Appetizer: When was the last time you had your hair cut/trimmed?

Last Saturday - my sister-in-law's first day at her new salon and haircuts are free for family members! Highlights cost me $5. It's great to have a hair/make-up artist in the family.

Soup: Name one thing you miss about being a child.

Zoning out on car trips... oh no wait, I still do that.

Running around barefoot... oh no wait, I still do that too.

Eating candy... oh no wait, I definitely still do that.

Um.

Okay. I miss being able to sit in my Dad's lap. Yep. That's just such a good feeling, to be a little girl all curled up with Daddy. And I have a great Daddy.

Salad: Pick one: butter, margarine, olive oil.

Butter. No question.

Main Course:If you could learn another language, which one would you pick, and why?

Italian, because I've always been in love with Italy and I want to go back there and stay for a long time and talk to people and understand what they say and eat the amazing food and get fat in Italian.

Dessert: Finish this sentence: In 5 years I expect to be…

Done having babies. (Pregnant with my third right now.)

Principle: Self-justification does not change right and wrong.

...as much as we would like it too. You know those moments in an otherwise gleamingly happy marriage when you start reviewing all the stupid things he has done/said/thought in the last two years? (Yes, thought. You do that, too, don't you?) It's usually the end of a long day, or a long week. You're tired. You're grumpy. He's insensitive. He's rushed. He's not paying attention. He never helps. He doesn't even notice. He doesn't even care. He says something thoughtless.

And you are justified to remain in your grumpy mood, throw out a good helping of the silent treatment, sprinkle it with a few icy glares, accent with a roll of the eyes and a huffy little sigh that says, "I put up with so much." He starts to notice, doesn't he?

Soon you can move a step forward to the throwing of insults cleverly disguised as jokes. He does it, so you do too. It's just self-defense. It all started with a tiny bit of self-justification.

Self-justification always brings forward the worst version of yourself. Maybe you did just endure storms, stress, an empty wallet, sick children, fire-breathing dragons. Whatever. It was bad, wasn't it? So bad that it seems perfectly fine to react with a little more bad. Add it to the pile. What does it matter?

It matters because adding bad behavior to a bad experience doesn't change the quality of either. Bad is still bad; you've just exacerbated it. Adding your bad attitude to his bad response to your bad day won't help. There you are, stuck in the badlands.

Get out now.

Adding good behavior to a bad experience may not change the quality of the experience, but it sure will help your next experience to go better. Make a joke that is really a joke, and laugh together. Split a candy bar and tell him he has to take all the fat grams, but you'll help him work them off. Then go help him.

Bad days are. They come. They end. Don't drag them out. Be better than that.

All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, But the LORD weighs the motives. Proverbs 16:2

Challenge Update: Progress

The monthly challenge includes these components:

1. Set priorities
2. Set a schedule
3. Simplify maintenance
4. Set routines
5. Choose/do projects
6. Choose/complete goals

I've set three priorities for this and next month:

1) Exercise, 2) Follow a regular writing schedule, and 3) Complete some house projects.

My basic schedule (which I've been following fairly well except for the getting up part) looks like this:

Evenings vary. Afternoons vary sometimes: today I have a babysitter from 1:30 on, so I will be spending the afternoon out, sitting in a coffee shop with my laptop, making great strides forward on some life-changing project. Or something like that.

Now I'm moving toward simplifying maintenance. I need to do four things to make that happen:

1) clean up the clutter spots (there are several); 2) clean out linen closet and set up cleaning supplies; 3) put up hooks for brooms, mops, etc.; and 4) put some big, sturdy, industrial-style rugs by all the outside doors.

What remains to be done

I still need to set up routines; I do some things by routine, already, like get breakfast and sweep the kitchen floor. But there are other things that go too long and become more of a job than they should. Like cleaning the bathroom. Ick.

Onward and upward. I did get up early this morning! Progress!

Pasta with Mushrooms, Tomatoes, and Creamy Herb Sauce

This is what we had for dinner last night. It was so easy to make. I had pre-sliced small portabella mushrooms, so the only chopping I had to do was tomatoes and the basil and parsley. The pasta cooked while I chopped, then it was another fifteen minutes or so and we were eating warm, savory pasta. Click here for the full recipe with photos.

