SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

I have a big, soft, plush white bathrobe that used to be a perfect fit. Now I have to tie it above my belly, since my waist disappeared about 3 months ago. It just doesn't work as well anymore.

In a way, that's great, because instead of being tempted to just sit around in my robe and sip my coffee, I go ahead and get dressed. Too chilly, too much of a breeze otherwise... And getting dressed helps me to resist the urge to go back to bed for just a few more minutes, which helps me to do something, like work, instead of drool on my pillow.

I'm also ravenously hungry early in the morning. I usually wake up around 5 to make a bathroom trip, and as I stumble back to bed my belly starts to rumble. I'll fall back asleep, but by the time my husband's alarm goes off at 6, the rumblings are too loud to ignore. I have to get out of bed, which means I have to get dressed due to the wardrobe issues, which means that I have managed to stay awake for the last couple of mornings instead of falling back into said bed with said pillow for said drooling session.

I'd rather sleep; it's just too much trouble...

Thank you, pregnancy, for helping me achieve my monthly challenge goals.

Monday I got in 6 hours of work; Tuesday a little over 4 hours. I'm right on target, and if I continue to be so, I'll be making a bit over my 25-hour mark this week. I might celebrate by sleeping in on Saturday. Maybe I'll just put a muffin by the bed so I can munch it at 5 and then go back to sleep... Hmmm.

Collected Thoughts on Early Rising:

" In summer, no adult ought to lie in bed after four o'clock, and no child, except the mere infant, after five." From the 'and you thought 6am was too early' files, a.k.a. "The Young Mother: Management of Children in Regard to Health," Early Rising section, by William A. Alcott.

"

• Set my alarm for the same time everyday.
• Get up. Turn off alarm, which is strategically placed on the other side of the room.  (I’ve learned this is my most critical moment in getting up early. It is crucial that I never, never, never, hit the snooze button or lie back down to catch a few more winks.)
• Head straight to bathroom and then proceed directly to the coffee pot.
• Be prepared to feel absolutely miserable for about 10 to 15 minutes. (But the feeling of misery turns into pure gladness as I soon experience the delight of having that alone time and as I reap the benefits all day long. It is totally worth feeling miserable for about 15 minutes.)
• Your body responds to a regular wake up time. In other words, it gets easier."

from the "strategies for getting up early" category, by Nicole Whitacre for girl talk blog, explaining the 5:00 Club.

Today begins a new month and my next monthly challenge.

I'm ready for a challenge and excited about how this one will help me get closer to some long-held goals. I've noticed that most of my personal challenges related to time and how I manage (or mismanage) it. Same with this month's: my challenge for February is to work 25 hours a week. On business (writing and web work). Every Mom works far more than 25 hours a week doing Mom-stuff; we don't need a challenge for that sort of thing, unless it might be a challenge to do less.

25 hours a week of business work is going to require some good sticking-to-a-scheduleness, which I'm not good at. I make great schedules, but I don't use them well. One day I will pull all the pages out of the old planners stuffed into bookcases and wallpaper a room with them. It will be my annotated life history.
Joe and I were talking last night about doubt and how it sabotages our lives. We let it. I set high goals for myself, and not two minutes later I start questioning: "Who am I to think I can do this?"

I'm Super Woman, that's who I am!

Except for the leotard. And the super powers. And except that I know I am not. I know that there's a good reason for doubt (really? is there?) because I do have limits, and I do fail. How often do I fail because of doubts? They tend to be self-fulfilling prophecies.
Women tend to multitask; women who happen to be wives & mommies & worker-bees, whether at home or in an outside job, multiply their multitasking. Quadrupletask? Sometimes we multi(quadrupli)taskers need to step back, say no, take a break, simplify. Well and good.

But doubt is not a good thing. (Doughnuts are, though.) I may not be able to achieve all my goals, but then again, maybe I can. Successful people are the ones who go for it, taking for granted that they'll acquire the abilities and resources needed as they go. (This is not a blanket justification for taking out large loans on faith that you'll have the ability to pay it back as needed; just want to clear that up.) You can never be perfectly prepared, or perfectly anything. Sometimes you just have to take the risk and figure it out as you go along.

I don't want to fail because I talk myself out of trying. Reaching goals is difficult. Resistance always shows up in, in its various toxic forms. It's my job to squish the resistance, not feed it cookies and give it a warm bed right next to mine.

