The amazing erupting Mommy volcano…
Being consistent with children is one of the most difficult parts of parenting. We’re tired, we’re distracted, the bad behavior doesn’t seem like a big deal right now. We wait until it becomes a big deal and then we erupt. We train our kids to mess with the Mommy-volcano, to push until more steam comes out the top, and then to beat it for the hills when the lava starts spewing.
Isn’t that a great picture of happy home life?
Consistency Is Key
Consistency makes everybody happier. Even if consistency means more discipline for the kids, and it usually does, kids are more secure, more at ease, and more content when they know that the boundaries exist and that they stay in the same place, all the time, no matter what.
And mommies are happier, too. When we have a plan, when we make decisions, and when we stick to what we’ve said, there is peace. We feel calm and we deal with things in a calm manner. This is far better than letting ourselves build up frustration by not dealing with the problems, then overreacting. You know it’s true… We’ve all done it and we’ve all regretted it.
Why We Let Things Slide
The tricky part is the day in, day out of being consistent. Life doesn’t stand still. It’s easy to let things slide because there is other stuff to take care of at the moment. It’s also easy to overlook misbehavior or disobedience because it doesn’t seem like a big deal. We get tired of being the bad guy. We’re the ones home all the time with the little ones and sometimes it’s just nicer (we think) to let it go for the moment, or the morning, or the whole day. Daddy can deal with it all when he gets home.
Rules of the House
Here’s the answer: house rules. Sit down with your husband and talk about what matters most in your home and with your children. Don’t make a long list; five items is plenty to deal with on any given day. What behaviors are driving you crazy? What do your children most need training in? What issue tempts you to be inconsistent most often?
Your house rules will need to be age appropriate, of course. Make them simple, declarative statements, either stating the facts – “We don’t hit each other” – or making a direct command – “No hitting.” They can be general – “Share with each other” or more specific – “No arguing over which color cup to use at dinner time.”
Once you make the rules, decide on an appropriate consequence for each rule if it is broken. There could be the same consequence for every rule or a specific consequence for each one. It depends on your parenting style, your kids, and what your rules are.
Make Yourself Accountable
Now the final and most important step: make a sign, a list, a poster board, a print-out, something with the list of rules and the list of consequences. You could include rewards, too, for a day of “no rule breaking.” Everybody loves positive reinforcement and then you get to be the good guy!
Hang that list of rules in an obvious place. Go over it with your children. The younger the children, the more
often you need to go over it. For teenagers, once is enough. More will come across as nagging.
Once it’s up, you have to live it. Failure to be consistent will be obvious and embarrassing for you, and will deteriorate your authority so don’t risk it. Stick to your guns. Even if you let other things slide, the things that aren’t on the list, be consistent without exception when it comes to the house rules. You’ll find that as you’re consistent on those few items, the other misbehaviors will diminish. Consistency in one area has a way of effecting all areas.
It’s up to you how long you stick to this particular list. You can add rules as needed or make up an entirely new list every week or every month so that you can work on different areas. The whole time you are using this list to train your kids, you are training yourself to be consistent. And that makes life easier and home a lot more peaceful and a lot more fun. Beats a volcano eruption any day.