Principle: You determine your quality of life by inner security, not outer wealth.

I just read an article titled Why Having More No Longer Makes Us Happy. My immediate thought was, When did more ever make us happy?. (The article is not as simplistic as the title sounds; it's worth a read.)

We went to the grocery store yesterday after church for a stocking up trip. 1 hour and $140 dollars later, we drove home with lots of toilet paper, diapers, and food. Sometimes you need stuff, and there's a sense in which having stuff creates "happiness." If you've ever chosen a public restroom stall without toilet paper, you know what I mean. But the happiness produced by having what you want/need when you want it is transient.

Any emotion that requires a particular set of circumstances to exist ends as soon as the circumstances end.

And you don't particularly notice, or feel happy, when you do have the necessary items that you need. "Oh, yay! Toilet paper!" You just use them and go on with your day. You notice the lack, experience a temporary annoyance, deal with the problem ("Um, excuse me total stranger in the stall next to mine, could you please pass me some toilet paper?") and move on. The End.

If that's all happiness is, what a disappointing life.

Happiness is more. Happiness that is not transient comes from a deep, imbedded understanding of who you are and how you fit into this world. It comes from knowing your place, not in a gender- or culturally defined way, but in a universal, spiritual, beyond-gender-and-culture way. That deep of a knowledge of reality and where you fit into it provides the security that makes those temporary situations appear as they are. Temporary. Situational. Inner security allows you to enjoy the good things and live through the bad things without losing yourself in either one.

Better is little with fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Proverbs 15:16

Ye Olde Monthly Challenge

I've been making some slow progress with my "RECLAIM YOUR LIFE" (insert movie trailer music and voice-over here) monthly challenge, but it's been mainly hit-or-miss. Okay on setting priorities, not as good on keeping up with them. I set a nice basic schedule, but I'm still working on sticking to it.

I'm going to do a bit of a restart at this mid-month point, mainly because I need the energy that I get from beginning something. My friend Juli and I were talking this morning (as she drove through the Georgian wilderness and I cleaned up breakfast mess) about how much we utterly despise transitions. We don't mind preparing for the transition, or adjusting after the transition, but the actual slow, painful, and uncontrollable process of the transition is just, well, slow, painful, and uncontrollable. So we don't like it.

Down with transitions, except we kind of have to have them. So here's to making them as quick, painless, and controllable as possible. Maybe "controllable" isn't the right word, exactly: sometimes we need to let go more and control less. But in order to do that, we also need to have certain things in order. I'm sorry I'm just kind of blathering at this point, but I'm working it out mentally while I type. Still not quite worked out, but I'm getting there...
Let's move on to food. I have a lot more clarity in that area. Anyone want to come to dinner this week? Let me know which meal you prefer and we'll have it the night YOU come over.

Menu Plan Monday

In no particular order, here are my dinner plans for the next week:

• angel hair pasta with fresh mushrooms and tomatoes in an creamy herb sauce (I love cream sauce.)
• roasted winter vegetable soup and pork steaks
• au gratin rice with sauteed broccoli, broiled lemon-butter tilapia and shrimp
• stirfried red cabbage, rice noodles, and some kind of chinese soup: wonton soup (I would probably just buy some pre-made filled wontons) or chicken and spinach soup (I have some spinach I need to use) or egg drop soup with tomatoes.
• slow cooker beef roast with carrots and onions, garlic mashed potatoes
• fresh tomato soup with basil puree and cheese toast (from homemade bread)
• one night we'll do leftovers
• and one night we'll eat out

And that's more than a week's worth of dinners, but I'd rather plan too much than not enough. I'll post photos and recipes as I do the actual cooking. What are you feeding yourself and your family this week? Take advantage of the last few weeks of fresh tomatoes and peppers and other end-of-summer goodies. We still have some here in the Midwest. If you're further north, just disregard and dive into those root vegetables...

House/Work

I finally bought a dust mop. I'm sorry to even make you read that, but it's big news when you have hardwood floors through your entire house. I like my dust mop. If you have hard wood or pergo or linoleum or tile in any kind of space larger than 2' by 2' in your house, you should have a dust mop too. Brooms are so 1990s.

