SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God

by Sheila Walsh

Thomas Nelson Publishers; 3 out of 5 stars

I like this book, I do, so I feel kind of guilty being harsh in my review. But repetition bores me, and the writing in this book is very formulaic. Each chapter follows the same format: personal story or anecdote, parallel drawn to Biblical character, more insight into Biblical character interspersed with additional personal anecdotes, conclusion, and then the "transitional sentence" to lead into the next chapter.

It's the transitional sentence that really gets me. At the end of every chapter, it's a little phrase concluding what we've just learned, but then telling in a semi-cliffhanger fashion that we better keep reading. It was just too predictable and annoying. That's it, really: I was just annoyed by it. The repetitious format felt like being talked down to, though I can see clearly that's not the author's intent. And that's why I feel semi-guilty about not writing a happy, fluffy review about the book.

What I can see from the content itself, once I step past the stylistic annoyances, is very good. Walsh is an excellent researcher and pulls out details about the various Biblical characters in a way that is both engaging and informative. She brings their stories to life, ties them into her own story, and pulls out practical applications for her readers. Walsh is a good teacher, and that's what comes across in her book.

I have a hunch that there's a junior editor to blame here (ahem, Thomas Nelson Publishers), someone who read the manuscript and said, "Sheila, this is great, but we need a little continuity here; why don't you go back and create a transitional sentence at the end of every chapter, something like this.... And also, don't tell your whole personal story up front; just give a little bit, and be vague, because that will keep the readers interested and pull them into the book."

In my case, those strategies backfired. They were too obvious and they detracted from the content itself, which is relevant and, overall, well-written. My bottom line is this: it's worth reading. It's a thought-provoking message and it challenges us, women who tend to worry or fear or not really trust God, to let go of our hang-ups and trust a capable and loving God. Walsh intelligently and directly deals with those excuses and questions that always come up: "How can I trust God when He let ... happen? How can I trust God when I don't know Him?" Etc.

If you are a woman who struggles with trusting God and/or with trusting people, grab this book and use it as a Bible study. The book even includes a Bible Study Guide in the back for a group, which could be great for you and a couple of friends, a women's prayer group, a Mom's Day Out program. And as a group study book, the repetition in the format will work, I think, to create continuity in a way that doesn't work just for a sit-down, read-through book.

Bottom Line: Worth the read if you want to learn more about how to trust God completely.

*I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

Obstacles Welcome: Turn Adversity to Advantage in Business and Life

by Ralph de la Vega, President and CEO of AT&T Mobility and Consumer Markets.

4 out of 5 stars

How does a book about being a successful business executive translate into something helpful for a Mom, writer, and homemaker? Read the rest of this entry »

From the feed reader...

• Abby at New Urban Habitat, Frugal isn't cheap: "But frugality can be more fun than the mindless consuming many of us got in the habit of doing in the previous decade, because we end up spending money on what we really want."
• Rachel at Small Notebook, My Real-Life, Practical Daily Routine: "Instead of having a schedule that would be ignored day after day in real life, I follow a daily routine of touchstones — key elements to mark a successful day.
• Philip Brewer at Wise Bread, What I've Been Trying to Say: "You can't go back and change decisions that have already been made, but that doesn't mean that the design for the rest of your life is immutable.  Start today to design the life that you want to be living."

From the bookshelf...

• Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn By Living

Read my full review here.

Mini Review: Practical advice for personal growth and a successful life, from the era before self-improvement was the big market share it is now. Roosevelt is easy to read and understand but profound. Her advice is practical, with personal examples, and I found myself copying lots of quotes and wanting to paste them all over the walls in my bedroom.
Find it on Amazon.

• Mindy Stearns Clark, The House That Cleans Itself

Mini Review: If you're not a natural housekeeping/organizing goddess, you will love this book. The concept is that instead of fighting our naturally slobbish tendencies (or those of family members), we should identify them and create systems that work for us instead of against us. Brilliant! I love this! I always feel like housekeeping is a battle, and I've already used some of her ideas and seen some of the most irritating problems get much, much better. I'm going to be tackling more of my house this year and Clark's book is my guide.
Find it on Amazon.

What's your recommended reading this week?
Join in by linking up your post, or simply share in the comments below.

