My husband is changing jobs after working at this one since he was 15. It's been his only job for his entire life. It's a family business, and he has loved it, but it's time. Change is moving in, people are moving on. It's the right thing, but that doesn't make it easier. Nothing is easy right now, because nothing is familiar.

That Lost Feeling

I remember that same lost feeling for the first few months of marriage, maybe even the whole first year. I was knocked-out in love with my husband (I still am) and I knew I wanted nothing else but to be with him. But it wasn't easy because it was all so different. No parents. No familiar routine. No Mom to run errands with. No old friends to call up for shopping or coffee. Everything was new and different, and because of that, it was difficult to accept.

Everything changed with one morning's strange epiphany during that first year. Joe was doing something - I don't even remember what - but it was different than what I was used to. I was just watching him, feeling that tightening, the offense at what was unfamiliar, when it came: the fact that it was different didn't make it wrong. It just made it different, and I could get used to different.

I Can Get Used to Different

That moment was the first in many steps upward, back to the comfortable glow of familiarity. When I reached that threshold of being comfortable in my new life, it wasn't because I had finally managed to make it the same as my old life. It was because I had accepted a new set of circumstances and behaviors and routines and surroundings as my own. I had put aside the prejudice against the unknown, allowed it to come close enough to me to become known, and had accepted it as something equally good to what I had before. In many ways, something much, much better.

The One That Stuck

I could have shortened that process had I learned a little something about acceptance before getting married. I think it was shorter than it might have been because I had been watching, a long time, and making those resolutions that single people love to make before marriage. A lot of them disappeared once I experienced marriage, but one stuck. Over and over I had seen my friends and family expend all their energy on changing their spouses. It seemed so obvious to me, the single and objective onlooker. You can't change somebody else, and you just frustrate each other when you try.

Create a New Right

I didn't understand the powerful motivation of wanting to accomplish that change until I entered marriage. It's not as simple and petty as I thought, not necessarily a power struggle, though it often turns into that. Mostly we start trying to change each other because we are trying to create a life that feels right. We have strong ideas about what right is. It takes a good bucketful of humility dumped on your head before you realize that sometimes "right" is merely a matter of preference, and fighting to the death over preference is just stupid. Create a new right, together, and you'll both be happier.

I think that's what acceptance is. It's letting go of comfort long enough to get close to the unfamiliar. It's letting go of assumptions long enough to see that the unfamiliar isn't so bad. It's letting go of control long enough to let someone else's preferences be just as important as yours. It's a difficult thing to do.

But we need to learn how to do it.

Some days I wake up and I don't feel comfortable with myself. Some days the whole world feels foreign. Some days the ability to accept is the only thing I've got going.

When I got married those 4 short years ago, it took me about a month to realize I didn't know that much about running a household. This was a shock to me. I had been helping my Mom for a long time. My sister and I grew up doing chores, laundry, helping with the cleaning and cooking and errands. I felt confident about this whole home maker stint. No problem.

Finding the Household Rhythm

I found out that managing a household is different than doing certain jobs within the household. Much, much different. There was a certain rhythm to home, growing up, that I accepted and considered as automatic as day and night and the changing of the seasons. Those first few months with my own home, I learned that the rhythm isn't automatic. Ours was very sporadic: bumpity bump bump bump, bumpity bump da da da da da da da zoooooom zoom collapse. (Something like that.) I looked for solutions. I compiled a massive household notebook, read books, made lists, and tried all sorts of methods for keeping things under control. I was still missing the main idea.

Running a household is a lot like directing a group of musicians. Some of us have four-piece ensembles, some of us have entire orchestras. Regardless of scope, however, one element must be in place to keep the others in sync: rhythm. I kept retuning my strings and adding trills to the flute solo when what I needed to do was give my big bass drum a steady beat: dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum, dum dum da dum.

Daily Routines are the drumbeat of the household symphony. You can make the beat as fast or as slow as fits you, but it's got to be steady.