On my editorial calendar this week:

• Getting podcasts up on SisterWisdom
• The first posts (I hope) at the new food blog I've acquired - if not this week, then next. I'm just waiting for the hiring details to go through.
• My regular posting at Writers Unbound, plus getting a couple of reports/ebooks for writers ready for download
• Three articles at Bright Hub: one on Joomla, one on Wordpress plugins, and one on... something.
• My regular posting at Girl Sustainable.
• That may be all, or I may get a few more articles up at Demand Studios.

And now off to find lunch for my babies!

I am in love with Etsy shops. I've never loved shopping, persay. Ask my sister. I can shop, and I can enjoy it, but I reach my shopping limit pretty quickly. There are only a few people I really enjoy shopping with. My sister is one of them, because she and I perfected the "mall walk" back in our high school years. We're quick. We're on it. We communicate with an eyebrow raise. We know each other's taste.

Maybe it's because I can browse them in my pajamas. Maybe it's because I can shop them from my local coffee shop, mug in hand. Maybe it's because I need a break in between articles. Maybe it's because all the products are handmade and most of them are of amazing quality. Whatever the reason (all of the above?), I love browsing Etsy shops.

My sister is about to celebrate a momentous birthday, so I decided to do a little Etsy shopping and see if I could find something fresh and fun and flirty and "young without desperation" for her. I did find something great. I think it's great, anyway, and when she gets it I hope she'll think so too. No, I'm not going to say what it is! She reads my blog, hellooo.

If you haven't browsed Etsy shops before, start with the recommendations below. (None of these were the birthday gift supplier, Mil, so quit trying to guess. You just have to wait.)

• I've never been one for fake flowers, but I never saw this charcoal fabric bouquet from therussian. Or these peachy paper peonies from urbanmeltdown.
• Linen pants I do love, have always loved, will always love. I need a new pair, as the only one currently in my closet is about three sizes too small for my post-baby pregnant-again waist. So I'm deciding between this pair of Thai pants, these beige cotton linen pants, or asking for a special order on these Low Rise Linen Pants. The last pair is my favorite, but it sounds like she only made one pair... Think she would make another with a smaller waist? I'm not that big (yet).
• Baby stuff: I love the toys at AppleBlossomBaby and the fairy items at Purplemoonfibers. Great onesies at Mamamonkey and happyfamily.
• Body stuff that looks good enough to eat at skinandtonic, midohana, and freshandclean.

Okay, I have to stop now. Go see for yourself.

Image Credit: Etsy logo from Etsy.com, Happy Birthday cake from ritchielee.

My husband is such a sweetie. When I get busy with, you know, "stuff," and don't make much along the lines of, oh, "dinner," he doesn't complain. He doesn't even complain when he gets stale chips, a few slices of pepperoni, and oreos in his lunch bag the next day. Amazing man.

We ate a lot of junk while traveling over the weekend, and the last few weeks before that I've been either a) not feeling so great (read: morning sickness and fatigue) or b) trying to catch up on the other stuff I didn't do when not feeling so great. Cooking has fallen off in the Mueller house. I've a mind to try and make up for it this week. I'm caught up a bit, I'm feeling groovy, and I have energy because I'm able to drink coffee again. Oh, blessed coffee.

First up on the menu this week, specifically for said husband who is so sweet about what I feed him:

Pound Cake. I'm using this recipe from the March 2008 issue of Saveur. That issue was all about butter. I am a butter fiend. I drooled over that magazine, but I've not made the recipes I marked yet. So next on the menu is another from that issue,
Risotto all Milanese. Judging from the picture, I could eat nothing but a big bowl of the risotto for dinner and be satisfied. Since said husband, however, cannot subsist on starch alone, I might also try my hand at Chicken Kiev.

Only one more recipe from that issue: a batch of Butterscotch Sauce to drizzle over the Pound Cake. I feel fatter already. Fatter, but happy.

In between the butter goodness, I'll make a batch of bread. We'll have brats, bread, and a green salad one night, probably Wednesday, because we have to be at church for worship practice by 8, so a quick meal is best.

Joe will get a thick sandwich for lunch the next day. He likes sandwiches, especially when they are made with homemade bread.

