I get us all on a pretty, shiny schedule, and these silly kids won't quit growing. Mara stays awake through at least one naptime, now, wreaking havoc instead of sleeping peacefully. The days of two extended kid-quiet times are over.

Yesterday I kept Mara up in the morning while Robbie napped as usual. I didn't really have a plan, just a vague idea that I would throw some toys over in the living room and she would play quietly while I wrote for a couple of hours as usual. Every person reading this who has a child is laughing right now. You know what happened, or rather, what didn't happen.

She did pretty well at staying in her designated play area; we've worked on that before so it's nothing new. But the playing quietly all by herself - when Mommy is still in sight - oh ha ha.

"Mama, cor?" (color) "No, baby, not now. Mommy's working."

"Mama, wead? Book?" "No, sweetie, not now. Mommy's working."

"Mama, choo choo tree?" (choo choo train). "No, Mommy's not going to play with trains right now."

"Mama! Boo!" (Her little head pops up from behind the bench at the dining table. I can't help laughing. The scenario repeats two hundred times.)

I didn't get much work done yesterday morning. She took a great nap in the afternoon, so I think the schedule works well for her, but by afternoon my mental abilities move at a slug-like pace. I can do general no-think stuff, like pay bills and cook and deal with the mail and answer emails, but actual writing doesn't go too well after 3 p.m. So I took a nap, too. I guess the day wasn't a complete loss.

Last night, after putting the babies to bed and whining to Joe for a bit, I took a nice long soak in the bathtub, because that's what I do when I need to think. (That, or take a long walk, and I was just not feeling up to it.) Here are my options: 1) Quit trying to do anything other than just the Mommy/run the household thing. 2) Continue shutting Mara in her room during morning nap time, giving her a pile of books, and hoping nothing catastrophic happens. 3) Figure out a way to keep her occupied with her own "work" while Mommy works.

Oh, #3 I like! Actually, #1 sounds appealing when I'm tired at night, but I really enjoy writing, web design, and helping Joe with his business stuff; even if I wanted to quit, I probably couldn't extricate myself at this point. And I've done solely the Mommy/Household thing for months on end; while it was challenging and fun, a significant part of me was missing. I got bored. I started to contemplate taking up complicated craft projects that require a large investment in many tiny itty bitty supplies. But I don't like crafting. You make "crafty," I make "crappy." It's just not me.

I like a pile of projects on my to-do list. I like learning new things, writing, reading, thinking, analyzing information, writing, compiling, finding resources, researching, organizing projects, managing, writing.

So. #1 is out, #2 is stupid. #3 is it. Brilliant. How?

I've been reading about Montessori methods lately (you can see my post on it here) so I decided that's what I wanted to incorporate, on a very small scale. Basically, next to my office, set up a play area for Mara with several different activities that she can get out and put away herself, a little Mara-sized table and chair, and provide a little direction when needed. I figured that would work for about an hour or so, then I can let her watch a Baby Einstein, and then rest for 20 or 30 minutes, because she still gets a little tired. (At this point I stopped planning, because my hands were all wrinkly. Time to get out of the bathtub.)

One problem: my current "office" is the dining room table. This morning I tackled clearing off half of the long table Joe uses as a desk in the basement. It's a work in progress (don't look at the far end of the table, past Joe's really huge monitor, to the piles of stuff.) It's workable, though; I have a nice, big, clean work space for laptop, papers, books, phone, big glass of water, camera... And I can use Joe's chair because he's not here in the mornings. Whoopdedoo!

I have a big rug on the floor over to the right. I found a little green table that is the perfect Mara size, and she has a paint can for a stool, plus her own little rocking chair. I'm still working on the activities; today she colored for quite a while, then played with her number and shape cards until I decided it was movie time. Yes, she interrupted me several times, but with a little direction and encouragement she kept herself occupied for the most part.

I'm thinking this can work. I'm hoping. I'm really, really hoping...

Maria Montessori, you better not have made this stuff up.

Alex and Brett Harris wrote a book called "Do Hard Things" which I probably would know nothing about but for an excerpt in TPE, the magazine of my church's denomination. (Yep, I'm one of those crrrrazy Pentecostals. Are you scared? Are you making assumptions right now? You are, aren't you? That's okay. I love you anyway.)

