SISTER WISDOM

So yesterday I wrote about 7 ways to be a better parent, and one of them was to have daily room time. I first learned about this concept when I was pregnant with my first, so I built it into our life early on. For those of you who might not be familiar with the concept, though, here’s a little crash course and how-to so you can use this secret weapon in your supermom life. If I had any sanity to save, this would’ve saved it…

What Room Time Is

Kids have bedrooms, right? With a bed, and clothes, and toys in them? Right. And sometimes, all on their own, they go in there and play. That’s great; but that’s not what we mean by Room Time.
Room Time is parent-instituted and parent-directed. It’s up to Mom when Room Time starts and how long it lasts.

Rules of Room Time

1. Stay in your room during Room Time with the door closed. (Caveat: see Room Time for Very Little People, below.)
2. Do not come out unless there is an Emergency. (Define what emergency is.)
3. Room Time is over when Mommy opens the door and says it’s over.

My Kids and Room Time

My oldest can happily play alone in her room for an hour. She’s 4 1/2, she likes to do more complicated art stuff that her little brothers mess up, or sit and play her Leapster, or construct little worlds with her ponies. She’s happy for uninterrupted time to play and do her own thing without having to accommodate little brothers who tend to make things messy, get in her space, etc. If I skip a day of having Room Time, she usually asks for it, and sometimes even on days when she has 45 minutes or more of Room Time she’ll ask for more.

My boys are 3 years and 20 months, respectively. They have Room Time together, since they share a room. Their room time is much louder but it’s the same concept; they play together, with their toys, in their space, without Big Sis or Mom there to intervene, help, entertain, or distract. It’s good for them to learn how to get along together without our intervention. Yes, minor boo-boos are often part of the deal, but that’s just part of life with young kids.

We usually have one main Room Time every day. I’ve instituted it at different times, depending on my schedule. Right now we have Room Time around 5 or 5:30 in the evening. It’s usually when I am most tired, I need to get dinner finished, and I can’t answer any more questions or laugh at any more kid jokes. So I trundle the kids to room time, which lasts, usually, for about 45 minutes.

We also usually have one shorter quiet Room Time right before naps. I put Zeke (the 20 month old) down in his bed. Robbie takes his nap on my bed, so he gets to take a couple of quiet toys there. Mara gets a couple of quiet toys  on her bed. I give them 15 – 25 minutes, usually, then tell them it’s time to go to sleep. If we’re late getting to naps, the kids are really grumpy, or I need to get them up at a certain time, I’ll skip this one and just put them all straight to bed.

How to Start Your Kid(s) on Room Time

First, you’ll want to take a look at the toys in the kid’s room. Is there anything that is obviously dangerous, a stash of plastic bags in the corner, a wobbly bookcase just waiting to fall? Take care of anything hazardous and remove any toys that are over your child’s head or just asking for trouble (i.e. messy art supplies).
Second, start with a short time period. Explain the rules. You might want to set a timer and put it in your child’s room for the first few times so she can see her “progress” and know when she gets to come out. Go for 10 or 15 minutes. Skip the timer, if you want, and have a goal of 15 minutes; listen at the door and if she’s still happily playing you can go for 10 more. The key is that YOU, Mom, decide when Room Time is over.
Third, it will help if you have Room Time at the same time every day. It will become part of the daily routine, and kids like knowing what to expect.

Room Time for Very Little People

You can start Room Time even for your very little ones, you just want to do it a little differently. Three methods:

Play Pen Method:

Put a playpen/Pack’n'Play up in our room of choice. It can be in the room where you are, or just out of sight, or in the next room over; usually kids will play better alone if Mom is not in line of sight. Put a few (safe) toys in the play pen, plop in baby, and go for 10 or 15 minutes. It’s okay if baby cries, whines, calls you, or just sits there. You know she’s okay and she’s learning to entertain herself. This is good. Follow the same guidelines for Room Time; extend the time over a period of a week or so to the amount of time you want, and try to have “Play Pen Time” at the same time every day.

Crib Method:

Follow the same concept as the Play Pen Time, but put baby in her crib with a few safe toys. Remove any blankets (except for maybe that one special blankie) or pillows or stuffed animals so she’s not confused (nap time? play time? huh?).

Baby Gate Method:

The other method is to use a baby gate to contain your young one in her room or another room of your choice; for example, you could plop her on the rug with some toys in the living room while you finish up dinner in the kitchen. It’s important you be able to keep an eye on her with more freedom like this, and intervene if she’s about to, say, climb up the piano.

Obviously you want to use common sense with Room Time, both for older kids and very young ones. Don’t leave kids alone with dangerous stuff. Don’t leave babies with things that could suffocate them. Check in.

I like Room Time for a couple of main reasons:

1. It teaches my kids to play independently without needing me to entertain them. I think this helps them, carrying over to other times when I’m busy and they need to find their own stuff to do without my help.
2. It gives me a little breather time to sit and chill before Joe gets home, or finish up dinner or an email, or just put my feet up with a book for a little bit. Moms need some mental breaks. I don’t know about you other Mommies, but often by the end of the day it’s the mental constant of answering questions, giving directions, etc., that wears me out. Room Time gives me a mental break. Essential.

Image: I am… by charliedayartist