SISTER WISDOM

Xena’s got nothing on you.

Time to Be a Warrior Princess

Strap on your sword; we’re going into battle. To fight effectively you need to know your enemy, and guess what? It’s not your husband. (Even though he may be acting like it.) Three opposing forces stand against you as you strive to build a better marriage. Let’s meet and greet, and then we can slice and dice.

Public Enemy #1

The Bible refers to him as the adversary, and the enemy of our souls, and a roaring lion who seeks to devour. Whether you believe in a literal devil or not, the truth is that there are forces of evil on a spiritual level. The sooner you become aware of this, the better for your marriage.

A strong Christian family is the most powerful tool in God’s kingdom. As long as we are busy with conflict amongst ourselves, or too ingrown to reach out, the devil won’t bother with us. But the very second you get serious about being a godly wife, you go on the radar.

How to Fight the Devil

• Resist the devil and he will flee from you. To resist means to set your self against, to withstand, to oppose. Purpose in your mind that you will not let the forces of evil bully you into being something you don’t want to be. Realize that every right choice you make is direct opposition to the enemy.
• Don’t listen to the accusations that the devil brings against you or your husband. Those whispers in your head that you can’t do it, or that your husband will never change: those are the devil’s attack. Resist by choosing to think on positive things.
• Remember this: The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet (Romans 16:20, NASB). Keep walking the right way and you will see victory.

O, The World

The second enemy is the world; we are corrupt and fallen, and so are our world-systems. Our culture tends toward ungodliness. We scorn goodness and take pleasure in things that are wrong or just silly.

The world will always tell you to go with the crowd, take the easy way, and look out for yourself first. The world will provide justification for anything.

How to Fight the World

• Don’t conform. Mainstream is almost always mediocre. Refuse to settle for what the world says is good enough.
• Don’t judge. You are not called to judge others or to judge yourself by how good or bad you think you are doing. Judging leads to comparing, and comparing leads to self-justification. You can always find someone doing a little worse than you.
• Look to Jesus. He is your standard. He is your trend-setter. If He says it’s good enough, it is.

It’s All About Me

The third enemy is the worst: the self, the flesh, the fallen part of you that screams out, “Me, me, me, me, it’s all about me!”

The flesh despises discomfort of any kind. It will hand you a bucket full of excuses to keep you in a comfort zone, a familiar rut, even when that rut goes down the wrong road.

How to Fight the Flesh

• Live by faith. The flesh makes decisions based on what it feels. Faith makes decisions based on what is right. Go by faith, doing what is right even when it doesn’t feel good.
• Walk in the Spirit. Your own spirit is the renewed part of you, and the Holy Spirit is God’s voice telling you how to walk; listen to the quiet voice, to the still voice, not to the screaming one. The Spirit doesn’t scream.

5-Minute Marriage Check

What is the biggest battle in your marriage right now? Think about it.

As you identify the current main battleground, you’ll see your enemies on it. How is the devil attacking? How is the world attacking? How is your flesh attacking?

Here’s an example. Let’s say you are feeling really hurt because it seems like your husband just won’t spend any time with you. You’ve talked, you’ve cried, you’ve prayed, and you still feel neglected and hurt, and he doesn’t seem to be changing. That’s the battleground.

Your enemies are on the battleground.

Here’s the devil. He’s throwing accusations: “He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even like you. He’ll never change. You’re not interesting. You’ll always be lonely.”

Here’s the world. It’s trying to get you lost and confused. It’s saying, “Hey, here’s what you used to do. Go with that. Scream and yell. Ignore him. Get even. That will work. Don’t try to do better. It won’t help. It’s not making a difference. Come on, come this way. Everybody else is going this way…”

Here’s your flesh. It just wants to feel better. It’s trying to draw you into the swamp of self-pity and get you stuck. It’s got every feeling screaming at you to do what will make you feel better for a moment and to just ignore what is right.

Get angry at what your enemies are trying to do to you.

5-Minute Action Point

A battle is won when a warrior is armed and trained and knows how to attack. You can’t just run out there and figure out how to fight while you’re in the middle of the battle. You will lose if you try.

You just identified the biggest current battleground. Now identify how you are being attacked on it by your enemies, and then figure out how to defend and counter attack.

Here’s an example, continued from above.

Face the devil. When the accusations come, refuse to listen to them. Write out the truth so you will know what to say: “He does love me. He likes me, too. He is changing, because God is at work in his heart. I am interesting; I am a child of God. I am of infinite worth. I am not alone. I am loved. I will not always feel lonely because God will meet the needs of my heart.”

Face the world. When the lure of the easy way, the popular way, comes leering at you, meet it with God’s way: “I will not conform to the world. I do not conform to this world. This world is passing away. I am being renewed! I choose God’s way.”

Face your flesh. Identify the feelings and what they are demanding from you, and then take charge and tell them what they are going to do instead.

To the feeling of self-pity, say, “Shut up!” To the feeling of being offended and hurt, say, “Hurt feelings do not justify resentment. I choose to forgive, and you hurt feelings can get over it.” Whatever your feelings are demanding, figure it out. Then do the right thing instead, and your feelings will lose power to control you.

“The LORD is with you, O valiant warrior.”

(Judges 6:12, NASB)

Image courtesy of MADdemoiselle.

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This post is {day 18} of the Build a Better Marriage Challenge.

It’s a 30-day challenge to be deliberate about building a better marriage. We’ll talk about some of the common obstacles to a better marriage (marriage killers) and some of the important habits for a successful marriage (marriage keys). We’ll also work through some of the misconceptions that affect our marriage, faulty thinking we’ve picked up from our culture, our pasts, and maybe even from the church. Each day’s reading will end with a 5-minute marrige check and a 5-minute action point, so you can take it on home.

Join in via the Mr Linky on the challenge page. You can also just read along, but remember that all challenge participants will receive a free copy of the ebook at the end of the challenge.

Here’s to better, stronger, happier marriages!

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