Create a Daily Routine

1. Figure out what needs to be done in your household on a daily and weekly basis.
   What areas of your household demand the most attention? These will be different for different homes, but usually meals, laundry, and cleaning are at the top of the list. Paying bills and dealing with household paperwork, doing yardwork, returning phone calls, handling social events, running errands, taking care of pets, personal care... Which ones belong to you? Which require daily attention? Which require weekly attention? (Don't bother with monthly or seasonal tasks at this point.) Make a list, under Daily and Weekly headings, of all the things that must be done to keep your household running. Don't overcomplicate or add in things that you would like to do but aren't doing already. You want to keep this simple as you get started. You can always add more later.
2. Divide your task list into what should be done in the morning and what should be done in the afternoon or evening.
   Think about your schedule, your energy level, and your preferences as you make your division. Most of these items just need to be done at some point during the day or week, and the minute timing doesn't really matter. So if you are working outside the home and have to rush to leave in the morning, don't give yourself a 10-item list to complete before you go. Make your evening routine the longer one.
   If you stay at home and have more energy in the morning than the evening, then flip the two and do more in the morning and keep your evenings down to the minimum requirements. Work with what makes sense for you right now.

That's all there is to creating the actual routine; here's how to get yourself to make it a habit:

3. Don't do daily what you don't have to do!
   Keep it simple. If your morning routine takes an hour or more, you have too much going on. Put it on a diet. Simplify.
4. Don't clutter it up with automatic actions.
   For example, you already brush your teeth every morning; you don't need it on your list to remind you to do it. I remember one lady complaining about how long her morning routine was, and then I saw it: it included a whole section of items like "Moisturize face," "Moisturize hands," Moisturize elbows," and "Moisturize legs." If you have trouble remembering to put lotion on, then sure, add it to your list: but make it one item, not fifteen.
5. Complete your routine at the same times every day.
   Once you get in the habit, you can be more flexible about when you complete your routine; while you're establishing it as normal, though, be a stickler for getting through it at the same time every day, or at least as close to the same time daily as you can. There will certainly be some exceptions. You can handle those. Just try to be as consistent as possible for the first 30 days.
6. Write your routine down and keep it handy.
   It doesn't have to be fancy. Mine's written on a piece of paper from my magnetic grocery list on the fridge and stays in my pantry, beside the coffee. That's where I go first thing in the morning so it gives me an easy way to glance at it and remember where to start.
7. Keep your supplies in a convenient place.
   Any cleaning or other supplies you need for your routine should be right where you need them. The key to making the routine a daily no-brainer is keeping it quick and easy. So put a spray bottle of cleaner and a roll of paper towels in the bathroom and keep a mop in the kitchen, or whatever you have to do to make it happen.
8. Finally, be consistent.
   Maintain that daily, forward movement. Adjust your routine as needed - maybe you really don't need to sweep the front porch every day - but don't skip it or ignore it or forget about it. The more consistent you are, the easier it will become, and the more your household will just look like it runs itself. (We'll know that's not true, of course... it's you directing the orchestra.)

I walk an average of 20 miles per week with my babies.

They are 2 years old and 10 months old. My goal is 4 - 5 miles per walk, 5 days per week. On my lowest week, I make it at least 4 days a week and walk 4 miles for 2 of those days and 5 miles for the other two: 18 miles. On my average weeks, I make it 5 days, switching between 4 and 5 miles: 22 - 23 miles. On my "perfect" week (I haven't yet achieved this), I would walk 5 days, 5 miles each time: 25 miles.

I don't share this to brag. Walking around a loop a few times really isn't that big of a deal, but I know how hard it can be to make it part of your life, especially when you must include the schedules and naps and food demands of a young child or two. I make it work for me and my two because it's important for me. We Moms tend to do everything it takes to build a good world for our babies, and rightly so. Sometimes we forget, though, that nothing matters if Mommy is too sick, too tired, or too depressed to be involved. Exercise is an essential part of keeping yourself healthy. I know this. You know this. It's taken me until now, though, to really commit the time and effort to live this.

The Whole Exercising Story

I've always been pretty thin, and I can't take any credit for that. Genes. Thank you, Mom and Dad. I ate what I wanted, exercised sporadically, and I was a size 2 when I got married. I moved "up" to a size 4 after the first year of marriage, and then I got pregnant.

Enter Pregnancy, Twice

I stayed pretty fit through my first pregnancy, but I still had about 15 pounds of extra weight hanging on when I got pregnant again. I gained an additional 35 or 40 pounds during that pregnancy. I still wasn't huge, but I was uncomfortable. I was totally wrapped up in being Mom of two, though, and regular exercise just wasn't happening for the first few months. When Robbie got to six months old, was sleeping through the night and on a regular nap schedule, I started doing some work-out dvds at home. I was kind of sporadic, though. I lost down to that same old 15 pounds plus a few more, and that's where I just stayed.

