SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

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I ♥ Resolutions

Okay, I love New Year's. It's my favorite holiday. (I just realized that this year so I'm broadcasting it in hopes that the people I love will recognize and support me in my favoritism by buying me gifts for New Year's, too. I mean, it's the least they could do, really.)

I love making resolutions. I come up with a long list every year. Some years I decide not to go overboard, and I limit myself to something reasonable: 10 or, okay, 11 if I just can't help it.

And yeah, I don't keep them all. At all. Hardly ever. I goof, I fail, I mess up, I quit, I weaken, I have no willpower.

Except for this year. This is the year.
Right?

Making Progress? Really? (Or Is That Heartburn?)

I've noticed a disturbing trend, lately, despite my habitual resolution making and breaking: I'm actually making progress. I guess the endless repetition is finally getting to me. My resolutions are generally far bigger than can be accomplished in one year, anyway. (For example, #11 from 2005, "Prove global warming is a myth" and #6 from 2007, "If not a myth, figure out how to solve global warming." That just takes some time, I don't care who you are.)

I'm making progress. Don't ask me how, exactly. I still do a lot of the same stupid stuff in the same stupid way (i.e., get mad at Joe for not reading my mind, expect my kids to get along with each other, stay up too late, eat too much, forget to work out, forget to call, forget to write, forget my name, find myself on the Amtrak headed to Toronto in early spring... oh wait, sorry, I just lapsed into a Mommy-escape fantasy there. Back to what I was saying.)

I still do the same stupid stuff, but I don't do it quite as often. I still do the same stupid stuff, but I get over it quicker. And I'm happier. And maybe this has nothing to do with New Year's and making resolutions at all. Maybe this is just me and where I am in life, and I just happen to be reflecting on it all as 2009 goes out and 2010 comes in.

The last 5 years have been a rollercoaster. More ups than downs, and crazy fun, but intense.

A Recap

2004:
January - Joe and I start courting. (And yes, I said courting not dating and I'll go into that some other time but not here, goshdarnit, so just keep reading and don't get bogged down in those little details.)
May - Joe and I get engaged.
September - Joe and I get married. I move to St. Louis, since, being married and all, we kind of want to be together.
2005:
Jan - September - We adjust to married life, we work together in the family business, we have fun, I miss my family a lot, I want to have a baby, I start worrying that I can't get pregnant (no birth control! Hello!), I start writing more.
October - We're pregnant!
December - We buy a house and move in!
2006:
Jan - June - Pregnancy and home ownership.
July - Mara is born on July 11. We have a wonderful home birth. She is beautiful. She is an easy baby.
2007:
Feb - We decide that Mara is so easy, we should have another. We're pregnant!
May - I spend the entire month in MS to be with my Mom, who is not going to get better. It is the strangest experience I have ever had. Our emotions are as strung out as possible. I miss my husband.
June - My mom dies. I go back home. I am numb.
November - Robbie is born. Our son. I start getting unnumb.
December - We spend Christmas in Colorado. I think I was supposed to be born there, and live there, and we start plotting how we will move there.

2008:
April - My Dad gets married and my sister gets married, within a week of each other.
August - We haven't figured out what causes this. We're pregnant! My dad says, "You've got to be kidding me!" I alternate between "YAY" and fits of "ohmygoodness-howcouldyoudothistome-whydidwethinkthiswasagoodidea-wearegoingtobeinsane-weareinsane-ican'tdothis-aaaaaaaaaah."
2009:
April - Zeke is born. I think, "Third birth at home, nooo problem. It'll be easy." Haha, Andrea, haha. But he is beautiful, our little Ezekiel.
May - July - Our house, when did it start shrinking?
August - From out of nowhere  comes a new place to live. We move into "the parsonage." It's big. It has a huge stone fireplace and a sunroom and is on the 10 acres of church property, woods and fields and flowers and deer. I am in heaven. We rent out our house.

End Recap.

And here we are.
2010.
I think this is what I'm defining as progress, this feeling that I finally know who I am and am comfortable in that.

But don't think for a minute I'll stop making resolutions.  I've gotten way too good at it to quit.

Image courtesy of Sara. Nel.

Silly Me

It's kind of funny. It's actually January 2 as I write this post intended to grace the front page on January 1st. I was trying to get in on that whole new-year-resolutions craze. Silly. Silly because I'm at my sister's house.

