SISTER WISDOM

It’s the simple things that get you.

Here Without You, Baby

Tonight I’m sitting in bed alone. Joe is hundreds of miles away. He’s in New Mexico. I’m in Tennessee. It’s Valentine’s Day, and I’m writing an article on marriage and waiting for him to call me to say good night.

Life never reaches perfection.

As I watch people trying to figure it out, I just wish I could make things simple. The thing is, things are simple but that simplicity doesn’t make them any less difficult. In fact, we often hide behind complexity.

When things get simple, that’s when we have to face the facts about who we are and what our problems might mean about us.

My Dad was here this weekend, too. He and my Mom were married for over 30 years, until my Mom’s death in 2007. He’s now happily married for a second time. I told him I was writing a series about marriage and he offered to share his marriage advice. One thing I have learned: never turn down a chance to hear my Dad’s advice.

Dad’s Marriage Tips

• Die to self.
• Never let the sun go down on your wrath.
• Return evil with good.
• Remember that marriage is a covenant and that every day you choose to walk in it or break it. That covenant is to love, honor, and cherish your spouse.
• Always respect your spouse as much or more than you respect your friends and fellow workers. Never take that relationship for granted.
• Husbands – cherish your wives and treat them as the more delicate vessel so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Simple. Profound. If I could just get that first one right, I wouldn’t need to think about how to build a better marriage ever again. I’d have it made.

It’s that first word that gets me: “die.”

Bonus Points

Dad called me on his drive home and we talked a little more about marriage. We came up with two more points:

• Let go of the expectations you hold. They get you in trouble. (We’ve talked about that a bit already.)
• Be transparent.

Transparency is difficult. It’s hard for us women to ask for help, to say, “I can’t,” to say, “I need.” We push ourselves too hard sometimes. We need to say, “I am struggling right now,” or “I am tired,” or “You hurt my feelings,” or “Please help me.”

It’s okay for us not to reach perfection, either.

It’s okay, because not only are we learning how to accept, we are also learning how to be accepted. Imperfect. Flawed. Weak. Vulnerable.

Still worth loving. Still beautiful.

5-Minute Marriage Check

When you think about yourself, do you feel positive or negative? Do you feel hopeful or resigned?

Never give up on yourself.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6

You can accept yourself – imperfections and all – and you can still hope to keep growing and getting better because (this is important, listen!) the growth does not depend on you.

Who is perfecting the good work in you?

Who began it?

God did. God is.

For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

Philippians 2:13

5-Minute Action Point

All that you have read in the last 16 days has been challenging. Much of it has been convicting, a big finger pointing at you and saying, “Change! Change now!”

We need challenges. We need conviction.

We also need to be reminded of the challenges we’ve already faced, the convictions we’ve already been living up to.

Today, make another list: five ways, areas, or things in which you have conquered, overcome, done the right thing, become a better person, stuck to your beliefs, loved, died to self.

Maybe it’s cooking your husband’s favorite meal when you really wanted to call for a pizza.

Maybe it’s teaching your daughter about modesty, or your son how to tie his shoes.

Maybe it’s making it through the early days of motherhood, when fatigue and hormones and post-partum made you feel like nothing would be good again.

Maybe it’s finishing your education, or just finishing that book.

Maybe it’s keeping the house clean, or maybe it’s putting aside the chores to snuggle a baby, read to a child, take a nap and some time for yourself.

You are already being perfected, day unto day. Take a moment in this day to see the work that is going on in your heart and life. See the progress. You are closer than you were yesterday.

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

Proverbs 4:18

Image courtesy of markus_76.

This post is linked up with the 30-Minute Blogging Challenge at Steady Mom. (I wrote it in 30, but it took me a few more to get it posted!)

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This post is {day 16} of the Build a Better Marriage Challenge.

It’s a 30-day challenge to be deliberate about building a better marriage. We’ll talk about some of the common obstacles to a better marriage (marriage killers) and some of the important habits for a successful marriage (marriage keys). We’ll also work through some of the misconceptions that affect our marriage, faulty thinking we’ve picked up from our culture, our pasts, and maybe even from the church. Each day’s reading will end with a 5-minute marrige check and a 5-minute action point, so you can take it on home.

Join in via the Mr Linky on the challenge page. You can also just read along, but remember that all challenge participants will receive a free copy of the ebook at the end of the challenge.

Here’s to better, stronger, happier marriages!

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