Enter Pregnancy Again

Then I got pregnant again. I know what you're thinking... Yes, I do know what causes this, and I like it!; Back to the exercise topic now: with this third pregnancy, I have decided that it won't do to repeat the pattern. I keep adding on another 5 pounds or so; at this rate, I'll be stuck at 30 pounds over a comfortable weight. A comfortable weight, by the way, is not a size 2, again, mind you; that size 2 was before I got Mommy boobs. We're talking more like a size 6 (maybe) or 8. That's good with me. I'd rather wear bigger pants and actually have boobs.

What I'm not okay with, however, is having a 5-months-pregnant belly when I'm notpregnant, having granny flab on my arms long before I'm a granny, or refusing to even own a pair of shorts because my thighs are way too friendly with each other for that sort of exposure. (The ghostly pale hue of my skin will have to be dealt with somehow, I guess, once I get to shorts. But that's another article.)

Walking It Off, Baby

So I started walking. A week later I saw my mother-in-law and she said, "Annie, you're the only person I know who loses weight when she gets pregnant." I love my mother-in-law and her keen powers of observation, have I mentioned that?

Before I started walking, I was having a lot of trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I blamed early pregnancy fatigue, and certainly there was some of that. But there was also a body that wasn't using enough energy:

"People who exercise regularly are more tranquil and suffer less from stress and anxiety. They are able to concentrate better and sleep more deeply at night. Researchers have demonstrated that the amount of deep sleep you get is proportional to the daytime energy expenditure. The more you exercise, the deeper you sleep. This may be why people who exercise actually have more energy during the day. I see this everyday in my practice. Patients who don't get any exercise will almost always complain of a poor energy level. Regular exercise will almost always increase their energy level.  The more energy that you use, the more energy you will have." See the source.

I didn't mean to turn this into an article about why you should exercise, so I'll stop extolling the benefits and get to the day by day of how it's done. Or at least, how it's done in my house. Tweak to match your personality and preferences and little people, just don't tweak so much that you tweak out the exercising part.

When, Where, and How

Find a time of day when your children are awake and happy and so are you. Okay, you should at least be awake. We'll make happy optional at this point. I've found that as soon as you hit close to nap time, babies don't like strollers anymore. If your kids are different, then walk during nap time and let them nap if you want. I still think it's not the best, because you probably won't get a full nap out of them and it will throw off the rest of your day. But that's me. You be you.

I go in the morning, because if I wait until afternoon, too much other stuff is trying to crowd in my day and I let it crowd out the exercise. My two wake up at 8 and we all eat breakfast. (I am awake, dressed in my exercise clothes, and drinking my coffee before 8). I finish before they do (better fine motor skills, I guess), so I do my usual morning routine/scramble around the house, then wipe them and the mess, and let them run and/or crawl around while I finish my chores. I finish up by 9, load them in the stroller, grab my phone and water bottle, and we head out.

Find a location that is convenient. I know I would not exercise regularly if I had to load (and unload) kids in car seats in order to do it. I happen to live across the street from the city park, which has a wide, paved, 1/2 mile walking loop (along with multiple pavilions and small playgrounds, a pool, and tennis courts. I know. I'm lucky). If I get bored of the park, I just cruise around town or walk to the other park, which is about half a mile away. It has a paved walking trail, too, and soccer fields.

However, most of the time I stick to the park across the street. Consistency matters. I know the number of loops I need to walk, and, hamster-like, I keep on walking until I get dizzy. I also know the people who come there, the regulars who show up at the same time every day like me. We're not all chatty - walking is serious business, people - but it's nice to recognize faces, get a nod and a smile, and know that at least one of them would call 911 if I tripped on a stick and broke my leg. Or if someone tried to grab me and the double stroller and push us into an unmarked van before anyone noticed. Cheery thoughts, eh?

Gear up.

Be smart about walking. Have the gear you need, and by gear I mean good shoes, a good sports bra, and something comfortable to cover your body. Tank top, t-shirt, shorts, spandex, jogging pants. I, for one, cannot afford to go buy an entire new wardrobe of great fitness wear, but I can go buy a decent sports bra (or two). I have a stack of tank tops. I have two pairs of jogging pants that fit me well. I have a good pair of shoes (and socks... more than one pair of socks!). I'm going to be washing clothes 5 days out of the week anyway, so I just make sure my walking clothes are in there.

