SISTER WISDOM

What we do today, right now, will have an accumulated effect on all our tomorrows.

-Alexandra Stoddard

Value Judgments

“Every Yes I say to something out, about, away,” a wise woman once told me, “is a No I have to say to my family.”

She didn’t mean that you shouldn’t ever say Yes to anybody but family.

She didn’t mean that it’s wrong to ever say No to your husband.

She meant that you need to see the true cost of each choice you make. If it’s worth it, great. But if it’s not? Let it go on by. Life is too short to waste.

The Allure of Distraction

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
-Antoine De Saint-Exupery

We claim to have a special kind of talent at being busy and stressed, but busyness and stress have ever been part of the human condition. One of the greatest joys in life is the infinite range of possibilities. But that’s also one of the causes of great unhappiness: when you try to move in a thousand different directions, you find that you’re not moving at all.

We flit from one thing to another often because it’s simply more work to stick with one thing and do it well. New things are fun. The same old grind gets, well, old.

Learning to Dance

As one half of a marriage, you’re dealing not just with your own distractions and priorities, but with those of your spouse. It’s a delicate little dance you have to do with each other. Sometimes your priorities have to wait. Sometimes his do. Sometimes we let important things die. It’s easy to compare, and resent, and lose sight.

But dancing is supposed to be fun.

Two Things to Remember

Two things trip us up when it comes to our priorities and peace in our lives.

First, we fail to see priorities as seasonal. We must realize that every single priority is not meant for this particular day. There will be weeks, months, maybe years when certain things must be put aside or take a smaller place in life. That doesn’t mean you should give up; you shouldn’t. Hold on to what you love! Just realize that holding on does not mean you must dedicate 8 hours a day to it. Hold on to the idea, the desire; eventually the season will change and it will be the right time.

Second, we fail to see that even our top priorities need to be evaluated. We must judge which ones really are the most important. If we think ten things are equally important, we’re torn ten ways. But if we know which is most important and which is least, we can allocate our time, energy, and selves accordingly. A mom of young children learns this instinctively: It’s nap time. I have 1 hour of peace and quiet. What do I do?

Good, Better, Best

Good is the enemy of the best.

You’ll find no shortage of good opportunities, good possibilities, good activities. Beware.

Good is the enemy of best. Know what is best for you and your family so you can focus in on it. When you focus in on what you and your spouse really care about, you can let go of the distractions. You’ll have more fun, because you’re focusing on what is important to both of you.

5-Minute Marriage Check

What are your top priorities in life? Make a list of ten. Of those, which are most important?

Now, make a list of what you think your husband’s top priorities in life are, the top ten. Hold on to it.

5-Minute Action Point

Ask your husband to make a list of his top ten priorities in life. Then ask him to make a list of what he thinks your top ten priorities are.

Compare your lists. How many of his priorities did you really know? How many of yours did he know?

We can’t assume that we’re all on the same page. Of course you and your husband will have different priorities; you are different people. But knowing what matters to each other gives you common ground. You can make decisions, evaluate possibilities, and set your schedule knowing what is important to both of you.

Go for what is best.

Image courtesy of zabara_tango.

The post is part of the 30-Minute Blogging Challenge at Steady Mom. Start to finish: 26 minutes.

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This post is {day 28} of the Build a Better Marriage Challenge.

It’s a 30-day challenge to be deliberate about building a better marriage. We’ll talk about some of the common obstacles to a better marriage (marriage killers) and some of the important habits for a successful marriage (marriage keys). We’ll also work through some of the misconceptions that affect our marriage, faulty thinking we’ve picked up from our culture, our pasts, and maybe even from the church. Each day’s reading will end with a 5-minute marrige check and a 5-minute action point, so you can take it on home.

Join in via the Mr Linky on the challenge page. You can also just read along, but remember that all challenge participants will receive a free copy of the ebook at the end of the challenge.

Here’s to better, stronger, happier marriages!

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