I need to clean out the freezer. I've got a few frozen fish fillets and shrimp skewers, so I will finish off my dwindling dill plant for a some broiled fish and shrimp with lemon, dill, and garlic. More bread with that meal, and whatever fruit looks good at the little farmer's market in Eureka.

That gets us to the weekend. Saturday we are going apple picking with a group of friends. I think a big, late breakfast before we meet them: soft pancakes with more butter and rivers of syrup, thick salty bacon, and an omelet with lots of cheese, fresh tomatoes, chives, and parsley. That should keep us going through the apple picking and pie making. For a side dish to bring, the classic Jiffy corn casserole. Oooh, maybe I will make an extra batch of that butterscotch sauce also. That would be superb on a fresh apple pie. I think I just drooled on my keyboard.

I don't usually plan Sunday meals, because we often end up eating over at our in-laws and if we don't, we usually have enough leftovers to keep us alive. It's nice to a have a day free of cooking and cleaning up. Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest. If we're racked with hunger pains, we can revert to a quick pasta or salty, juicy, crunchy bacon-lettuce-tomato sandwiches. I need to get in another batch of those BLTs before my tomato crop is entirely gone.

That gets us to Monday, and if I'm keeping up, I'll be planning my next week's menu then. Stay tuned. I know the suspense is extreme.

What are you people cooking/eating this week? I always need more ideas.

Image Credit: Butterscotch Sauce from Saveur.com.

The Time Has Come

It's time. I just finished writing three articles and I'm munching a butterscotch oatmeal cookie from a batch that Mara 'helped' me make this afternoon. (Her newest favorite thing to do is "Help cook, please!" and it's really cute. I'll take pictures next time and post them. Washing dishes is the highlight.) So, the finished article and the yummy cookie (perfect as I felt my stomach start a warning rumble of "I'm hungry and if you don't feed me soon I will wreak vengeance upon you to the fourth generation") are results of going with the option I talked about a couple of days ago: Ignore the pain (irritation/annoyance/emotional hang-up/whatever the case may be) and get on with what you need to do.

A New Month, A New Challenge

And now I find myself at the beginning of a new month, which needs a new monthly challenge to go along with it. The basic idea is simple: choose Option IGNORE THE PAIN for the month of September. But I think I need to put that plan into something a little more specific so it will actually work, so that I'll know it's working (or not), so that I can brag (or cry in shame).

The Two Components: Schedule and Projects

I've still got a couple of days before September 1st proper to ponder this, but I think two components are needed here: 1) Sticking to my schedule (which would include actually making a schedule) and 2) Tackling a few projects.
Those two elements are the ones which go when I step into survival mode. I don't look at the clock, let alone a schedule. I meander along with no regard for silly things like "dinner time." I notice with mild surprise that the kids are whiny, and wonder why until Joe suggests that perhaps it could be because they are a) hungry or b) up past their bedtime or c) both.

And projects! In survival mode, I've completed a project if I get dressed by noon. Check off a major project if I actually cook something. Bonus points for cleaning it up.

The schedule keeps me on track with the basics, the requirements to maintain a functional household and keep me, Joe, and two little cuties fed, clothed, and reasonably clean. The schedule reminds me to pay bills, answer emails, write articles, and get some exercise.

The projects are, technically, "extra" work, but it's extra work that will result in continuing benefits. Cleaning up a few areas, splashing some paint around, taking care of some piles and setting up some systems will help me to enjoy my home and my work more and to be more efficient in it.

I think this is a good plan. I think I'll stick to it. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Because we need to start believing we can be what we strive to be.

I am worth more than precious jewels.

My husbands trusts in me with good reason. I do not cause him to lack that trust. I am good to him.

I gather the supplies I need and do my work willingly. I bring in the best value for my household.

I get up early; while it is still dark outside, I am planning for my household.

I make wise business investments and use the profit for further investment.

I strengthen myself physically, so that I have energy and ability to do my work.

I give appropriate value to what I produce. I don't sell myself short. I finish what I start, and even in my sleep I'm thinking of new ideas. I acquire the skills and tools I need.

I find those in need and give to them; I bring them into my life.

I don't fear difficult or lean times, because I am prudent. I prepare what we need before we need it.