The only other gear (for myself) is my 1-liter water bottle and my cell phone. I also recommend getting a little can of Mace or one of those alarms to hook onto the stroller right by your hand. Chances are good that you'll never need to use either, but you want to have them just in case. That's why I carry my phone, too. If I see anything weird going on, I call Joe and tell him about it. Usually it's nothing: a man in a truck whom I've never seen in the park before, just sitting in the parking lot. He was there two days in a row, and I called Joe both days and told him. Here's what the man looks like, here's what the truck looks like, etc. Nothing happened and he didn't come to the park anymore; but maybe nothing happened because he saw me talking on the phone and looking at him. Who knows? I am on the "better safe than sorry" side of things; if I ever saw anything really weird or obviously illegal, I would skip Joe and just call 911. Then I would call Joe...

Think about gear for your children as well. The loop I walk has a good deal of shade, but about 1/3 of it requires walking directly into the sun, no matter which direction I'm walking. So Mara has a pink floppy hat, and I keep an old crib sheet in the stroller. When we curve around into the direct sunshine, I throw the sheet over the canopy on Robbie's half of the stroller so it hangs down in front of his face. He doesn't like having his view blocked, but he likes direct sun even less. You might need sunscreen or bug spray for your babies. I don't take sippie cups or snacks for them; they've just finished breakfast, they're not exerting any energy, and they can have a drink and snack when we get home.

Push yourself.

Push yourself further than you think you can. I used to walk regularly, but only 2 miles or so each time. It didn't make enough of a difference quickly enough to keep me motivated, and I let it slide. That changed when I started walking again, because I walk with my neighbor about half the time. She is an itty bitty woman whose youngest child is almost 9 years old. When my neighbor walks, she does at least 10 laps. That's 5 miles. The first time she told me that, I said, "Hmmmmmm." And then "hmmmm" again. And then, "How many laps?"

I was walking by myself 2 or 3 miles at a time, thinking that was my limit. Then I went walking with her and we walked 5 miles. It wasn't about fatigue or distance; it was about boredom and laziness. I get bored when I walk by myself, and I get lazy when there's no one to push me further. But now that I walk with her, I know we are going to walk 5 miles. And now when I walk by myself, I know that I <em>can</em> walk 5 miles, so I make myself walk at least 4.

You're getting a free ride; what more do you want?

Think about entertainment for your kids... but not too much. You'll notice something with your kids. They will get bored around mile 2, especially in the first couple of weeks. But then they'll get used to the routine. So they'll get bored around mile 3, instead. What you shouldn't do is let your kids haul fifteen toys, a blanket, and a doll with them. You know what happens: one by one, each item is dropped (oops!) out of the stroller, Mom leans down and grabs it, loses momentum, hands it back. Repeat ad infinitum. Mara gets one small blankie or toy. If she drops it, it gets shoved in the back of the stroller until I decide to pause for a drink of water. Robbie gets nothing but a pacifier, and I hold off on that until around lap 6.

What they do get, though, is conversation (with me) and time outside. I point out the trees and grass, the airplane, the truck like Daddy's, the big rocks. I ask Mara about colors. She counts the big rocks. Sometimes I slow down enough to grab a couple of rocks or a little tree branch with leaves still attached, and she gets to entertain herself with those for a few laps. She shares with Robbie, too, but once she or he drops them, they're gone.

Be consistent.

For the most part, the kids do fine. They were more restless the first week or two. Now they're used to the walk, they get excited about loading up in the stroller, and they are happy almost all the time. Consistency makes a big difference here. Kids tend to like what is familiar to them, right? So they might resist Mommy's new exercise efforts at first because it's new and different and they're not sure they like it better than staying inside and playing with their toys. If you persist, however, they'll get used to it. They'll forget that there was another option, ever. They will come to expect it like the expect meals and bathtimes. It's part of the day. Okay. Whatever, Mom.

Use that consistency to power yourself on the days when you're tired, sore, or blah. Remind yourself that you're working too hard at this to deal with cranky kids again. You'll feel better afterward.

Plan ahead.

Have a plan for after the exercise is over. My walk lasts from around 9 to around 10. Robbie is ready for his morning nap when we get home, so he goes straight to bed. Mara doesn't take a nap in the morning anymore, so she gets a snack. I sit down and eat a piece of fruit with her, then I go take a shower while she finishes her snack. She knows that when she's through she can get down and play, but she's usually still sitting there munching away when I get out of the shower. The key here is a snack that is non-messy and in small pieces so has no trouble eating it and I don't have to worry about a mess.

