frustration, fatigue, exhaustion, hormones, pain, guilt, did I mention fatigue?, anger, self-doubt, and… what was that other one?… oh, yes: a bewildering sense of how-in-the-heck-did-I-end-up-being-responsible-for-this-small-tiny-creature-and-what-do-I-do-with-it-now-and-nobody-told-me-it-would-be-like-this. That’s about it, I guess.

So if you’re not feeling just happy and joyful and beaming like a Gerber Mom should, give yourself a break and welcome to the club. Being a new Mom is an experience like no other. It’s great to be a Mom, but it’s exhausting. And it’s okay if you don’t feel oozing affection for this little creature all the time… this little creature who poops and pees and vomits on you, who expects you to hold, cuddle, feed, nurture, change, protect, and entertain, who awakens you, who screams at you, who cries for you, who disrupts your life, who doesn’t make sense, who won’t tell you what’s wrong… A certain amount of frustration is to be expected.

My best advice for you, dear new Mom to one special baby, is to give yourself a little more credit. You just protected and nurtured a tiny life through 9 iffy, intense months of development. You pushed and huffed and puffed and got that little baby out of you and into the world. You both need some adjustment time, now, so let yourself have it. If you feel depressed, talk about it. Don’t feel guilty about it. Talk to your husband, tell your Mom, call your sister. If it doesn’t get better, call your Doctor.

You’ll figure this out, one day at a time. You don’t really need advice so much as you need to relax and trust that not only will you survive, you will be a great Mom.

Dear Newish Mom, Here’s How to Survive with Baby #2:

Congratulations! It’s great that you have both a child and a baby, and I bet you’re a lot less nervous about the whole infancy thing this time around. Spit-up, poopy diapers, night-time feedings… you became a pro with your first baby. You’re not looking for tips on how to swaddle.
But maybe you’re looking for tips on what to do when you’re feeding baby #2 and child #1 wants to cuddle. Or how to handle those moments when baby #2 and child #1 are both screaming, not necessarily in the same room. Or how to still give child #1 your attention and love in the morning when you barely got 2 hours of sleep due to baby #2 needing your attention and love for most of the night. Those are the questions that haunt a 2nd-time Mom, and there aren’t any cut-and-paste answers. Sorry.

The thing to remember is that your experience with baby #2 will be different. You won’t have so much extra cuddle time. You don’t get to nap when baby does, because there’s another child in the picture. And, yes, life for that child will be different, too. Give yourself the freedom to mourn the loss of what was – you, as a Mom, being able to focus solely on your one child. That was special, but what you have now is special too. Grieve what is gone, because grief is part of it, but then realize how rich life will be now.
Your first child will never be loved less, but will learn to love more. Your baby has a built-in entertainer besides you! Juggling is part of the game for a while. Develop your juggling skills, and turn off your guilt monitor. Don’t waste a single moment of mothering on guilt that you’re not more-something or less-something-else. Here’s my recommendation for a daily schedule with two: food, love love love love love, food, love love love, food, love love love, collapse. Love them with all you’ve got in you and it’s enough, guaranteed. It’s enough even when you can’t cuddle, can’t come right away, can’t do it all right now, can’t be everywhere at once. That’s not how you measure love. Love is better than that, and so are you.

Dear Not-as-New Mom, Here’s How to Survive with Baby #3:

Congratulations on a third wonderful event. The first question I’m not going to ask you is, “So, is this it, or are you going to have MOOOORE?” I bet you’ve heard that one a few times, haven’t you? And, since you obviously made it through #1 and #2, no primers on potty-training or juggling or even on asking for help. You better have learned how to ask for help by now; you have, haven’t you?

The biggest, burning question of all for a Mom of 3 is this: how in the world do you manage to hold all three at once? Or, along those lines, how do you manage to have a conversation with your oldest without interruption? How do you keep up with the laundry? How do you have one-on-one time with your husband, let alone with your children? And how do you not miss the first-year-growing-milestones of your new baby while also looking after your other two? Oh, dilemmas.