I clothe myself attractively. I'm no frump. I know how to be appropriate for the occasion.

Because I show such respect for my husband's leadership, other people notice and respect him, too.

I have high standards and I do not accept less than excellence in what I do, for my household, for my business, and for myself personally.

I am strong and clothed in honor. The future looks good to me. I am not overwhelmed by changes, even when they are unexpected. I rejoice at the richness of my life.

I choose my words with wisdom and I use a tone of kindness.

I work hard and faithfully to manage my household. I am not idle. I am aware of the importance of my position.

I receive the praise and blessing of my family graciously. I do not boast of my successes. I fear the Lord.

Image Credit: Printables for Scrapbooking.

I have come to a great and earth-shattering conclusion about parenting philosophies. But before I tell you about that, let me just run over a few that have influenced my thinking.

• No Greater Joy is a ministry of the Michael and Debi Pearl family. I first read some of their child-training ideas back when I was in high school. Mom bought a 2 copies of their book To Train Up a Child; one for me and one for Mileah. For future reference, of course. It was a thin book, lots of examples, an easy read. I loved it. I loved the concept of pro-actively training your children, of deliberately setting up situations in which to teach them boundaries and new skills. It made so much more sense than just waiting until a crisis occurred (inevitably in public) and then having to deal with the behavior. I get their magazine now (go sign up if you don't have it; it's free) and continue to be challenged by their simple, sincere, and common sense ideas.  They talk about the issues of parenting, home educating, living as Christians in a sinful world, and maintaining your marriage. And they discuss them without shirking from what might be unpleasant truths. I especially appreciate the way they call "typical homeschoolers" to task. For example, an article in their Sep/Oct magazine talks about the "cloistered homeschool syndrome," in which "[parents] sacrifice the individual identities of their children on the altar of their own emotional needs, making them nurse when they should be killing and dressing their own food, making them obey when they should be learning to command. They seem to think that grown children are God’s gift to them rather than their gift to God." Of course, whenever you address "delicate" issues with direct truth (often as a challenge), you will become the center of controversy. Such has happened to the Pearls; sadly, the controversy is often produced by those of the church/home school circle making generalized, unsupported statements. Go to their website and read for yourself. Even if you don't agree with what they say, you have to respect the fact that they make more sense than most of the child training/marriage/family/Christianity/home education gurus in the market.
• Growing Families International is a ministry of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. I was in high school the first time I encountered their material, as well. My parents, my sister, and I took their Reaching the Heart of Your Teen with several other families. Although Mileah and I had a pretty good relationship with Mom and Dad, some of the concepts we learned in that study helped us break through in several areas. For example, they talk about the concept of the appeal. Basically, when Mom or Dad makes a decision, the child can appeal the decision if she has new information to present "in favor of her case." She does this by asking, respectfully, "May I make an appeal?" If Mom or Dad says No, she has to abide by that. She respects their authority. But they most often say Yes (at least ours did), and she is given the chance to present the new information and ask for a new decision. They respect her influence and intelligence as a growing adult by allowing her to appeal. They may hold to the former decision or change it. The point is that the appeal process allows the teen a way to explain something that might not have been understood without arguing or whining. And it allows the parents a way to recapitulate without seeming to be indecisive. GFI also teaches scheduling for infants, and this is what has brought upon them the wrath of many an attachment-parenting advocate. Again, when you address controversial issues with clean, simple, challenging responses, you incur repercussions of people who don't like being challenged. I used the GFI parent-directed feeding with great success with our first. I've been more flexible with our second, but I still use the basic principles of the GFI concept, which is that you should not create a "child-centered home" for your baby, but instead love, nurture, and bring up the baby as an important part of an already established family. Family life doesn't revolve around baby, it includes baby as a welcome participant.