Once again, this month's challenge is my opportunity to change the habits that hold me back. I hear plenty of opinions and cultural idioms that encourage mediocrity, complacency. It starts way back in school when one year, instead of getting an A and waving around your gold star running home to show Mom, you get an A and quietly turn your paper over so the kid next to you doesn't notice and tease.

Opinions and cultural idioms are notoriously inaccurate. I have a feeling there's a greater motive behind all those voices, and it's not rational; it's fear. Fear of failure, yes, and fear of someone else succeeding, showing us it can be done, raising the standard.

We rarely expect enough from ourselves. We never demand it. Your version of success is, I'm sure, not the same as mine, but it requires the same kind of fundamental change to reach it. We have to stop expecting, and accepting, less from ourselves. We are capable of more.

How will you challenge yourself to be more this month?

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Image Credits

Hourglass photo courtesy of bogenfreund on Flickr; Superwoman Cartoon courtesy of Inspiration Line.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Update (Wednesday): 40 minutes cardio (walking); random stretching throughout the day whenever I thought about it.

Wrap-Up: I would call this challenge about a 70% success. I have been successful in the cardio part of the routine, which was more important to me and required more time and effort.

However, on the stretching/toning portion of the challenge, I failed miserably. With the cardio, which mainly involved walking, I had several routes I knew well and enjoyed, I had the kids involved, and I had a specific time to get out and walk. I also had a back-up plan for rainy days.

With stretching/toning, I never put any of those things in place, or at least not firmly enough. I never really stuck with one routine long enough to know it well and feel like I was getting somewhere. I was trying different stretches, different toning exercises, but I needed to just compile a few effective ones into a 10 or 15 minutes routine that I could get comfortable with. I also couldn't figure out how to involve the kids, which isn't completely necessary, but a nice bonus when it is something I can do with them rather than something I need to fit into those naptimes.

The kicker, though, was not having any specific time to do stretching and toning, whether with kids or not. I'm going to continue this exercise challenge, unofficially, for another month because I like the results I have so far. I'd like to get some more of the same!

Here are my recommendations, simplified:

-Have a specific time and place.

-Get yourself some good work out clothes.

-Get any necessary gear (yoga mat, light weights, water bottle).

-Have a plan for cardio work and for toning work. Have a back-up plan if the outdoors isn't cooperative.

-Have some variety but also stick to one thing long enough to feel like you can master it and get the most out of it before moving on.

Happy Exercising!

Image courtesy of mikebaird on Flickr.

Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. Rabbi Abraham Heschel ( source) Update (Tuesday): 35 minutes cardio (walking).I find myself continually missing the stretch/tone part of this exercise challenge. Let me rephrase. I continually choose to neglect the stretch/tone part of this exercise challenge.

See how easy it is to make yourself a victim?

Discipline. We have misconceptions about discipline. We perceive it negatively, as connoting deprivation, pain, denial. Things we do not like and never desire. Like a root canal.

You probably don't like going to see the dentist. (Unless, perchance, you are married to a dentist.) So you brush your teeth, floss, use mouthwash, chew gum. This is discipline, the instructive side.

If you didn't instruct yourself (teeth need to be cleaned, flossing is good, plaque is bad), equip yourself (toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash), and apply yourself, you might end up with a cavity. Maybe even a root canal. Lots of wasted time, discomfort, pain, and a nice chunk of money. That's the corrective side of discipline.

To discipline means to train. To be a disciple is to be one who learns, one who is trained. The nature of teeth, of sugar, and of tooth decay trains me in the right way to care for my teeth so I don't lose them. I can foresee the possible consequences of neglect and prevent them; or I can blithely ignore them and endure the results.

Wisdom is looking ahead, getting instruction, equipping yourself to follow the instruction, and applying it to avoid negative consequences before they occur. Wisdom is brushing your teeth.

It's not all about avoiding bad stuff. To stretch our example to the limit: brushing my teeth gives me fresh, minty breath, and healthy gums, and strong, clean teeth, and the ability to masticate unhindered. Somehow, though, the avoidance of what is bad motivates us more than the existence of what is good. We take what we already have for granted. It often takes a consequence, a loss, pain, before we recognize value. We may be able to recover and regain what we've lost, and go on wiser. Sometimes we can't.

The universe conspires to discipline us toward life. Examples in nature, plants, animals show us simple principles to apply. Corrective consequences show us what not to do. Don't touch the hot stove; you'll get burned. Don't date the bad man; you'll get burned.