A family of five is just a guarantee of controlled chaos, and the controlled part will vary from one day to the next. But you know what? Controlled chaos can be fun. Mama of 3, I have 2 words for you in this chaotic, intense, crazy, rich, fun but exhausting part of your life: focus and seize. Focus on what matters. When you clean, when you cook, when you go, when you stay, when you’re tired, when you’re energetic: focus on what matters. Forget the rest, for now.

Focus, and seize the special moments as they come. Your two big ones are watching a movie and you carry the baby in for a nap… it’s quiet, all is well, and though, yes, you could pop the baby in the crib and spend 10 minutes folding clothes before the end of the movie, don’t. SEIZE the moment. Cuddle your baby, nuzzle that little head, kiss and rock and sing and peek-a-boo and then, then go back to the rest of life. And when child #1 or child #2 wants to talk while you cook, plop them on the counter and let them chat away. Or take that offer from your husband to zip to the store with just child #1 while he watches the rest. Or zip off while he watches all three, because you need that, too, sometimes. Three is crazy, three is fun, and you’ll hit your rhythm as you go. It’s triple the love! Enjoy it.
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This post is part of the Parenting 101 Series at Sister Wisdom.

Image courtesy of therapycatguardian on Flickr.

I was writing about happiness. I had stopped writing about happiness just to go get that little booger up from his nap. I was needing a break from the sort of thing I kept finding in my research on happiness. Things like this:

Happiness is…“the ultimate state of conscious feeling where all the five senses integrate into a purest form of dreamless love. Happiness flows out of ‘FORGIVE’ness and not ‘FORGET’ness,” says Asesh Datta here.

This is why happiness is so elusive; we’ve just defined the heart and soul out of it.

How in the name of all that is yellow and buttery are you supposed to make all five senses integrate into a purest form of dreamless love?

First of all, what is dreamless love? Is love normally full of dreams? Is it better without the dreams? How do you get it to be dreamless? How can you tell? Can you be happy with love that stubbornly retains one or two dreams involving giant French fries, a purple tuxedo, and a burro named Roxy?

And how do you integrate all five senses into this sort of state? Let’s just refresh on all five senses: seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching. Please explain to me how you can smell dreamless love. Please. I want to know.

Anybody?

By now you’re thinking Okay, ha ha ha with the sarcasm, where is the happiness?

Well, it’s elusive, like a deer, so quit being so pushy.

I take that back. Happiness isn’t elusive. Happiness is hard work. We pretend it’s elusive so we don’t have to fess up to being lazy. That way we can continue to be unhappy without feeling like it’s our own fault, which allows us to continue complaining about the utter injustice of the universe and how we’re gonna tell that Happiness Guru a thing or two when we get up there. Or over there. Or through there. Whatever.

Happiness isn’t elusive, like a deer. Happiness is big and ugly, like a rhino. Happiness likes stare-downs. Happiness needs plenty of space and care and feeding. Happiness makes great big piles of poop.

Uh, my analogy might have broken down on that last one.

And now I have a story to tell. I finished the line above (the one about the rhino poop, you remember?), and went to wake up my napping children. Well. They weren’t exactly napping anymore. They had been awake for an undisclosed amount of time as I recorded my brilliant and vanishing insights into your happiness. That is the price they pay for having a famous authoress a writer as a mother.

I opened the door to my daughter’s room. I opened the door to my son’s room. I smelled rhinos. Well, I smelled something I now unfailingly associate with rhinos.

Those are the little ironies of life. You get up from writing about happiness and walk in to wake your wonderful, cuddly, cute baby only to find yourself scraping poo off the floor, which was put there by said baby, whom you are currently not referring to as “wonderful” or “cute” and very definitely not “cuddly.” Half a roll of paper towels and a bottle of disinfectant later, your happiness is being put to the test. And this is the essay question that stumps you at the end:

Can you be happy while you are cleaning up poo?

I will now defer to my collection of quotations from people much smarter than me:

Abraham Lincoln, who certainly knew a thing or two about cleaning up gigantic messes, said that “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Benjamin Franklin said that “It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man,” so according to the illustrious Mr. Franklin, me cleaning poo off the floor is a happier person than me sitting around idly in that cushy blue chair, reading a novel and nibbling pistachios. I don’t know. I’ve always admired B.F. but he seems to be falling a little short of insightful on this one.