Now, all that said, I come to my great and earth-shattering concept. A dear friend and I were talking the other day and she casually said, "I guess we're kind of doing attachment parenting." Their little girl is content, developing, playful, calm. I'm sure, as every 9 month old does, she has her crying moments. My sister-in-law and I have talked a lot about the GFI methods; their little girl had acid reflux as well as having to have surgery to remove a tumor in her head during the first few months of her life. She tried to the scheduling thing but it just didn't work for them. She struggled with feeling very guilty over not doing things "by the book." (We had taken a GFI course together before our first babies were born.)The guilt is, of course, not the fault of the GFI concept. I dealt with feeling guilty and fearful myself, with Mara, when I couldn't get us on schedule for the day (or week, or what have you). Not so much with Robbie, because I'd come to this conclusion:

If you have common sense, self-discipline, and love for your baby, you're doing it right.

First-time moms struggle with that so much: not with the love or common sense or even necessarily with the self-discipline, but with the confidence that we can do this. We can raise this child in a way that works for our family, though it may not be outlined by any book or ministry, and we can be doing it right. My friend with the "attachment parenting" style is doing a great job. My sister-in-law who gave up on scheduling for the sake of family peace is doing  a great job. When I stuck to that scheduling with Mara, I did a fine job. As I've been more flexible with Robbie, I have been doing a fine job. I'm not trying to pass around unnecessary pats on the back - especially not on my own - I'm just trying to get us Moms to take those parenting philosophies for what they're worth. Help. Wise counsel. Information. Ideas. But not the inerrant, unarguable be-all and end-all of parenting.

Love. Common sense. Self-discipline. Most of all love.

We have what it takes as Moms to raise happy, healthy, well-behaved, intelligent children. We don't have perfect days. We don't have perfect methods. Love covers a multitude of faults, my own as well as my children's. Love brings me back to enjoying them even on the off days. Love helps me ask my husband for help. Love lets me take an afternoon off without feeling guilty. Love allows me to feed them fast food without worrying that they'll die. Love gives me the ability to say No to too much anything, no matter how much they want it. Love brings me back to the first Father, the best Father, the only inerrant, unchanging, completely all-knowing and all-wise Father.

I get introspective and analytical when I get pregnant. I think it's the knowledge of the huge change to come, the huge change of a new life, new baby. It's a good change. It's miraculous that it happens by all these thousands of tiny changes inside my own body. Baby3 is the size of a lentil bean this week...

So the introspective part is the stuff that we all hit when things get wierd or overwhelming or just when we take time to think. Am I spending my time on the right stuff? Have I lost my priorities? Why do I feel hungry all the time? (Oh, wait, sorry, that's not introspective, that's just early pregnancy talking...).

You know? I start looking at my goals, the way I spend my time, the things I'm accomplishing, or not accomplishing. For the last five months or so I've been working on my freelance writing. I wish I had more to show for it, but it's a slow burn at first. I can feel several different things building momentum, though. It takes time to establish credibility in the freelance world, but once you do, doors open more quickly to jobs that offer more than $3/article. (Just an aside that $3/article is a barbaric amount of money to offer a living human being. Now $5/article...)

Okay. So I've been spending lots of time on writing and things related to writing. The household, and all that pertains to said household, has merely survived during this time. I've done no major projects. I've cooked just enough to keep us alive, and we've still eaten fast food more than I will ever admit. I've done the minimum cleaning and ignored the mildewy corners in the bathroom and the spiderwebs on the ceiling. And we've been okay, but I'm starting to get a little bit tired of "the minimum."

Yesterday morning I spend a couple of hours scrubbing the bathroom. Scrubbing. Hands and knees on the floor, scrubbing. I ran a tub of soapy water and washed the garbage cans, a potty chair, and a booster seat. I took down the shower curtain liner to wash it. I scraped around the faucet and shined the sink. Then I moved on to the kitchen.

And it felt good. I felt refreshed and energized. I'd gotten further behind in what I intended to do in writing that day, and today I worked in the yard instead of catching up. But all the pregnancy-prompted internalizing has led me to a simple conclusion: my life just needs a little more balance. I'd gotten pretty heavy on the "reading, writing, computer" side of the equation and pretty light on the "cleaning, physical, working outside, cooking, creative" side of the equation. As you can tell, I counteract the imbalance by swinging far to the other side for a bit. Now I will start work on making it even out on a regular basis, which probably means some days where I do nothing but sudsy scrubby cleany things and some days where I read and write and stare at the computer and eat fast food for dinner.

I love life. Change is not to be feared. It brings us to better versions of ourselves.