I was impressed. The book is directed toward teenagers, which, strangely enough, is a group that no longer accepts me as one of their own. (I am still a little hurt by this.) The book's premise seems to be (understand, I have only read an excerpt, not the whole book, so I'm sailing a little blind here) that the "Myth of Adolescence" has turned a group that should be vibrant, energetic, unstoppable into a lethargic and rebellious one.

What a waste. As the book says, "We waste some of the best years of our lives and never reach our full God-given potential. We never attempt things that would stretch, grow and strengthen us. We end up weak and unprepared for the amazing future that could have been."

I'm 26. My husband is 25. We've both been working since we were about 14. Of course, it was part-time during the school year, and some of my earlier jobs were just baby-sitting. But at that tender, adolescent age, our parents expected us to begin to take responsibility, to pay for stuff we wanted, to contribute. We didn't have to put grocery money into the family pot or anything, but that probably wouldn't have been a bad idea.

We're not rich, by any means. But we have worked for and gained an independence that many of my peers seem unable to find. And we're not talking teenagers! It starts then, back at 13, or before, maybe at 10, or 6, when the whole world revolves around a child's happiness. At what point do you let the child know that the point of the world isn't to make him happy? It's a sad awakening, and I have friends who are still fighting that knowledge as hard as they can.

Some people manage to avoid acknowledging that truth their entire lives, and they are the ones who Alex and Brett describe on their blog as " Peter Pans who shave." (This article they wrote describes more about "adultescence.")

I see that in my generation, now in our mid-twenties. I see that in the one coming behind me, the teens with shiny laptops and enormous libraries of music on their iPods, but with no vision for the future, no library of skills or knowledge or character from which to draw.

We're going to be playing catch-up for a while. We better start getting over our own lies and pointing the way.

Proverbs 25:28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.

A city without walls = A man without self-discipline
A city without walls is insecure, defenseless, and unproductive. It is either disrupted and war-torn or deserted and desolate. One who has no rule over his own spirit, that is, no self-discipline, lives a life with the same problems. Without self-discipline, you may be comfortable but you are not secure. Without self-discipline, you may be defensive but you are without any true defense. Without self-discipline, you may fill your life with complicated processes but you will be far from productivity. A life without self-discipline is constantly disrupted by the crisis of the moment, the pull of the emotions, or the desires of the body. A life without self-discipline is desolate of success, purpose, and greatness.

Self-Discipline Is Power
To discipline yourself is consciously to take charge of your life, to make the best decisions possible and then, without regard for physical, mental, or emotional protest, to put the decisions into consistent action.
Self-discipline is the man who runs the marathon or the woman who writes the book. It is also the man who stops running and starts swimming so he can save his knees, or the woman who refuses a book tour in order to be at home with her young children. Self-discipline is the power to make and enforce the right choice despite opposition, whether the opposition be from others or from circumstances or from your own inclinations.

Self-Discipline Is Character
Self-discipline is a trait of character, like patience or honesty, that affects how you do everything in every area of your life. If you cultivate self-discipline in one area, it will inevitably spread around and begin affecting other areas. Conversely, if you begin to slack off in self-discipline in one area, you will soon see yourself going slack in other areas. Exercise self-discipline in small ways and it will grow. Neglect it and it will die.

Cultivating Self-Discipline
Begin with something small. Get up consistently. Work out twice a week. Turn dessert down. Drink water instead of soda. Stay home, read a book, and go to bed early instead of going out late. Or go out and make some friends instead of sitting at home by yourself.
Set a goal and work at it for at least 21 days. 30 is better. How did you do? If you were consistent, you have grown in self-discipline. Take on another challenge. Compliment your spouse every day. Work out 5 days a week. Read 10 pages before bed every night. Spend time with your kids. Plan a vacation instead of being a workaholic. Finish that remodeling project instead of letting it sit there and grate on your nerves.

Self-Discipline Builds the City
Without self-discipline, entropy sets in and the walls you have constructed will slowly crumble. Self-discipline isn't just a nice addition to a good range of virtues; it is necessary if you want to succeed in work, in relationships, in just being a person. Build strong walls to have a secure, productive, happy, healthy city, and keep them strong.