Resistance is the most toxic force on the planet. It is the root of more unhappiness than poverty, disease, and erectile dysfunction. To yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be. If you believe in God (and I do) you must declare Resistance evil, for it prevents us from achieving the life God intended when He endowed each of us with our own unique genius. (From the book The War of Art by Steven Pressfield)

The work of art, of creation, is given all of us. We have a calling. Starting a profitable business, baking cookies, writing poetry, raising children, running a shop, fixing cars, making crafts, designing shoes, doing accounts, designing curriculum, painting, singing, reading, reviewing, helping, overseeing, managing, organizing; whatever the term, some action, some work for life, is yours. It belongs to you and you belong to it. No one is relieved of this responsibility. No one is inartistic, or unable, just dull, unmotivated, lazy, fearful.

Every attempt we make toward something higher and better finds resistance. We camouflage the call. We are afraid to see it. We make it all so complicated when most of it is so very, very simple. Go check the Self-Help section. Hundreds of titles all say essentially the same thing. This month’s version has newer packaging and a cuter catch-phrase. But it’s either 1) stuff you know instinctively or 2) drivel to make you feel good about ignoring the stuff you know instinctively.

This article, for instance. You don’t need it. You know there are things you need to do in life. You know there are particular things for you to do. You feel the tug. You know there is resistance because you are the one resisting. You even know what to do about the resistance, don’t you? No? Can’t remember? I’ll give you a hint:

Ignore the resistance and do what you’re supposed to do anyway. Take action.

(Okay, that was more than a hint.) But you knew already! You could probably write this article but for one small quality I (we assume) have and you (we assume) would like to have more of: the voice of successful experience.

Oh yes, you have experience. You have knowledge. but you’re reading this article on the premise that I, the Author-with-a-capital-A, not only have the knowledge but also have the map to the secret goldmine you need: success in applying the knowledge. That little glimmer of gold is what keeps the self-help genre alive. If we share the same knowledge, have similar experience, but I have succeeded and you have not (yet, you say to yourself), then I must have the secret. The key. The difference. It’s in this article, somewhere. If you read it all, it will be bestowed upon you, like a prize for wading through all the paragraphs: the final key to insert into the slot which will unlock the door which will release the treasure of your own creative genius successfully!

It’s just a flash in the pan. Ever hear of fool’s gold? It’s just a sparkly mineral, but there were lots of gold rush miners who got pretty excited. For a while.

The only thing I know that you don’t know is that there is no secret to success. Understand, I’m not saying there is nothing secret about the deep, divine, meaningful, beautiful, worthwhile things of life. There is, and all of us struggle continually to get closer, get more, get immersed, or else to utterly deny its existence. We identify with different parts of the struggle. Marriage, parenting, organizing, self-esteem, setting limits, creative flow. Whatever. The common, and misleading, theme is this: You are a Victim and I, the Helpful Author/Owner/Guru will set you free. I have the key that you, poor child, were never given. I have the question you didn’t know you could ask. I’m not better or smarter or worthier… just luckier.
Read the rest of this entry »

Even if my qualifications seem best, I may not be right for the job. I may, in fact, be very, very wrong. It’s my job to determine what belongs to me and what doesn’t.

Figuring Out What Belongs to You

How do I know what belongs to me and what does not? How do I get rid of the things that are not truly my responsibility? Let’s start with a simple process of taking inventory. What am I currently taking responsibility for? Look at all the roles you play, then look at all the activities and tasks within each role. For example, I am (in no particular order) a wife, a mother, a sister and daughter, a friend, a Christian, a church member, a writer, a homemaker, a musician, a website manager, a woman, a cook, a gardener, and an entrepreneur. I could probably come up with more if I kept at it a little longer.