Here’s what I think: happiness doesn’t come when you have more fun; fun comes when you have more happiness.

We wait for certain conditions and expect them to provide happiness and we’re always disappointed. Reality can never live up to fantasy. Disney World is fun when you’re there, but it’s never quite as good as it was in those hours of imagining how great it would be to go to Disney World.

You don’t imagine standing in line for an hour, melting into a pool of sweat in the shiny asphalt, and wearing a scratchy polyester jumpsuit as a fill-in for Captain Kirk in the make-your-own Star Trek movie event. So you go, you have fun, but it’s not as good as the expectation. Too often we let that gap between what we get and what we expect just destroy our happiness.

I didn’t expect poo on the bed when I walked into my son’s room, but that’s what I got. And there was my moment of destiny in the pursuit of happiness: do I curse and mutter? Do I let it ruin my day? Do I yell at my child?

I’m basically a selfish person, and I’d rather be happy than be unhappy. So I stopped and looked and then I laughed. Because, really, what else can you do?

I laughed because it’s a great story. I laughed as I took the sheets of the bed, bathed the child, and mopped the floor. (Okay, I might have stopped laughing at some point because you can’t just laugh indefinitely; bear with me, I’m trying to make a point.) Here’s the point: Happy is up to you. Happy doesn’t make the mess go away, but it does make cleaning up any kind of mess better.

Oh, and yeah, I also laughed because it’s not as great a story as my friend’s, whose daughter not only took off her diaper and pooped but then proceeded to wipe it all over the walls. Comparison isn’t always a bad thing.

Images courtesy of mpeterke and lanuiop.

Parenting is supposed to bring out that deep, unselfish part of you that doesn’t mind getting up in the middle of the night and being alternately pooped and vomited upon. Maybe it worked for me and I’m more unselfish now that I used to be, but then again…

Maybe not.

I admire those Moms who breastfeed because it’s a good thing to do. I’m not one of them. I breastfeed for purely selfish reasons:

1. I need to be needed.

There’s nothing like being the only one able to provide food to make you feel needed. Sure, I can pump and someone else could give baby the bottle, but guess what? I’m still the source, baby. Talk about using your children to fill emotional voids? I am the queen.

2. I really like watching their little faces when they nurse.

It’s probably somewhat the same with bottle feeding, but then you have to share. My son Zeke, the current nurser, is especially expressive. The early morning feedings are best. He’s like a druggie getting his fix – head thrown back, eyes kind of rolling around and glazed over, and then that euphoric look when he gets full and just kind of collapses on my arm. Love it.

3. I’m lazy. Mixing bottles = work + mess.

Having to get out of bed in the middle of the night to feed the baby? Not for me. I like the roll over, pick up baby, stick boob in mouth method.

4. I am so not giving up the excuse to sit down and put my feet up at regular intervals throughout the day.

Other nursing moms get all excited about how quick their babies eat. Not me. Oh no. Mine are forced to 30-minute feeding sessions at a minimum, and I’m happy if I can make it 45. “I can’t, I’m nursing,” is a wonderful thing to be able to say.

5. I like having big boobs.

Oh, come on, you small-breasted women understand this. I was somewhere around a triple AAA when I got married; and I think there’s a reason that corresponds to the size of a teeny tiny battery. That’s about how big they were. My poor husband.

We got pregnant, my boobs expanded, and suddenly so did my wardrobe options! Peasant blouses? Yes! V-necks? Yes! Plain t-shirts in dark colors that used to make me look like a wimpy boy? Yes! No possibility of being mistaken for a male again.

I’m terrified of losing this lovely curvaceousness, so onward, forward with the breastfeeding train. I don’t know what I’ll do when it’s time to wean this one, because we’re not planning on more, at least not for a long time. Guess I better check out the implant options or it’s back to major push-up bras for me…

image courtesy of jessicafm.