Most of my journal entries are boring. Most of them start with the date and then the time and then a report: “doing good today, got up on time” or “we’re getting on track” or “late today, forgot to set the alarm” or “hit snooze 27 times before I got up this morning.”
I flip back through my journal and I think, Hmmm, anyone who could fend off the boredom long enough to actually read these pages would probably walk away thinking this girl is obsessed with only one thing: when she gets up in the morning.
Maybe I am. Let me ‘splain. (No, is too much. Let me sum up. No, let me let Madeleine L’Engle sum up for me.)
“A woman who follows a vocation needs an unusually understanding husband; [CHECK, ALL GOOD THERE.] and even then, a woman’s success can put a real strain on marriage. [I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I FIND OUT.] And I believe this will be true even when women’s liberation is an accomplished fact. [WHATEVER, I DON'T KNOW.] And the woman who accepts the demands of a call must be able to observe rigorous discipline. [THAT WAS THE IMPORTANT LINE.] If we follow a vocation and choose to have a family, too, there is a constant balancing of priorities. We have to learn to turn away from the typewriter in order to cook dinner. [WE DO? OOPS.] And, yet, we mustn’t lose the train of thought.” (Madeleine L’Engle)
“…and the woman who accepts the demands of a call must be able to observe rigorous discipline.”
I’m a morning person, Joe is not. But I’ve noticed that for both of us, we do much better when we both get up at ungodly hours of morning to do the things which are important to us, which take time, which inspire and encourage us through the rest of our day, which are part of our long-term vision. These are the things, the efforts which most define and identify us at our core, most reward us (at least inwardly), but which it is most difficult to make time to do, daily.
Get up at 4 or 5 in the morning to pursue something iffy (a book, a website, a start-up business, God…) and then work the rest of the day at your real job? Are you crazy?
Well.
Maybe.
Maybe crazy. Definitely most alive and definitely most happy when we are pushing ourselves, pursuing a goal, challenged and working and progressing on something important. Of course, it goes without saying but I’ll say it anyhow: being a Mom is important and Joe’s work at Arco is important.
Yes, obviously, since we devote our days to that, to the exclusion of other pursuits. There’s no question in my head of which is more important, my children or my writing. I don’t have to ponder this. If we were in an either-or situation, it would be bye-bye to writing. But praise Thee, Lord, we are not. I can love, nurture, train, be with my children and still write. It just requires thought, effort, rigorous discipline, and a good dose of craziness to do both.
That’s why I obsess over my mornings. They are the sign: am I making room in my life for what matters? I can’t shove aside my children during the day in order to pursue writing, and I don’t want to. So if I want to do the important work of writing, I have to do it before my other important work begins. (Or after, which might be an option for night-people but not for me, as brain turns to oatmeal after 9 pm.)
So I care. I infringe on night, I cut my sleep short, I drink too much coffee, I hide my alarm, I mumble and mutter and stare and then the caffeine clicks in, I start writing, and I remember why I’m awake.
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What do you obsess over?
Image of girl obsessing over checkbook courtesy of Betsy with a lot of S’s. Thanks, Betsssssssssssssy.
I obsess over too many things to list here. LOL But one of them is similar to what I think you are trying to do – living a life with purpose and meaning. I steadfastly search for the answer to this question, “Why am I here?” and try to make a positive difference in the world. Sounds like you’re on the right track to finding your own joy and bliss. Thanks for your beautiful post!
My cats, especially since my 20 year old died last year. The three new ones that came into my life since then, have barely assuaged my bereavement, but keep me busy enough meeting their demands that I hardly have time to sniffle. Though I have other blogs that meet my needs, I live vicariously through The Three by letting them dictate their blog. It’s just an obsession. I’m not the Crazy Old Cat Lady. Really, I’m not!
I obsess over time- in another way… BEING ON TIME. It drives people in my house nuts, I know it’s crazy, but I can’t help it. I can;t stand the thought of someone waiting on me {us}. If church starts at 10:30 {and it DOES!} then we need to be there at 10:25. Any later than that- and I am late and I come unraveled. Really, I can’t handle it. Ok, so- I need to work on it.