Within my role of church member, I have taken on the responsibilities of going to church every Sunday, playing on the worship team each week as well as compiling our worship set, emailing it to the worship team, attending practice each week, participating in ladies’ bible studies, fellowship dinners, and occasional “extra” worship times. Yet I still feel guilty when I walk by the table in the foyer and see the Church Cleaning Sign-up Sheet, because my name is nowhere on it. The only way I can keep myself from compulsively taking on the bathroom cleaning for the entire month is by remembering what my responsibilities as a church member already are. Once I mentally review them, I realize that I can take on no more unless I let something go. It isn’t that I can’t clean bathrooms or am unwilling to; it’s that I have already dedicated my time and effort to other activities in the church, and I don’t have any additional time to give. That’s my line and I dare not cross it.

Get Your Paper and Pen and Get Ready…

Be thorough as you list your roles and your activities within them. Picture yourself walking through your day and jot down everything you take responsibility for. Perhaps you feel guilty about missing dinner with your sister but she didn’t tell you the plans until the day of. Why do you feel guilty? Because you feel responsible. Why do you feel responsible? Read the rest of this entry »

“Worry comes from trying to control anything which I am not equipped nor prepared nor responsible to control: in other words, anything outside of my sphere of responsibility, my “circle of authority.” How often do I step outside this circle and try to drag something back in with me, something that does not fit, something that belongs in someone else’s care?”

The Worry Addiction

We start the moment we wake up in the morning and keep at it until exhaustion finally shuts off our active brain. We continue even in sleep, in our subconscious and our dreams bringing out our worries and tossing them around, sorting them, counting and naming and nurturing them. We must have something to gnaw on, something to worry with, to examine and analyze, to prove or disprove, to criticize or fear or envy. We are compulsive worriers.

Why do we nurture this worry habit? Have you noticed that no matter how quickly one problem is solved we find another one immediately to take its place? We don’t recognize the cycle as a cycle, an addictive cycle, and we honestly believe that “once this mess is taken care of,” everything will be back to normal again. But normal, for most of us, involves perpetual worry because we gain from it a feeling of control. But wouldn’t it be nice to do something besides worry? Read the rest of this entry »

“You said you would call.”

“You’re late.”

“You forgot again.”

“I just want a nice quiet dinner out with you. Is that too much to ask?”

“You paid how much?”

If only you would listen more, visit sooner, take out the trash, remember my birthday, make more money, quit working on the weekends, get home on time, buy me something nice, play with the kids, talk to me, pick up your clothes, call more often…

The list never ends. Come on. You know you have one: that list, that mental checklist of what makes a great husband, kid, friend, mother… fill in the blank. You have one for yourself and you feel guilty when you don’t live up to it. You have one for all the people around you, too, some more complicated and specific than others. Ladies, the list you have for your husband is probably a document vying with White House legal memorandums in length, specificity, and total lack of intelligibility - to your husband. To you, it’s perfectly understandable, isn’t it? “It’s not that complicated… all he has to do is just be here for me a little more, talk to me, be romantic, maybe bring me flowers every once in a while… that’s not so much. It wouldn’t hurt if he would start working out again, too, and spend more time with the kids. And he could get that raise if he really pushed for it, and then we could have a nice vacation…”

When is the list ever completely fulfilled? Maybe you don’t know its length and complexity as well as you think you do. The list, you see, changes, grows, morphs with each action or non-action. There is no end. It is, like the grave and the fire, never satisfied. It is you, and it is based on your expectations of who and what someone should be.

Everyone has expectations. True. We’ve all grown so accustomed to them we overlook their affect. They are deadly little beasts, sucking the life and joy out of every relationship into which they creep. They remove our ability to be surprised, delighted, and content. Contentment receives what comes - what happens - what other do or say - with an attitude of humility and disregard for self. Contentment does not mean “not wanting.” It is not the absence of any desire. Contentment means, no matter what the desire, there is an attitude of acceptance. I will take what is given even if it is not what I desired.

Expectations are based on pride. I know what should happen. My way is the best. My plan is better. You should do what I want. When people fail to meet our expectations, we get angry because they have not recognized and submitted to our superior plans for them. Obviously if they really understood the situation… if they really got it… they would see things our way. Right?

