SISTER WISDOM : build a better life

Today's guest post is by Sarah Jessica of From Tolstoy to Tinkerbell. If you're interested in writing a guest post, see the guidelines here.

As modern homemakers, we love lists—any type of list. If we didn't, why would we make them daily? We have our to-do lists, our grocery lists, our school supply lists, our chore lists, our book club reading lists. Written in brief bullet points, rattling off the essential needs for the household to run smoothly; lists give us power. They show us that we are reasonable, rational beings who can minimize text for maximum efficiency and benefit.

We also cling to other important lists such as People's 50 Most Beautiful People, Forbes' list of the most influential people, and perhaps the most intimidating (or at least for me) The New York Times bestseller list. Perhaps, we glance over this book list, go the local bookstore and peruse over the recommended titles. (Maybe the New York Times bestseller list is not one that you follow. Insert whatever book list whether it is romance novels, Christian devotionals, classic literature—whatever books' lists, the specific list is not important.)

Books from self-help to postmodern novels to presidential memoirs stare down at us with their glossy dust jackets and $25.00 price tags. We may leave feeling disillusioned, disengaged, or worse: buy an expensive dust-collector for the ever growing collection of expensive dust-collectors. We return to the mundane, wishing to engage our minds, but despairing in our lack of fortitude since we did not follow the book list. All of these books come highly recommended by “the book list,” our fellow book club friends, everyone except us.

Reread that last sentence (I helped you out with the wonders of copy/paste)-- “All of these books come highly recommended by “the book list,” our fellow book club friends, everyone except us.” We disengage our minds because we are too busy comparing our desires, interests, and emotional responses to others. By comparing ourselves to others', we set ourselves up to be disappointed.

engage your mind: quit comparing

The first step to engaging our minds is to give up comparing our likes/dislikes to our friends, co-workers, neighbors, and mostly importantly, the recommended book list. We must openly admit that there are books, blogs, magazines that we DON'T LIKE! I have a list of authors that I have tried, really, really hard to enjoy—Ralph Waldo Emerson, William Faulkner, D.H. Lawrence, Harriet Beecher Stowe—to name a few. This does not in any way negate those who do enjoy these writers from appreciating these texts. I would prefer to have my tongue nailed to the kitchen counter everyday before breakfast than read these authors' works. I have learned to admit what I don't like so that I can spend more of the precious time I have reading what I DO LIKE!

engage your mind: be enchanted

The second step to engaging our minds is to be enchanted with our reading. I believe Emily Dickinson in her poem best describes how we women should approach our minds/reading:

I think I was enchanted
When first a sombre Girl --
I read that Foreign Lady --
The Dark -- felt beautiful –( Poem 593).

Enchantment. When was the last you time that you picked up a book, enthralled by its contents, smell, the feel of its pages, utterly absorbed in the emotional ecstasy of the written word? After we discover what we like to read, we must move to what we LOVE to read.
Books that we love should move us toward a higher plane, ignite within us a new curiosity, encourage us to think deeply. Books I love are the ones I read over and over just because I continually find new facets of the plot, characters, or the language itself. The books that have enchanted me always give me a reason to return to their well-worn, ink-marked pages.

engage your mind: join a community

The final step to engaging our minds is to find/create a community. Once we are enchanted with a book, poem, short story, blog, we need the support of others to keep our minds focused. There is no right or wrong way to find or create this community. Whether you choose to write a blog professing your love of zombie haiku, or gather other people who share your passion for cookbooks and create a five star worthy French bistro dinner—we need community. Community opens up dialogues, and dialogues reaffirm our enchantment with the written word.

Today, I am enchanted by Emily Dickinson's poetry (if you couldn't tell). My love for her poems has been rekindled. I'm enthralled, enchanted. I invite you to join me.

“There is No Frigate Like a Book”
Emily Dickinson

There is no frigate like a book
To take us lands away,
Nor any coursers like a page
Of prancing poetry.
This traverse may the poorest take
Without oppress of toll;
How frugal is the chariot
That bears a human soul!(Poem 99)

What book has enchanted you?

Today's 2 Cents Courtesy of:

Sarah Jessica grew up reading, thinking, musing which led her to pursue a Bachelor's and Master's degree in English. This Virginian settled in the Carolinas where she lives with her husband Mark, two beautiful step-children AJ and Ashley, and three rambunctious English Springer Spaniels: Ginger Snap, Cupcake, and Ophelia (Ophelia was thus named when no one in Sarah's family was hungry). She is currently writing blog posts for From Tolstoy to Tinkerbell, and you can follow her on Twitter.

I tend to avoid books when they are on the bestseller list; it's kind of a reverse snobbishness, I guess.

