SISTER WISDOM

Behind Door #1…

Victims put the blame elsewhere. Victims are passive. Victims wear chains. Victims are limited. Victims are unable to change. Victims put the power of change away from themselves. Victims are the powerless slaves of others, of moods, of circumstances. Victims submit.

And Behind Door #2…

Responsible people take the blame for their own failures. They assume the power of change. They are active. They are free. They can change. They make things happen. They set their own limits. They choose their own destiny. They take charge of their own thoughts, emotions, relationships, and situations. They decide.

Which one are you?

What Victimizes You?

You can be “victimized” by your past, your parents, your peers, your moods, your children, your spouse, your traditions, your emotions, your circumstances, your boss, your job, your coworkers, your religion, your culture.

Most of the time we find ourselves victims because of our own refusal to take responsibility.

Responsibility is difficult and demanding. To be responsible means to be accountable for your actions and your life. It is only through taking responsibility, however, that you are able to take control of your own life.

The Empowerment Myth

Empowerment sounds like a good thing, doesn’t it? Think about it. To be “empowered” means that someone has given you legal, moral, or physical power, has authorized or enabled you. If someone has the power to give you authority, they also have the power to take it away. Empowerment is everything an inalienable right is not.

Inalienable Rights

An inalienable right (such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness) is one that cannot be transferred to another. It is yours by all that is natural and absolute.

Empowerment is not a real right or power; it is simply an extension on the leash around your neck. True power comes when you reach up and unclip the leash and start walking around like the dignified and responsible human being you inalienably are.

Your Job or Someone Else’s

When you refuse to govern yourself, someone else will step in to do the job.

If you feel like you have too many limits on your life, perhaps it is because you have refused to set and hold your own limits. You can govern yourself or you can be governed by another, but there will always be some authority in your life setting limits and enforcing consequences.

You can do it for yourself or you can submit to the will of another. Be the master of your own soul, your own emotions, your own words, your own behavior. Save yourself from a victimized life.

5-Minute Marriage Check

Listen to yourself. Do phrases like “I couldn’t help it” or “It’s not my fault” or “I would have, but…” or “Well, you know me, I’m just a…” fill your conversation?

Do you excuse yourself on the basis of bad hair days, bad moods, bad situations, or bad relationships? Do you think that if only your spouse/parent/child/boss would get his act together, your life would finally be okay?

Do you realize that by thinking such things you give the power of controlling your life over to your hair, your mood, your situation, your relationship, or your spouse/parent/child/boss? Do you really want to hand your life away?

Start thinking outside the victim box a bit.

Recognize that every decision you make is yours and yours alone.

You may not be able to control others, but you can control yourself.

You may not be able to control the situation, but you can control your response to it.

You may not be able to change the world, but you can change your thoughts and habits and affect the world in a way no victim ever could.

5-Minute Action Point

What stops you from controlling your own life? What stops you from taking the risk? What stops you from taking responsibility? What stops you from choosing freedom?

• You feel like you aren’t capable.
• You fear failure.
• You fear success.
• You feel safer with things as they are.
• You fear the unknown.
• You worry that you aren’t capable.
• You hate change.
• You fear a life without limits: are you enough?

You are a woman of grace with the Spirit of God working in you.

What is there left to fear? Fear has died.

There’s only Your power and Your peace inside.

What is there left to fear? Fear is dead;

It’s all washed away by the blood You shed.

This jar of clay, this piece of earth,

May fall, may fade; I can’t hold on.

But somehow through the night

I’m letting go of what was already gone.

The old things fade away.

When the morning comes, here I am:

Safe.



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This post is {day 21} of the Build a Better Marriage Challenge.

It’s a 30-day challenge to be deliberate about building a better marriage. We’ll talk about some of the common obstacles to a better marriage (marriage killers) and some of the important habits for a successful marriage (marriage keys). We’ll also work through some of the misconceptions that affect our marriage, faulty thinking we’ve picked up from our culture, our pasts, and maybe even from the church. Each day’s reading will end with a 5-minute marrige check and a 5-minute action point, so you can take it on home.

Join in via the Mr Linky on the challenge page. You can also just read along, but remember that all challenge participants will receive a free copy of the ebook at the end of the challenge.

Here’s to better, stronger, happier marriages!

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