Assumptions are those controlling, basic habits of the mind. They are what we think without thinking. They are the default. An assumption is a “statement that is assumed to be true and from which a conclusion can be drawn,” or “a hypothesis that is taken for granted” (WordNet).

We all operate from assumptions to some degree. We assume the world will keep spinning, the sun will rise, and our boss will expect us to show up at work as usual. So we set the alarm, get up, get dressed, and go to work. What’s the problem with assumptions like that? Nothing, really. Those type of assumptions are what I call experiential assumptions. They are based on our former experiences and validated every time the experience is repeated, which is usually often.

Many experiential assumptions are accurate to a large degree, perhaps even for all of our lives. What happens, however, is that as we operate on a daily basis from experiential assumptions, we think less often and less consciously and simply operate on automatic. We get lazy.

We have assumptions about each other: spouse, children, parents, siblings, co-workers, friends, strangers. We have assumptions about spirituality, intellect, physical history, relationships, and morality. We carry these assumptions with us and apply them to the appropriate subjects without stopping to think about what the assumptions are, where they came from, what they are based on, and whether they are accurate. We assume they are true without stopping to question their history, logic, source, or motivation.

Racism comes from unquestioned assumptions. Discrimination of all kinds comes from unquestioned assumptions. Persecution - both of the religious and by the religious - comes from unquestioned assumptions. These unquestioned, unfounded assumptions are usually based on little more than the attitudes and concepts we picked up as children from our families, our peers, and our culture. They might have been someone else’s experiential assumption in a different time and place, but they may no longer be valid. Or they may be based on a one-time, never-repeated experience so powerful that a person based a life’s assumption upon it, and then passed it on to you. You assumed it was accurate. You assumed you could trust the source.

Assumptions are subtle and dangerous due to that subtlety. Even when they are mostly accurate, if they are never questioned, never grounded on something more than tradition, we accept the danger of operating our daily lives on the basis of something that may be relative to time, place, and preference.

Examining our assumptions is a basic first step toward living a life that is thoughtful and fulfilling. Here’s an exercise that can help you get started.

• 1. Write down ten foundational beliefs you have. They may not be the “top ten” but you will probably think of the most important things first. If you have trouble getting started, ask yourself what you believe about these topics:  God/spirituality, family, relationships, work, your past, your personality, and money.
• 2. Now comes the questioning. For each belief you wrote down, ask these questions: What is this belief based on? What is the source of this belief? What is the reasoning behind this belief? Has my personal experience repeatedly validated this belief? When did I choose to believe this?
• 3. Based on your answers, you can determine if what you’ve written as a belief is that - something you have consciously chosen to put faith in based on reason and/or experience -  or if it is merely an assumption, something handed down to you that you simply accepted.
• 4. Now what? The “beliefs” that turned out to be assumptions are not necessarily inaccurate; they just give you a starting point. Start digging. Start thinking. Do some research. Start looking for something true and real about these assumptions of yours. Are they worthwhile? Do they merit a place as a foundational belief that will influence the course of your life?

1. Always be on the phone when you see him at the end of the day.

   Preferably, be talking to your girlfriend, your sister, or your mom about a topic that either (a) irritates him or (b) means absolutely less than nothing to him. Give him a slight wave but don’t interrupt your conversation to give him a kiss, a smile, or a word. Continue talking with all the intensity you can muster. Be extremely interested in your conversation. Show no signs of slowing down just because he’s around. And make sure you talk loudly, pace, or otherwise make yourself impossible to ignore. If you’re at home, be sure the kitchen is dark and cold and very much untouched by you.

2. Talk to him like you would to your five-year-old nephew.

   An extremely effective method of irritation. Make sure you use the same small words, repeat yourself, ask if he understands at the end of every sentence, and throw in a somewhat drippy, condescending tone to top it all off. Use an appropriate pet name: cutie, silly boy, munchkin, and little man are all excellent choices.