So I avoided Captivating the first time around, despite the fact that I'd read The Sacred Romance (by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis) and loved it, and despite the personal recommendations I received. I can't, thus, tell you much about how this revised-and-expanded version is better than the original.

But I can tell you that, if you are a woman this is a book worth reading. Not if-you-are-a-woman-and-a-Christian, just: if you are a woman.

Why? Not that the Christian thing doesn't matter, but that every woman struggles on some level with the issues that the Eldredges talk about. Their philosophy and, yes, their solutions are Biblically based; for non-Christian women, I can understand that might be a turn-off. But I urge you anyway: stride through the Scripture quotations and sit still for the stories and the truths that aren't tied up in church-speak.

And for Christian women, this book can help you step out of the easy answers so often given via church-speak and deal with the hurts it's quite possible to hide but impossible to truly forget. The heart of this book is about remembering, about dealing with the lies that tell us to forget-about-it, quit-making-things-such-a-big-deal.

This book helps us to understand why some things are a big deal, and should be, and how we need to look at them and find out what they're telling us. As we acknowledge, and remember who we really are, we can let go not in self-denial or resentment, but in true freedom. That's a good read.

Details:

Captivating: Unlocking the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. By John and Stasi Eldredge. Revised and Expanded. Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2010. Purchase or get more information at the Amazon product page.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

I don't know what has tipped me off. Maybe the guy who let the door close in my face while I struggled to carry my child, my purse, and my bag of groceries.
Maybe the waitress who never said you're welcome, but just kind of grunted in response to my thank you... five times in one dinner.
Maybe the mom who let her two kids climb all over the equipment at my husband's business, equipment worth thousands of dollars, and just got huffy when my mother-in-law suggested it might be dangerous.

Maybe one of those.

Or maybe it was the grocery store owner who helped me take my groceries to the car, load them, and then thanked me sincerely for shopping at his store.
Maybe it was the older man who held the door for me, my baby, all my stuff, and my entourage of children who don't go through doors quickly.
Maybe the nice Southern boys I met a few days ago who called me ma'am.

Maybe one of those.

The tipping off has happened, though, and I am putting together my own list of Good Manners 101. I think people need it, because of all the examples I've just mentioned where common courtesy is, obviously, not so common. I think people still care about manners, because of all the examples of courtesy still in common practice. Maybe we all just need a refresher course. So here goes.

Good Manners 101: The List

• When you ask for something, say please.
• When you need someone's attention, say pardon me or excuse me.
• When you bump into someone, knock their ankles with your shopping cart, nearly knock them over in a crowd, step on their toes, or otherwise cause them pain, however unintentional, stop, turn around, look them in the eyes and say pardon me or excuse me or even (for the radicals) I'm sorry.
• When you drop something, like a straw or a match stick or a gum wrapper, pick it up and dispose of it properly.
• When someone gives you a compliment, say thank you.
• When someone gives you a gift, cooks you a meal, or in anyway treats you, serves you, or helps you, say thank you.
• When someone says thank you, say you're welcome.
• Offer your seat (if there are no more available) to an elderly person or a pregnant woman or anyone hurt, disabled, or sick. (If you are a man, you should offer your seat to any woman.)
• Hold the door open for people behind you, especially for women, children, and the elderly.
• Look people in the eyes when they talk to you.
• Don't interrupt. If you have to interrupt, say excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt.
• When you are introduced to someone, say something like Hello, Mary, it's a pleasure to meet you. Then extend your hand for a handshake. (I am constantly amazed by how many people don't know how to meet people! Where were their mothers?)
• Introduce the people in your group. Do this even if it is only a group of two, and you are only chatting for a moment with an acquaintance who walked by. The exception to this rule is if you are in a very large group, in which case you should excuse yourself from the group, go have your moment's conversation, and then return.
• Wait your turn in line. Don't cut in front of people. Don't jingle your keys and tap your fingers and huff at the slow person in front of you.
• Don't text someone else while I'm talking to you. Really. I'll wait until you're done.

What am I forgetting?
Feel free to add to the list in the comments.

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Images

1. Don't even get me started courtesy of krossbow on Flickr.

5 out of 5 stars

This 12-session devotional/journal and accompanying cd is a refreshing alternative to a lot of the teen-oriented studies out there. Why? Read the rest of this entry »

4 out of 5 stars.

This 2-episode dvd is one I wouldn't have just picked up out of a stack of children's movies. I wasn't much of a girly-girl, so the cover in shades of pink and the whole concept - "God's Little Princess?" really? - weren't really that appealing to Read the rest of this entry »

Revelations or Epiphanies or Something

I had a couple of "mini-revelations" yesterday. I love those. I won't call them epiphanies, exactly, but they're big for me.
One is this: There is no perfect writing topic/subject/job for me. I just like to write, period. I like to write about almost anything. The key is (and this is the second mini-revelation) that
In order to be inspired I need to be immersed.
I need input, and lots of it, to create a continual flow of output. Otherwise I just kind of run dry.

