What It Means to Be a Help Meet
How do we best assist in the work of ruling the earth? Should I pack up the kids and follow my husband around in his work all day, offering an extra hand when needed? Should I stay at home, on my knees, spending all my time in prayer for God's favor on my husband? Back to the beginning for the answer.
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire [shall be] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed [is] the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat [of] it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground... (Genesis 3:16-19a KJV).
The Environment
The man and woman are receiving the consequences of their sin. To the woman, sorrow and pain in bearing children is promised; to the man, toil and sorrow in working the ground and producing food. The consequences directly effect the initial instruction given to the man and woman. They were both instructed to be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth and subdue it, to have dominion over all living things. The man's particular work, to tend and to keep the garden, is cursed. The portion of the command that applies particularly to women – that for which she alone is fitted – is likewise cursed.
Particular Instructions
Man has been instructed to procreate, but obviously he needs the woman in order to obey this instruction. Both the man's and woman's roles are refreshingly obvious. There can be no controversy over who is responsible for what in the procreation process. What each one is particularly suited to do is what each one is required to do. This principle holds true in obeying the rest of the instruction given to man and woman. The question that arises is this: What is woman particularly suited to do? Is there a general answer which fits all women, or does the answer vary from woman to woman?
Biblical instruction speaks to women in general. In matters of character and attitude, we are to be reverent, respectful, encouraging, sensible, pure, kind, modest, discreet, chaste, gentle, tranquil, delighted, happy, strong, dignified, wise, kind, and diligent. The list* of our activities, put in priority according to the number of times mentioned (indicated in parentheses), is as follows: Be married/love/be subject to husbands (4); Love/bring up/bear children (3); Work at home, keep house, look well to household (3); Do good works (3); Have proper (modest, beautiful) adornment (3); Assist those in distress (2); Work with hands (2); Profit through business ventures (2); Teach what is good (1); Show hospitality (1); Minister to the saints (1); Shop (for food) (1); Maintain physical health (1); Provide clothing for family (1).
Love Makes an Able Assistant
The instruction to love our husbands reiterates the position we hold as their helpers. Love makes an able assistant. The references to children reiterates our portion of the command to be fruitful and multiply. The rest is surprisingly general. The instruction to manage the household is by no means an exclusive work limit, as we are also instructed to profit through business ventures, to assist those in distress, and to do good works. Certainly a woman might accomplish all three of those activities within the physical structure of the home; she might also accomplish them out of it.
The obvious focus of these passages** is husband, children, and home. Not surprising, since only a woman can be a wife, only a woman can bear a child, and only a fool would think that a man can keep house as adeptly and efficiently as a woman. Note, however, that a man is not exempt from responsibility in matters of children and household. A man who desires to be an overseer must “...be} one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?) (1 Timothy 3:4-5). Likewise, men who are deacons “must be husbands of {only} one wife, {and} good managers of {their} children and their own households (1 Timothy 3:12). A woman's work and authority in rearing children and managing a home is given as part of her work in assisting her husband.
So, what about feminism?
The curse of feminism is the cry for equality: I can open my own doors, drive my own car, earn my own money, make my own way. This kind of equality leads to women trying to fulfill the instructions given to men and women, not just the ones given to women. It isn't that women cannot do those things that men are instructed to do; in most cases, women are quite capable of them all. But ability does not equal responsibility; just being able to do something does not mean you should be doing it. Cultural feminism tells us that when we do only what we find ourselves particularly suited to do, we have made ourselves inferior to men. Frankly, I don't see the logic there. It seems smart to me to do what you're good at and what you enjoy, rather than kill yourself trying to prove some obscure agenda to a faceless mass of imaginary patriarchs. Men certainly don't kill themselves trying to prove that they're just as good at being women as we are. It seems just a bit silly that we would work so hard trying to prove how good we are at being men.
Where the Woman Is
The Bible is not legalistic about what women should and should not do; it gives very clear but also very flexible instructions as to what our primary occupation should be. There is a lot of room for interpretation in how we carry out those instructions. The over-arching theme is that of assisting our husbands; under that umbrella, we have all sorts of freedom to do and be and grow and explore and work and play and produce and rest and develop and create. Some of us, of course, ignore the freedom and focus on the umbrella. What's it doing there? Why can't I do without the umbrella? Well, sister, you can do without the umbrella. Step on out there and stand in that cold rain by yourself. As for me, I find I can sacrifice a little bit of the view in order to avoid getting the unforgiving lashes of the storm winds. That's what umbrellas are for.
*This list is not exhaustive and some generalizations have been made. For example, I have combined into “working with hands” the more particular instruction of Proverbs 31 that involves wool, flax, a distaff, and a spindle. Also, I have including loving and being subject to husbands, and loving children, as activities rather than as matters of character and attitude. Though their position in the latter could be well-supported, I think of loving, etc., as action which we must choose to do rather than as an attitude we must choose to have.
**The passages consulted in constructing this list are below. All are taken from the NAS version.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, {to be} sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored (Titus 2:3-5)
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Likewise, {I want} women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness (1 Timothy 2:9-10).
A widow is to be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old, {having been} the wife of one man, having a reputation for good works; {and} if she has brought up children, if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she has assisted those in distress, {and} if she has devoted herself to every good work. But refuse {to put} younger widows {on the list,} for when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married, {thus} incurring condemnation, because they have set aside their previous pledge. At the same time they also learn {to be} idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper {to mention.} Therefore, I want younger {widows} to get married, bear children, keep house, {and} give the enemy no occasion for reproach; for some have already turned aside to follow Satan (1 Timothy 5:9-15).
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any {of them} are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be {merely} external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but {let it be} the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3:1-4).
She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells {them,} And supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness (Proverbs 31:13-27).
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