This morning I was reading
Arnold Bennett’s book Mental Efficiency. Kind of a slog to read through, but some gems in there.
Like this:
…no wound is more cruel to the spirit of resolve than that dealt by failure.
True. Solomon put it slightly differently:
Hope deferred makes the heart sick. [Prov. 13:12]
On one hand, failure isn’t a thing to fear or to be avoided. If we see failure for what it is, simply a step on the road to our goals, it becomes less intimidating, less cruel. But when we fail over and over in reaching our goals or resolving our problems or simply moving on, it wears us down. Before long, we begin to see only the pattern of failure in our lives, and it makes us want to quit trying.
Bennett names three common causes of failure:
- unrealistic expectations: “you undertook too much at the beginning.”
- peer pressure: “the disintegrating effect on the will-power of the ironic, superior smile of friends.”
- impracticality: “you did not rearrange your day.”
unrealistic expectations
I do this all the time.
It’s a problem with me forgetting that I am, after all, not SuperWoman. Which is fine, if I realize this and set realistic goals, i.e., goals that a normal person can actuallyar achieve in a given amount of time.
Goals like write a novel this year, not write a novel today. See the difference?
Do you overestimate yourself? It’s good to set our expectations high. Most of us can do far more than we think we can. But we also need to be realistic about the demands of the day (which won’t simply disappear because we have a lofty new goal to pursue) and what we can accomplish with those demands still intact. We can also work on reducing the demands so we can focus on what is most important to us.
peer pressure
Mediocrity, interesting part of our culture. It’s like a big, lame party; nobody’s really having fun, but everybody’s acting like they’re happy because everybody else seems to be having a good time…
If one honest person would just step up and say, this party is lame, I have better things to do, there would be a lot of agreement. But since nobody says that, everybody just keeps smiling and making stupid comments and eating the cold appetizers.
You’ll get a mixed bag response if you set a high goal or demand more from yourself than the inane level of mediocrity in which most of us settle. Some people will encourage you, push you on, be inspired and become an inspiration to you.
Others will, because of their own unmet expectations and failed goals, make light of your resolutions, predict failure, and generally hold you up for mockery, either implied or explicit.
Simple Solution: just do your thing, set your goal, and start achieving it without talking about it. While accountability can be a powerful help on the road to reaching your goals, you need to be accountable to the right sort of people, not the public in general (in most cases). If your group of friends tends toward the snarky side, don’t expect them to suddenly veer into warm, empathetic encouragement to help you on your way.
impracticality
Maybe you can set realistic goals:
- run a 5k next month
- read a book a week
- write a blog post every day
- eat more salads
Whatever they are, if you don’t actually plan in the time and stuff you’ll need to do the work to reach those goals, you won’t reach them.
To train for a 5k, you need to start running on a regular basis. When will you do that? Do you own running shoes?
To read a book a week, you need a book. And you need to pick the book up instead of turning the tv on, or sitting in front of the computer, or going to the mall.
To write a blog post every day, you need to set aside the length of time it takes you do produce a post. Otherwise it will be shoved aside, shoved aside, and eventually forgotten.
To eat more salads, well, you need some lettuce in the refrigerator, right? And you need to make it part of your meal plan. Don’t go eat at fast food joints 5x/week if your goal is to eat more salads.
Do you set good goals but then fail to give yourself the resources to achieve them?
Don’t set yourself up for failure.
As you review your goals, make some changes and adjustments to the ones that are causing you grief. Go through the checklist:
- Are my goals actually achievable in my life?
- Are my peers encouraging me or discouraging me in these goals? [you can always get new friends. maybe you should...]
- Am I planning in the time and getting myself the resources I need to make regular progress toward my goals?
Image: Through a window by Muffet