Reap the benefits.

I feel better about myself when I am exercising regularly. I sleep better. I eat better foods, because I don't want to waste all my effort just for a double quarter-pounder. I fit in my clothes better, and I look better. My skin looks healthier. I stay awake during the day. I wake up better in the morning. I don't worry as much. My immune system is better. I enjoy seeing the blue skies and the green trees and the people. I don't feel closed in; I feel like part of a community.

One final thought: my two love the little baby swings, but I hardly ever stop at the swings during exercise time. It would add another 15 to 20 minutes onto the hour I've spent there, and by the time I'm through walking Robbie is ready for his nap. I could cut my walk short: that would be missing the point. I love my children, and I love taking them along, but the exercise is for me. When we go to the park any other time, it's for them. Balance is important. Guilt is bad. Remember that keeping yourself in good health automatically makes you a better Mom, so a little swing deprivation won't hurt the kids.

Here's a little summary:

• Get motivated.
• Find a good time.
• Find a convenient location.
• Gear yourself up: good clothes, water, safety items.
• Be safe.
• Gear the kids up (but not too much).
• Push yourself.
• Exercise with someone else.
• Expect some boredom.
• Be consistent.
• Create an after-exercise routine.

Now get out there and exercise!

Image Credit: Stroller sign from smudie.

Principle: Your behavior means more than your background.

This is good news for people with less-than-stellar backgrounds and bad news for people with a perfect past.
Oh wait. I've never met anyone with a perfect past. Have you? I guess that makes it good news for all of us.
True, there are prejudices to overcome, assumptions to dispel, and first impressions that aren't accurate. You have to deal with what other people expect from you because of what they know (or assume) about your background. You still have to reckon with the emotional burdens and false ideas that you carry from your past. But you aren't locked in there.

What you do, day after day, carries more weight than where you've been. People may expect one thing of you, but if they consistently see something different, soon that is what they will expect instead. That can be good or bad: what's good is that it depends on you. It's in your hands, your choices, your life. Who you are and who you become isn't a matter of determinism, but of your will.

Challenge Update

I'm doing better at getting up early: more early mornings than late ones in the last ten days, though I'm still not quite hitting my target. But I'm getting closer, and the more often I get up early the more I enjoy the time I have in that quietness and the more I want to get up (even earlier) the next day. I'm building strength here...

and with exercising, too.

The best idea I've had for exercising isn't mine. My neighbor asked if I wanted to start walking in the park with her. We live right across the street from the city park, which has a 1/2 mile paved walking loop. I feel a bit hamster-esque, yes, but it's easy to keep track of how far you've gone and easy to push a stroller. Last week I walked three times by myself. I went 2 miles the first two days and 3 miles the last day. This week my neighbor and I have walked together; we went 5 miles on Monday and 4 miles yesterday. My legs are so sore, but I feel so much better and more energetic overall. Having someone to exercise with makes a huge difference. If you struggle to fit it into your life consistently, see if you can't find a buddy.

House/Work

I'm working on getting some routines in place for the general (dull) repetitive (dull) house cleaning that must be done on a regular (dull) basis. (Do you get that I find it kind of, um, dull?) Routines are perfect for dull duties: you set up a routine, you pay close attention the first few times you follow it so that you don't leave anything out (that's important), and then you can go on auto-pilot while you're employing it the rest of the time. You can think about your next great writing project or hair style, talk to your kids, call your best friend, listen to a podcast, sing with the radio. Whatever. Makes the dull stuff much better.

Here are some house routine articles and tips I've come across:

Great article at Minti: Routine for Grown Ups - Easy House Cleaning Tips.

The Queen of Kaos (whose posts and podcasts I enjoy) has good advice for Creating a Daily Routine.

AOL Home offers some ideas to develop A Cleaning Routine for Busy Women.

Old-Fashioned Homemaking also tells us how to Create a Cleaning Routine.

And Zen Habits offers a somewhat broader article on how to Handle Chores, House Cleaning, and Errands with Simple Systems.

Hope you find those helpful!

This ebook is a compilation of several posts, articles, and tip sheets that I have written for Writers Unbound. I've pulled together the best of the more beginner-oriented information and put it together in a pretty little downloadable ebook so that you may peruse as you wish, online or off.

