This is the kind of thing I would call my Mom about, if I could.
The first year
after Mom died we had lots of one-way conversations, usually when I was driving somewhere. I could go on and on, just telling her about my life, my frustrations, how much I missed her, what-should-I-do-about-XYZ-random-situation, until I looked over and saw some other driver eyeballing me. I would hold up my cell phone, quick, like, “Oh, yeah, I’ve just been talking in my phone the whole time but forget to hold it up to my ear! Silly me!”
So here’s how we’re gonna work this. Since actual phone time with my Mama is impossible, this blog gets to be the site of my imaginary conversation with her. And you can listen in. Hey, you can even join in if you want…
Annie: Hi Mom.
Mom: Hi honey! How are you today?
A: Good, good, just hanging with the kiddos, trying to get a little work done in between the diapers. Mara has been so whiney and I’m just kind of eeeecccchh with it at this point. What are you up to?
M: …
Oh forget it. I can’t do an imaginary Mom. Did I mention those conversations after she died were one-way? I talked “to Mom” but I didn’t try to answer back for her. Let’s work this a different way.
Here’s what I want to call and tell Mom:
Hi, Mom. I love you. I miss you. I’m having a wonderful time raising these three beautiful children but I’m in need of a boot in the butt, so to speak. You were always great with those boot-in-the-butt motivational speeches, especially the quoting Proverbs part. You passed that whole Proverbs thing on to me, you know? I remember how you highlighted all those verse in pink since you had daughters. Anyway. So I read from Proverbs daily, and I’ve learned a lot, but Mom I am just weak in the application! Mara has way too much verbal freedom going on: she won’t answer me when I call her or say Yes Ma’am unless I prompt her, repeatedly, with a very threatening look on my face. She argues. She’s only two and she’s arguing with me! (Okay, almost three.) Robbie whines every time I correct him, and if I spank him for whining he just whines more. Zeke… well, Zeke is the easiest one at this point and he requires feeding every three hours! He is sleeping about 8 hours every night now, so that’s been really good.
So I don’t know what I’m asking, Mom, just some advice, I guess, or a few reminders of why I need to stick to this whole “train up a child” deal and maybe you could throw in a guarantee or two that it will, in the end, pay off huge dividends and my kids will turn out great and I’ll sit back and say, “Hey, the prayer and tears and instruction and spankings and correction and training and time and energy were worth it! My kids are AWESOME now! I’m so glad I hung in there!”
I would like to be able to say that one day, and I know (comparatively speaking) my kids are pretty good, really, but I just feel like I am beating my head against a wall on some of these issues and then I remember that Mara’s not even three years old yet! How will I survive? How can I keep up? How do I keep moving ahead? What if I mess these kids up?
Okay. Deep breath. I guess that’s it, really. Every time I pray for wisdom, God provides. I just wish he would provide a slightly larger dose. It’s like getting a teaspoon of water when you are desperately thirsty. And yeah, Mom, I know you would say that God knows how much wisdom I need, and that I need to trust Him and just keep asking and keep seeking, and I am. I’m gonna go read some more from Proverbs now. Any other wisdom you could share would be great.
I really am done, now, and any wisdom anyone wants to share would be great. Can I get some Mom-help here?
Photo credit:
Marinela, stock.xchng.