Edit: This was supposed to be posted last night, but I had some intense disagreements with my computer. My husband had to mediate, and we finally came to a happy, working agreement this morning... So:

Heads Up! Recommended Reading coming today!

Here's the deal: I love reading. I love reading great blogs and articles online, and I adore (as in, extreme twitterpation and heart palpitation) a great book.
On the other hand, I despise wasting my time on sub-par writing of any kind. I find, however, it's sometimes hard to put your finger on that great article or post or book or magazine you're wanting, when you're ready for your next great read.

Thus Recommended Reading is born.

Every Friday I'll be posting a list of what I've read lately that (I think) is worth reading: books, blogs, and otherwise which I can whole-heartedly recommend to you.

I'm hoping some of you smart women will join with me and either put up a post or leave a comment with your own recommended reading, because, see, this is all kind of self-serving. I get kind of, uh, tense (hyperventilating, spasms, hives, stuff like that), when I don't know what I'm going to read next. So if I can get some great recommendations, I can keep myself from those ugly little episodes.
I will thank you.
My whole family will thank you.

Tune in tomorrow later today for the first issue of Recommended Reading! I'll include a Mr Linky so you can link up if you've written a post. And here's a bloggie icon you can use to link back if you'd like.

Happy Reading! See you tomorrow.

I didn't know much about Eleanor Roosevelt before I read this book, but here's what I learned: if I can be like anyone when I grow up, I hope I can be like her.

I can't give you a timeline of her life, because that's not what this book is about. It's not a biography or a memoir; it's more like one of the best self-help, personal growth instruction manuals written, long before self-help and personal growth were the blitzes they are now. Read the rest of this entry »

This month's free ebook, now available! Click on the pic to download, or scroll down for more details.

• 38 pages
• 10 chapters (if you count the "Additional Resources"; 9 if you don't.)
• Topics include scheduling, household management, finances, social life, and more.
• Creative Commons: reuse, redistribute, remix with attribution
• Brief table of contents:

1. The Day Simplicity Smacked Me in the Face
2. A Simple Version of Simple Living
3. 10 Ways to Start Simplifying
4. Finding Order with a Household Rhythm
5. Finding Peace with a Schedule
6. Finding Peace with Your Budget
7. Finding Sanity in Your Social Life
8. Finding Joy in Your Work
9. 30 Ways to Simplify Your Life Today
10. Additional Resources

The ebook will be free for the entire month of June. After that, it will be available for $5.95. Get it now (that's just simple common sense).

Would you like to review this book or make it available on your website? Please feel free to do so: shoot me an email and let me know and I will add you to a related link list.

Sister Wisdom {the book}

This is the vision that resulted in this website; it is still a vision in progress.

Principles from Proverbs and Ecclesiastes applied

to specific issues of our time and our lives as women.

Right now the book is a collection of articles hosted here; it's basically a rough draft of what will one day be a published-something, a book you can hold in your hand. Until then, I welcome you to read, comment, and help shape this book as it grows.

Good places to start:

Why You Need to Know Your Purpose

Why Purpose Is Difficult to Pursue

Self-Discipline

Entitlement and Paper Plates

How to Think for Yourself

Principles of Personal Growth: Character, Creator

Learning to Accept

Boast Not the Future

Adorn Yourself

Do What You Can

You Can't Fix Stupid

Get Committed

Image courtesy of Symic.

Assumptions are those controlling, basic habits of the mind. They are what we think without thinking. They are the default. An assumption is a "statement that is assumed to be true and from which a conclusion can be drawn," or "a hypothesis that is taken for granted" (WordNet).

We all operate from assumptions to some degree. We assume the world will keep spinning, the sun will rise, and our boss will expect us to show up at work as usual. So we set the alarm, get up, get dressed, and go to work. What's the problem with assumptions like that? Nothing, really. Those type of assumptions are what I call experiential assumptions. They are based on our former experiences and validated every time the experience is repeated, which is usually often.

Many experiential assumptions are accurate to a large degree, perhaps even for all of our lives. What happens, however, is that as we operate on a daily basis from experiential assumptions, we think less often and less consciously and simply operate on automatic. We get lazy.

