If there were one thing and one thing only I could tell every newbie wife it would be this. Now I’m only speaking from almost-six years of marriage experience. Maybe my one piece of advice will be totally different when it’s ten or twenty years. Probably, because last week I know my one piece of advice was to accept him as he is. (How’s that for a wallop of advice?) But this week it’s different. This week I’ve got it. This is the important one.
Trust him.
Trust him like you trusted your Daddy (if you had a good one) or like you wished you could (if you had a bad one).
Trust him to care, trust him to listen, trust him to love you, trust him to need you, trust him to romance you, and most of all trust him to make decisions.
Trust him, because when you do, you set up the best possible pattern for your marriage. You set up this pattern: This marriage has to have a leader. You are the leader. I trust you to be a good leader. I trust you to think things through. I trust you to do your best. I trust you to have good intentions. I trust you so I don’t have to worry about it.
Perfect Is Not Part of the Equation
Now, of course, he will mess up. He will make silly decisions, spend money on stupid things, rush into things or wait too long and miss opportunities. That doesn’t matter. There are very few messes he can make by a bad decision here or there that are as far-reaching and serious as the one you can make by refusing to trust him.
Let me say that again:
It’s more important that you trust him than that you have perfect finances in perfect order, the best car for the best value, the best house in the best school district, the ideal job, the better salary, the church that really fits you, the friends who really get you.
Why? Well, you plan on staying married, right? You signed up for life? Your marriage, God-willing and the creek don’t rise, will outlast financial problems, debt, broken cars, leaky houses, screaming babies, pooping pets, ugly furniture, a wardrobe of fat clothes, several years of bad hair days, in-grown churches, mooching friends.
That other stuff is circumstantial, situational, here today and a sweet or sour memory tomorrow. But while that stuff fades, you’ll still be waking up next to him. Him, the guy you married, the guy who probably didn’t know much when you married him, the guy who is learning about life with you. He knew enough to marry you. He’ll figure the rest out.
When Things Don’t Look Good
Trust him so he can. Trust that he has good intentions. Trust that God will protect you and provide for you. Trust that you are strong enough and wise enough to choose what matters and handle the storm that might arise because of your choices. And there will be a storm, probably many. There will be storms of condemnation and criticism (Why didn’t you stop him? Don’t you two know any better?); there will be storms of fear and worry (What will happen to us?); there will be storms of guilt (I should have told him not to do that…); there will be storms of hopelessness (Will he ever change? Will he ever get it? Will we ever get out of this situation? Will things ever get better?).
A storm is violent and furious and over in a few moments. Hold on, hunker down, and outlast it. You’re woman enough for that.
The more you trust him, the more he becomes worthy of your trust.
Do you want a wise husband?
One who thinks about the future, who has a vision for your family, who guards your heart, who provides for your needs, who acts on truth? Then trust the husband you have.
Trust him as if he is wise and watch as he becomes wise.
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This post is linked up with
Fimby’s (brand-new!) Friday’s Flowers.
Images
1. Bouquet of wildflowers that look like daisies – mine.
2. Have white doves follow you courtesy of H.KoppDelaney on Flickr.
3. Hold his glowing hand courtesy of D. Sharon Pruitt (Pink Sherbet Photography) on Flickr.
I LOVE this. After 11 years of marriage, I still agree this is GREAT advice. I especially love the last line “Trust him as if he is wise and watch as he becomes wise.” This is so true. I have seen this happen in successful marriages many years older than mine. We don’t marry automatically mature men (and we aren’t either), but as we trust and respect them, even “Seeing things that are not (yet) as though they were.” in them, it becomes a beautiful cycle. Our husbands love to live up to the standards of trust and respect that we place in them. It gives them worlds of confidence to know how much we trust, respect and believe in them, especially when times are hard. Trusting when it’s “…for worse” can strengthen the joy and bond with our husbands when things are going “For better…” Great post!
Not at all what I was expecting with my bouquet!! But much, much better. I really needed to be smacked with this. Thank you – you can bet I’ll be working diligently on this all day, then all day tomorrow and the next. Such great advice.
With 12 years of marriage down and a lifetime to go, I believe this is great and timeless advice!
“Trust that you are strong enough and wise enough to choose what matters…”
Wonderful post. Thanks A!
I love this post. We have been married for almost 14 years and this is absolutely the best advice to give someone beside having love and respect for your mate. If you don’t put that trust in your husband it’s going to make for rough going in your marriage.