We spent the morning drinking coffee and trying to recover from lack of sleep while keeping our kids in a semi-clothed, fed, and healthy state. We watched the Rose Bowl Parade. We plowed through leftovers for lunch, talked, and tried to pry our male counterparts away from their iphones and laptops. We weren't successful until after dinner, at which point we had to all pitch in and take care of getting kids ready for bed. Then we all sat around and played Quelf, Bananagrams, and Gin Rummy until about 5 minutes to midnight.

End Day 1 of my newly (un)resolved life.

All day long, as I could steal a few minutes here and there, I was working on a couple of posts to put up on Sister Wisdom today. But all day long, too much other great stuff was happening.

So I don't have any really great inspirational ideas to share, no ten-steps to success or a helpful list of any kind. Instead, here are a few "snapshots" from my day: Read the rest of this entry »

It's a movie day.

Mara and Robbie watched a Baby Einstein while they ate breakfast, and now they're almost through "Finding Nemo." And it's not even 11:00...

Didactic Disney

The Disney movies are almost all didactic; I don't like all the lessons they try to teach, but in the Nemo case I do. Dorie and Marlin are the example, the dichotomy through the movie. Marlin is anxious, nervous, stressed, fearful, paralyzed. Dorie is happy-go-lucky, adventurous, inquisitive, good-natured, joyful.

The Dichotomy

Marlin remembers every hurt, every pain, every fear realized.

Dorie forgets.

Marlin nurses his wounds, counts his scars, and resents.

Dorie accepts what comes her way, forgets the details, and sees life as an adventure.

Of course, the plot is set up so Marlin learns the lesson: Read the rest of this entry »

In my own words, here's what my sister shared with me from her pastor: pray once. Then hush and have faith. God heard you. He's not deaf.

What a concept. So may times we're busy bruising our knees to convince God of our need, and perhaps better would to be ask with faith and then to continue about our business...

'And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands as we commanded you; that ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing." {1 Thess 4:11,12}

What if I truly lived that way? The Bible says to pray without ceasing. Why do we think that means for the same thing, over and over and over again? Why don't we hush sometimes and give God time to work according to his plan and priorities?

Mara asks for water in her princess cup, or food, or help, or play-dough; I answer, "I'm getting it now, just a moment," or "Not now," or "Yes, in a few minutes." When she keeps asking I say, "No more asking. You already have my answer."

I need to apply this instruction to myself. What if, what if? What if we went about our business and took every new thing, moment, idea, hurt, need to God as we worked with our own hands? What if the ceaseless prayer wasn't repetition of what we're letting ourself worry about or wanting most, but was a continual lifting up, accepting, praising, thanking, listening?

What kind of wisdom does He pour out that we miss because we're too busy telling HIm why we need wisdom? How many problems solved if we quit nagging Him and just asked, once, then quietly and confidently went about our business, listening to and thanking Him as we did?

You may pray for an hour and still not pray. You may meet God for a moment and then be in touch with Him all day.  {Fredrik Wisloff}

Accustom yourself gradually to carry Prayer into all your daily occupation -- speak, act, work in peace, as if you were in prayer, as indeed you ought to be.  {François Fénelon}

There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.  {Brother Lawrence}

Image courtesy of Rassing. Quotes from Tentmaker.org.

It's my 28th birthday today.

I am thankful for my life today,

for the opportunity I have each morning to be alive, to be whole, to be free, and to be with the people I love. Each day is rich and full.

The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places. I live with dreams and ideas and a reality full of wonder. I still believe in God, in goodness, in love, in absolutes - not because I always want to, but because it makes sense. I still believe fairies live in my flower garden - not because it makes sense, but because I want to.

I am thankful for new starts,

for fresh starts, reset buttons, and time-outs for grown-ups. I am thankful for the ability to feel, even when that means feeling pain. I am thankful for the freedom to say no, to live simple, to create my own enjoyment in life, to ignore negative people and to focus on all things bright and beautiful.

I am thankful for long walks, long naps, long conversations, and all of them being constantly interrupted by my children, because that means that they are whole, safe, happy, and with me.

I love this crazy hectic rushing pausing living breathing dancing feeling falling seeing hearing loving being doing running resting thing we have, this life, these moments strung together, these fly-by days, these vanishing hours.

I love the promise of eternity,

the hope spreading before me, the future opening up for me, limitless in scope.