We have assumptions about each other: spouse, children, parents, siblings, co-workers, friends, strangers. We have assumptions about spirituality, intellect, physical history, relationships, and morality. We carry these assumptions with us and apply them to the appropriate subjects without stopping to think about what the assumptions are, where they came from, what they are based on, and whether they are accurate. We assume they are true without stopping to question their history, logic, source, or motivation.

Racism comes from unquestioned assumptions. Discrimination of all kinds comes from unquestioned assumptions. Persecution - both of the religious and by the religious - comes from unquestioned assumptions. These unquestioned, unfounded assumptions are usually based on little more than the attitudes and concepts we picked up as children from our families, our peers, and our culture. They might have been someone else's experiential assumption in a different time and place, but they may no longer be valid. Or they may be based on a one-time, never-repeated experience so powerful that a person based a life's assumption upon it, and then passed it on to you. You assumed it was accurate. You assumed you could trust the source.

Assumptions are subtle and dangerous due to that subtlety. Even when they are mostly accurate, if they are never questioned, never grounded on something more than tradition, we accept the danger of operating our daily lives on the basis of something that may be relative to time, place, and preference.

Examining our assumptions is a basic first step toward living a life that is thoughtful and fulfilling. Here's an exercise that can help you get started.

• 1. Write down ten foundational beliefs you have. They may not be the "top ten" but you will probably think of the most important things first. If you have trouble getting started, ask yourself what you believe about these topics:  God/spirituality, family, relationships, work, your past, your personality, and money.
• 2. Now comes the questioning. For each belief you wrote down, ask these questions: What is this belief based on? What is the source of this belief? What is the reasoning behind this belief? Has my personal experience repeatedly validated this belief? When did I choose to believe this?
• 3. Based on your answers, you can determine if what you've written as a belief is that - something you have consciously chosen to put faith in based on reason and/or experience -  or if it is merely an assumption, something handed down to you that you simply accepted.
• 4. Now what? The "beliefs" that turned out to be assumptions are not necessarily inaccurate; they just give you a starting point. Start digging. Start thinking. Do some research. Start looking for something true and real about these assumptions of yours. Are they worthwhile? Do they merit a place as a foundational belief that will influence the course of your life?

Image Courtesy of Jason McHuff on Flickr.

1. Always be on the phone when you see him at the end of the day.

   Preferably, be talking to your girlfriend, your sister, or your mom about a topic that either (a) irritates him or (b) means absolutely less than nothing to him. Give him a slight wave but don't interrupt your conversation to give him a kiss, a smile, or a word. Continue talking with all the intensity you can muster. Be extremely interested in your conversation. Show no signs of slowing down just because he's around. And make sure you talk loudly, pace, or otherwise make yourself impossible to ignore. If you're at home, be sure the kitchen is dark and cold and very much untouched by you.

2. Talk to him like you would to your five-year-old nephew.

   An extremely effective method of irritation. Make sure you use the same small words, repeat yourself, ask if he understands at the end of every sentence, and throw in a somewhat drippy, condescending tone to top it all off. Use an appropriate pet name: cutie, silly boy, munchkin, and little man are all excellent choices.

3. Never tell him what's of concern to you, and never ask for his help.

   Be sure your stress is evident: creased brow, frown lines, nervous movements, loud sighs, and lots of muttering to yourself. If he takes the bait and asks you what's wrong, look at him like you forgot he was there, give a little laugh and say, “Oh, nothing honey, really...” Then ask him a very unimportant question using Method #2. Be sure you continue to look adequately stressed about your issue as he answers your question. Bonus points: Have a muttered, somewhat secretive phone conversation with girlfriend/sis/mom about said issue later that night. Be sure he sees you and catches your stressed tone of voice.

4. Keep a mental list of his faults; add to it continually.

   Of course you know he's not perfect, and the best way to show him that you know is to keep thinking about all the ways he isn't. You actually don't have to say any of these out loud to communicate your displeasure (although there will be chances for that, too). Just keeping that mental list will be sufficient, and be sure you add every new fault you notice as soon as you notice it, even if it's only happened once. Also, come up with creative little titles for the faults on your mental list. Include dramatic words with a sense of finality and hopelessness. For example, “picks his nose in the car” should be called “Is SO disgusting because he's ALWAYS shoving his finger up his nose in the MIDDLE of traffic.” Much more effective.

