So I was thinking about what I mean by Modern Homemaking. I throw the term around, nonchalant, basically because I want to say hey I’m a cool hip young Mama, I can take care of my house and kids and still rock out on a Friday night.
Except.
Except that, sans caffeine, I will most likely be asleep by 9:00 on a Friday night.
Except that I’ve never really thought of myself as cool or hip, even when there might have been a smidge of validity to it.
These exceptions lead me to conclude that what I think I mean by Modern Homemaking isn’t really what I mean at all.
(They also lead me to conclude that I think way too much about things that probably aren’t important.)
Things I Am Trying to Say
What am I trying to say, then?
I’m trying to say that the divide between “career woman” and “housewife” is arbitrary, stupid, and well past its expiration date.
I’m trying to say that there is glory, beauty, and honor in caring for your home and those who live in it with you. Even when that caring means picking up dirty socks, washing another load of linens, putting together another last-minute dinner.
I’m trying to say that I do value the daily managing and making of a home, but I don’t value many of the standard side items.
I’m trying to say that I’m coming to peace with my own decisions. It’s okay that I make a quick dinner so I have time to write an article. It’s okay that I don’t make dinner at all because I am flowing with this chapter and I want to get it done. It’s okay that I close the laptop to do the laundry. And it’s okay when the laptop, the laundry, and everything else must wait because I am resting, thinking, being. Or because I have fallen asleep on the couch again…
Homemaking is a term relegated to certain categories: outdated 50s-esque domestic mamas or crafty creative DIY types or simplifying, organizing comfort mavens. None of us fit perfectly into any category, and some of us resist categorization at all. We’re all unique, but we feel like by identifying ourselves as someone interesting in “homemaking” we are instantly boxed, labeled, and shelved.
I tend to resent that just a little bit.
Okay, a lot.
Modern homemaking isn’t about wearing vintage skirts or knitting scarves or cooking gourmet meals or having children or even having a husband. Wherever you live, with whomever you live, you can either make a home to dwell in or clean a house to sleep in. Those are two different experiences.
Home is important. We need home. We need the atmosphere of comfort, warmth, order, freedom. We need space to relax in, stretch out in. We need space by which we identify ourselves, in which we can be ourselves.
I’ve never lived alone, so all my talk of home includes, in my mind, the people we share a home with. But that’s not even the core of it. Home can exist whether it is for me or for us. And sometimes, depending on the circumstances, you have to create a little home for me within the larger house for all of us. Sometimes that’s how life is: not ideal. But you shouldn’t wait for ideal.
Modern homemaking doesn’t look the same for everybody. I am a stay-at-home Mom and a freelance writer; among my friends and acquaintances are women who are single, single or separated with children, separated without children, living alone, living with parents, living with friends, starting a career, having babies, staying at home with kids, working part-time, working full-time, running a business, working from home… you name it. All sorts of in-between places, roles that aren’t clear-cut in a world that likes simple categories.
But all of these women are in the midst of daily making a home.
So my question is this: what is it about making a home that is important to all of us, as different as we are? How are we the same? How are we different? What can we learn from each other, both in terms of inspiration and practical, day-to-day methods? Are we willing to expand our category blinders a bit and see that the world – even the world of something like modern homemaking – is a bigger and more varied place than we knew?
Okay, that was more than one question. I’ll narrow it down to one, because this is the one I’d really like to hear your answers to.
When you clean, or cook, or hang a picture, or wash a towel, or paint a wall, or organize the closet, or any of the myriad items that fall under “modern homemaking”…
What are you trying to say?
I’ve got a little plan. I’ve coerced some of my friends into writing guest posts for me so we can a few different perspectives. These guest posts will be running for the next several Mondays, the day I normally post some house/home related article. Next Monday will be Marci from Overcoming Busy. Stay tuned!
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Images
1.What, you expect me to use this? courtesy of NicasaurusRex on Flickr.
Being a “housewife” does not define me. Is it okay that I got seriously offended when someone found out that I am a sahm and housewife and my hubsand is a dr. and they in turned replied, “Well, you are quite the kept woman.” WHAT?!? He, my friend, is quite the kept man. My child is quite “kept” as well. I am so much more than these four {dirty} walls. Than the never ending piles of laundry and the always full dishwasher. It’s okay that people look and see that about me, but I don’t want to “labeled and shelved” in that way. It offends me that people think this is some type of luxurious living that I have chosen for myself. From the age of 15 until one year ago- I worked… ALOT. Some times 2-3 jobs at a time. Putting my husband through graduate school. There were YEARS when we lived on cold cereal and counted pennies to put gas in the car. God {and the people that I was working for} released me to be home. This is the hardest “job” I have EVER had. {End of rant and off my soapbox- have I mentioned that your blog is always God’s timing?!}
LOVE THIS POST!! I remember being nervous about quitting work to raise my kids because I had that June Cleaver image of being a SAHM. That is not what I wanted! And that is not how my life is at all. Thank God! You are so right – Modern Homemaking is so much more and so much more diverse than what the stereotypical “homemaker” many of us have in their minds. Looking forward to next week!
PREACH IT, Rach!
You’re right on. That’s what is so hard about this topic, I think. I am thankful for the opportunity to be a sahm, YET I understand that isn’t all there is to me. I resent it when other people make assumptions on the particular circumstances of my life right now.
Marci, I’m looking forward to next week too! I really enjoyed reading your post “De-Clutter Your Mind” – it’s all related. That whole June Cleaver thing: no thanks.