Successful lives and relationships, peaceful countries, prosperous years: they are instructors. As are personal failures, wars, poverty. The demonstrated consequences of ignoring principles of life should be enough. They are, if we choose to listen. If not, we will experience our own failure and war and poverty.

It's far better to take advantage of that instructive side of discipline. We can be proactive. We can stop many negative consequences from touching our lives. We can bring good things in by the choices we make in heeding and applying the instruction. We can be disciplined before we are disciplined.

Resources: Read some more quotations on discipline. Write a few down and post them on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, by your computer, in your car.

Read what the Bible has to say about discipline. A great practice is reading from the book of Proverbs daily. If a chapter is too much, try a verse. Or go here for a verse-by-verse explanation of the Proverbs or to search the proverbs topically.

Tip: When you read a quote or a proverb that specifically addresses something in your life that you know you need to change, take a few minutes and memorize the line. Review it daily. It doesn't take long. You could always do that while you're brushing your teeth...

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. Mark Twain

Update (Monday): 5 minutes stretching; 40 minutes cardio (walk through town with one kid in the stroller & one in the carrier).

On Writing:
It takes a certain amount of audacity to be a writer. You have to overcome the tendency toward self-degradation. Who I am that I have anything worthwhile to say? Why should people pay attention to me? Well, maybe they shouldn't, but nobody else is writing what I'm thinking. Maybe they're thinking it, too. Maybe I'm not original or wise or witty. But I'm the only one willing to put it on paper and judge what it's worth. Once that's done, once it is written, we can all disregard it as we please. But I can't disregard it until it is written.

On Saying No: (from Alexandra Stoddard's book Making Choices).

Nothing materializes without a program. ...The essence of no is to have priorities and keep them in order.

No has a negative ring to many, but if we don't look at it clearly and use it, we will lose the opportunity to discipline ourselves, to manage our own affairs.

No saves you from the dangerous myth that you're indispensable.

No is not negative; it actively leads to the positive. My own struggle to accept certain restrictions on my time, energy, and money have helped me reach my goals.

Tip: Write something today. Say no to something you normally say yes to today.

What we hope ever to do with ease we may learn first to do with diligence. Samuel Johnson

Update (Saturday): 20 minutes cardio (running around, pushing Mara and my niece up and down a hill in a little car).

Just as I get to the "end in sight" on my somewhat sporadic exercise challenge month, I am thinking I will start it over again. (You may think some cliched phrase like "glutton for punishment" here, but I don't want to actually put that in my writing. Cliches are so evil, after all. In fact, it's really a cliche that they are evil...)

I picked up a book at the library sale the other day. It's one of an apparent series: The 28 Day Plan by Christine Green. This one is called Get Fit for the Beach. I'm hoping that if I follow the 28-Day GET FIT FOR THE BEACH! plan, at the end of it I will be magically transported to said sparkling, pristine beach. (Did you catch the clichs in that paragraph? There were two.)

I'm a sucker for 28 day plans, or 30 day plans, or 21 day plans, or monthly challenges. The beach premise is also pretty thrilling. We'll see. I shall review and report. Maybe I would do better with a book titled "Get Fit for the Midwest!" but I see why that wouldn't be a great seller.

Resources: I couldn't find anything online for the book except for the publisher's website, which doesn't itself have much information but you can watch a little scrolling slide show of all their adult reference titles.

Tip: I don't think I can say it any better than Samuel Johnson:

Don't think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire. I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drives into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl. Let him come out as I do, and bark.

When a country is rebellious, it has many rulers, but a man of understanding and knowledge maintains order. Proverbs 28:2

Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions. Albert Einstein Challenge Update (Friday): 30 minutes cardio (walking). I got in a little stretching and toning, too, random lunges and squats and Kegels and some Tupler ab squeezes. Resources: After my first pregnancy, I read the book Lose Your Mummy Tummy by Julie Tupler. It's worth a read, or you can just check out the Tupler Technique online. I haven't been very faithful in these (my tummy would be flatter if I had), so I won't post pictures of my great six-pack abs produced by these exercises. I do recommend them, especially for post-partum exercise but also for anyone who wants to tone and flatten the belly. If you're pregnant, this book on Maternal Fitness (also by Tupler) looks worthwhile.