5. Mock him publicly, especially in front of your family and/or his friends.

   You will, of course, never be at a loss for what to mock him about since you've got that handy mental list ready at all times. And since you're continually thinking about it and adding to it, you'll be able to create a connection with whatever conversation you're in, no matter how vague to everyone else. Example: You run into a couple of friends at the grocery store who relate the horrible car wreck they witnessed yesterday. You listen and nod and then say, “Well, at least Jimbo here wasn't with you. He would've just stuck his finger up his nose as usual, right in front of all the cops...” Ignore Jimbo's look of chagrin. Ignore the fact that you've only actually seen him pick his nose twice in your entire relationship.

6. Moderate your interest level carefully.

   This is a key concept if you really want to alienate your husband. You need to practice because if you go too overboard with either demonstration it will just be weird. So get those “I'm really interested” signals down very well. Use them anytime you get a phone call, anytime you're talking about your past, anytime someone else in a group that includes your husband is talking, and especially when you're talking about your preferences, your day, or your emotions. Now, for the “I'm not at all interested and I'm just managing to tolerate the hideous boredom of this conversation” signals, pick key times. These include anytime your husband is talking about his family, his work, or his past; anytime he shares an idea (any kind of idea); anytime you're at some event that is more in keeping with his interests than yours; and especially anytime he hints around for intimacy. Really, the only time you should show interest when your husband talks is when he talks about you.

7. Cultivate irritating habits.

   The infamous silent treatment is probably the mother of all irritating habits. Be sure you use that one often. Nagging, of course, is another especially effective irritation. Use a whiny voice even when you're in a good mood. Sigh often without explanation. Blame everything on your hormones, your past, or your husband's typically male inability to be sensitive enough. Make fun of anything overtly masculine about him. Make fun of anything he likes that you don't. Forget the names of important people from his past. Act a little fuzzy about what he actually does at work when anyone asks. Get a baby-innocent blank look to employ when he asks you about his favorite sweater, season tickets, or “planned” trip to his family reunion. Come up with a girly, demeaning name for his favorite band, sport, place, food, etc., and use it often.

8. Be obviously manipulative.

   Face it, you're probably manipulative anyway, and it's probably obvious to your husband even if he doesn't point it out. Well, go ahead and play it up for all it's worth. Use that baby voice. Use sex as a prize if he does what you want (or lack thereof as punishment if he doesn't). Use all your best irritating habits to get what you want. Nag him about a vacation until he agrees. Start giving him the silent treatment if he doesn't seem interested in taking you to that new romantic comedy (making it even more romantic when he finally does agree to take you). Threaten to call his mother, your mother, his boss, or his best friend whenever needed. Use impossibly unreasonable jabs like “Do you really want me to be unhappy?” and “You really hate our kids, don't you?” and “I just never expected you to be so insensitive all the time.”

9. Never tell him what you want in a way that makes sense.

   Rely on your irritating habits and manipulation skills to get what you want. Never, ever just ask him for something in a normal voice. If he asks you a direct question about your preference, just say something like, “Oh, you know.....” or “Oh... I don't really care....”. Of course, if he makes the mistake of taking you seriously and simply making a decision without questioning you further and deciphering your hints until he finally figures out what you do want, employ one of those irritating habits like the silent treatment.

10. Maintain your impossible expectations.

    All those items on your mental list of your husband's faults are probably negative exaggerations of your own expectations of what he should be. By all means, hang on to these expectations, no matter how silly, because they are invaluable in keeping your husband alienated. Whatever you do, never consider the possibility that your expectations are the problem, not your husband's hideous faults. Meditate on your expectations religiously. See them as the key to your happiness. Refer to them as the only separation between the two of you and marital bliss. Take no responsibility for your attitudes or emotions when they go haywire due to an expectation being, once again, grossly unfulfilled. Consider yourself a selfless martyr every time your husband fails to either automatically understand an expectation or flawlessly meet it.

Employ these ten simple habits and you are well on your way to continual conflict, total dissolution of mutual interests, and marital hell. They're effective enough to be used singly whenever harmony seems to be rearing its ugly head, but are especially helpful when collectively applied over time. Ruin your marriage – don't let a day go by without alienating your husband!

Image courtesy of electricinca on Flickr.