I choose to dwell in possibility. I choose joy. I claim every wonder as a personal gift to me from the Maker. I relish the taste of each day I am given, I look toward the sun, I accept the clouds and the rain, I believe in redemption.

Everywhere I look I see the possibility of joy.

This year I am letting fly, loosing the things less-than-best. This year I am ignoring details to focus on one important thing at a time. This year I give myself the gift of order and discipline, which comes with a free trial pack of guilt-free, worry-free time-off-for-rest-and-renewal.

This year I will cancel my subscription to Worry Magazine, decline the offers for 1/2 off on "Comparing Yourself to Others: the Series" and will spend the time I save on the better classics:

• Guilt-Free Living
• Time with Family
• Prayer
• Fulfilling Work

This year my word is joy.

This year I will give more time to books and less time to the Internet. I will memorize poetry and ignore the news. I will sing songs instead of whining. I will go on dates with my husband, teach my daughter her letters, and cuddle my swiftly growing sons.

I will play in the dirt, climb trees, forget my weight, give more gifts, and accept the gifts I am given with a heart of gratitude and a life of grace.

I dwell in Possibility--
A fairer House than Prose--
More numerous of Windows--
Superior--for Doors--

Of Chambers as the Cedars--
Impregnable of Eye--
And for an Everlasting Roof
The Gambrels of the Sky--

Of Visitors--the fairest--
For Occupation--This--
The spreading wide my narrow Hands
To gather Paradise--

{Emily Dickinson}

Over the weekend, Joe and I decided that the "taking family walks in the evening" plan wasn't working. Okay, actually, it was more like this:
Annie: "I'm melting! I'm melting! It's soo o ooo o ooo hot! I can't walk in this heat. I will die. I will surely die. and If I don't die, then I will kill you for making me come out in this horrible horrible weather."
Joe: "Um...okay...would you like to join the gym, maybe, inste-"
Annie: "YES! Air conditioning! YES! Gym! YES! I like! Oh, sorry, hon, were you saying something else?"

This morning I got up and went to the gym and worked out in the beautifully air-conditioned space. It's one of those 24/7, let yourself in deals. I was the only one there at 4:45am (weird, don't more people just love getting to the gym at 4:45 am? No?) and so it was like I had my own private air-conditioned gym. I still couldn't change the channels on the televisions, though...

Another lady got there while I was mid-way through my graceful cardio huffing-puffing-nearly-keeling-over-20-excruciating-minutes-on-the-elliptical-death-machine portion of my work-out. I didn't mind sharing my gym space by that time. I was just glad someone else was there to pour a little water on my face in case I fainted and fell off when the demon machine upped the resistance again.  Beauty is just so painful sometimes.

So, in unrelated news, here's my menu for the week.

• Monday: fish curry, brown rice, strawberries & pineapple. I'm a little nervous about this because our neighbors are coming over for dinner and Shema (the Mr.) is from Sri Lanka. He's Hindu, so he doesn't eat meat, which is no problem since we like fish anway. But 1) I've never made curry with fish before and 2) I'm cooking curry for a man who knows what REAL curry should be like and makes it and consumes it regularly. I have a strong suspicion that my Americanized version of curry is nothing like Shema's authentic curry... oh well. It's the thought, right...?
• Tuesday: Stuffed pitas + clean out veggies in fridge: corn on the cob, green beans, and salad. I'm not sure what I'll stuff the pitas with yet: maybe this or maybe something more substantial, though with ground beef or turkey instead of lamb. Don't have much lamb sitting in my freezer these days... weird.
• Wednesday: Joe's day off! Big brunch mid-morning (sausage or bacon, pancakes, eggs) then veggie stirfry and noodles for dinner.
• Thursday: Pasta carbonara...some kind of side...
• Friday: Broiled tilapia, oven fries, marinated carrots.
• Saturday: Zugu & meatballs (and pasta to eat it on, of course).
• Sunday: We're either doing fellowship lunch at church or birthday dinner at the in-laws; I'll grate some cheese to make quesadillas for supper in case we're home by then and hungry again.

Visit the host of Menu Plan Monday!

Image Credit: jynmeyer on stock.xchng. Yeah, I'm not quite ready to put up a picture of myself, post-workout. Maybe someday...

#1. bestmomma’s question. If you could copy the cooking expertise and ability of one person, who would it be?

It would either the Frugal Gourmet (I don't remember his name right now. oh wait, yes I do:), Jeff Smith, or Sally Fallon who wrote "Nourishing Traditions" cookbook which is huge and has more helpful information about food, nutrition, and how to eat basic, healthy, good food than any other cook book I own.

