I feel a little funny writing an article about having fun together. Questions assail. First, do I know enough about having fun with my spouse to actually give people advice on it? Two, after a bunch of far-more-serious articles about respect and trust and intimacy and the like, will people get this? Will it come across as flippant? Is it flippant? And most of all, this problem: fun is a relative term. What is fun to me is boring, strange, unnerving to a lot of people. So I’m not sure how to introduce the concept and give help that might be practical on a topic that is so subjective and preferential. But here goes.
You need friends besides your husband. You need girlfriends and sisters and preferably a mom or two (whether biological or not). You need women in your life, because those friendships provide understanding, comfort, inspiration, and camaraderie in a way that is different from what you’ll develop with your husband.
And you need to hold on to interests that are your own, unique and special, whether hobby or craft or pastime or work or passion. Those are important. You shouldn’t let go of the things you love, the things that are fun for you.
However, I believe that those girl-friendships and those personal-interests should be second fiddle to your husband. In what should be a normal marriage, you should be closer to your husband, spend more time with your husband, and have more fun with your husband than you do being with anyone else or doing anything else. This is ideal, though it’s not always reality.
It’s not always reality because sometimes we get so serious about marriage that we make it all a chore. We get really intense about having time together, about talking and sharing, about growing our relationship, bonding, building intimacy. Sometimes we forget to just relax and have fun.
I got lucky. My husband is one of those crazy-fun, life-of-the-party, always-has-an-idea kind of a guys. If I want to have fun, I just clear my schedule and wait around for what he comes up with next. I’ve learned that you can do almost anything and have fun. (Almost is a key word here. Anything involving excruciating physical pain is difficult to fit into the fun category. Childbirth, for example: not fun.)
My tendency is to give practical tips, and I want to start writing a paragraph about the elements of fun times, or 55 fun things to do together, but I think that just won’t work in this case. You don’t need me to tell you how to have fun, or what to do for fun. I think the best advice I can give is to loosen up. Maybe clear your schedule a bit, shorten your to-do list, so you can have guilt-free time for fun, so you won’t be so hurried and stressed that you’re virtually unable to experience fun.
Laughing together builds intimacy faster than anything else.
I think most of us don’t need deep conversations with our husbands as much as we need to laugh at their jokes and tell a few of our own. Maybe let’s start renting comedies instead of dramas, and then we’ll have more comedy and less drama. Next time you’re in the middle of an argument, stop and tell a knock-knock joke. Or get in a tickle war. Or smear chocolate icing on his face. (That last one has personally worked for me to defuse the tension, so I can recommend it. Just be prepared for retaliation.)
Life is serious enough without us adding to it.
Sometimes, I confess, I am not quick to have fun. Like that time I had fallen asleep on the couch and my husband squirted Cheez Whiz all over my face. I awoke with the cold light of fury in my eyes. Then I got him back. Then I told him how rude he was. Then, later, I laughed…
Fun is pretty simple, though. It’s just a little twist on the everyday stuff. It’s laughing instead of grunting. It’s telling a joke instead of complaining. It’s being hokey enough to pretend everything is an adventure even when it isn’t. It’s being humble enough to look stupid. It’s being confident enough to try new things.
And I’m really interested in how other people have fun. If you have a minute, could you answer two questions? 1) What “special” things do you do for fun with your husband/family? and 2) How do you make the normal, daily stuff fun?
Now go have some fun, you crazy kids!
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This post is linked up with Se7en’s Fabulous Friday Fun.
I needed this reminder today – thanks!