To preview it online, just click on the link below. To skip the preview and download it, right click on the link and choose "Save Link As," then choose "Save" in the dialog box that opens.

The Get Started Guide for Freelance Writers

P.S. This book is a free resource, so feel free to pass it along to friends or link to it from your website. I only ask that 1) you pass it along in its entirety, and 2) you link to the download button from this website (don't upload it to your own website for distribution). Thanks!

I'd love to hear what you think! Is there anything missing? What did you find helpful? Do you hate ebooks? Do you wish there were pictures?

Principle: Self-justification does not change right and wrong.

...as much as we would like it too. You know those moments in an otherwise gleamingly happy marriage when you start reviewing all the stupid things he has done/said/thought in the last two years? (Yes, thought. You do that, too, don't you?) It's usually the end of a long day, or a long week. You're tired. You're grumpy. He's insensitive. He's rushed. He's not paying attention. He never helps. He doesn't even notice. He doesn't even care. He says something thoughtless.

And you are justified to remain in your grumpy mood, throw out a good helping of the silent treatment, sprinkle it with a few icy glares, accent with a roll of the eyes and a huffy little sigh that says, "I put up with so much." He starts to notice, doesn't he?

Soon you can move a step forward to the throwing of insults cleverly disguised as jokes. He does it, so you do too. It's just self-defense. It all started with a tiny bit of self-justification.

Self-justification always brings forward the worst version of yourself. Maybe you did just endure storms, stress, an empty wallet, sick children, fire-breathing dragons. Whatever. It was bad, wasn't it? So bad that it seems perfectly fine to react with a little more bad. Add it to the pile. What does it matter?

It matters because adding bad behavior to a bad experience doesn't change the quality of either. Bad is still bad; you've just exacerbated it. Adding your bad attitude to his bad response to your bad day won't help. There you are, stuck in the badlands.

Get out now.

Adding good behavior to a bad experience may not change the quality of the experience, but it sure will help your next experience to go better. Make a joke that is really a joke, and laugh together. Split a candy bar and tell him he has to take all the fat grams, but you'll help him work them off. Then go help him.

Bad days are. They come. They end. Don't drag them out. Be better than that.

All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, But the LORD weighs the motives. Proverbs 16:2

Challenge Update: Progress

The monthly challenge includes these components:

1. Set priorities
2. Set a schedule
3. Simplify maintenance
4. Set routines
5. Choose/do projects
6. Choose/complete goals

I've set three priorities for this and next month:

1) Exercise, 2) Follow a regular writing schedule, and 3) Complete some house projects.

My basic schedule (which I've been following fairly well except for the getting up part) looks like this:

Evenings vary. Afternoons vary sometimes: today I have a babysitter from 1:30 on, so I will be spending the afternoon out, sitting in a coffee shop with my laptop, making great strides forward on some life-changing project. Or something like that.

Now I'm moving toward simplifying maintenance. I need to do four things to make that happen:

1) clean up the clutter spots (there are several); 2) clean out linen closet and set up cleaning supplies; 3) put up hooks for brooms, mops, etc.; and 4) put some big, sturdy, industrial-style rugs by all the outside doors.

What remains to be done

I still need to set up routines; I do some things by routine, already, like get breakfast and sweep the kitchen floor. But there are other things that go too long and become more of a job than they should. Like cleaning the bathroom. Ick.

Onward and upward. I did get up early this morning! Progress!

Pasta with Mushrooms, Tomatoes, and Creamy Herb Sauce

This is what we had for dinner last night. It was so easy to make. I had pre-sliced small portabella mushrooms, so the only chopping I had to do was tomatoes and the basil and parsley. The pasta cooked while I chopped, then it was another fifteen minutes or so and we were eating warm, savory pasta. Click here for the full recipe with photos.

Principle: You determine your quality of life by inner security, not outer wealth.

I just read an article titled Why Having More No Longer Makes Us Happy. My immediate thought was, When did more ever make us happy?. (The article is not as simplistic as the title sounds; it's worth a read.)

We went to the grocery store yesterday after church for a stocking up trip. 1 hour and $140 dollars later, we drove home with lots of toilet paper, diapers, and food. Sometimes you need stuff, and there's a sense in which having stuff creates "happiness." If you've ever chosen a public restroom stall without toilet paper, you know what I mean. But the happiness produced by having what you want/need when you want it is transient.

Any emotion that requires a particular set of circumstances to exist ends as soon as the circumstances end.