I'm a big fan of the Bradley Method for actual delivery and coaching methods. Check out Husband-Coached Childbirth by Dr. Bradley himself, or Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, an updated version with lots of specific coaching help.Tip: Kegels and Tupler moves are great for any woman, whether you've never had children or vaguely remember having children or are trying to breastfeed one right now while you read this and try to move the mouse without disturbing your baby! Both the Kegels and Tupler moves are easy, can be done anywhere, anytime, without anyone knowing, and will produce great results if you're diligent with them. Try it for long enough to make it a habit... then you'll keep doing them without even trying.Remove the dross from the silver, and out comes material for the silversmith. Proverbs 25:4

I think there is something, more important than believing: Action! The world is full of dreamers, there aren't enough who will move ahead and begin to take concrete steps to actualize their vision. W. Clement Stone

(An aside: a great quotation above other than using the word "actualize." I'm not a fan of it.)

After a week away from posting, I have returned with slightly sunburned arms and slightly stretched muscles. I got in some good walking - it's the exercise that takes you anywhere! - but my abs are suffering from a failure to incorporate sexy-abs-situps into my vacation routine. Alas. I'll get right on that.

A week away is good for one's perspective on things, usually. This trip, however, I returned feeling a little muddled. I think it was just... well. I really don't know what it was just. It just was, but I'm muddling through the muddle. This day, home is a clarifying place. (Ironic that I'm at the library as I write this, not at home.)

Challenge Update (review of the week 17 - 25):

Day 17 (Thursday): Ran around the house packing, cleaning, laundering, stressing, calling random people, checking the mail too often, paying bills, sitting down, standing up, playing with Mara, repacking, forgetting things, worrying about forgetting things, making a list, losing a list, finding a list, ad infinitum. Wearily she falls into bed... Read the rest of this entry »

We have a flow of ideas, sometimes a tremendous flow of ideas, at times in one direction, or at other times in another direction; or perhaps even ten directions at once. And we have to make a choice. We cannot do everything that comes into our minds, nor can we create everything that comes into our imaginations... There is choice involved in the very simplest form of creativity, because as any set of possibilities comes into our minds, we have to choose. Edith Schaeffer, The Hidden Art of Homemaking

Update (Wednesday): 30 minutes cardio (walking); 10 minutes toning (tai chi, sort of).

The kids and I went to the park again. I am taking advantage of every clear blue spring day that we have, before the temperature reaches those unbearable heights as it soon will. I am not a fan of summer. Ick.

But right now, April is fresh and green and warm without being sticky. And getting - just getting - to the park is a great work out. 17-pound Robbie is in the Baby Bjorn carrier, strapped to me; 30-pound Mara is in the umbrella stroller with the little wheels that must be half-pushed, half-carried across the large grassy field we cross to get to the park; 25-pound Bag'O'Necessities is on my right arm, and 150-pound Dakota's leash is looped on my left wrist. By the time we cross that field and I drop the bag under the tree by the walking path, I feel like I've been on an two-week-long African safari. Whew.

After I recover a bit from the journey to the park, we walk the loop two or three times. It's a half-mile walking path, so I get in a mile or so. And Mara likes the kiddie swings, and we definitely must get a drink from the water fountain, and we need to stop by the big puddle so Dakota can also have a drink... then I spread out the blanket and collapse onto it.

I love living next door to a park. I love living in our small town. I love piling the kids in the stroller and taking off, waving at people I know as they drive by, stopping to chat with our neighbors, going into the little library or grocery store, heading back home by way of the ice cream stand (only open summers).

I love that our neighbors don't mind that we take a long time to finish house projects, that sometimes the weeds are bigger than the tomato plants in our garden, that our dog howls whenever he hears a siren, that sometimes I do tai chi in the front yard while waiting for Joe to get home. My version of tai chi, anyway... No one seems to notice, or mind if they do notice. Perhaps I could start a tai chi class; every Wednesday night we could gather on the front yard and become more fit and flexible while providing entertainment for the parents of the young softball players, heading to the fields at the end of our street.

Contact me if you're interested... or if you know anything about tai chi.

Resources: Read about the history and practice of Tai Chi. Come on, you know you're crazy curious now. Or learn more about L'Abri, the Christian community which Edith Schaeffer founded with her husband, Francis Schaeffer. Or read this article about creativity in the home that corresponds with the E. quotation above.

Tip: Pick one or two ideas from this list and do it. We all need more creativity.

I will be on "vacation" from the 17th through the 24th for two family weddings; if I'm able to update while I'm away, I will. If not, then life will continue on, the planets will turn as they always do, and somehow the internet will survive my brief absence.