3. Never tell him what’s of concern to you, and never ask for his help.

   Be sure your stress is evident: creased brow, frown lines, nervous movements, loud sighs, and lots of muttering to yourself. If he takes the bait and asks you what’s wrong, look at him like you forgot he was there, give a little laugh and say, “Oh, nothing honey, really…” Then ask him a very unimportant question using Method #2. Be sure you continue to look adequately stressed about your issue as he answers your question. Bonus points: Have a muttered, somewhat secretive phone conversation with girlfriend/sis/mom about said issue later that night. Be sure he sees you and catches your stressed tone of voice.

4. Keep a mental list of his faults; add to it continually.

   Of course you know he’s not perfect, and the best way to show him that you know is to keep thinking about all the ways he isn’t. You actually don’t have to say any of these out loud to communicate your displeasure (although there will be chances for that, too). Just keeping that mental list will be sufficient, and be sure you add every new fault you notice as soon as you notice it, even if it’s only happened once. Also, come up with creative little titles for the faults on your mental list. Include dramatic words with a sense of finality and hopelessness. For example, “picks his nose in the car” should be called “Is SO disgusting because he’s ALWAYS shoving his finger up his nose in the MIDDLE of traffic.” Much more effective.

5. Mock him publicly, especially in front of your family and/or his friends.

   You will, of course, never be at a loss for what to mock him about since you’ve got that handy mental list ready at all times. And since you’re continually thinking about it and adding to it, you’ll be able to create a connection with whatever conversation you’re in, no matter how vague to everyone else. Example: You run into a couple of friends at the grocery store who relate the horrible car wreck they witnessed yesterday. You listen and nod and then say, “Well, at least Jimbo here wasn’t with you. He would’ve just stuck his finger up his nose as usual, right in front of all the cops…” Ignore Jimbo’s look of chagrin. Ignore the fact that you’ve only actually seen him pick his nose twice in your entire relationship.

6. Moderate your interest level carefully.

   This is a key concept if you really want to alienate your husband. You need to practice because if you go too overboard with either demonstration it will just be weird. So get those “I’m really interested” signals down very well. Use them anytime you get a phone call, anytime you’re talking about your past, anytime someone else in a group that includes your husband is talking, and especially when you’re talking about your preferences, your day, or your emotions. Now, for the “I’m not at all interested and I’m just managing to tolerate the hideous boredom of this conversation” signals, pick key times. These include anytime your husband is talking about his family, his work, or his past; anytime he shares an idea (any kind of idea); anytime you’re at some event that is more in keeping with his interests than yours; and especially anytime he hints around for intimacy. Really, the only time you should show interest when your husband talks is when he talks about you.

7. Cultivate irritating habits.

   The infamous silent treatment is probably the mother of all irritating habits. Be sure you use that one often. Nagging, of course, is another especially effective irritation. Use a whiny voice even when you’re in a good mood. Sigh often without explanation. Blame everything on your hormones, your past, or your husband’s typically male inability to be sensitive enough. Make fun of anything overtly masculine about him. Make fun of anything he likes that you don’t. Forget the names of important people from his past. Act a little fuzzy about what he actually does at work when anyone asks. Get a baby-innocent blank look to employ when he asks you about his favorite sweater, season tickets, or “planned” trip to his family reunion. Come up with a girly, demeaning name for his favorite band, sport, place, food, etc., and use it often.

8. Be obviously manipulative.

   Face it, you’re probably manipulative anyway, and it’s probably obvious to your husband even if he doesn’t point it out. Well, go ahead and play it up for all it’s worth. Use that baby voice. Use sex as a prize if he does what you want (or lack thereof as punishment if he doesn’t). Use all your best irritating habits to get what you want. Nag him about a vacation until he agrees. Start giving him the silent treatment if he doesn’t seem interested in taking you to that new romantic comedy (making it even more romantic when he finally does agree to take you). Threaten to call his mother, your mother, his boss, or his best friend whenever needed. Use impossibly unreasonable jabs like “Do you really want me to be unhappy?” and “You really hate our kids, don’t you?” and “I just never expected you to be so insensitive all the time.”

