SISTER WISDOM

The Basics

1. It’s about character, not personality.
2. You’re a responsible creator, not an (un)empowered victim.
3. Your choices today determine your life tomorrow.
4. There is justice in the world.
5. Hard work isn’t just a fad.

Create or Be Created

<2> You are a responsible creator, not an (un)empowered victim.

My friend Mr. Webster says this about empowerment: to empower means “to give legal or moral power or authority to; to authorize” or “To give physical power or force; to enable.” Fine. To be empowered means that someone who already had power had decided to confer upon you some of that legal or moral authority or physical ability.

Empowerment has been a popular term for a long time now, associated with women’s liberation and civil rights and affirmative action. I think that if people campaigning for these rights truly thought about what the word means, they would find a new one.

If you depend on someone else to give you power, then you are helpless if they decide to take it away. Empowerment is temporary and under someone else’s control. (I think the answer to this problem is to throw “self-” in front of the word, which is more and more common but doesn’t change the word itself.)

The Alternative to Empowerment

Mr. Webster says of our alternate term, create: “To produce; to bring into being from nothing; to cause to exist. …To make or form, by investing with a new character; …To beget; to generate; to bring forth. …To make or produce, by new combinations of matter already created, and by investing these combinations with new forms, constitutions and qualities; to shape and organize. …To form anew; to change the state or character; to renew.”

To be a creator, then, which simply means one who creates, is to quit waiting for someone else to hand you the force, power, energy, ability, or authority you’re lacking. To be a creator is to go forth and find it, make it, produce it, arrange it, generate it, shape it for yourself. That’s real power.

Life as a Victim

What does life look like as a victim? Victims – whether empowered or unempowered – are at the mercy of forces greater than themselves. If you are a victim, then anything can make your life miserable. Your job, your hair, your wardrobe malfunction, your old car, your sister’s success, your mom’s nagging, your husband’s insensitivity, your boss’s ignorance, your customer’s rudeness, your empty refrigerator, broken tv, overdue library books, hangnail on your little finger.

You ride the roller coaster of empowerment and its counterpart: unempowerment. You’re up when things go your way, when you get what you want, when the forces that be cooperate and provide for you as they should. You’re down when the weather is bad, when the government doesn’t send the check, when the parents don’t bail you out, when the kids don’t behave. You feel entitled to certain privileges, yet helpless to do anything if they are withheld. That’s how being a victim is. You’re not the biggest player on your field; you’re just a little pawn on somebody else’s field.

Get Your Own Field

The solution is to get off the big field and onto your own place. It may be smaller, but it is yours. Being on your own turf, though, means that you are the only one responsible for what happens there. You’re in charge. You’re it. If the buck is getting passed around, it stop at you when you choose to live in your own space.

That’s why people keep on being the passive victims of an inconsiderate world. It is easier. It feels safer. It requires less thought, less energy, less initiative.

Life Welfare

You can suck in the media pipeline instead of thinking for yourself: welfare for the brain.

You can eat the overdone legalism of a religious system instead of believing for yourself: welfare for the soul.

You can embrace the trends and mores of popular culture instead of being yourself: welfare for the personality.

If you are a victim, you have a pitiful life and I feel sorry for you. I hope you will decide to quit being a victim. I hope you will decide that the easy ride isn’t worth the loss of real personhood. I hope you will figure out that the world needs a few more thoughtful leaders and a few less brainless followers. I hope you will risk the misunderstanding that always comes when you go your own way. I hope you will quit hiding out.

“I Hate Pretentious Bloggers Who Think They Know Something About My Life…”

If that’s what you’re thinking right now – or something like it – then, most likely, you are living as a victim. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be offended by what I’ve said. I do want to clarify something, though:

I can talk about living as a victim because that’s how I’ve lived much of my life.

It’s taught to us, victimhood. Part of the American gift is automatic inclusion into a fringe group. No matter who you are, where you’re from, or what you’re about, there is a fringe group for you. Figure out what it is, and you gain an automatic, unquestionable pass into the cushy life of a semi-empowered victim.

For me, I’m a woman, so that gets me in the Misunderstood, Mistreated, Still Having to Deal with Sexism Women’s Club. I’m from Mississippi, so I can also join Underfunded, Underappreciated Southern Culture Club. I’m married, which opens a whole host of options, from the Married to a Crazy Spontaneous Man Who Does Inexplicable Things Wives’ Club to the My In-Laws Live in the Same Town Club to the more general Why Doesn’t He Know I’m Always Right Federation of Tragic Genius Wives. But it doesn’t stop there, oh no. I’ve got two kids under two: I can work that one with the best of them. I’m a freelance writer, and we all know that there’s nothing writers like more than writing about how hard it is to be a writer.

How to Be a Creator

I choose to be in the victim-entitlement clubs regularly, still. I should know better. My husband gets home late from work, didn’t call to let me know, supper is warmed-over and I had to bathe and bed the kids by myself. Guess what I’m thinking? How dare he not even call me? He knows better. I put up with so much. I work hard with these kids, I try to earn a little money writing, all he has to do is pick up the phone and call me. Sheesh. I’ve been really patient about this, but I’m just about up to here. And I waited to eat with him, now my stomach hurts, I’m not going to sleep good. I’ll be tired tomorrow. I won’t get a thing done. I’m so behind on all this junk, and I still need to pay the bills. It would be so nice if he would just give me a little time, a little warning, maybe a little more help around here…

Yep, that’s me flashing my “Over-worked Mother, Taken-for-Granted Wife” club card. (It gets you a 5% discount on Haagen-Dazs at participating grocery stores.)

Or I could be different. Sometimes I catch myself. How dare he not even call me? He knows better. I put up with so much. I work hard with these kids, I try to earn a little money… … …Like he’s doing. He knows I’ve been worried about making the bills. He’s probably staying late to finish up some extra work. He gets so busy during the day I know sometimes he doesn’t even have a chance to call. I know he hates to work late, too. He’s so tired and he just wants to get home and relax. I’m sure he would be here if he could. I’ll just go ahead and eat supper so I feel good, then I’ll read that new book I got until he gets home. The kids are in bed already, so I’ve actually got a little quiet time here to just chill out…

That’s a creator. That’s me, playing on my own field instead of being a victim on somebody else’s. That’s me, making a choice to think the best about a situation and use whatever happens for something positive.

That’s what I want to be all the time. Change will always come. Circumstances will leave us reeling. Bad stuff is inevitable. Being a victim is not inevitable; it’s a choice.

Credits:

Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary available online at mshaffer.com.

Empowerment Zone graphics from TheGreatExperiment.Homestead.com.
Cool creation-like universe space image from the Nasa Image Gallery.

Bully graphic from ForumBullies.com.

Monks on the roller coaster from Memyi.us.

Cool Hiding behind tree graphic from KittyLoco.com.

Woman Power Logo from thelark06 at Freewebs.com.

Drool-inducing bowl of chocolate peanut butter ice cream from (where else?) Haagen-Dazs.com.