I find that when I wake up early I make sure I get a bit of hot tub time, and then meditation. If I meditate first thing in the early morning I tend to obsess a lot less through out the day. Seems that when I have that time with God first thing I am carried in an easier fashion through out the day! I actually prefer that over obsessing
Andrea, your post reminds me of when I used to write my blog articles on the train on the way to work until I quit my job and decided to change careers. Over a year ago, I got my personal training certification and started my own business. I feel fortunate that my husband supports my change in careers and all the other important decision that affect our lives.
Nowadays, I obsess over sending traffic to my blog and business web site, sales, marketing, networking, and self-growth. Essentially, I obsess over growing my business which I truly enjoy even though it can be hard work at times.
I totally understand where you’re coming from. Let’s keep pushing!
Anna
I’m obsessed over GETTING THINGS DONE!That is before my husband gets home for the day. As a corporate trainer who works on a contract basis my husband (bless his heart)acts like when I’m working in the home office I’m there to be his playmate. When he is around I can’t get any work done it’s like having a two year old, “you’re not paying any attention to me, look at this, watch me play this video game, I’m hungry, watch the basketball game with me, etc. It’s not good enough that I’m there with him working on my computer while he is watching the game. Nooooo I have to totally focus on the game, the problem is I’m totally focused on all the things I’m NOT GETTING DONE!
Wow, simple thoughts at first but then I’m quietly taken deeper into your reasons for the seemingly stupid obsession with time. Amazing, the why behind the why. Always so much more interesting and relevant when writer and reader both come to terms with it. I’m reminded of Simon Sinek on TEDtalks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp0HIF3SfI4&feat) who proposes that people are influenced not by the “what” of life, but by the “why”. I love looking at your obsession through the lens of Madame L’Engle, too. Classic!
Hi Andrea, isn’t it amazing how each of us has her or his own obsession? Reading your post and everyone’s comments is definitely enlightening for me, who obsesses over getting things done (like Lisa) and sometimes over web traffic (like Anna). But I like Renee and Irene’s approach to slowin’ it down a bit!
I think you made a great point on ‘pushing ourselves.’ Perhaps it is because we are no longer obsessing and finally in action, working toward the ultimate reward of getting the item done and the satisfaction of having it completed!
Renee, you’re right. It’s about doing what I’m made for, what fits… and constantly cutting out the things that are a waste. Thank you for your kind words.
Elizabeth, I’m sorry about your cat. I just read some of your poetry yesterday. I’ll have to check into that kitty-dictated blog now.
Rach, this cracks me up! I get it… I hate being late too but my husband & his family are NOTORIOUS for being late. Sigh. I’m afraid he’s influenced me more than I’ve influenced him on this…
Irene, that’s key for me too. When I get up and have a quiet space and time before kids wake up, time to think and pray and write and read, my entire day is so much better.
Anna, thanks for the encouragement! Congrats on all the changes you’ve made in your life. Push on!
Lisa, ha!! I know what you mean!!! At least that’s a better problem than a husband who doesn’t want to spend time with you… Good luck getting it all done.
Cherie, thanks. I’ve watched a few of the TEDtalks but not this one, sounds interesting.
Lee, you’re right. In a way, action is its own reward. And I firmly believe that the antidote to most stress and worry (and obsessiveness!) is action.
I obsess about ridiculous minutiae,so I can definitely relate. Why I cant get to bed on time so that I can get up in them morning without hitting that abused alarm clock & have more me time. How waiting in line is a waste of time, what could I be doing? If the things I am doing and have done are the right things for getting my daughter prepped for life. Obsessing about shopping, eating sleeping walking the dog, all crazy every day stuff. My journal if it existed on planet earth would be full of tiny teeny bits of boring. Fascinating glimpse into your life. You write really well – dont stop!