9. Never tell him what you want in a way that makes sense.

   Rely on your irritating habits and manipulation skills to get what you want. Never, ever just ask him for something in a normal voice. If he asks you a direct question about your preference, just say something like, “Oh, you know…..” or “Oh… I don’t really care….”. Of course, if he makes the mistake of taking you seriously and simply making a decision without questioning you further and deciphering your hints until he finally figures out what you do want, employ one of those irritating habits like the silent treatment.

10. Maintain your impossible expectations.

    All those items on your mental list of your husband’s faults are probably negative exaggerations of your own expectations of what he should be. By all means, hang on to these expectations, no matter how silly, because they are invaluable in keeping your husband alienated. Whatever you do, never consider the possibility that your expectations are the problem, not your husband’s hideous faults. Meditate on your expectations religiously. See them as the key to your happiness. Refer to them as the only separation between the two of you and marital bliss. Take no responsibility for your attitudes or emotions when they go haywire due to an expectation being, once again, grossly unfulfilled. Consider yourself a selfless martyr every time your husband fails to either automatically understand an expectation or flawlessly meet it.

Employ these ten simple habits and you are well on your way to continual conflict, total dissolution of mutual interests, and marital hell. They’re effective enough to be used singly whenever harmony seems to be rearing its ugly head, but are especially helpful when collectively applied over time. Ruin your marriage – don’t let a day go by without alienating your husband!

Victims put the blame elsewhere. Victims are passive. Victims wear chains. Victims are limited. Victims are unable to change. Victims put the power of change away from themselves. Victims are the powerless slaves of others, of moods, of circumstances. Victims submit.
Responsible people take the blame for their own failures. They assume the power of change. They are active. They are free. They can change. They make things happen. They set their own limits. They choose their own destiny. They take charge of their own thoughts, emotions, relationships, and situations. They decide.

Which one are you?

What Victimizes You?
You can be “victimized” by your past, your parents, your peers, your romantic relationships, your moods, your children, your spouse, your traditions, your emotions, your circumstances, your boss, your job, your coworkers, your religion, your culture. Most of the time we find ourselves victims because of our own refusal to take responsibility.
Responsibility is difficult and demanding. To be responsible means to be accountable for your actions and your life. It is only through taking responsibility, however, that you are able to take control of your own life.

The Empowerment Myth
Empowerment became a popular word about twenty years ago, to the great detriment of people striving to take responsibility. Empowerment sounds like a good thing, doesn’t it? Think about it. To be “empowered” means that someone has given you legal, moral, or physical power, has authorized or enabled you. If someone has the power to give you authority, they also have the power to take it away. Empowerment is everything an inalienable right is not. An inalienable right (such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness) is one that cannot be transferred to another. It is yours by all that is natural and absolute. Empowerment is not a real right or power; it is simply an extension on the leash around your neck. True power comes when you reach up and unclip the leash and start walking around like the dignified and responsible human being you inalienably are.

    Every time you act like a victim, you submit to empowerment (and disempowerment) and refuse to take the liberty that is yours to control your own life.

Self-Government or  Another’s Government: Your Choice
When you refuse to govern yourself, someone else will step in to do the job. The plethora of laws we have is a result of our collective failure to govern ourselves. The law is instituted, with its consequences, for those who have refused to keep the law. If no one ever robbed a store, would there be a need for a law against thievery? No. It simply never happens so there is no need to prohibit it or assign consequences to it. The rise of internet use in the last fifteen years has necessitated a flood of laws governing its content and use because people have posted inappropriate content, created viruses, and stolen the identities of others. If no one had ever abused the internet, guess how many laws there would be to govern it? None.

If you feel like you have many limits on your life, perhaps it is because you have refused to set and hold your own limits. You can govern yourself or you can be governed by another, but there will always be some authority in your life setting limits and enforcing consequences. You can do it for yourself or you can submit to the will of another.