And you don't particularly notice, or feel happy, when you do have the necessary items that you need. "Oh, yay! Toilet paper!" You just use them and go on with your day. You notice the lack, experience a temporary annoyance, deal with the problem ("Um, excuse me total stranger in the stall next to mine, could you please pass me some toilet paper?") and move on. The End.

If that's all happiness is, what a disappointing life.

Happiness is more. Happiness that is not transient comes from a deep, imbedded understanding of who you are and how you fit into this world. It comes from knowing your place, not in a gender- or culturally defined way, but in a universal, spiritual, beyond-gender-and-culture way. That deep of a knowledge of reality and where you fit into it provides the security that makes those temporary situations appear as they are. Temporary. Situational. Inner security allows you to enjoy the good things and live through the bad things without losing yourself in either one.

Better is little with fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Proverbs 15:16

Ye Olde Monthly Challenge

I've been making some slow progress with my "RECLAIM YOUR LIFE" (insert movie trailer music and voice-over here) monthly challenge, but it's been mainly hit-or-miss. Okay on setting priorities, not as good on keeping up with them. I set a nice basic schedule, but I'm still working on sticking to it.

I'm going to do a bit of a restart at this mid-month point, mainly because I need the energy that I get from beginning something. My friend Juli and I were talking this morning (as she drove through the Georgian wilderness and I cleaned up breakfast mess) about how much we utterly despise transitions. We don't mind preparing for the transition, or adjusting after the transition, but the actual slow, painful, and uncontrollable process of the transition is just, well, slow, painful, and uncontrollable. So we don't like it.

Down with transitions, except we kind of have to have them. So here's to making them as quick, painless, and controllable as possible. Maybe "controllable" isn't the right word, exactly: sometimes we need to let go more and control less. But in order to do that, we also need to have certain things in order. I'm sorry I'm just kind of blathering at this point, but I'm working it out mentally while I type. Still not quite worked out, but I'm getting there...
Let's move on to food. I have a lot more clarity in that area. Anyone want to come to dinner this week? Let me know which meal you prefer and we'll have it the night YOU come over.

Menu Plan Monday

In no particular order, here are my dinner plans for the next week:

• angel hair pasta with fresh mushrooms and tomatoes in an creamy herb sauce (I love cream sauce.)
• roasted winter vegetable soup and pork steaks
• au gratin rice with sauteed broccoli, broiled lemon-butter tilapia and shrimp
• stirfried red cabbage, rice noodles, and some kind of chinese soup: wonton soup (I would probably just buy some pre-made filled wontons) or chicken and spinach soup (I have some spinach I need to use) or egg drop soup with tomatoes.
• slow cooker beef roast with carrots and onions, garlic mashed potatoes
• fresh tomato soup with basil puree and cheese toast (from homemade bread)
• one night we'll do leftovers
• and one night we'll eat out

And that's more than a week's worth of dinners, but I'd rather plan too much than not enough. I'll post photos and recipes as I do the actual cooking. What are you feeding yourself and your family this week? Take advantage of the last few weeks of fresh tomatoes and peppers and other end-of-summer goodies. We still have some here in the Midwest. If you're further north, just disregard and dive into those root vegetables...

House/Work

I finally bought a dust mop. I'm sorry to even make you read that, but it's big news when you have hardwood floors through your entire house. I like my dust mop. If you have hard wood or pergo or linoleum or tile in any kind of space larger than 2' by 2' in your house, you should have a dust mop too. Brooms are so 1990s.

On my editorial calendar this week:

• Getting podcasts up on SisterWisdom
• The first posts (I hope) at the new food blog I've acquired - if not this week, then next. I'm just waiting for the hiring details to go through.
• My regular posting at Writers Unbound, plus getting a couple of reports/ebooks for writers ready for download
• Three articles at Bright Hub: one on Joomla, one on Wordpress plugins, and one on... something.
• My regular posting at Girl Sustainable.
• That may be all, or I may get a few more articles up at Demand Studios.

And now off to find lunch for my babies!

Proverbs 9:13: A foolish woman is clamorous. She is simple and knows nothing.

Clamorous: "to make a loud sound like Engl. hum); by implication, to be in great commotion or tumult, to rage, war, moan, clamor" from Scripture Text.

