SISTER WISDOM

“In this country, we are apt to let children romp away their existence, till they get to be thirteen or fourteen [or twenty-three or twenty-seven]. This is not well. It is not well for the purses and patience of parents; and it has a still worse effect on the morals and habits of children. Begin early is the great maxim for everything in education. A child of six years can be made useful; and should be taught to consider every day lost in which some little thing has not been done to assist others.” {Lydia Marie Child; The American Frugal Housewife.}

Begin early.

Even 1 and 2 and 3 years old. As soon as children start crawling, have them come and go where you direct. Teach them to help you by staying where you put them, in a particular area (on a blanket, on a rug, in a room with you), or by following along with you as you move through the house. If they understand the mental and physical coordination of crawling or scooting, they likewise can understand related commands: stop, go, come, stay.

Move from those simple ideas to teaching them how to pick up their toys and put them into a box or basket. It’s good for their muscle development; it is essentially a developmental game for them. Work is play and play is work for our tiny children. They are exerting energy and thought, analyzing, memorizing, whether they are “playing” with a stack of blocks or “working” at putting them away. Don’t let your own cultural, adult-sized concepts of work (e.g., that it’s not fun) get in the way of your children learning and growing.

Love work, and so will they.

Children will only despise work if you teach them to do so. That work is difficult, uncomfortable, or undesirable will not occur to them unless they read so on your face and hear so in your voice. If you greet your own day’s work with eagerness, joy, a quick hand and a creative mind, they will approach it in the same way.

Decide now what kind of attitude you want your children to have in 5, 10, or 15 years. Would you prefer to nag at an unwilling, complaining, complacent teenager, or have the help of a young adult who deals with his duties as a pleasant and necessary course of the day? Choose the attitude and cultivate it in yourself. Your daily example is the most powerful tool of training helpful, happy, hard-working children.

Bring your children close to you. Don’t banish children to play rooms and toy closets. They want you, and they want to learn from you. Certainly there are times when they can and should entertain themselves; but there is such wealth of opportunity to teach and train as you do your own work with them alongside. Don’t lose your opportunities for the sake of shaving a few minutes off each task. The tasks will always be there, but the children will grow and leave. Save super-efficiency for the time when they are grown and gone.

Children – very young children, especially – will slow you down. That’s okay. Instead of scurrying through housework while you have a few moments to yourself, complete it with their company and their assistance. You can afford to take longer at it that way. Then when you do have a few moments to yourself, you can take a break, write a letter, read a book, paint your nails.

Bring your children alongside.

Don’t make yourself a slave to your children’s schedule (or whims) of play, rest, food, etc. Instead set your own course, bring your children alongside, and teach them to be helpful. If they cannot help at everything you do (it is not always possible), you can still train them to be happy, patient, and not a hindrance.

Those times when your work is beyond their ability to help (computer work, for example), you can give them something specific to do right there beside you. You can also use some of those times to train them to occupy themselves happily in a designated area with specific boundaries. Have them play with toys you select and practice being quiet for at least some of that time; this is excellent training for having well-behaved children in church, meetings, restaurants, and other public places.

Think about what your children can do right now. Think about what they are capable of with a little training. My 3-year-old mops the kitchen floor. She loves it. She gets to spray “bubbles” and then make them disappear. I took five minutes to train her. No, it’s not perfectly done. Sometimes I have to go over a few spots again, get the corners a little better. But, even imperfectly, it is done. I can direct her as I sweep the hall, wash the dishes, fold the towels. She sees that she is saving me from having to do a job myself; she sees that her work is real and valuable, and this makes her realize that she is also valuable. She is not just a cute accessory; she is a valued, contributing member of the household.

Self-esteem from helpfulness.

Children want to know that they matter, that they add value, that they are important – even essential – to the household and the family. Abstractions don’t teach this. Tangible proof does. “I mop the floor, so Mom doesn’t have to,” teaches that a child’s contribution makes a real difference in a parent’s life.

Think of that lesson as opposed to what they learn from seeing Mom stop her valuable work in order to pick up a child’s mess, cajole a child into obeying, or placate a temper tantrum. That’s where self-esteem issues start. Kids don’t need self-esteem training if they learn, from daily work and daily life, how much they matter.

Your children are capable of far more than you think. They are adults-in-training, eager to learn and help, able to grasp concepts and skills with just a little instruction. Careful and consistent training will give them the ability to be truly helpful, which will make for a happier Mom, happier kids, and a happier home.

Read more about training helpful children from No Greater Joy Ministries. Then keep reading, while you’re there.

General guide – tasks for young children.

1-2 years old: come, go, stay, stand, sit, put away toys, point to objects, fetch (“Go get Mommy a diaper”), learn objects, learn locations, put things back (“Go put your shoes in your room”), deliver objects (“Take this comb to your sister”), close doors.
2-3 years old: all of the above + hold the dustpan, pick up debris on the floor, clear place at the table, wipe the table, mop, wipe off doors, walls, and other surfaces (low enough to reach), bring trash cans for emptying (and put them back), put away clothes (on shelves, in crates, on hooks), make bed (keep it simple), sort laundry (darks, lights, socks, shirts, Dad’s, Mom’s, mine), wash dishes, wash vegetables, help unload dishwasher, find things, get dressed (with some assistance).