#2. What’s the first red food that comes to your mind?

Strawberries.

#3. How do you eat your strawberries?

Plain. Oh so good. Wash and put in bowl; put bowl on table; sit; devour. My 2nd favorite way is in home made strawberry jam on a piece of toasted home made bread. Oh. Heavenly. Bliss.

#4. Share a recipe that uses cherries.

Oooh. I don't ever cook with cherries. I eat them like I eat strawberries. Oh, wait, that's not entirely true; I make scones and granola bars with dried cherries. Here's a granola bar recipe:

Home made, Not really healthy but really yummy Granola Bars

This is the kind of thing I would call my Mom about, if I could.

The first year after Mom died we had lots of one-way conversations, usually when I was driving somewhere. I could go on and on, just telling her about my life, my frustrations, how much I missed her, what-should-I-do-about-XYZ-random-situation, until I looked over and saw some other driver eyeballing me. I would hold up my cell phone, quick, like, "Oh, yeah, I've just been talking in my phone the whole time but forget to hold it up to my ear! Silly me!"

So here's how we're gonna work this. Since actual phone time with my Mama is impossible, this blog gets to be the site of my imaginary conversation with her. And you can listen in. Hey, you can even join in if you want...

Oh forget it. I can't do an imaginary Mom. Did I mention those conversations after she died were one-way? I talked "to Mom" but I didn't try to answer back for her. Let's work this a different way.

Here's what I want to call and tell Mom:

Hi, Mom. I love you. I miss you. I'm having a wonderful time raising these three beautiful children but I'm in need of a boot in the butt, so to speak. You were always great with those boot-in-the-butt motivational speeches, especially the quoting Proverbs part. You passed that whole Proverbs thing on to me, you know? I remember how you highlighted all those verse in pink since you had daughters. Anyway. So I read from Proverbs daily, and I've learned a lot, but Mom I am just weak in the application! Mara has way too much verbal freedom going on: she won't answer me when I call her or say Yes Ma'am unless I prompt her, repeatedly, with a very threatening look on my face. She argues. She's only two and she's arguing with me! (Okay, almost three.) Robbie whines every time I correct him, and if I spank him for whining he just whines more. Zeke... well, Zeke is the easiest one at this point and he requires feeding every three hours! He is sleeping about 8 hours every night now, so that's been really good.

So I don't know what I'm asking, Mom, just some advice, I guess, or a few reminders of why I need to stick to this whole "train up a child" deal and maybe you could throw in a guarantee or two that it will, in the end, pay off huge dividends and my kids will turn out great and I'll sit back and say, "Hey, the prayer and tears and instruction and spankings and correction and training and time and energy were worth it! My kids are AWESOME now! I'm so glad I hung in there!"

I would like to be able to say that one day, and I know (comparatively speaking) my kids are pretty good, really, but I just feel like I am beating my head against a wall on some of these issues and then I remember that Mara's not even three years old yet! How will I survive? How can I keep up? How do I keep moving ahead? What if I mess these kids up?

Okay. Deep breath. I guess that's it, really. Every time I pray for wisdom, God provides. I just wish he would provide a slightly larger dose. It's like getting a teaspoon of water when you are desperately thirsty. And yeah, Mom, I know you would say that God knows how much wisdom I need, and that I need to trust Him and just keep asking and keep seeking, and I am. I'm gonna go read some more from Proverbs now. Any other wisdom you could share would be great.

I really am done, now, and any wisdom anyone wants to share would be great. Can I get some Mom-help here?

Photo credit: Marinela, stock.xchng.

Fresh corn and cheese quesadillas. Mmmm.
Sometimes (often, in fact) the best food is the simplest. Shear the corn kernels off the cob, grate some cheddar, sprinkle onto tortillas and cook about 4 minutes per side in a hot skillet (watch that they don't burn). Let cool for a couple of seconds, then slice with a pizza cutter into triangles. Eat them hot and melty with salsa and sour cream, or fresh mashed avocado, or diced cilantro, a squeeze of lime, or black bean salad, or all of the above...

The menu for this week:

(Ironic, isn't it, that cheese & corn quesadillas aren't even on here. But we'll probably have some for lunch. Yeah. And please note my amazing attempts at healthiness via the salad/fruit with every meal. Read the rest of this entry »