What does clamorous look like? In a clamorous wife, this is what you'll see:

• A woman who continually questions direct authority (her husband), often by appealing to a different (or what she considers "higher") authority)
• A woman who refuses to let her husband make decisions (big or small) with giving her input
• A woman who gets offended if her husband dares to make a decision without getting her input first
• A woman who knows that her way is the (only) right way. She may not say it out loud, but inwardly she is critical of other's different methods (especially her husband's)
• A woman who is not content to be quiet and just see what happens
• A woman who is not willing to let a mistake go unnoticed and/or unpunished
• A woman who is quick to notice her husband's faults, weaknesses, immature habits, vices, and "lack of spirituality"
• A woman who uses the intimate knowledge of her husband's imperfections to justify her own usurption of his authority
• A woman who nags
• A woman who nitpicks about details
• A woman who makes everything a big deal
• A woman who remembers mistakes

You might immediately recognize yourself or someone you know in that description, but those qualities are a bit abstract. Here's a more specific version of what a clamorous wife might look like:

• She says, "I don't care," when he asks her which restaurant she prefers, but she gets offended when he picks barbecue instead of Italian. He should so know better.
• She snaps at him on the phone at least once a day.
• She corrects him when he corrects the children and rolls her eyes when he serves them cold hot dogs and chips for dinner.
• She tells him how to drive.
• She is pretty darn good at the silent treatment.
• She is waiting for him to grow up. Everything will be fine then.
• She asks the women in her Bible Study to pray that her husband will begin having "regular time with the Lord."
• She thinks his jokes are stupid, and he can tell.
• She has pretty strict "rules" about when, where, and how sex is acceptable. She has never voiced them, but she doesn't need to. He knows. He sighs and accepts it.
• When her husband is busy, worried, distracted, or late getting home, she believes he is acting that way purposely just to hurt her feelings.
• A wrong turn is a big deal. Being ten minutes late is a big deal. A one-day-late birthday gift is a big deal. Having to remind him of their anniversary is a big deal. Overcooked steak is a big deal. Having to work an hour late is a big deal. Everything she doesn't like a little bit is a big deal.

Gulp.
You, too?
Hmm.
Let's go make some cookies for our men who put up with us when we decide to be clamorous women. When they call at lunchtime, let's answer the phone with a great attitude and tell them how happy we are to be their wives. When they get home a little late from work, let's greet them with a long kiss, a cold drink, and the smell of a great dinner simmering in the kitchen. When they put the kids to bed "the wrong way," let's shut up and see how the kids enjoy something different.

I think this can be a great day.

I am in love with Etsy shops. I've never loved shopping, persay. Ask my sister. I can shop, and I can enjoy it, but I reach my shopping limit pretty quickly. There are only a few people I really enjoy shopping with. My sister is one of them, because she and I perfected the "mall walk" back in our high school years. We're quick. We're on it. We communicate with an eyebrow raise. We know each other's taste.

Maybe it's because I can browse them in my pajamas. Maybe it's because I can shop them from my local coffee shop, mug in hand. Maybe it's because I need a break in between articles. Maybe it's because all the products are handmade and most of them are of amazing quality. Whatever the reason (all of the above?), I love browsing Etsy shops.

My sister is about to celebrate a momentous birthday, so I decided to do a little Etsy shopping and see if I could find something fresh and fun and flirty and "young without desperation" for her. I did find something great. I think it's great, anyway, and when she gets it I hope she'll think so too. No, I'm not going to say what it is! She reads my blog, hellooo.

If you haven't browsed Etsy shops before, start with the recommendations below. (None of these were the birthday gift supplier, Mil, so quit trying to guess. You just have to wait.)

• I've never been one for fake flowers, but I never saw this charcoal fabric bouquet from therussian. Or these peachy paper peonies from urbanmeltdown.
• Linen pants I do love, have always loved, will always love. I need a new pair, as the only one currently in my closet is about three sizes too small for my post-baby pregnant-again waist. So I'm deciding between this pair of Thai pants, these beige cotton linen pants, or asking for a special order on these Low Rise Linen Pants. The last pair is my favorite, but it sounds like she only made one pair... Think she would make another with a smaller waist? I'm not that big (yet).
• Baby stuff: I love the toys at AppleBlossomBaby and the fairy items at Purplemoonfibers. Great onesies at Mamamonkey and happyfamily.
• Body stuff that looks good enough to eat at skinandtonic, midohana, and freshandclean.

Okay, I have to stop now. Go see for yourself.

Image Credit: Etsy logo from Etsy.com, Happy Birthday cake from ritchielee.