Save Yourself from a Victimized Life
Listen to yourself. Do phrases like “I couldn’t help it” or “It’s not my fault” or “I would have, but…” or “Well, you know me, I’m just a…” fill your conversation? Do you excuse yourself on the basis of bad hair days, bad moods, bad situations, or bad relationships? Do you think that if only your spouse/parent/child/boss would get his act together, your life would finally be okay? Do you realize that by thinking such things you give the power of controlling your life over to your hair, your mood, your situation, your relationship, or your spouse/parent/child/boss? Do you really want to hand your life away?

Start thinking outside the victim box a bit. Recognize that every decision you make is yours and yours alone. You may not be able to control others, but you can control yourself. You may not be able to control the situation, but you can control your response to it. You may not be able to change the world, but you can change your thoughts and habits and affect the world in a way no victim ever could.

We all have stuff we keep putting off. Sometimes it is a major project that just scares us. Sometimes it is a simple task that we simply don’t like or don’t know how to tackle. Procrastination leaves all that stuff hanging over our heads. You can never feel like you’ve actually done your work for the day when you know you’ve put off that something yet again. Whether what you procrastinate on is a huge, intimidating project or a small, momentary item, getting started is usually the most difficult part. Here are a few ideas to help you get to that point so you can get it finished and move on with your life!

1. Take on a monthly (or weekly) challenge for that hard-to-start project. (See previous article.) For writers who procrastinate putting for that great novel, NaNoWriMo is an organized challenge of this sort. For others, any project can be turned into a challenge for a specific amount of time. It doesn’t have to be a month. Dedicate a week to the project, and put forth all the time and energy you can into it, knowing that at the end of the week you can stop, no matter how much is left to do. What usually happens is that you get yourself motivated just by doing. The momentum carries you forward. You can accomplish a lot more than you think in a week. You may completely finish that project that seemed like a year-long commitment. If you don’t finish, you will still have a good chunk of it done and can continue toward the goal at a much faster pace.

2. Incorporate it into your routine. This method works well for those small but just unenjoyable tasks that come up, like cleaning out the refrigerator or dejunking the junk drawer or writing thank you notes. Make the one that you despise and put off a part of your daily routine. Say you hate cleaning out the refrigerator, so you just keep saying you’ll do it tomorrow. Meanwhile new life forms have taken over the vegetable drawer and are threatening invasion into the condiments. Before you lose your ketchup to that rabid broccoli, make it your routine to spend 5 minutes working on the refrigerator while your coffee is brewing, or water is boiling for the night’s pasta, or you’re talking on the phone to that friend who always repeats her stories… Don’t make it into a huge project that requires hours of your day. Make it part of your day and it will get done.

3. Eliminate the reason for procrastination. First, of course, you have to know the reason. Why do you procrastinate? Is it just laziness? Or are you afraid of failing? Are you unsure where to start? Do you have no idea how to complete the project you’re putting off? Are you afraid of someone’s response, so you don’t make the phone call? Maybe you don’t know what to say, so you never have that difficult conversation you really need to have. Or you don’t buy new clothes that you need because you really hate the way that extra 10 pounds makes you look. Instead of trying to force yourself to do something that you are not yet equipped to do, tackle the reason behind the procrastination. If you’re lazy, start reading about the power of diligence and hard work ; start making yourself do something a little extra, a little more difficult than you like every day. Soon those efforts of getting rid of laziness will become habits. If you’re afraid or dealing with other emotional issues that keep you procrastinating, try writing about it or talking with someone you trust. Getting the feelings and uncertainty in the open helps you know whether they are serious or not. Sometimes just stating your fear lets you see that it is silly to let it keep you back in the corner. If you don’t know where to start on your project or relationship problem or work issue, read on to the next suggestion.

