SISTER WISDOM

You know what I’m tired of, right now? Whining women. Seriously. What is wrong with us?

Halfway across the world, a Haitian woman digs through the rubble looking for her baby’s body.
Halfway across the county, a single mom counts food stamps to see if she has enough for her groceries.
Halfway across the living room, a man sits who has loved you and worked to keep you happy, fed, clothed, and satisfied to the best of his abilities. He isn’t perfect. He does stupid, annoying stuff that makes you want to scream. But there he is.

And there you are, in a warm home with every material blessing you need for a happy life. There’s no practical concern stopping you from being happy, but you go back to whining. So do I. It’s pointless and selfish. It’s pure poison.

Whining women get on my nerves.

How did we get this way? Why do we listen to the stereotypes pushed around by our culture? Why do we make stupid jokes and snide little remarks about our men? Why do we not defend them, encourage them, support them, back them up, and find a way to see in them the best they can be? That is our job.
It is our primary mandate to be a help meet, a support, someone who always sees the best in them, believes the best, hopes the best, who is so busy loving and praying and believing that she can’t make time to be hurt, offended, resentful, or to even take notice of that mud tracked in.

Whining women… women like me.

I am married to a man who continually amazes me with his unconditional love, his diligence, his hard work, his vision for our family, his romantic ways, his sense of humor, his self-sacrificing lifestyle for me and for his children. Yet in an instant – an instant! – I can turn from an adoring wife to a snarling, selfish beast of a thing, hurling sarcastic little jabs across the room, huffing and puffing my way around the kitchen, thinking of all the ways I’m better, seething, boiling, nagging, whining.

Whining women are women who have listened to lies and believed them.

Do any of these sound familiar? Do you find these refrains running through your head? Start listening to yourself, next time you start whining. I bet there’s a little chorus playing in your head and one of these (or many of them) is where you’re getting the lyrics.

• Lie #1: I deserve something more than I’m getting.
• Lie #2: I do so much more than he does (to the tune of “Glory, Glory, Hallelujah”).
• Lie #3: Nobody else has to put up with what I put up with.
• Lie #4: He doesn’t even care.
• Lie #5: This is a partnership! He should treat me better!
• Lie #6: He should help me more; he doesn’t get how hard it is to be a mom (minor-key classical music on this one).
• Lie #7: I can’t help the way I feel.
• Lie #8: If he would only….
• Lie #9: He knows how I feel about this! (Cue “Hate Is a Strong Word, But I Really Really Really Don’t Like You”).
• Lie #10: He needs me to tell him what to do.
• Lie #11: My way is better than his way.
• Lie #12: He’s stupid. (Be honest, you know you’ve thought this before.)
• Lie #13: He doesn’t like me; he doesn’t want to be around me (cue the “Charlie Brown” theme).
• Lie #14: He doesn’t/won’t understand.
• Lie #15: We need to talk (to the tune of “I Will Survive”).

I’ll spend some time in the next few weeks going over exactly why these statements are not true and how they turn us into whining women. But right now, just to help us all have a better day, a better evening and a better tomorrow (whine-free), I’d like to tell you a few things that I can guarantee are 99% more true than the 15 statements above.

• #1: We deserve the justice of God and judgment; we get mercy and grace. Let us give as we are given.
• #2: You will never understand exactly how much stress your husband goes through to keep a job, do it well, and still have energy at the end of the day for his family.
• #3: Nobody else’s husband has to put up with what yours puts up with.
• #4: Your husband loves you. Otherwise, he’d be gone.
• #5: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
• #6: You don’t get how difficult it is to be a man; try doing your job all day, then showing up at your spouse’s workplace and doing his job, too,  for a few hours before bed.
• #7: You can help the way you act and the way you speak and the way you think.
• #8: If you would only take responsibility, you could quit blaming him for your unhappiness.
• #9: We hardly ever communicate as clearly as we think we do.
• #10: He needs you to quit being his Mom.
• #11: Using a matter of preference as a means to control is silly. Stop doing it.
• #12: He’s not stupid, but sometimes he doesn’t get you.
• #13: Be likable, and you will be liked. Be happy, and you will be attractive. Quit whining, and he will enjoy your company.
• #14: The problem may be that you aren’t willing to understand.
• #15: The phrase “we need to talk” is woman-code for “I need to give you a lecture.” It’s never a good idea to lecture your husband. It’s a better idea to (humbly) ask for help.

I’m calling you women out.

Why is this on my heart right now? I don’t know. Probably stuff from my own attitude and responses that I need to deal with, and ta-da, you get to hear it! (Yaaaaaay!)

It’s a little more than just that, though: I see, continually, a real need, especially among Christian circles, for the women to drop the spiritualizing, self-righteous, whiny attitudes and start living humbly, simply, happily. Yeah, me too.

What I want for us is to be honest with ourselves so we can grow and become better wives and happier women, and, in turn, create happier homes and stronger relationships and deeper love. I am tired of excuses and of the same conflicts and of the need for control that ends up controlling us.

I’m being honest. 99% of what I write here is either a) something I just learned or b) something I am learning or c) something I know I need to learn. So I think about it, and write about it, and share it here. I know I’m wrong sometimes, and I know I go way overboard sometimes, but usually it’s because I need to be a little extreme just to get myself back into balance.

I hope you’ll take it that way, and hear my heart. And I hope we’ll all grow. We have a great promise that we can know the truth, and the truth will set us free. Let’s chase the truth.