You can have anything but you can’t have everything.
So you have to choose:
what constitutes success in your life right now?
Don’t limit yourself because of fear, but do limit your goals (the ones you are actively pursuing) to as many as you can focus on. I’ve found that I max out at about 3 big goal chases at a time.
What’s wrong with traditional goal-setting
I’ve seen lots of recommendations; the most common among women’s advice circles seems to be to go through the basic areas of your life and set goals for each one. Depending on what you define as a single area, you can have from 5 to 10 areas, and thus, 5 to 10 goals, happening at a time.
For example, a typical area-of-life breakdown might look like this:
- - marriage/relationships
- - kids/parenting
- - home
- - work/career
- - health/fitness
- - personal
- - social
- - educational/intellectual
- - hobbies…
If you take the traditional route of setting one goal for each area, then actively pursuing each goal, you’ll be simultaneously trying to fix your life in 5, 10, 12 areas at a time.
That’s a lot of pressure.
a better goal-setting method
I suggest a different, simpler, and infinitely more effective route; this works for anyone, but it’s especially helpful for Moms who are juggling their own needs along with those of husband, kids, house, job, social life, etc. When your life is complicated, your goal-setting should be simple.
Basically, you need to ask yourself three questions:
Question 1. What in my (current) life bothers me most?
Not just that nagging tooth ache you need to make an appointment for, though certainly you should go see your dentist about that… But what is happening, or not happening, in your life that bothers you on a daily and deeply?
Goal #1: Fixing/eliminating the problem you identify in Question #1.
Question 2. What do I dream of pursuing someday?
For Moms, maybe you’ve put your career on hold until your kids are in school; or maybe you dream of what life will be like when you’re financially able to quit your job and stay home; or maybe you have a career and kids and you’re loving both but you’ve put off some other dreams, like traveling or learning a new language or learning to cook or getting in shape or volunteering. What are you putting off, waiting on, putting on hold while your life continues around you?
Goal #2: Taking action to reach that dream you identify in Question #2.
Question 3. What can I do to simplify and de-stress my life in a practical/logistical way?
You want to keep your life above the survival level, but you can’t fix everything all at once. That’s where most of us mess up; we get inspired, motivated, frustrated enough to declare war on the way things are. We’re going to fix the kids, fix the husband, fix the finances, fix ourselves, fix the house, all by February 15, so help me God.
And that just doesn’t happen… so we give up, right? The point is, it’s simply
too much to try to fix it all. The point of Question #3 is to help you figure out one goal you can reach to simplify your life, thus reducing stress (and improving the quality) of all your life. Maybe it’s declutter the closets, finish the kitchen remodel, join a gym, get a new wardrobe, or get a regular babysitter. Maybe it’s quit your job, get out of debt, or simplify your social life. You decide; what rings truest with you right now? You can tackle the other stuff later.
Goal #3: Simplifying/reducing stress in your life by tackling one practical/logistical area you identify in Question #3.
Printable Goal-Setting Worksheet
I’ve put together a down loadable, printable worksheet so you can sit down with these three questions and your purple Sharpie (oh, is that just me?) and set some goals that you’ll actually reach. Download it by clicking here.