4. Get help. The world of people you interact with is rich with resources. Your family, your friends, your co-workers, your peers, your social group, your church friends, employees at the stores you frequent: they all have ideas, skills, and experiences that can help you. You simply have to ask. If the thing you are putting off is beyond the help of people you know, try searching the internet. You can find lots of information from people who have dealt with it. The phone book is another source of help. There are counselors, therapists, weight-loss consultants, professional organizers, life coaches, writing instructors, tutors, interior designers, personal shoppers, and a plethora of other professional people offering many services.

5. Break it down. This applies especially to those big projects you put off. You want to redecorate your bathroom. It’s hideous. It has peach tile and yellow linoleum and water stains on the ceiling and a shower curtain with faded images of rubber ducks. It is the opposite of a spa-like, serene setting. But the idea of tackling all of the problems just overwhelms you. You don’t have the money, the time, the knowledge, or the energy to take it all on. So you keep taking your hot baths with your eyes closed do you don’t have to look at it. Instead of seeing the project as a whole, break it down into its many, much smaller parts. One week (maybe this week?) you will go to the hardware store, buy a gallon of paint and some brushes, and then come home, remove the towel hooks, put an old sheet on the floor, and paint the walls. It will take you a couple of hours to get one coat on, probably. Next week, you can apply the next coat, go out and buy new towel hooks and a small, framed print you love, and come home and hang them up. The week after that you could put new hardware on your medicine cabinet. Treat it as many smaller projects that you can take on, and soon the entire project will be finished.

6. Set deadlines and rewards. Set a date by which a particular task must be done and put it on your calendar in big, bold letters. Next to it put down the reward. Make it something you really like but don’t get very often. The key is this: you only get the reward if you complete the task by the deadline. No cheating.

7. Do it now. That’s right. Get up from your chair and go do it! It’s not that big of a deal and you will be finished with it. Then you can come back, sit down, and read the rest of the article in peace with a little smirk of satisfaction on your face. I’m not kidding. Get up! Go do it! Now!

8. Don’t do it. If you’ve been putting something off for a long time, and the world hasn’t crumbled around you, maybe you can just decide not to do it and then quit feeling bad because you haven’t. Do you really have to complete those half-finished craft projects? No. You don’t. You don’t like them, you don’t have to do them. Give the supplies away to someone who will use and enjoy them. Now you have less material and mental clutter to deal with.

9. Make a public commitment. Use your blog or webpage, send an email to all your friends ( or to me), call a few of your closest buddies, make an announcement at your next social gathering… find a way to make a public commitment to do/complete whatever it is you’ve been procrastinating on. Make it even more motivational by promising something to the group if you don’t complete it as promised. (You buy dinner for the friends if you don’t do it by a certain date.) They’ll remember the commitment if there’s something in it for them, and you’ll remember to do it if it will cost you to forget!

10. Delegate it. There are many students with little money who are capable of lots of household projects you may not want to do yourself. Hire one to plant your perennials or paint your front porch or organize your files or set up your new computer or load your iPod. Highschool and college students are great resources. Pay fairly and explain clearly what you want done and you’re likely to end up with an anti-procrastination partner who can help you in many different projects.

11. Partner it. There are two different ways to partner something you’ve procrastinated on. First, you can find another person who will agree to be your partner in getting the item completed, and then you in turn help your partner do something that he or she has procrastinated on. If you find someone who is procrastinating on the same thing, like going to the gym regularly or reading more books, you can tackle it together. Join an aerobics class together, or join a book club together and have monthly meetings to talk about the book you’ve just read. Alternately, you can partner something by “attaching” it to another activity you enjoy. You like shopping but you hate returning phone calls. Go to the mall, sit in the parking lot in your car and return 2 or 3 phone calls. Then go shopping.

12. Plan a day for it. Sometimes the best method is the head-on, no-holds-barred, life-or-death duel approach. So clear a day in your calendar. Get your supplies ahead of time. Turn the phone off and the good music on and get to work. Do as much as you can, as well as you can, as quickly as you can. At the end of the day, stop, clean up, and go do something you enjoy.