The Input for Inspiration

For me, that best input comes in three forms.
The first is the written word.
I need books, articles, thoughtful and inspiring blogs, poems that shake my heart up, novels that wrap me up in another world, how-tos and tutorials and ideas and magazines and newspapers and quotes and lists and letters and journals. I love to learn and I learn best from the written word. When I learn, I get excited about sharing; my brain takes the new information and races off with it in a hundred directions. I can't move my pen fast enough to jot down my thoughts.

The second is nature. Outside. Outdoors. Walking, hiking, throwing down a blanket and playing with Zeke in the sunshine. Tromping the trails with Mara and Robbie, showing them the first daffodil, the silent, faithful, soft green moss, the flattened, sweet-smelling grass where the deer sleep. Something about - no, everything about - the real, beautiful, fresh and muddy world is refreshing to my soul and my brain. Being outdoors is when all those words start percolating in my mind, start mixing with my dreams and hopes and values, start bubbling up into new ideas and thoughts and hopes that just need to be shared.

The third is conversation. Talking with my husband, my best friends, or strangers gives me windows into how other people process and think. My husband will come up with completely different spins on what I hear and read. I share a little idea with him, and together we toss it around, critique it, expand it, change it, name it, morph it like a ball of Silly Putty.
Conversations with dear friends are the same way; they expand my thinking, my perspective, my whole world. And strangers! Don't get me started on this. I love talking to strangers. I think I scare them sometimes. But I'm fascinated by how people think and live, by what they do and feel and how they view the world. When I start talking to strangers, I walk away with ideas for articles and books just popping out of my head. (This may be why people run away from me in the parking lot. Hm.)

No Waiting on the Muse

The result of these mini-revelations is one big thought: I control my own inspiration. This is huge, as a writer. I don't have to wait to "be inspired" from some mysterious force. I have identified what inspires me most, and most consistently. I just need to grab that stuff when I'm feeling dry. I need to make sure that those sources of inspiration are a huge part of my life.

So what's your inspiration? What's your source? What gets you ticking? And how can you make room for more of it in your life?

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This post is part of the 30-Minute Blogging Challenge at SteadyMom. (25 minutes.)
Image courtesy of markbarky.

Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God

by Sheila Walsh

Thomas Nelson Publishers; 3 out of 5 stars

I like this book, I do, so I feel kind of guilty being harsh in my review. But repetition bores me, and the writing in this book is very formulaic. Each chapter follows the same format: personal story or anecdote, parallel drawn to Biblical character, more insight into Biblical character interspersed with additional personal anecdotes, conclusion, and then the "transitional sentence" to lead into the next chapter. Read the rest of this entry »

Obstacles Welcome: Turn Adversity to Advantage in Business and Life

by Ralph de la Vega, President and CEO of AT&T Mobility and Consumer Markets.

4 out of 5 stars

How does a book about being a successful business executive translate into something helpful for a Mom, writer, and homemaker? Read the rest of this entry »

From the feed reader...

• Abby at New Urban Habitat, Frugal isn't cheap: "But frugality can be more fun than the mindless consuming many of us got in the habit of doing in the previous decade, because we end up spending money on what we really want."
• Rachel at Small Notebook, My Real-Life, Practical Daily Routine: "Instead of having a schedule that would be ignored day after day in real life, I follow a daily routine of touchstones — key elements to mark a successful day.
• Philip Brewer at Wise Bread, What I've Been Trying to Say: "You can't go back and change decisions that have already been made, but that doesn't mean that the design for the rest of your life is immutable.  Start today to design the life that you want to be living."

From the bookshelf...

• Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn By Living

Read my full review here.

Mini Review: Practical advice for personal growth and a successful life, from the era before self-improvement was the big market share it is now. Roosevelt is easy to read and understand but profound. Her advice is practical, with personal examples, and I found myself copying lots of quotes and wanting to paste them all over the walls in my bedroom.
Find it on Amazon.

• Mindy Stearns Clark, The House That Cleans Itself

Mini Review: If you're not a natural housekeeping/organizing goddess, you will love this book. The concept is that instead of fighting our naturally slobbish tendencies (or those of family members), we should identify them and create systems that work for us instead of against us. Brilliant! I love this! I always feel like housekeeping is a battle, and I've already used some of her ideas and seen some of the most irritating problems get much, much better. I'm going to be tackling more of my house this year and Clark's book is my guide.
Find it on Amazon.

What's your recommended reading this week?
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